I don't own anything. Or anyone. I don't own Jim... man I wish I owned Jim.
And I didn't believe people when they said it was easy to write this stuff. It is! And it is SO much fun! This is probably a oneshot but if I think of anything else I might possibly add another cute vignette.
JHalpert: Hi
PBeesly: How’s it going on your side of the Office?
JHalpert: Kind of interesting actually.
PBeesly: Oh that’s a first.
JHalpert: I just had an… odd conversation with Dwight.
PBeesly: That’s not really a first I guess.
JHalpert: What he said sure was.
PBeesly: Yeah?
JHalpert: He must have found out about us.
PBeesly: What makes you say that?
JHalpert: ‘Cos he just told me that if I hurt you, I’ll have to watch my back… ‘cos he’ll – quote – “be snapping it”.
PBeesly: Wow.
JHalpert: Yeah.
PBeesly: He said that?
JHalpert: Yep. Word for word
PBeesly: That’s… kind of sweet.
PBeesly: Isn’t that from a kid’s movie?
JHalpert: No… Maybe… I’ll get back to you on that.
JHalpert: Care for an explanation?
PBeesly: Oh it’s nothing.
JHalpert: So something happened?
PBeesly: No.
JHalpert: Pam.
PBeesly: It’s nothing.
PBeesly: Really.
JHalpert: Come on. You don’t expect me to believe that.
PBeesly: Okay.
PBeesly: …We made out once.
JHalpert: Funny.
PBeesly: When you were with Karen. He was really sweet.
JHalpert: Sure.
PBeesly: And a good kisser.
JHalpert: I’ve changed my mind. Absolutely not funny, Pam. I expect better.
PBeesly: That’s what she said
JHalpert: She?
PBeesly: He.
PBeesly: Dwight. He has high expectations.
JHalpert: Shut up. Not funny.
PBeesly: Then why dyou keep laughing? It looks really weird.
JHalpert: I know it’s a bad habit.
PBeesly: Sounds tough.
JHalpert: Oh it’s the worst Pam. But quit stalling.
PBeesly: I’m not stalling.
JHalpert: Oh you so are.
PBeesly: I am not.
JHalpert: Pam.
PBeesly: Stop looking at me like that. You don’t need to know.
JHalpert: Pam I’m at risk of turning around and finding out Dwight snapped my back.
PBeesly: That’s a bit of an exaggeration.
JHalpert: Is it? Really Pam?
PBeesly: I’d say so.
JHalpert: Come on tell me.
PBeesly: No.
JHalpert: So you’re happy with your true love thinking that you made out with his nemesis?
PBeesly: I’ve never seen you say ‘nemesis’ in a sentence before. You sound like him. That’s so cute!
JHalpert: Stop laughing.
PBeesly: Okay give me a sec.
JHalpert: It’s okay Pam, really. I’ll just bug you and not do any work until you tell me what happened.
PBeesly: Well that’s going to be a long time cos I’m not telling.
JHalpert: Fine. I won’t get any work done, get caught by Michael and fired. Then who’s going to wish they’d told me?
PBeesly: Angela? She’s always liked you.
JHalpert: Come on Pam. It’s serious, isn’t it?
PBeesly: No.
JHalpert: Pam remember what we said on our first date?
PBeesly: We said a lot of things. We both said we hated your haircut.
JHalpert: Thanks. That makes me feel loved. We also said we weren’t going to keep anymore secrets.
JHalpert: Pam?
PBeesly: Damn.
JHalpert: I thought so.
PBeesly: Fine I’ll tell you.
JHalpert: Yes! Gotta love all the things we said on that first date.
PBeesly:-p Yeah. You’re not going to like it.
JHalpert: I’m sure it can’t be worse than you making out with Dwight… unless it’s Michael. I’m going to have to risk Dwight’s wrath if you made out with Michael.
PBeesly: You’re funny. Do you want me to tell you?
JHalpert: Yes. Okay. Sorry.
PBeesly:… Are you sure?
JHalpert: Pam!
PBeesly: Sorry! Okay… you remember that time you and Karen had that fight and I helped you work it out? The day Michael came back from Jamaica and we found out Jan had lost her mind.
JHalpert: Yes. Vividly.
PBeesly: Well I wasn’t as happy about it as I might have seen.
JHalpert: Yeah it kind of made me feel sick thinking about it too.
PBeesly: Not about Michael! About helping you almost move in with Karen.
JHalpert: Oh.
PBeesly: Yeah… and Dwight found me in the hallway… a little unhappy.
JHalpert: By that you mean…?
PBeesly: I was crying.
JHalpert: Oh.
PBeesly: He was really sweet actually… in his own… Dwight-ish way.
JHalpert: Huh.
PBeesly: Are you okay?
JHalpert: Yeah I’m fine.
PBeesly: You didn’t really want to know did you?
JHalpert: Yeah you’re right. I really didn’t.
PBeesly: Why does no one believe you when you say that?
JHalpert: I’m so sorry Pam.
PBeesly: Jim don’t!
JHalpert: What?
PBeesly: We’ve been through all of this. We’ve done stuff we regret and we’ve apologized. It’s all over now so we should just forget about it.
JHalpert: It’s a little hard to forget about when it results in Dwight threatening to snap my back if I hurt you.
PBeesly: Well he’s not going to. ‘Cos I know you’re not going to. So it doesn’t matter.
JHalpert: Technically he should have broken my back a long time ago.
PBeesly: Jim it wasn’t that bad. He was actually pretty comforting.
JHalpert: Oh that makes me feel better.
PBeesly: Plus I have Dwight as extra protection now so… win-win.
JHalpert: Win-win?
PBeesly: Okay not really.
PBeesly: Hey.
JHalpert: Yeah?
PBeesly: I love you.
JHalpert: I love you too. And just so you know, I don’t intend to get a broken back.
PBeesly: That’s good news.
PBeesly: What just happened?
PBeesly: Hey! Laughing doesn’t usually stop you from typing!
JHalpert: Sorry. Dwight just told us to get a room.
PBeesly: What?
JHalpert: I know!
PBeesly: How does he know what we were saying?
JHalpert: I think we were staring at each other a little too much.
PBeesly: Ahh Dwight. He’s my hero.