“I’m in love with you.” He couldn’t hold it in any more. He knew if he didn’t say it now, tonight, he would never tell her. And Jim knew if he never told her, he would never be able to live with himself. At least if she knew and turned him down, then he can say he tried.

“What?” She said, completely and utterly stunned. Her face went white and she started to shake. Did he really just say that? Am I dreaming? Part of her wanted to jump up and down because she felt the same, but she had Roy to think about and she could never hurt him like that. They had history and a solid relationship, at least that’s what she told herself.

“I’m really sorry if that’s weird for you to hear, but I needed you to… hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just-” She cut him off in the middle of his explanation. A part of him already knew that she would turn him down. He knew her better than anyone and Pam wasn’t one to seize what she wanted, especially if it meant hurting someone else.

“What are you doing?” She asked, baffled that he just told her how he felt. Why did he have to ruin things? They had a great friendship and she cared about him so much, but why did he have to tell her? She waited for an answer to her question, and he said nothing. Just tilted his head and gave her this look like she was supposed to know why he said what he said. And she did. She knew all along. “What do you expect me to say to that?”

He looked down and sighed. So this is what this feels like, he thought. This is what heartbreak feels like. “I just needed you to know,” he said half smiling, “… once.” She broke their eye contact and looked behind him, “Well, I… um… I can’t.” And there it was. The actual no from Pam. Jim’s heart fell into his stomach, at least that’s what it felt like. Looking away, he started fiddling with his hands. “Yeah.”

“You have no idea-” He cut her off, knowing exactly what she was going to say. I love being friends. You mean so much to me, as a friend. You’re like my brother. “Don’t do that,” he said meeting her eye-line. “…what your friendship means to me.” He shook his head and fought back tears. God, what this girl did to him. “Come on. I don’t wanna do that. I wanna be more than that.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he felt like his heart was literally breaking.

“I can’t,” she said. She felt like such a terrible person. But what else could she do? Call off the wedding? Leave Roy? She had already picked a dress and sent out ‘save the dates’, plus this would kill Roy. He was never a huge fan of Jim. He’d always accuse her of being in love with Jim and nonsense stuff like that, but deep down he was right. Wasn’t he? “I’m really sorry if you misinterpreted things.” Just hearing herself say these words disgusted her. That’s all she could come up with? Misinterpreted things? In that moment, as Jim began to cry right in front of her, making himself the most vulnerable he would probably ever be… she hated herself. Whispering she spoke once more, “Its probably my fault…”

He sighed and shook his head, letting tears roll down his face. He couldn’t even really comprehend what was happening. It was as if he floated outside of his body and watched this shallow version of himself be let down by the love of his life. “Not your fault,” he said inching away from her. He wiped away the tears on his cheek and started to walk past her, “I’m sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.” He was shattered.

Letting Jim just walk away was probably one of the biggest mistakes Pam had ever made and she knew that. Tears ran down her cheeks as she stood there alone in the parking lot. A few minutes passed and then she was startled by Jan honking at her. “Oh, sorry,” she mumbled, stepping out of the way of the car and waving as Jan drove off.

Gathering herself, she realized she needed to talk to someone, anyone. She knew she couldn’t talk to anyone in the office or Roy so she decided to call her mother. They were close and she knew a bit about the ‘Jim situation’. Entering the office, she darted for Jim’s desk and dialed her mother’s number. “Hi, mom,” she muttered into the phone, her voice shaky. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” That question had so many answers at the moment. One, she didn’t want to marry Roy. Two, she just broke the heart of the man she loves. And three, she had no idea what to do.

“Um, Jim just… uh… he just told me he’s in love with me.” She finally got the words out, not believing it as she said them. Honestly, Jim was such a great guy and he chose her. Out of all the women in the world, Jim Halpert chose to fall in love with her. “Oh, honey, isn’t that good news? I know you’ve always had a crush on him. The way you talk about him sometimes – you’re face just lights up.” She smiled. It was true. Talking about Jim or to Jim always put her in a better mood. He just knew how to make her happy without any effort. It wasn’t like that with Roy. She had to really try to love him. With Jim, she could see it just being easy.

“When did he say this?” She sighed checking her watch, “About ten minutes ago.” Nervously, she folded her arm across her stomach and started playing with the phone cord. “What did you say? Did you say it back?” Her mother asked. “No, I didn’t know what to say.” Well, that was only half true. She knew what to say, but she chose to say no instead. “Oh, wow. You probably broke his heart.” Thanks, mom, she thought. Like she needed guilt right now. “Yes, I know!” She said in an angry tone. “Don’t get angry with me. I’m just trying to help, honey.” She pauses, and Pam knows what question is next. “Well, Pam, do you love him?” She sighed because she didn’t know how to answer such a complicated question. “Um, I don’t know, Mom. He’s my best friend.” That part was true, but she knew she would never be able to admit to herself let alone her mother that she loved him. If she admitted it, or even said it out loud then it would become real. “Well, honey, he’s a great guy. And if a great guy loves you, you should take that chance. But ultimately, it is your decision. He is a great guy.” Everything her mother was saying was true, but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t let all those people down, including Roy. “Yeah, he’s great.”

“Well, now that we both agree on that, there’s only one thing left for you to decide. Are you going to marry Roy still?” Pam fell silent. She couldn’t tell which would be more of a let down to her mother; her leaving Roy for Jim or her marrying Roy. So, she went with the less messy decision. “Yeah, I think I am.” Then right as she made her decision, in walked Jim.

“Um, I have to go.” She said turning around to hang up. “Okay, take care, honey.” Her mother said before she hung up. “Okay, I will.” Placing Jim’s phone back onto his desk, she turned around and faced him. Sadness overcame her. Why did he have to find her? She couldn’t have the conversation again. Letting him down once was all she could take. “Listen, Jim…” she started to speak but was cut off by Jim’s embrace.

His touch sent a shiver throughout her body and before she could even oppose or comprehend what was going on, he pressed his lips against hers. Kissing him felt so natural. So much so that she didn’t even fight what was happening. Instead she reached up and placed her hands on the back of his head. Letting her fingers tug on his hair lightly, she pressed her whole body against his. The kiss broke for a few seconds, but it felt like years. Without any hesitation, she kissed him once more, letting her hands fall from the back of his head to his chest. She could feel his heart thud against his chest. It was a comfort to know that’s how she made him feel. But then the kiss broke and she was pulled back into reality. A reality in which she was engaged. A reality where her and Jim would never be together.