As Roy drove away, Pam felt like all was right with the world. She couldn't keep the smile she'd been sporting all night off her face. She felt so happy and pretty and just perfect.

She twirled around and smiled at Jim.

She thought to herself that he looked pretty dashing tonight as well. Black is a good color on him, she thought.

“Hey, how's it going?” Jim asked, looking down at his shoes.

She smirked feeling a bit giddy after winning so many rounds of poker. She even won a hand playing Kevin, and even though he looked really depressed afterwards, she still felt a bit proud. Nothing could ruin this night, she thought.

“Good. Especially after I took all your money in poker.” She twiddled her thumbs and hopped a bit on her toes.

Jim laughed “Uh...hey, can I talk to you about something?”

He looks too serious, she thought. He wasn't acting like his usual self and she figured he needed some cheering up.

“About when you wanna give me more of your money? Did you wanna do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kinda good tonight.” She didn't let him talk, until she saw something in his eyes that told her to stop.

“I was just, um...” He looked into her eyes as she looked up expectantly at him. She saw something change and he shook his head a bit before continuing his sentence.

“I was talking to Jan. And she offered me a promotion. And I took it?” He said the last part in the form of a question, like he was asking if she understood.

Pam smiled and laughed, leaning to the side and holding out her hands. “That's great! Are you above Dwight now, because that would be awesome.” She said, whispering conspiratorially.

He smiled and shook his head. “Actually, it's a transfer. I'm... transferring to another office.” He stopped and looked up, his eyes glued to hers.

Pam could feel her face fall, so she quickly changed it and opened her eyes wide. “That's... Where is it? I mean, where are you going?” Her voice caught on the last word.

“Um, Stamford. I'm leaving in a week.” He bit his bottom lip and she thought she saw a tear in his eye, but she told herself she was seeing things.

She swallowed hard, ignored the feeling in the pit of her stomach and smiled. “That's great! I mean, congratulations!” She grabbed him in a tight hug before she could stop herself.

He tensed up, giving her a friendly pat on the back. Pam held on, feeling like if she let go and he saw her face she would have to explain why there was a tear coming out of her eye. And she couldn't even explain that to herself.

Jim hugged her closer then, and right then Pam felt sick. She pulled back and nodded, not knowing what else to do.

“I mean, I'll miss you. Who else is going to help me ruin Dwight's life?” She said, talking her way out of her tears.

He laughed, looking down. Somehow she had grabbed his hand in the process of pulling away and she felt his thumb graze over her engagement ring.

“I just wanted you to be the first to know.” He said, letting go of her hand.

She let it fall limply at her side and nodded again. “Yeah, I mean that's a great opportunity for you.” She suddenly wished she had left with Roy. She really wanted to just be in bed at home then.

She looked up into his eyes and he looked down into hers. Her heart started beating faster. She had never realized how dark his eyes were.

“Is that... all you wanted to tell me?” She said softly. She felt like if she said the words too loud she would break into a million pieces.

He stayed silent, his eyes staring into hers. After what felt like a year, he shook his head and scrunched up his lips the way he did. “Yeah. That's it.”

“Okay.” She smiled. “Let's go, I only have so much time then to collect from Bank Halpert.” She laughed and turned around.

She needed him behind her so he wouldn't see her let the stray tears fall.

.........
Pam was supposed to be on her honeymoon. Instead she sat in her brand new apartment, on a old hand-me-down couch her mother had given her. It had tones of orange and yellow in between the patterns of flowers on the fabric. She thought it was so ugly it had to have come from the seventies.

The low hum of the television echoed throughout the apartment like a lonely voice in her head. She found she had the tv or the radio on a lot lately.

She sighed, pulling a photo album out of the box in front of her. Opening it to a page in the middle, she saw Roy's smiling face staring up at her. She closed it quickly, swallowing a lump in her throat.

She hated hurting him. But it had been two weeks before their wedding date when she told him she didn't want to go through with it. He hadn't understood, and told her he had made a big sacrifice when he finally set the date. She didn't even want to ask what the sacrifice was, she just told him she was sorry and that she was leaving that week.

He had called her a couple times since then, drunk and rambling. She never thought he would care so much if they ever broke up, she just thought he would get over it and move on.

He kept asking her why. And she had no answer for him. It just felt like it was the right thing to do, she thought. And she didn't know why.

The phone rang then and she leaned over to pick it up off the cardboard box it was set on.

“Hello?” Pam answered.

“Hey.” Jim replied.

Pam smiled. She had talked to Jim a lot since he moved to Stamford. She had started calling him, and even though at first he sounded like he was too busy to talk, he started calling her more and more after a while.

“What are you up to?” Pam leaned back against the couch, putting her feet on the box in front of her and relaxing.

“Oh, nothing. The bikini models just left, ya know. Trying to wipe all this bubble stuff off the floor.” He said, his tone sarcastic.

“Haha. Really, what's up?” She asked.

“Nothing, really. Work's good. I've gotten used to the place. Met some cool people. There's this one girl who sits behind me, Karen. She's really nice.” He paused, as if asking for her to say something.

Pam felt a sharp pain in her stomach, and, ignoring it, replied. “Oh, yeah? Are you gunna ask her out?”

Jim laughed. “I don't know. Maybe. You think I should? I mean, you're the one to go to for love advice, right?”

His words cut through her like a knife and she thought of Roy's smiling face in the album on her lap.“You know, I need to go. I still have a lot of unpacking to do.”

“Oh, Pam. Don't, I didn't mean it like that.” He tried to apologize, his tone of voice softening.

“No, really, it's okay. I just need to go. Goodnight, Jim.”

“Goodnight, Pam.”

She hung up the phone and sighed. She picked up the photo album and stood up, making her way to her bedroom.

Walking across the room, a picture fell out of the album and she stopped to pick it up. She found herself looking into the eyes of 17 year old Jim, in his yearbook picture. She felt the familiar rush of loneliness wash over her, and she quickly pushed it in between the pages of the album.

She took it into her bedroom and placed it on the shelf in her closet, behind some boxes of miscellaneous stuff she never needed but always kept.

Pam smiled down at her desk, and thought of how many times Jim had leaned on the exact same spot she was leaning on.

She sat back down, watching Dwight run into the kitchen, throwing the HomoMeter Jim had sent him on the floor. She liked the idea of Jim still pranking Dwight from another state.

She wished she had known about the prank, but she hadn't talked to Jim for a couple of weeks. He had left a few messages on her machine but then stopped calling after a while. Every night she picked up the phone to call him, but then she always remembered something she had forgot to do that day and hung up.

As she typed up a memo, her mind wandered to the day her and Jim had convinced Dwight to stay in the break room all day, to make sure no one poisoned the salt and pepper shakers. She couldn't remember how they had gotten him to do it, but she knew Jim had thought of a way.

Her eyes glanced at the clock on her computer and she couldn't believe it was only 11:00am. Work had never gone by this slowly before.

......

“Yeah, mom. It was horrible. The guy was an idiot. I mean, freedom fries?” Her voice cracked, as she erupted in laughter.

“Okay, so it wasn't a love connection.” Her mother replied, giggling. “There are many more fish in the sea, they always say.”

Pam got quiet. “Yeah, I guess.” She twirled the phone cord around her fingers, thinking she needed to find a way to say goodnight then.

“Pam, have you talked to Jim lately?” Her mom asked.

“What? Why do you ask?” Pam stood up and took the phone with her as she walked into the kitchen. She made her way to the fridge and looked inside for something to prepare.

“Well, you used to talk about him so much and you haven't been lately, so-” She was interrupted by Pam cutting in.

“I didn't! I didn't talk about him a lot. We were office friends. I mean, he doesn't work at Dunder Mifflin anymore so it's not like I see him like I used to.” She slammed the fridge closed and threw the bag of bread on the counter so hard she put a dent into the side.

“But you guys were pretty close. Don't you miss him?” Her mom pushed.

“No, we just worked together. Really, mom. I need to get going now.”

“Sure, honey. Just, know I'm here if you need to talk.”

Later, in bed, Pam went over the double date with Ryan and Kelly in her head. She didn't understand why Kelly set her up with that idiot, but then again she never really understood Kelly.

Even though she hated the guy, and they didn't do anything, she some how left feeling like she had cheated. Which was insane since she wasn't even with Roy anymore.

It just didn't feel right. She felt like she was with the wrong person, and she knew the right person wasn't Roy. She just didn't know who it was.

Then there was Ryan and Kelly. The two seemed so different from each other, and months ago when they first started dating Ryan seemed like he wanted to quit his job and go into the witness protection program.

But thinking about the night, she had caught Ryan glancing at Kelly when she wasn't looking. And his face lit up, and he just looked like he really didn't want to be anywhere else.

Pam thought no one had ever looked at her that way.

Then, pulling the covers up closer to her chin and flipping through the channels on the tv (she really never did switch the thing off these days) her thoughts wandered to earlier in the day when Michael called her.

She could hear Jim's voice saying hi, and he sounded... Well, she didn't know how he sounded. But she hadn't expected him to find out she was dating that way. She didn't know how she wanted him to find out, since she hadn't called him in forever.

She didn't know why she cared if he knew. She just hadn't had anything going on since she left Roy, except her art classes. And she didn't have high hopes for those. Her teacher praised her work and all, but when she looked at her drawings she didn't feel like they had any real depth to them. She always wanted to make art that meant something, not just art that was pretty.

She thought she hadn't drawn anything like that since... Well, for a while.

So since she didn't have anything going on, she thought maybe she was a little happy that Jim had heard she was going out with someone. If he could meet new people, so could she.

Then she tried to figure out why she felt like she was competing with Jim for a better life, and gave up, drifting off to sleep.

................

Roy had come up to the office about five times by lunch. Pam looked at him out of the corner of her eye as he came in, and she caught him looking at her before rushing by to the kitchen for more coffee.

The fourth time, Pam managed to talk to him as he practically ran by. “Isn't there coffee in the warehouse?”

Roy nodded. Then he shook his head. Pam smiled.

“Yeah, usually. But the machine broke... today. So, what's up?” He asked, resting his cup on her desk.

She shrugged, turning to her computer. “Nothing. Boring day. Just got some new clothes, at Kelly's request.”

Roy nodded again. “Yeah, I noticed. You look nice. Really nice.” He smiled at her, and she thought he looked really cute with his mustache/beard combo.

“Thanks, Roy.” She got up and gestured to the kitchen. “Mind if I get some coffee with you?”

“Not at all. After you.” He bowed his head and she giggled.

Later, in the break room, Pam laughed as Roy told her the story of his recent trip to the store.

“Pam, it's not funny. Really. I mean, how was I supposed to know you can't take the fruit bags home? I didn't want to pay for sandwich bags.” He laughed, before sipping his coffee.

Pam tried to breath through her laughter as she thought of Roy being reprimanded by the store manager. She shook her head and calmed herself down.

“So how's the new place? Need anything fixed?” He offered.

She shook her head. “No, thanks. It's fine. Pretty empty.” She said wistfully.

“Well, you can call me when ever you want, you know.” He looked her in the eyes, suddenly serious.

Pam felt confused. “Oh, no. I just meant, um, I need a lot of new furniture still. But it's nice.”

Roy shook his head, his face pained. “Right. Yeah, well let me know if you need anything moved.”

He stood up then, pushing in his chair. “Talk to you later, Pam.”

Michael walked in as Roy left. He looked at Pam, and then back at Roy as he made his way to the soda machine.

“Hey Pam with a capital P, everything okay there?” He said, dropping his money into the machine.

Pam nodded quickly. “Yeah, everything's great.”

Michael sat down with his soda in front of Pam and slurped loudly. He burped softly before putting the can down and looking her in the face.

“You miss Jim?” He said, giving her a sad look.

“What? No. I mean, what?” Pam suddenly felt the need to run out to her car and drive far, far away.

“'Cause I sure do.” Michael said, breathing out the sentence. “Best salesman here.”

“Well, Dwight is the top salesman.” Pam corrected.

“Yeah, well, that traitor doesn't count. It's just, Jim... Jim had charm, ya know? And that's what the customers want, a charming salesman. I know he charmed the pants off you.” He said, smirking and lifting his soda to his lips.

Pam couldn't think of a response. She just sat there, her jaw wide open. Finally, she cleared her throat a couple of times and just shook her head. “Wha...What?”

“You know, you guys were such good friends. You saw his charm. And God, his hair. I would kill for hair like that. Nice and thick, ya know? He sure did like you.” He leaned back in his chair and bounced against the back.

“Yeah, years ago.” Pam said, getting really uncomfortable. More uncomfortable than she had been, anyway.

Michael pursed his lips, shaking his head. “I said that I wouldn't talk about it anymore, and I meant it. When I shut it, I shut it and I...shutted it.” He got up, patted Pam on the shoulder and left before she had a chance to ask what the hell he meant.

That's when she realized she really did miss Jim. She knew she would, but she never let herself think about it. She thought she might try and call him tonight. Tell him about her new Tivo that she had gotten since she had taken to watching so much tv lately. And tell him how Michael was exactly the same and just as confusing as ever. Maybe even tell him that she thought Roy was trying to win her back.

Unless she got too busy, of course.

“Hey, Pam. You have a nice singing voice.” Phyllis said to her as they walked back inside from the bird funeral.

Pam nodded, and swung her head around to Jim's desk to give him a look. Before she could realize her mistake, Michael called her into this office to talk more about how the bird will be missed.

Later, driving home, she thought how out of character it was for her to sing like that. She had been sincere while giving her eulogy to... Michael. But when Dwight started playing his flute she felt the urge to be silly. By herself.

Jim had always been the one to initiate all the pranks on Dwight. Or the first one to make a joke, or act goofy. He always brought that out in her, which is why she didn't always dread coming to work every day.

She found she was really sick of being boring all the time. Maybe she could still do those things. She didn't really need Jim to bring that out in her, she could do it herself.

..........

“Uh, hey”. Jim said after Pam answered the phone.

“Oh, my God.” Pam couldn't help but reply.

They exchanged 'hi's' once more before Jim explained he was phoning to talk to Kevin about fantasy football.

Pam couldn't think of anything to say, so she told him about Jan making her keep a log of what Michael had done all day. When he said “Wow” the way he used to, she felt her stomach jump about a hundred feet.

There was a silence then that stretched on for what seemed like hours. Pam felt hot and embarrassed. She hadn't called Jim for months and hadn't expected to have to talk to him out of nowhere. She sat down, feeling a bit dizzy.

“What's up?” Jim asked, his voice buzzing in her ear like a reminder of where she was. She thought he sounded different.

“Nothing. What time is it there?” Pam asked without thinking.

Then it turned into a long conversation about nothing, but Pam thought she hadn't smiled that much in months.

She found herself trying to find the most interesting parts of her life since her left to share with him, which there weren't much of. When he responded, she could barely comprehend what he'd said, all she could do is close her eyes and listen to the sound of his deep voice. She never realized how much she missed hearing it. But it was nice just to talk to him, it almost felt like old times.

Suddenly, the conversation stopped. Another long pause, and she heard Jim clear his throat.

“Um, how come you haven't called me in a while?” He asked, his voice sounding off.

Pam felt guilty then, and didn't know what to say. “Well, I've been busy. I mean, you stopped calling me.” She then thought that sounded wrong.

“Well, after about ten messages unanswered I kinda got the hint.” She can hear the bitterness in his voice.

He's never sounded that way to her before. She suddenly felt panicked. All she could think is she would be miserable if he hated her.

“Jim, I'm..sorry. I'll call you this weekend, if you want.” Just then she looked up to see Ryan and Dwight walk in. Dwight had what looked like water all over his shirt and Ryan just looked confused. She raised an eyebrow and asked Ryan if he was okay.

He didn't answer so she decided she didn't care anyway and said goodbye.

“Oh, yeah. I should get going.” Jim said.

“Oh, no, I didn't- You have to go?” Pam replied, her voice cracking a bit.

“Yeah.” He said, and after that another long pause followed. “You know, call me when you're not so busy with your fancy new life.” She thought he meant it jokingly, but she could feel the hurt underneath the words. “Bye, Pam.”

Her heart started aching then. She waited three more seconds to reply. “Bye, Jim.” Then the harsh echo of the dial tone rang in her ear and she put the phone back on the receiver.

Her eyes watered as she looked over at Jim's old empty desk. Her mind's eye saw flashes of every time he had gotten up and walked over to her, a big smile on his face. Or how he would look up out of nowhere from his work, that look of fun in his eyes.

She saw him walking into the office, taking off his coat and hanging it up beside her. She saw his eyebrows raise, as if to say “What can we do today?” She saw his annoyed grimace every time Michael would walk up behind him.

She thought she could feel the heat radiating from his body from when they would walk out together. The brush of his hand accidentally touching hers before they parted to their cars.

She thought of the last time they hugged, when he told her he was leaving. His strong arms wrapped around her, and the tickle of his hair against her cheek.

The tears spilled over onto her cheeks when she realized the real reason she had called off the wedding, and that one simple phone call had made her feel so lonely for one person.

She felt like calling him back, and telling him the reason she hadn't called him was because she couldn't bear to deal with the fact that he was gone, and that she felt so empty without him. How she had just wanted to try and ignore the way she felt and just forget him.

But as she wiped her tears, taking one last look at the empty desk behind her and walking out the door, she knew she would never be able to forget the way he made her feel.

.............

Pam had tried. She had tried to put on a smile and dance. Even though she felt like hell, she tried to put it out of her mind and pretend to be okay.

But then she had tried to call Jim and he hadn't answered, and the feeling in her stomach told her he didn't want to talk to her. Her mind flashed to a conversation they had months ago, and she thought of the girl he had mentioned, Karen. She wondered if he was out with her.

She sat at the little round table with a brightly colored tablecloth over it, staring at the happy couples laughing and dancing. Making herself ignore the thought that Jim was happy with someone else at that moment, she took a drink from her cup of soda. Her phone was still in her hand, and every now and then she'd look at the display.

Kelly sat down across from her, a huge smile on her face. “So, are you glad you came?”

Pam nodded encouragingly, trying to look sincere. She glanced down once more at her phone.

Kelly frowned. “You liar. You look like crap.”

Kelly rolled her eyes when she saw the look of dismay on Pam's face. “You know what I mean. What's wrong?”

“Nothing, I told you I just wasn't feeling good today.” Pam sat up straighter, pulling at her shirt.

“You miss Jim, don't you?” Kelly said, a small smile on her face.

Pam just sighed, exasperated. “Even Michael picked up on it. Is it that obvious?” Kelly answered with a long nod, and Pam sighed again. “We were good friends, that's all.”

Kelly rolled her eyes again. “C'mon, Pam, we're girlfriends. You can tell me. You were having an affair, right?”

Pam's eyes almost bugged out of her head. “What? No! Kelly, please. That's not true. Don't... Just, don't okay?”

“It's okay. You can trust me, Pam.” Kelly patted her knee and suddenly Pam did want to tell her something. She would have told anyone at that point, just to be able to voice it.

“I... do like him though. I mean, I think I have feelings for him.” Pam felt the tears welling in her eyes again, and she couldn't believe she was confiding in the office gossip at a Diwali celebration. She could see Michael out of the corner of her eye. He was trying to pick up Carol and she was slapping his hands away.

Kelly's face was glowing with glee. “Oh my God, Pam! That's so awesome! I mean, unrequited love turned to real love! You met at some boring job, and maybe you guys can go off and have exotic adventures and write books-”

Pam tried to tune her out, but her ears picked up on something Kelly had said. “Wait, unrequited love? You didn't know I liked him until now.”

Kelly looked pained then. “Um, yeah, well. That's what I meant though. Bye, Pam!” She stood up and rushed away, grabbing Ryan on the way outside.

Later, while she drove Michael home, as he snored softly in the backseat, she couldn't keep her mind off unrequited love and exactly what that meant.