It was Saturday afternoon and Jim was sitting on his couch watching a basketball game and drinking a beer, when the doorbell rang. Jim was confused, he wasn’t expecting anyone, so he almost didn’t answer the door because it was probably some door to door salesman he had no time for. But he did. He launched himself from the couch and swung open the door. And saw nothing. Something moved below him in his peripheral vision, and his eyes snapped down.
There sat a baby carseat, and a diaper bag. The baby half clutched to a small envelope that had his name scrawled on it. After a minute as he stood there in shock, Jim realized, I couldn't just leave a baby on his front porch. He he should get it inside. He hurried the carrier and diaper bag. He clicked off the the TV and grabbed the envelope from where it now rested on the baby’s chest.
Jim,
I am sorry that I never told you about her. I thought I would be able to do the single mom thing and be a strong independent woman. But I guess that’s not how I was built.
Her name is Ella, I call her Ellie or El usually. She is almost 2 months old.
There are papers for you to sign to set her up to be adopted. Just sign them and then call the social worker to tell her she’s ready to be picked up (the number is on the post-it on the papers).
I fed her just before I left, so she should be okay for a few hours. There’s a bottle in the bag, just warm it up by putting it in a bowl of hot water while pouring more hot water over it, then shake it. There is also some formula, burp cloths, diapers, extra clothes, pajamas, extra blankets, and some toys for her.
I’m sorry I left you with her like this.
~Katy
He looked at her. He saw some of her copper hair sticking out of her hat.
“I am glad you got your mother’s beautiful hair.”
She just looked at him with wonder.
What was he going to do?
He called Pam.
“ Hello?”
“Hi Pam, it’s Jim”
“Oh, hi.”
“I need your help. Could you come over?
“Umm. Okay. Care to elaborate?”
“It’s too complicated to explain over the phone.”
“Okay. I’ll be there in about 15 minutes.” There was something in his voice that this was something somewhat serious.
“Sounds good. Just walk in, the door is unlocked.”
He glanced down at El, who had started to scrunch up her face.
“Oh no, nononono”
She let out a scream
“Oh shit”
He undid the buckle on the car seat, and scooped her up. Which resulted in her crying more.
“ Come on baby” he said awkwardly, as he tried to bounce her slightly.
This was unsuccessful.
Apparently this went on for 15 minutes because the next thing he knew Pam was standing in front of him.
“Is this a new niece of yours?”
He shook his head and pointed to the letter that was now sitting on the coffee table.
She read it quickly, then looked up at him, “Oh, wow. Is she okay?”
“I don’t know, she’s been crying pretty much since we hung up.”
“Have you checked her diaper?”
“How do I do that?”
Pam took El from him and. She lifted her and smelled, then undid the snaps on the onesie and checked.
“All good.”
She snapped everything back together, rummaged in the diaper bag and pulled out out a small blanket, a bottle, and a pacifier.
She placed the pacifier in El’s mouth and it was almost immediately quiet. She carefully swaddled her and put her in Jim’s arms.
“You are so helpless”
“I am in shock. I was the youngest. I never helped.”
“Not even when Vanessa was little?”
“Nope. I was in college, wasn’t around much to help.”
“I guess that’s fair.” She was now in the kitchen starting to heat water.
“Thank you. You are a lifesaver.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I am going to sign the papers I guess.”
“Really?”
“I mean, I can’t keep her. Right?”
She paused.
“You could.”
“I mean I guess it is an option.”
“Do you want to feed her? I’ll give you guidance.”
“Okay”
“Sit down, support her head with the crook of your arm, and rest her legs on your lap. Good. Now take the pacifier out. Take the bottle and tilt it at about 20 degrees. Great! You are doing it. You can relax a little you know. ”
He did, only slightly.
“So you really think I could do it? The single dad thing?”
“Yeah. I should get home, Roy is waiting for me. Call me if you need anything else. You can also call your mother.”
“I just knew you wouldn’t totally freak out. Thank you.”
“All right. See you Monday, I guess.”
And suddenly it was just them.
His phone buzzed
From: Pam
Don’t forget to burp her when she’s finished eating. :) good luck
5 minutes later she was finished, and she gave Jim a cute little smile.
He found some plastic keys in the bag. He leaned against the arm of the couch and bent his knees and sat her on his lap with his thighs supporting her back. He dangled the keys in front of her. She reached out and grabbed them, and put them in her mouth.
She stared intently at him. And it hit him. She is his. He couldn’t give her up.
“Looks like it’s just you and me kid.”
Jim clutched his morning coffee like it was the only thing keeping him alive. His hair was a mess, his eyes were half open. He was amazed that he hadn’t fallen asleep at the wheel while he was driving to work. He basically fell into his chair and let out a big sigh, and muttered “this is why maternity leave exists” as he logged into his computer for the day. He glanced up at Pam who looked worried, but she gave him a little smile.
“Actually, maternity leave exists because human females have evolved so when a newborn cries her milk comes in and must feed the baby. Why would this apply to you Jim?” Dwight said
Jim was not ready to deal with all of this, so he got up to get more coffee and said, through a yawn, “I guess it doesn’t apply to me then.”
“I have an announcement”
“Listen up subordinates, our leader has an announcement.”
“They are not your subordinates, Dwight, how many times do we have to go over this. Anyway, the Scranton Business Park is having a casino night, in the warehouse, this Friday. Invite your significant others, friends and family. There will be drinks and much fun!”
There was a general amount of agreement and acknowledgement from the group of office workers.
Around 3pm Pam glanced up and saw that Jim had “died of boredom”. She turned back to her work. 5 minutes later she looked up again, Jim was still slumped over, head resting on his keyboard. He was actually sleeping. She walked to the kitchen and put on a fresh pot of coffee. Poured Jim a cup, and walked back over to his desk. She started rubbing his back in a circular motion, leaned over and said softly, “Jim, you should wake up. Your back and neck will hurt unless you wake up. Jim?”
He stirred abit.
“I brought you a fresh cup of coffee”
“Thank you.” He replied sleepily. He took a sip, and smiled, it was always better when she made it.
“C’mon, we are going to go to the breakroom.”
“Why?”
“I think you need to be sitting somewhere else to wake up.”
Neither of them noticed that the entire office was staring at them. Jim was too tired to notice and Pam was too worried to care.
Once he was finished with the cup of coffee, Pam spoke up, “you have to tell Michael, Toby, or maybe Jan. One of the higher ups has to know. You should get time off.”
“No. I’m not ready yet.”
‘But this is never going to work.”
“She just had a bad night last night.”
“She will have more nights like this.”
“I’m not telling anyone else. Okay? It’s my life, I’ll tell when I am ready. Usually people have 9 months to prep for this. I was thrown into the deep end, with no warning. I need to do this on my own pace.” Jim said with an angry edge in his voice. He then got up and went to his desk. Still exhausted.
As everyone filed out of the office, Jim was just as exhausted as when he woke up. He didn’t know if he could make it home safely. He got into the driver's seat and sat there for 10 minutes.
“Hey there”
“I’m sorry”
“For what?”
“Yelling at you.”
“You didn’t yell”
“Yes I did”
“Well, apology accepted. Now let me drive you home.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I would rather not have my best friend die in a horrible car crash, especially since he just found out he has a daughter.” She opened the door, Jim got out and moved to the passenger side.
He fell asleep on the way home.
Larissa handed a sleeping El to Jim as they walked through the door.
“Oh, hi Pam!”
“Hey, I drove him home because he would have probably fallen asleep at the wheel had he done it himself.”
“Well thank you. I have to get home, it was good to see you again.”
Jim carried the baby to the bedroom and laid down, El cuddled up to his neck, made a cute little snuffling sound and both of them took a deep sigh and fell asleep.
Pam prepared a quick dinner that could be reheated in the microwave, she left a note:
You have to eat too. Reheat this in the microwave for 45 seconds. Don’t forget to feed El her night time bottle. I’ll be by at 8:45 to take you to work.
~Pam
She noticed the adoption papers on the kitchen table, still unsigned. She guessed they would stay that way, but there was no way to be sure.
This is how the rest of the week went. Jim would sleep for those extra 15 minutes to and from work. They made dinner together while El slept for little longer. They would eat, feed El. Then Jim would drive Pam home, El would fall asleep on the car ride. They got into an easy rhythm. It worked. Except for the part where Pam left. That was the most painful part of everyday for Jim.
Friday night was different though. Pam left work with Roy, so she could get dressed for casino night.
“See you back here”
“Don’t you mean casino?”
Jim laughed a little.
Seeing her walk away with him hurt Jim. He couldn’t let her get married without telling her. He had to tell her, just once.
“I know you didn’t really want to do this, but I had a paternity test done.”
“What? I told I trust Katy, El is mine. Have you seen her?”
“I have, and I know you trust her, but it doesn’t hurt to be sure.”
“I can’t believe you! I asked you not to, my name is on that birth certificate, so it doesn’t even matter, in the eyes of the state I am her father and I either have to sign those papers or not. And I really don’t think I will. Because, she is my daughter, and the moment I held her I knew I would do anything to protect her. She is mine. Now could you leave? You broke my trust. Please leave.”
Larissa had never seen her brother so upset. “I am sorry. If it helps your decision, she is yours. The proof is on the table.”
Jim was so tired and angry with his sister. He knew she was right. But it still bothered him.
Shit. Larissa was going to watch El tonight while he was at this stupid casino night thing.
He decided to bring her with him. Because, he had to tell her. Everything. He had to follow through with his plan.
He packed the diaper bag.
He dressed El in a cute little onesie, leggings, a hat with a bow on it, and some of those little socks that look like little mary janes.
He walked into the warehouse, baby strapped to his front, and the diaper bag replacing the usual messenger bag over his shoulder. He stood at the top of the staircase looking over the warehouse filled with his coworkers and took a deep breath. El stared up at him with her big blue eyes. He bent down and kissed her forehead, “Ok, here we go.”
He walked down the stairs. Phyllis was the first to spot him.
“Well who is this little pumpkin?” She looked at Jim with a cocked head and her doe eyes.
Jim took a big swallow, “My daughter. Ella.”
Phyllis looked at him blankly
“Katy”
She nodded, she let El hold her finger for a moment, and walked away.
He made his way over to the table where Pam was sitting.
He got a disaproving look from Angela.
Then he pumped into Kelly.
“Oh my god. Jim. Who is this?”
“This is Ella my daughter.”
“Shut up. You are lying. You aren’t even dating anyone. Wait. It has to be Katy’s. Am I right? Is it Katy’s?”
“Would you stop calling her an it. Biologically, yes, but she signed away her rights.”
“OMG. That’s why you have looked so shitty this week. O.M.G. She is so cute! Ryan get over here, look at how cute Jim’s baby is.”
Kelly oggled over her for a few minutes, then lost interest and left.
He went to play some cards at the same table Pam was playing at.
She beat him.
He didn’t care though. All he could think about was how beautiful she looked in that blue dress.
He saw his chance. Roy had left and she was standing alone in the parking lot.
“Hey, can I talk to you about something?”
“About when you want to give me more of your money?”
“No, I…”
“Did you want to do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kind of good tonight.”
“I was just... I'm in love with you.”
Pam’s smile faded, “What?”
“I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just…”
“What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?”
“I just needed you to know. Once.”
“Well, I... I... I can't.”
“Yeah.”
“You have no idea…”
The words hit him right in the chest, even before she uttered them, “Don't do that.”
“ ...what your friendship means to me.”
“Come on. I don't want to do that. I wanna be more than that.
“I can't. I'm really sorry if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault.”
“Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.” Tears were dripping down Jim’s cheeks, on to El’s hat.
He couldn’t just leave it like that. There was no way. He couldn’t let that be the end.
He couldn’t hear anything. He barely registered that she was on the phone, or that she said anything to him.
He couldn’t not kiss her. Right here. Right now.