The words had left her so easily. Probably because she had practiced and analyzed every word for months. She had planned everything. The long drive to Stamford. The way he would open the door and his happiness would shine through his shock. His arms would be warm as they pulled her into a tight hug. He wouldn’t need the words but she would give them to him anyway. The smile that captivated her for years would be wider than she’d ever seen it. He would wear it even as the kissed. He would be so happy he couldn’t stop smiling. She would finally feel loved after so long. She had it all planned. But the one thing she hadn’t planned for was her.

Her with her flowing tousled hair that fell onto slender shoulders. Her with her legs that went on for days. Her covering herself only in a dress shirt, the one he had worn that night so long ago. Her with her smile. Her with her beauty. Her with him.

"Jim?" she squeaked

He came to the door. His chest bare and glowing. His face shocked. A shock that held no happiness shining behind. He gave her a quick nod and all at once the beauty that was her disappeared. They were alone on the porch now. His girl behind the door. He waited for an explanation. His eyes demanded one.

Her words came out all at once. They were met by silence. The only thing she heard were the heavy falling of her feet as she ran away from him and the clicking of the door shut behind him as he didn’t try to stop her.

She held her tears all the way home. She only let them fall when she walked into her empty apartment and saw the little flashing one on her answering machine. His voice was strained and cracking but it was his. It was him say three words. It was him saying "Pam, please wait."

So more waiting. She could do that.

One with straight smooth hair that he could run his fingers through for hours. One with the frizzy hair that always came when she drove with the window open. One wearing his favorite shirt. One wearing paint stained overalls. Everything about them told him which one she should want. But none of that changed who he actually did want. Because if he was honest that moment with her. Their first moment alone since everything. That was one of the best moments of his life and she had never looked more beautiful.

He tried to tell himself that he was almost over her. That his breath didn’t really catch every time he saw somebody eating mixed berries yoghurt. That he didn’t wake shaking after vivid dreams of Sunday mornings with her. That every time he was with someone else he only ever saw the ways they just weren’t her. He tried to tell himself all those things for so long that he had actually begun to believe them. Until she had shown up at his door, with paint on her cheek and a car he had never seen parked in his driveway. A reminder that she no longer belonged to Roy. A reminder that she could belong to him now.

He couldn’t stop her from leaving. It wasn’t in his power. He wasn’t ready to talk it all out just yet. But as he heard the door close behind him and her car pull out of his driveway he allowed himself the briefest of smiles. One that she saw. Her foot tapping against the hard wood floor. Her beautiful face scrunched up into something ugly. She asked him if that was the woman who had made him such a mess. He could only stare at his feet and nod. He heard her stomp away. He heard her slam the door. He had heard he leave and he let her go.

He finds he number in an email Phyllis sent him. One he could never bring himself to delete. He calls her and asks her to wait. Because honestly, that other woman, the one with straight hair and perfect teeth. She never stood a chance.

Today was the day. The day the sadness of realization changed into simmering rage. After no attempt from him for so long she realized that he didn’t want her anymore. Today she knew for sure because today he had forgotten her birthday. In fact everyone had. They did most years but Jim always remembered. It seems like such a juvenile reaction but it was really an instinctual one. Every year I would get one phone call from my mom and a card from Jim. He would always attach it to a cupcake or a bag of french onion. It was always food probably so I wouldn’t have to explain it away later. But it was always him and it was proof every year that two people still loved me. This year my mother hadn’t called and neither had he.

I had wanted a phone call. Even if it was just to say goodbye. I knew despite everything we could be good together. I felt it that night when he kissed me. Before I had to lie. Before I started missing him. I had been waiting for so long. The day was almost over. Minutes sliding by like hours.

At four I went into the break room to make my tea. What I saw was Dwight’s back and the shattered mint green tea pot at his feet. He stared at me wide eyed as I swept it into a paper towel. I ignored the lecture about proper disposal of dangerous materials. I left without putting the phones to voice mail. Some things just don’t seem so important.

I looked at my most prized possession in pieces against my kitchen table. The only thing he had given me. To remember him by. I lost it then. Collapsing to the floor. Making a spectacle of myself. Weeping for everything that was broken. I resolved to fix it somehow. To glue it all back together. To make it right.

Maybe this time I’d get it right. Maybe this time I would fix this.

There was still so much to talk about, to understand. So much to forgive. But he remembered today. He realized why something had felt off since he’d woke up. Today was her birthday. Today was her birthday and he’d forgotten. Not really such a hard thing to do considering that the days slipped into nights so effortlessly. The days turned into weeks. Weeks of unsettled sleep and listless alertness.

He had remembered while eating his ham and cheese at his desk. He saw Karen walking to her’s with a bag of french onion sun chips. And he remembered how Pam’s face lit up last year when she saw his gift on her desk. He walked out of the office then. Got in his car and headed straight for Scranton. Headed straight for her.

For once he wasn’t afraid. They would actually act like grown ups and get everything out in the open for once. There was so much of him that belonged to her. He wanted to return it so desperately. He would be this years present. After so long he might actually get the one thing he has always wanted. He saw he front door in front of him. This time he had to be brave.

He knocked softly. The door breezed open. He lost his breath.

Maybe this time he’d do what was right. Maybe this time she would love him.

Her hair was piled into a messy bun. Her eyes were red and swollen. She had been crying. Now? Well, now she’s smiling.

" I’m sorry it’s been so long." He shrugged shyly.

" Oh no, I understand."

Okay ladies and gentleman, prepare yourself for high awkward silence. In 3...2...1...

He walked into her kitchen. His eyes drawn towards the ruins of their past. He eyed her sadly.

She whispered, " Dwight." so quietly he strained to hear her.

"Jim, I know you have a lot of questions. I’ll answer them all now. If you want."

"Right now I only have one. Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Good then you won’t mind me coming closer."

"Nope." she beamed and in that moment he fell in love with her all over again.

He kissed he with everything he was. He gave himself to her entirely. When he pulled away he felt her hot breath against his cheek.

"Happy Birthday Beesly"

"You remembered."

"Of course I did." he reached into his coat pocket and gave her his present. French onion sun chips and a silly card.

" I love you Jim. Thank you."

"Well it’s a good thing I love you back cause that five hour drive is killer. Say it again."

" I love you, Jim."

He kissed her. He was falling hard all over again. Now though he wasn’t so scared of the fall. Because now he had someone to catch him. He wore his smile as they kissed. And she was captivated.