Missing by Labhub

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To: Bob Errington, Editor in Chief, Scholastic Publishing Group

From: Barbara Tuchman, Acquisitions Editor

RE: “The Ultimate Guide to Throwing A Garden Party” by James Trickington
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bob:
As per your request, I managed to finally locate the only existing copy of this elusive book (please see attached expense voucher for $50, which is what it cost me to view this copy from a Mr. D. Schrute of Scranton, PA).

As we suspected from the title, the book is a terrific example of tongue in cheek humor and the author displays a talent for writing comedy that makes me wonder if he or she is actually a professional writer by trade and did this book as a prank on a friend.

Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ll ever know. I spent the better part of three days trying to track down whomever (whoever?) wrote this little gem of a book and had no luck. I had hoped that Mr. Schrute would provide us with a lead, but not only was he no help, he actually only “rented” the book to me for an hour, saying he would never let it out of his possession (I think he thinks this is a serious “how to” book!).

At any rate, given the ease of self-publishing these days, the author could literally be anyone. So, although I agree that whoever (whomever?) wrote this would have made an excellent addition to our list of authors and has a future as a writer, I think this is hopeless and don’t think we can get any further with this. I can only hope the real author is actually a practicing writer and is not wasting away in some dead-end career…

Sincerely,

Barbara.

PS. On a more positive note, I did find a new paper supplier for us that I think we will be a real improvement over the big chains. Expect to get a call early next week from a salesman named Jim Halpert, who will be our main point of contact. Great guy with a lovely wife and a new kid on the way, so he cut us a good deal on paper supplies.

To: Barbara Tuchman, Acquisitions Editor


From: Bob Errington, Editor in Chief, Scholastic Publishing Group


RE: Jim Halpert/D-M Paper

Thanks for your memo about the Garden Party book. Sorry the hunt was not successful, but I would encourage you to keep trying. That writer appears to have some real talent and I would love to track him or her down, if possible.

As far as the new paper supplier is concerned, I agree that it makes sense for a Philadelphia-based publisher to be using a supplier from Pennsylvania, so I am happy to support this. Unfortunately, I have had some difficulty in reaching the salesman you mentioned, Jim Halpert. He and I have played phone tag the last two weeks, some of which was my fault (I was away for the MLA conference). However, the last two times I called his office, I got some very strange results. The first time, the receptionist screamed something about "Today is Doomsday!" and hung up. The second time, I was told that Mr. Halbert was on a "field trip" to Gettysburg, which you have to admit is an odd place for a paper salesman from Scranton to go for the day. Do they have a contract with the National Park Service?

Anyway, if you really want to go with this company, I am ok with it, but I'd like you to make another site visit to Dunder-Mifflin and perhaps get Mr. Halbert to come on down to Philadelphia for the day to discuss their offer in person. Maybe he could shed some light on the oddities of his office with us (could be a story there?)

Best wishes,

Bob

From: Barbara Tuchman/Acquisitions Editor

To: Bob Errington/ Editor in Chief, Scholastic Publishing Group

RE: Paper, Porcupines, and Possibilities

At your request, I visited the Scranton offices of Dunder-Mifflin yesterday to try and speak with Jim Halpert (note the correct spelling) regarding some of the issues you encountered in trying to call him. I have to say, you were spot on regarding some of the more "unusual" aspects of the behavior in that office.

When I walked in the office in the late afternoon, I realized they were well into their annual Xmas party. Given what I remember of our own parties (especially when we first started out), I was prepared for some drinking, loud music, etc, but I was NOT prepared for what I actually witnessed (see examples below):

1) My first encounter with a DM employee was with a porcupine that was apparently manning the reception desk and eating a carrot. I kid you not-a real, live, honest-to-God porcupine named "Henrietta". It belongs to Dwight Schrute, that odd fellow I told you about a couple of weeks ago who had the one copy of the book we were looking for. No idea of what it was doing there, but if porcupines can be called cute, this one was adorable.

2) Speaking of Mr. Shrute, he was walking around with a stencil on his forehead that said “Idiot” and wanted to know if I wanted to help him paint a sign on his car. I declined.

3) Now on to business. First, despite the odd behaviors I saw, I still think we should pursue a contract with Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, they are high-spirited and a bit loony, but their products are good, prices are competitive, and I like doing business with a smaller firm. As far as Jim Halpert not getting back to you, he and his wife Pam just had their second child, so I think we can give him till after the holidays to set up a meeting with us.

4) Finally, I think we have a real possibility for who might have written the “The Ultimate Guide to Throwing A Garden Party.” The HR rep at D-M, a fellow named Toby, is apparently an aspiring novelist and is writing a detective novel with a hero named “Chad Flenderman”. I agreed to let him send me a couple of sample chapters, just on the off chance that he might be our elusive James Trickington.

I’ll set up the visit with Jim Halpert and check more on our novelist right after the holiday.

PS. By the way, I saved the weirdest thing for last. As if finding a porcupine was not unusual enough, did you know that D-M was the subject of a long-filming documentary? There was actually a camera and sound crew present when I was there (they did not film me as I declined permission), and they have been filming for something like 8 years. Bizarre, right?

But, here’s the coolest thing. The producer (named Greg Daniel or Daniels) said he would be open to having a book version of the documentary come out and offered to show me some of their footage so I could see how “amazing” (his words) some of the events there have been. I’ll set that up after the holidays as well.