How has it been over a year since I wrote here?
I swear time flies by faster than I can keep up. Well, last time I wrote in here I was 19, now I’m 20 so what do I do with that? I’m having a quarter-life crisis right now so it seemed to be a great idea to write in here and all. How do people know what they want to do in life? Is it just something some people are born with? Do people wake up one day, decided to throw a dart at a balloon that has a piece of paper rolled up into it that says, “Hey you! Here’s what you’re supposed to do with your life!” Do you know how easy it would be to do that? Someone tell me why it’s not that easy.
My whole life I’ve thought art was the way to go, but the longer I take these classes and understand how hard making it a career will be, the less I want the lack of stability in my life. I mean at this point, why even stay in college.
Well, and for some other reasons too… so Jim and I are still together, right? It’s great, we’re great. I love him so much! It’s just…I’m pregnant. He doesn’t know yet, but I’m planning on telling him today. He’ll make a great dad and we’ve already talked so much about getting married that it doesn’t concern me.
No, truly the only thing that concerns me is making ends meet and having money. I can see no promising immediate future if I continue down this path. It’s either 1) change my major or 2) drop out.
Jim is already set to graduate a year early so that shouldn’t be a problem. He’ll only have a semester or so left once I have our baby. But what am I supposed to do?
Mom and dad are going to kill me.
All that money to waste. I feel like I can’t salvage this without having a backup plan.
I feel like they’ll think I’m a failure and a disappointment.
I wonder if I should feel the same way about myself.
I hope Jim is happy.
I hope I am happy.
I hope this ends okay.
But if it doesn’t, I know I’ll love her.
I know it’s a girl. I just know with all my heart.
And if it’s not and I’m wrong…it’ll be him and me against the world.
I hope that’s not how this ends.
I love Jim.
I just hope he loves adding one more to the mix.
Until next time…maybe it’s not a full year before I come back.