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Pseudonyms, Please: Poker Fraud

Email: famouschili@scrantonicity.com

Subject: Tiny Human in His Brain

Message: An employee from one of the company's messiest (and somehow still profitable) branches has a chip implanted inside his brain. I heard this guy has a lot of debt from playing poker so he got paid a huge amount of money to do it.

No one has a clue what the chip does. I heard it controls his actions like a tiny human telling him what to do. But that must have been one faulty chip because this guy is one of the dumbest people I have ever met. I ran into the misfortune of having him answer my phone call because the previous receptionist quit. I was put on hold for thirty minutes because he got into a fight with someone over pizza. 

I have no idea how this man is still employed. He is literally dead weight to the company. Well, HR did think that he was mentally challenged so I guess they're trying to not have a lawsuit on their hands. But seriously, if you're working in this branch, DO NOT trust him with your expense reports.