Pam knocked on the door to Michael's condo. She sighed and waited for someone to open the door. The finale of the documentary about their office was airing tonight. Every Thursday night for the last couple months, almost everyone from the office had been meeting at Michael's to watch together. At first it had been really weird to see herself on TV, but Pam was starting to like it. It was fun to see bits and pieces of other people that she didn't pick up on in every day life.

"PAMALAMA DING DONG! Come on in!"

Pam rolled her eyes as the door swung open. She was going to kill Jim for "helping" Andy woo her. He'd pretty much given up on her, but now he felt like he knew her and it was driving her crazy. Andy wasn't actually in any of the footage that was being shown right now, but he wouldn't let an opportunity to suck up pass him by. He'd been there every week, usually sitting beside Michael just so that Dwight couldn't.

Pam stepped into the living room and looked around. Almost everyone from the office was there. Michael sat on the couch with Kevin and Oscar. Jim and Karen were sharing a chair and a half. They had tried to keep their relationship secret for a while, but after Jim found out that Pam knew and they were still friends, Jim and Karen had become more of a couple in public. Pam told herself that she was okay with it and tried to act natural around them. It helped that she really liked Karen. Everyone else was scattered around the room in folding chairs or on the floor. Dwight and Angela were on opposite sides of the room looking determined to not look at each other or her. They weren't very happy that she had outed their relationship to the cameras. Oops. Roy and Daryl were the only warehouse representatives there tonight. Things were going well with Roy. He seemed to be giving up on winning her back and they were starting to become friends. Things would always be weird between them, though. How do you date someone for 10 years, then cancel the wedding a week before and things not end up strange?

After grabbing a soda from the kitchen, Pam settled on the floor at Kevin's feet. The show was getting ready to come on. She was a little nervous. Tonight they were showing the footage from the Casino Night last May. Casino Night had changed her life forever. At least they had not caught that on camera. It would be nice to see Casino Night from a happy gambling perspective. Maybe it would help block out the memories of Jim's confession and kiss.

The show began. Pam laughed along with everyone else and cheered as people won at poker and roulette. She felt a little sympathy for Michael as he tried to juggle his "two queens." It was a little sad considering they both had dumped him. Jan had come to a few of the viewing parties at the beginning of the run, but had stopped after discovering that the cameras had caught her kissing Michael. Twice.

Suddenly the image on the screen was her outside talking to Roy as he was leaving for the night. Her mouth dropped open. She knew exactly what was coming next. How could this be? There were no camera out there! She glanced over at Jim. He looked just as panicked as she felt. Their eyes met, then they both quickly looked back at the tv. TV Jim walked up to her. TV Pam was joking with him about taking all his money. Over and over in her head, she prayed that the scene would stop. Maybe the cable will go out. Maybe the tv will break. If she kicked it, that could encourage the breaking. She'd owe Michael for a new tv, but it would be worth it. Of course, she'd have to move to kick it and right now she was frozen in place.
So she just sat and stared as TV Jim said that he was in love with TV Pam. There were whispers around the room of "Oh my god!" and "Wow!" but Pam was completely focused on the tv. She saw herself telling Jim that he had misinterpreted their friendship. The hurt look on his face and the single tear that rolled down his cheek broke her heart into a thousand pieces. He hadn't misinterpreted their feelings and anyone that could see the look on her face knew that. But he walked away and she just stood there looking at her hands.

As the show went to commercial, the room was silent. She could feel everyone's eyes boring into her. She made the mistake of glancing up at Roy standing in the kitchen doorway. The confused and hurt look on his face had her shifting her gaze back to her hands. The silence continued through the commercial break. The scene that came back was her talking on the phone to her mom in the office. She wanted to yell at the tv, at the world, that no cameras had been there. How had they caught all this on camera? TV Jim walked in and kissed her. TV Pam told him she was still marrying Roy. TV Jim walked away. The white words on the black screen said that Jim had transferred to Stamford the next week after taking some sick time. The final words before the credits stung. "Pam did not marry Roy."

The credits rolled and the room remained silent.  Someone turned off the tv.  The silence was finally broken when Karen stood up, grabbed her purse, and walked quickly out the front door.  "Karen!" Jim rushed after her.  Pam didn't think her heart could break any more, but apparently she was wrong.  Karen and Jim's departure had broken the silence and everyone was talking at once.  Pam couldn't really understand any of the words, but she knew that it was all about her and Jim.  She wanted to leave so bad, but she still couldn't seem to move.  She just sat, leaning up again Kevin's legs, staring at her hands resting on her knees.  She felt a hand on her shoulder and glanced up. 

"Pam?  Are you okay, sweetie?"  Phyllis' concerned look made her want to cry.  She glanced past Phyllis and made the mistake of catching Roy's eyes again.  He was staring at her, his face a mix of hurt and anger.  She suddenly knew she couldn't stay where she was anymore.  She jumped up and ran out the front door. 

As soon as the door closed, she heard Jim's voice.  It startled her and she stopped before coming around the corner to the garage. 

"Karen, get in the car.  Let me take you home."

"No.  I'm calling a cab."

"Karen, seriously!  Get in the car.  There's no reason to take a cab.  Even if you won't let me take you home, there are several people inside that will go past your place on their way home.  I'd feel better if you rode with someone you know."

"I'm not really all that concerned with feelings right now, Jim!  I just need to get out of here.  Now.  Dammit, why won't anyone pick up?"  There was a pause.  "Okay, take me home.  But I don't want to talk to you right now."

Pam heard two car doors close and the engine start and she started to ease around the corner.  Suddenly she realized she'd left her keys and purse in the kitchen.  She really didn't want to go back inside and face everyone, but she wasn't really sure what she was going to do.  She just sat on the stoop and put her head in her hands.  "Breathe, Beesley.  Think."

"Hey."  Shocked, Pam stood and spun around at Roy's voice.  He was standing outside the door she hadn't heard open holding her purse.  "You left this inside and I thought you might need it for your getaway."  He gave her a brief sad smile. 

"Thanks, Roy."  She started to turn towards her car then stopped.  "Roy?  I'm really sorry you saw that."

"I don't know how to answer that, Pam.  You said that cancelling the wedding had nothing to do with Jim.  I'm having a really hard time believing that right now."

"It didn't.  If our break up had been about Jim, don't you think we would have gotten together?  But we didn't.  He's obviously over what he said that night.  You and I just weren't meant to be, Roy."

Roy didn't look like he really believed her, but he nodded and walked back inside.  Pam walked to her car and got in.  The tears she'd been holding back began to flow, but she knew she needed to get out of there before other people started leaving.  Wiping the back of her hand across her eyes, she drove home.

She walked in her apartment and saw the red light on her answering machine blinking.  Glancing at the number of new messages, she was that is said 8.  She knew that every single one would be about the show.  Everyone she knew was watching.  She decided that she would listen to those later.  She flopped down on the couch and let the tears fall.  They rolled into her ears, but she couldn't muster the energy to move.  Then she heard the watery sound of her cell phone ringing.  It was the song that played when her mom called.  Sighing, Pam grabbed her phone out of her purse, wiped the tears out of her ear, and answered.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hey, baby.  I've been trying to get a hold of you. Did you get my message?"

"No, I just got home from Michael's and I haven't listened to the messages yet."

"Are you okay?"

"What do you think?  I didn't know the cameras got all that.  Living through it was hard enough, but watching it on tv with everyone you work with was awful."  The tears were coming again.  "Mom, I've gotta go.  I'll give you a call this weekend, okay?"

"Okay. I'm so sorry. I love you.  Don't forget to call me."

"I won't, Mom.  I love you, too."

She walked into her bedroom and fell face first onto the bed.  Still fully dressed, she pulled the blankets over her head and willed herself to go to sleep.  She knew it wouldn't happen.  It was only 9:30 and she had way too many thoughts colliding in her head.  Finally she got up, washed her face, put on PJ's and got back in bed.  After a little while, she drifted off to sleep.

Pam's first thought as her alarm clock went off was, "I am so not going to work today."  She had not slept well and she felt like death warmed over.  She'd woken up about 3 am and cried herself to back to sleep, so she was sure she had bags under her eyes.  She could call in sick.  She rarely did, so she had to have some sick days coming to her.  She really needed a Mental Health Day.  The longer she laid there, the more she realized that it wouldn't help.  If she took the day off, she'd lay on the couch all day eating ice cream and wallowing in self pity.  If she went to work, she'd at least be distracted by work.  It would keep her mind busy.  Resolved, she pulled herself out of bed and into the shower.

As she drove into the parking lot at Dunder Mifflin, she saw that Jim's car wasn't there.  She wasn't really sure if that was good or bad.  Maybe he'd taken the day off.  That would be good.  Inside, only a few people were there before her.  Phyllis gave her a wary look, but didn't come over to talk.  That was good.  Besides saying "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam," she really didn't want to talk to anyone today.  Maybe Michael would have some crazy errand for her to do that would keep her out of the office most of the day.  That would be good.  Why did she come into work?  She couldn't remember exactly why this morning she had thought that eating ice cream and watching daytime tv all day was a bad idea.

Every time the door opened, she willed herself not to look up.  She didn't want to face anyone.  When Michael came in, he stopped to ask for new faxes.  As she handed them to him, he looked like he wanted to talk to her, but she guessed the look on her face made him stop.  She knew the moment Jim walked in the door.  The office went quiet for a moment before the buzz returned.  Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him settling down.  For the first time since he'd returned from Stamford, she was really glad his back was to her. 

The morning passed quickly.  She kept herself busy sending faxes and transferring calls.  Shredding old invoices was strangely cathartic.  She was starting to get hungry and glanced at her clock.  And her gaze kept going up to find Karen standing at her desk. 

"Pam?  Do you have any plans for lunch?"

Pam wasn't really sure what to say.  A million excuses flooded into her head, but as so often happened when she was overwhelmed, the first thing out of her mouth was the truth.  "No, I don't."

"Would you like to go to Chili's with me?"

No.  I would not like to do that.  That sounds like a very bad plan.  "Sure. I'm hungry now, so are you ready to leave?"

"Yeah, great.  I'll drive."

As she grabbed her purse and followed Karen out the door, she knew that everyone was staring at her again.  Even Michael was standing up against the window in his office so he could see better. Jim still faced away from her, but his shoulders looked incredibly stiff.

They drove over to Chili's in silence.  A local radio station played quietly in the background.  When an Indigo Girls song came on, Karen snapped the radio off with a huff.  Pam wasn't sure what that was about, but she didn't want to ask.  She still had no idea why Karen had invited her out to lunch or why she had accepted.  Even if they never started talking, this was going to be the most awkward lunch ever.

Neither of them said a thing as they were seated.  The waitress came to take their drink orders.  Karen looked up at the waitress and ordered a glass of water.  Then she paused and caught Pam's eye.  "And a Presidente Margarita."  Pam stopped, then gave Karen a small smile and said, "Yeah, I'll have the same."  Alcohol would be good.

"I'm sure you're pretty confused about why I asked you to lunch."

"Yeah, I am.  I'm really sorry you saw that last night."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why are you sorry?  It happened before I knew Jim.  It didn't have anything to do with me."

"I guess.  So did you tell Jim that?  Are you guys okay?"

Karen snorted.  "Did I tell Jim that?  Yes.  Are we okay?  No."

"What?  Why not?  It happened so long ago.  Don't hold it against him."

"I wouldn't if I thought that he didn't feel that way about you anymore.  He says he doesn't, but actions speak louder than words.  I know Jim pretty well and I know that he's lying."

"He's not lying, Karen.  It's over."

They were interrupted by the waitress bringing their margaritas and taking their drink order.  Afterwards, Pam wasn't really sure what to say.

"Karen, I broke up with Roy because of Roy, not because of Jim.  Jim's confession helped me realize that my relationship with Roy wasn't what it should be.  But I knew when I cancelled the wedding that I didn't have a chance with Jim.  He moved on.  He called in sick for a week to avoid me, then he transferred to Stamford.  We didn't talk until I accidentally answered the phone after hours one night when he was trying to leave a message for Kevin.  And when he came back from Stamford, things were totally awkward for a little while, then we settled down and went back to being friends."

"You say that, and he says that, but I'm having a hard time believing either of you.  I've seen the little glances at each other and the shared smiles.  That's why I wanted to tell you that I'm transferring to Corporate."

"What?  Karen!"

"Well, it's not just about you.  I haven't ever really been happy in Scranton.  I only came here because I wanted to see what happened with Jim.  Things have been good, but I've always had a nagging feeling that he had a thing for you and he was using me as a buffer.  I decided that I needed to take my fate into my own hands and not wait for Jim.  So I called Jan.  They have a position in New York that she thinks would be great for me.  So I'm going to go.  I hadn't decided if I was really going to do it until last night.  I wasn't planning on telling anyone yet, but last night I was upset and I just blurted it out to Jim.  He was shocked and I think he's pretty mad that I didn't tell him I was thinking about it.  But I needed to do it on my own.  I called Jan this morning.  She saw the finale last night, so she wasn't too surprised to hear from me.  She shuffled some stuff around and I start there on Monday."

"Oh my god.  I'm speechless.  I'm not really sure what to say."

"It's okay.  I just wanted you to hear the whole story from me.  So are you ready to tell me what happened when you cancelled your wedding?"

Pam hesitated.  "Sure..."

The food came and they ate companionly.  Pam told Karen the whole story of cancelling the wedding and moving out.  Their conversation shifted to less weighty topics and by the time they'd finished eating, Pam felt so much better.  Her heart still hurt a little at the thought of being around Jim for the rest of the afternoon, especially because the rumor mill was going to start flying when people found out that Karen was leaving, which they would because Michael can't keep a secret.

Pam walked into work Monday morning feeling better than she had since Thursday night. She'd called her mom Saturday morning and they'd gone shopping that afternoon. She had bought new curtains and a new comforter for her bedroom. Saturday night she'd gone out to dinner with a girl from her art class who didn't have a tv. She didn't know anything about a documentary, so they debated charcoal pencil brands and the merits of watercolors. Sunday had been more difficult. Roy called that morning and asked her to go to the lake. She thought it was a bad idea, but it would be nice to get out of her apartment and Scranton for a little while. They had fun riding the jet skis and hanging out. They'd talked more about their break up and Pam felt like Roy finally understood why she had called the wedding off. He said he could change and she believed he wanted to, but it just felt too late now. He seemed upset by that, but after a while he seemed to accept it and things settled down between them.

She was a little late for work, so almost everyone else was already there. Just after she settled into her desk, Michael stepped out of his office.

"Everyone? May I have your attention? I just wanted to let everyone know that Karen has transferred to New York. Jan offered her a great position at corporate and she decided to take it.  So everything is good. Okay? Okay. Good."

Leave it to Michael to say that tactfully. Pam rolled her eyes and buried herself in work. Jim kept his back to her all day. She didn't know what to think of that. She wanted to talk to him friend to friend to see how he was holding up with Karen leaving, but she knew she was probably the last person on the planet Jim wanted to talk to right now.

For the next five days, she did her work and stared at the back of Jim's head. She really didn't know what to feel anymore. He'd obviously been over her before Karen had left. He had not spoken to her all week. He hadn't really spoken to anyone all week. He'd done his work and made his calls, but other than that, he just sat there not looking at anyone. He ate his lunch late by himself and left the break room if it started to get crowded. Pam knew he had to be hurting, but she didn't know what she would say. It's Friday, so she would have time to think over the weekend without seeing him, so maybe she'd come up with something.

As the work day came to a close, Phyllis stopped by her desk. "Hey Pam, a bunch of us are going to Poor Richards for a beer right now. Want to come?" Jim glanced at her as she hesitated. Usually it would be something he would have gone to, though in his current mood, she wasn't sure if he would or not. "No thanks, Phyllis. I'm exhausted, so I think I'm just going to go home and watch a movie. Maybe next week?"

Phyllis smiled at her with concern in her eyes, but cheerfully said, "Sure, Pam. Get some rest. See you on Monday."

By the time Phyllis had finished, Jim had slipped out the door. Oh well, she thought. I really am tired.

At home, she ordered a pizza and looked through her movie collection. She wanted something light and fluffy, so she picked Legally Blonde. Without thinking, she picked up her cell phone and called Karen. She just wanted to see how her first week at work went. Karen sounded good. She liked her new position and was excited about looking for an apartment in New York. Pam told Karen stories of all the things Michael had done this week and Karen told Pam about her new coworkers and how crazy wasn't just at the Scranton branch.

She heard a knock on her door. "Oh, Karen, the pizza's here. I'd better go get the door. I'm really glad things are working out for you."

"Thanks for calling, Pam. It was nice to talk to you. Bye."

Pam grabbed her wallet and trotted over to the door. She flung it open, the stopped. "You are not the pizza guy."

Pam was suddenly having a really hard time breathing.  Jim was standing just outside her door.  What was he doing here?  Oh my god.  Oh my god.  Breathe, Beesley.  Think.

"Um, hi.  Would you like to come in?"  Pam stepped out of the door way so he could come in.  Jim hesitated then stepped into her tiny living room that suddenly felt even smaller.

Just before she shut the door, she felt a hand slap it.  "Hi, pizza's here!" a cheerful voice called out.  Pam fumbled with her wallet, but managed to pay the guy and bring the pizza into the living room.  Jim was standing in the middle of the room looking around.  She realized he'd never been to her place before.  He'd never even been to the house she and Roy had shared. 

"Hey... Would you like some pizza? There's more than enough here for two people." 

Jim turned and stared at her for a second, then said, "Sure.  That'd be good."

Pam dropped the pizza on the little two seater table that separated the living room from the kitchen and walked into the kitchen.  By the time she had grabbed plates, napkins and a couple cans of Diet Coke, Jim had sat down at the table.  They each took a couple slices and ate in silence.  She tried to appear calm, but on the inside she was freaking out.  What is he doing here, eating my pizza and ignoring me?  What does he want?  She couldn't help but stare at him over the pizza box, but he concentrated on his pizza and avoided her gaze.

When they were both done (what felt like an eternity later to Pam), Jim stood up.  "Want to sit on the couch?"  He walked over and sat down without waiting for her answer.  "Legally Blonde, Beesley?  Unforgivable."  A hint of a smile tugged on his lips as he picked up the remote and paused it.

She smiled back at him as she walked over to sit sideways facing him on her couch.  "I wanted fluff.  It's good fluff."  She paused for a minute.  How was she going to play this?  Old friends?  That might be good.  "So what's up, Halpert?"

"With everything that's happened in the last week, I just felt like I really needed to talk to you."

"Okay... you're here.  Talk."

"It's not that easy, Pam," he said with a little smirk.  She decided to keep her mouth shut.  She really wanted to know what he had to say, so she didn't want to upset him and take the chance that he would leave without telling her what was going on.

"I don't know where to begin.  You told me on Casino Night that I misinterpreted our friendship and you were still going to marry Roy.  It broke my heart, but I wanted you to be happy, so I left.  Then when Kevin called to ask if I still wanted to be part of his Fantasy Football league and mentioned that you didn't get married, I didn't know what to think.  I thought your decision had nothing to do with me because if it did, you would have called or e-mailed or sent a carrier pigeon.  But you hadn't, so I thought I was still wrong about having more than a friendship."

"Well, my owl must have gotten lost between here and Hogwarts... I mean, New York."  She tried to smile.  "Jim, I don't know what to say, either.  The reasons I gave Roy for cancelling the wedding were real.  It was the truth.  Roy and I weren't right for each other and I had talked myself into believing we were, but the closer it got to the big day, the more I realized I had lied to myself.  So I got out.  I'm not going to say that your confession didn't weigh in on that.  Because it did.  It helped me realize that I could have more than what I had with Roy.  But first and foremost, I broke up with Roy because of me.  As for why I never called... well, you made it clear that you wanted to be more than friends or nothing and at the time I wasn't sure that I was ready for that yet.  Then I felt like I had waited to long and I wasn't sure when would be a good time to call.  So I didn't.  Then you came back and you were dating Karen and you seemed happy, so I didn't want to hurt that.  I wanted you to be happy, even if it was with someone else."

When Pam was done, she couldn't look him in the eyes.  She stared down at her hands playing with the seam of the pillow in her lap. 

"So what about now?"

"What about now?"

"Where does all this leave us?"

"I don't know."

"What if we tried it all again?"

"What?"

"That is not an appropriate answer, Beesley.  Stand up."

Wordless she stood as he did the same.  They faced each other and he took her hands. 

"Pam... I'm in love with you.  I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it.  Again."

He looked really earnest.  She really didn't want to screw this up.  She smiled up at him and squeezed his hands. 

"I'm in love with you too, Jim.  You never misinterpreted our friendship."  His face relaxed and he grinned at her.  The next thing she knew, he was kissing her.  She hoped it went on forever.  When he finally pulled back, she knew she was crying.  He looked worried, but she laughed.  "Happy tears, Halpert.  I promise."

"Good.  I like those.  I guess we have a lot to talk about?  Before we do, is there any pizza left?  I'm still hungry."

She smiled up at him and grabbed his hand.  "I think so.  Let's check."  Jim sat back in the chair he'd been in earlier and opened the box.  Pam grabbed a couple more cans of Diet Coke from the fridge and walked over to her chair.  "Hmmm, Halpert, I think my chair is... broken.  Mind if I sit with you?" 

Jim grinned at her and pulled her down into his lap.  "Not a problem at all."