It had been nearly seven months with her. Ever since he finally let himself think and realized that she was the one he wanted, it had all fallen into place. Racing back to town, finding her beautifully sitting in the sun-lit room, asking her for another chance, and eventually, opening his car door for her at the end of the day. For some reason, it didn’t happen like he had ever imagined; it just happened. It was the perfect solution to the perfect disaster.

Now, they were covered by an ocean of blankets with the skin of their arms touching. This was how almost every night was spent. Most of the time it wasn’t about stealing covers at all; it was about sharing skin.

She loved the way he kissed her. It didn’t always have to be a romantic or passionate kiss to get her eyes to flutter shut and her stomach feel like it was going 90 miles an hour over a hill. Everything he did made her feel like she was somehow floating. Then once she came falling from the heights, he was there to catch her.

She did the same thing to him. He couldn’t resist her when her hands seemed to find the spot on the back of his neck or below his jaw. If her finger brushed across it or her lips happened to find their way there, he was gone. That’s all that has to happen for him to melt into a pool at her feet. Even the way she said his name made him feel weak.

On this night in particular, they were resting side by side, ready to fall asleep with each other’s warmth soothing them. Her hand found his under the covers and their eyes slowly closed. He didn’t even know what happened from that moment on. They shared a few words and then all the sudden, she was up and out of the room; covering her sniffles. He sat upright, looking at the dimly lit hallway, waiting for her figure to return to him.

The moment replayed over and over in his head. He remembered mumbling replies in her direction and hoping that they made sense. His mind reeled as his eyes sought for her in the darkness of her house.

He could’ve chased after her, made her explain what had upset her, but he didn’t. He sat in the confines of her empty, cold bedroom. His heart was pounding and yet, it was still at the same time. It was as if his moment of peace had slipped into a continuum and he was hurtling through space. He was waiting for his home to return to him this time. All he wanted was her next to him again. He could make it better, as long as she was by him so his arms could pull her close and comfort.

“Pam?” he whispered, as if there were other people sleeping in the house. He knew she didn’t hear him. It was more of a reminder to him that it wasn’t a dream. He had done something to upset her. It rarely happened, that’s why he was stunned when she took off towards the bedroom door. It’s not that he didn’t care or wasn’t paying attention to her, it was the fact that every night with her had become natural and comfortable. He didn’t need to think when he was with her.

What will this fix?
You know you're not a quick forgiver
And I won't sleep through this
I survive on the breath you are finished with

The warmth from the bed was fading and so did his desire to sleep. He bounced his leg on the mattress and kept his eyes on the trail of light from the hallway so he could watch for any movement. Every now and then he thought he could hear her move in the bathroom down the hallway. It felt like a thousand miles of distance between them when it was only twenty feet. He called out to her again, hoping she would reply this time.

You can be mad in the morning
Or the afternoon instead
But don't leave me now
Please, the separation from ya baby
Come back to bed

His heart had begun to ache and worry. His vision failed him as the light from hall went out and her footsteps pounded in his ears. Her sniffles echoed off the beige walls of her home and reverberated quietly into her small bedroom where Jim was leaning against the headboard. Her silhouette moved slowly and cautiously towards the dreary room where Jim’s exhales had become frozen in the air.

She stopped at the entrance. Even though the dark kept him from seeing her face, he knew her eyes were locked with his. He pictured her face to be flushed and worried, but once she moved into the room, the moon light hit her face and he could see her features were serene. Her hair was messed and ratted but she was beautiful. His eyes never left hers. Even though she was apparently on her way back to bed, he yearned for her to crawl right back to his side.

She paused again as the light reflecting off the moon shined behind her. He looked up at her towering over him. Her sobs had been detained and her body wasn’t rigid. She seemed fine and more than willing to answer his prayers to get under the covers again. She reached down, the light highlighting her arms and shoulders, and pulled her blankets up. He let out a sigh of relief as she found her place and leaned next to him on the headboard.

He didn’t ask anything. She took a deep breath and quietly spoke.

“You didn’t say anything wrong…”

He turned his head towards her as she stared off towards the mirror across the room.

“I just realized something….” she continued.

He spoke softly, as to not scare her away again. “What’s that?”

She turned her head towards him and whispered for only him to hear. “I just realized…that…I’m not going anywhere. I can’t picture my life any other way….than with you.”

He nodded, not wanting to speak and ruin the moment. Her warmth was filling the space again and her scent was too. He fell in love every time her saw her or felt her near. It was like he forgot when she wasn’t around but once she would return, he couldn’t resist falling head over heels every time.

She continued. “So, I’m not going to be the one to end this relationship. It’s all on your shoulders now…” she said, scaring him a little. It hurt to remember what his life, and the last few minutes, were like without her.

There was no way he was every going to even think of giving her up. It took all he had to get her, so if he ever lost her, he would be gone too. He nodded at her words, in shock, and reached for her hand again. She squeezed it tightly as he took it.

It wasn’t the magical three words that made Pam’s mind make her decision. It was his routine of expressing his promise to her. He always said it every night before they turned out the lights or happened to fall asleep. It was a promise that made her ready for the next day ahead of her.

“See you in the morning…” he would always mumble before drifting off into a dream.

So, she came back to bed for the rest of her days knowing that her spot would always be warmed by him and he would be the first person she would see in the mornings when she woke up.

Going to bed wasn’t about goodbyes or goodnights, it was about good mornings and a familiar, loving face.

Come back to bed.

The Job

It was after six o’clock on that fateful Thursday. They sat in Cugino’s awkwardly making their way through the menu and waiting for their drinks. He couldn’t deny it; he was nervous as hell. It had all happened so sudden.

He drove back to Scranton in record breaking time with only a few scares from passing police cars. His foot was glued to the gas pedal and it just so happened to be flat on the floorboard. He made it back in just enough time to catch her sitting in the conference room with her hands folded in her lap, talking intently to the camera man. A rush of adrenaline, or was it longing, ran through his body as he turned the door handle and rudely interrupted her interview. The smile on her face assured him that it was fine that he forgot his manners for a brief moment.

She quietly made her way from the conference room, beaming as she hid behind her huge reception counter. He couldn’t help but smile at her excitement. Even though his rash decision was something he had wanted to do for a long time, he knew he needed to have a plan when they finalized their plans for dinner. Think this through, Halpert, he told himself. So he did. Thinking through when to bring up Karen, when the perfect time to reach for her hand would be, how late they should stay out, and where the best jokes would fit in. After all, this was serious business. You gotta have a plan when your dealing with this love business, he thought again.

As they sat in Cugino’s waiting for their drinks, it seemed like Jim’s plan had failed. Everything that he had mentally prepared and planned went out the window. At first it felt natural and easy being with Pam. But then his mind reminded him about their past, how the last year had went with her, and his ex-girlfriend in New York City probably drinking her cares away. He didn’t mean for it to be blurted out so soon in the evening, but it did.

“I broke up with Karen today…” he said, looking up from his menu.

Pam’s eyes shot upward at his statement. There was almost a twinge of pain in her face and a slight smile. He couldn’t make it out but he wanted to kick himself once he said it. Too soon, he chastised himself mentally.

“Oh,” was all she could say, so he decided to continue.

“I told her that the circumstances that were there before we started dating had changed and that I couldn’t ignore them anymore….” he mumbled, thanking God for the waitress bringing their drinks to the table. Pam awkwardly glanced her eyes in the waitresses direction and hurriedly sipped her water.

“I just thought I would get that out now instead of later….you know, clear the air…” he finished, hoping she would respond.

“Well….” she started, then seemed to lose her words. “…anyway…”

At that moment his heart fell from its perch high in his chest. It was sinking lower and lower with each uninterested response from her. Again, he began mentally kicking himself in the head. If he wasn’t in public, he knew he would have already kicked himself in more places than just his forehead.


Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Pam began to express how happy she was that he was here and not in New York. He couldn’t help but feel the same way. He was pleased that by the grace of God he made the decision to hustle back to Pennsylvania and try to fix things. Even though he could feel the night growing awkward, he knew that this wasn’t going to be the only night with Pam. He had other plans in mind but the real question was, were they going to go accordingly?


We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly, An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good, what just slipped out and what went wrong

They both nervously sat in the quaint diner and shared some of the normal date conversation.

“How was the weather in the city?” she asked, looking up from the shredded napkin in her hand.

To avoid seeming to nervous and upset that they had resorted to the forecast, he grabbed the salt and pepper shakers and slid them back and forth to occupy his hands. She noticed, of course.

“It was nice. Sunny….” he finished. Jim saw her smile and then once her head was bowed, it disappeared. His thoughts went quickly to her and how her announcement at the beach was probably just a confession-a freedom speech-so she could get over the fact that he had ruined her life; so he thought.


Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now

That was it, he wasn’t going to bring up anything else that could potentially put a damper on this supposedly ‘lovely’ evening. It was the best day of his life and it was getting a little dimmer with every phrase that slurred out of his mouth. From this moment on, I’m done talking, he said clearly in his mind. Well, he heard it loud and clear. He’d spent the last year silent, why change that now?

After they started eating on their Italian delicacies, Pam’s shaking hand set her fork down and for what seemed to be the first time in the night, looked directly into his eyes.

“Thank you for inviting me out. It’s been a long time…you know, since we’ve been able to catch up. So, thanks…” she said, making sure he saw her eyes staring into his and then picked up her fork again.

“Oh…no problem. I just thought…it would be a good way to start fresh…new…”he rambled on, hoping that nothing else that popped out of his mouth would cause grief. He really did want to start fresh and new with Pam but it was getting over their past that would allow them to do that. He willed his mouth to open and speak again, thinking his next sentence through before allowing the words to take form.

“I’m sorry this is awkward,” he admitted, repeating it back in his head to make sure it didn’t sound wrong.

Pam nodded and let out a little smile. “Oh….you think it’s awkward? It’s probably my fault.”

Jim bounced his right leg under the table. “No, definitely not your fault at all…” he said, looking over out the window and then back to her.

“I’m having a great time…the best in a long time actually,” she said, placing her fork back down on her plate.

“It hasn’t been a little bit awkward to you though?” he asked, preparing for the worst. When her answer came, he wasn’t upset at all. He was relieved.

She let out a deep breath and a chuckle. “God, yes,” she said, smiling. From that moment on, he let out a deep sigh himself and enjoyed their moment of realization. Now that they both got passed the newness of it all and the preconceived notions, it was time to begin their first, real date.

I'm never speaking up again
it only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
than she desert me

oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now, starting now...

It had been almost year since that night outside in the parking lot. He hadn’t intended his words to come out the way they did when he saw her standing there in her blue dress, but now that he thinks back, he’s glad he said it. He’s glad he let his heart speak instead of taking his mother’s advice and thinking before speaking. It was one thing in his life that seemed to turn out all wrong in the beginning but now, it seemed to be going just fine. Jim knew he never has to convince her that he loves her, he’s already said that and put it all on the line. Now, he gets to declare it, and that’s one thing he won’t remain silent about.

August 2008- One year from now.

In these days with the world getting colder
She spends more time sleeping over
Than I’d planned

It wasn’t a bad thing. He loved when Pam stayed at his place and when they could relax and be normal, boring, everyday people together. It was the perfect life for Jim Halpert. He liked rainy days and staying inside when there was someone there to entertain him. And since they started dating almost a year ago, there was someone always at his place for entertainment.

For some reason, Jim had already expected to be living with Pam in a place of their own. It was a small dream he concocted the day after their first real date and he intended bringing that dream to reality very soon. But before he could muster up the words to bring the topic up in conversation, Pam had expressed that she still loved being a normal couple that commuted to and from each other’s homes and that she enjoyed their relationship the way it was. That made Jim put a hold on any plans he had at the forefront of his mind.

Tonight we're gonna order in
Drinkin’ wine and watchin’ CNN
It’s dark, I know
But then again, it's the brightest thing I've got

It was a regular weekend night at Jim’s house; waiting for the takeout to arrive and channel surfing for something good on the television. It was the routine they’d created once they’d got passed the awkwardness and freshness of their relationship. It started at Pam’s house for the first few months and then they started ending up at Jim’s house after their dates. Pam always said she enjoyed being around his things because it gave her a better picture of who he was. He laughed off her statements and complied every time she begged to go to his place instead of hers. Heck, he was just happy they were deciding on who’s place they would be going to.

When I'm covered in rain, rain
When I'm covered in rain, rain, rain, rain

Jim looked forward to the candid moments they shared sitting on his living room couch or most importantly, his room. Everything these days was soothing, like rain falling on his face or on a window pane. It felt like he had a protection or a comfort wrapped around him but yet, he could feel every little drop of water on his skin. With the way his life had taken shape over the past few years, it brought joy to him to be able to have something so beautiful and bittersweet in his life. It wasn’t like Pam was his savior, it was like she had joined him in the crazy world he had created for himself.

From fireworks to fireplaces
Summer stole what fall replaces
And now we're people watching
All the people, people watching us, you and I

The sun had become darker in the passing weeks, making Jim’s home more cozy and welcoming to Pam’s presence. Their t-shirts had been put away and they pulled out the sweaters and heavy blankets. It was more of an excuse to get closer on the sofa and feel the warmth of each others arms. Jim wasn’t a complainer.

It was simple things in life that made them appreciate each other. Like the days they happened to take a walk through her neighborhood or go to the grocery store and the pharmacy down the road. The leaves crunched below their feet and she giggled sweetly at his jokes and witty comebacks as they clasped hand with hand. Life was simple at times and it was because they could bear the weight of the world on their shoulders; only if they did it together.

Standing by the missing signs
At the CVS, by the checkout line
She puts her quiet hands in mine,
Cause she's the brightest thing I've got

The days might of seemed stressful and tiring, but at the end of the day, all that mattered was sitting in his living room with Pam nestled up to his side. His life was humdrum and dreary at times, and those moments of closeness made it all worth the pain. His reward was Pam’s love and devotion. It wasn’t ‘nature’ or ‘heir doings’ that made this all worth while, it was divine intervention and they knew it. Something about the way it was so easy to be together was the key to their bliss. And, that’s when Jim realized that he couldn’t take the wait to be close any longer.

He rocked back and forth on his heels as they stood in the aisle of the small store. She placed her items into the basket she had hanging on her arm and turned towards him with a smile on her face.

"I hate buying a new toothbrush every time I leave it somewhere…" she mumbled to him, slipping the package into the basket.

Jim slipped his empty hands into his pockets and stopped his movements. He looked into her eyes as she glanced back at him and froze when she saw his expression.

"What?" she asked, a smile forming out of pure confusion.

"Why don’t you put that back?" he smiled, reaching to pull the toothbrush out of the basket.

Her hand stopped his with a look of wonderment. "I need it. Otherwise I’m going to wake up with some terrible morning breath…" she teased.

He continued to grasp the edge of the toothbrush and pull it away from her soft hand. "Why don’t we save a buck or two and just go by your place, grab yours-and a few other things- and go home," he said, sticking the package back on it’s holder. He flicked the toothbrush as it swung a few inches from her face.

"It would be easier to have two toothbrushes anyway…I always leave mine either at the house or back at my place…" she said, catching herself with her words.

Jim’s eyebrows lifted and a grin spread across his face. "You said ‘at the house’ like my place is home to you," he said, as she shook her head. "So, better reason to save the money and welcome your toothbrush home."

Pam stood still, looking at the swaying toothbrush in front of her face and then turned into Jim’s warm side. She looked up into his green eyes, hoping for clarity.

He spoke low and close to her ear. "Let’s move into together…" he whispered, hoping that it was a moment just shared between the two of them and not the rest of the shoppers.

It’s alright if you don’t wanna go home

It’s alright if you don’t wanna be alone

She smiled up and him and then looked back towards the lonely toothbrush on the shelf. "You’re right. I think I should save my money anyways…I’ll be moving soon," she said, turning and walking away happily. Jim smiled and dropped his head low as they paid and walked through the sliding doors and into the sprinkling rain.

When I’m covered in rain

October 2007- Six months 

Do not waste this evening
Baby I'm begging you
Your big imagination's playing its tricks on you
If you think my up and leaving's something I'm gonna do
Feel my chest when I look at you
Baby you

You got my only heart
Yah, you got my only heart
Yah, you got my only
Only heart

She rarely needed confirmation that Jim loved her. He was always telling her how much he was in love with her and glad that they had finally made a move in the right direction. But, every once in awhile, she felt like she needed to make sure he still felt the same way.

She never begged for him to whisper those three words in her ear. She kind of expected it, in a way. He never let the sun go down without at least expressing his love for her. It was just a part of their routine. And when Pam figured that much, she became concerned that it was just his routine and not his true feelings.

Pam’s first instinct was to separate herself from Jim. She had done it with Roy and immediately felt herself slipping back into her old life. She hated it so she tried her best to find a way to crawl back to reality. Of course, Jim noticed her indifference and asked her what was the matter.

It was late one evening as she sat at the counter in her kitchen. She was absent mindedly doodling on a napkin as Jim pulled the pizza from the oven. Her thoughts were on the fact that they had been dating only a few months and it seemed like he had lost interest. She’d never thought in her wildest dreams that she would ever be concerned that Jim didn’t love her like she loved him.

"Earth to Pam…" Jim said, waving his hand in the air. A smile spread across his face when she looked up abruptly, dropping the pen she was drawing with.

"Huh?" she said, as he chuckled. "What?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips.

He rested his hands on the counter in front of her. "You weren’t with me were you? You were like…somewhere else. It’s good to have you back," he said, slightly leaning over the edge of the counter.

She grinned and looked on as his hands inched their way towards hers. For some reason, she picked at the napkin in front of her, as to distract him, and herself, from the impending closeness.

Apparently, Jim had noticed her moment of self consciousness and furrowed his brow when he looked up at her.

"What’s up?" he asked, concerned.

She shook her head and glanced back down at the pen in her hand. Why do inanimate objects have it so easy, she thought. They don’t have to think or feel. Lucky.

"Hey," he said, all the sudden at her side, putting his hand in just the right spot. He held it firmly to her lower back as she sighed. She shrugged as to answer him.

For a long time, he didn’t bother her with questions or looks. He just waited behind her, with his hand moving slowly up and down her back as she looked straight towards the steaming Red Baron pizza on the stove. It was the only thing she could do without wanting to burst into tears. She didn’t want to have these thoughts of doubt or uneasiness. He didn’t deserve to be thrown around while she let her emotions get the best of her.

With a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Jim shifted so he could look her dead in the face. "Hey, I’m here if you need anything. But, it seems like you're not in the mood to talk…so, I’m just going to go. Do you need anything before I go home?" he said, pushing her hair that covered her face behind her shoulders.

She shook her head. "You don’t have to go…" she said quietly, still not making much sense of why her hormones were acting in strange ways.

"Nah. It’s cool. You might need a night alone once in a while. I get it," he said, stepping back and slapping his hands on the cool counter top.

"Jim…" she said, turning on the stool and looking at him shuffle towards his jacket hanging on her coat rack.

He held up a hand. "No….you need a girl night. I understand. Why don’t we talk when you feel up to it?" he said, pulling on his jacket.

Pam stood and met him in the middle of the room. She swayed slightly as he found her hands and grasped one instinctively. "Goodnight. Love you. See you tomorrow," he said, pecking her lightly on the lips before finding the cold doorknob and opening the door up.

She gave him a small sincere smile before he waved and shut the chill out of her apartment. To her, the winter chill was still very much alive in her tiny living room. She just couldn’t shake the feeling.It's so hard to be so far out
Living our separate lives
Your phone was really broken
I tried your number twice
If you need confirmation, baby I understand
It's alright if you want me to
Tell you…

As she crawled into her lonely bed that night, she cried quietly, willing herself not to get so upset she would get sick. She’d done it several times after her break up with Roy and after….well, when Jim left. And when he came back…not empty handed.

Her heart stung from being so rude to Jim. Then again, she felt relieved that she didn’t have to explain herself. He just knew she wasn’t ready to explain what her problem had been. He was caring and able to take a hint that something was wrong. No matter how hard she tried to cover herself up, it was like he had x-ray vision connecting straight to her soul. He was the one man that could really read her like a book.

She fell asleep that night thinking about what he was doing at that exact moment. Unassuming to her, he was doing the same. He was resting in his bed, his hands splayed across his chest, his brow furrowed, hair messed, eyes tired and sad, and his heart pounding like an African drum.

As the sun rose, Pam’s eyes fluttered open and her body turned out of habit and found the untouched, cold, flat comforter in Jim’s place on the bed. After rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she made her way to the shower and relaxed; hoping to speak with Jim after she figured out what her problem was.

Thirty minutes into her refreshing shower, Pam heard a loud knock at her door. She jumped, taken from her day dream and deep thought. She wrapped her robe around, found the peep hole on her door and peered out. He was standing there, his eyes weary and worried, his t-shirt wrinkled and his hand resting on the frame of her door. As she pulled open her stubborn door, she revealed the lanky man leaning nonchalantly and looking down at his tennis shoes.

She opened her mouth to greet him, hoping that last nights events weren’t still hanging heavy in the air. He stepped forward, held out his hands and began speaking quickly.

"Don’t you ever answer your phone?" he asked, making his way into her apartment and pulling his light coat off and tossing it on the stool where Pam sat last night.

She watched as he made himself comfortable-like he usually did-and pulled her robe tight across her chest, suddenly feeling conscious.

"I’ve called you more than I’ve called my mother all year long," he said, pressing his lips to hers for their normal good morning kiss.

She smiled as she watched him nervously avoid the subject at hand and let him ramble about how he watched some of his Tivo-ed game last night and how he forgot to feed Gladys yesterday, their recently adopted pet gold fish. Pam giggled and finally stopped him as he paced back and forth while he made small talk.

"Hey," she said, placing a hand in the center of his chest.

He stopped at her touch, his breathing deep and slow. "Huh?" he asked, slightly stunned.

"I’m sorry about going all weird on you last night…." she started, looking at her finger tips resting on the soft cotton on his t-shirt.

"No…it’s cool. We’ve been together…what? Six months and haven’t ever had a real break from each other. It’s fine…" he started.

"I just sometimes wonder how I got to be so lucky…and then that leads me to think that maybe it’s all a dream…and then, I think, maybe it’s all unreal. So, I’m going to be honest…I have doubts sometimes," she said, his eyes blinking quickly. "But, I have to go with the cold hard facts and just know that you’re amazing…and that I love you…and that you love me just the same as you did a year ago…"

Under her hand, she felt his heart beat violently against his ribcage. He didn’t seem to care that his heart was turning black and blue from the pounding on his solid bones in his body.

He nodded. "Absolutely. Don’t ever doubt that…" he said, shaking his head as he shuffled forward towards her. She obliged and moved in closer too.

"So, you’re not mad at me?" he asked, inching closer and closer towards her sweet smelling skin.

"Not at all. In fact, I’m quite the opposite…" she smiled, chastely.

He sighed and his shoulders released the heavy weight bearing down on him. She felt it crumble away as his lips sought out hers.

Stamford Days/Merger

When he stepped foot out of the elevator and was escorted to his new desk, he saw her. She had a charcoal gray jacket tightly buttoned across her torso, her hair pinned back and a pen dangling from her fingers. Of all the things for him to notice on his first day in Stamford, it had to be Karen Fillipelli.

His immediate thoughts towards her were quickly pushed aside as he was ushered into Josh’s office and given his orientation on his new position. What am I doing, he thought. This is not who I am. I’m not manager material.

As he was sitting in Josh’s office, facing away from his new desk, his new job, his new coworkers, and his new life, he couldn’t help but remember all the old he’d been missing. He had tried his best to push those memories into a box, like he did when he abruptly packed up his room, and shoved them into a corner in his skull. That box of mental mementos were stored in a dim lit spot, duct-taped shut, and labeled, “Beware” in the far expanses of his mind.

It seemed like he was always tempted to pull the box forward and take a peek in, hoping to catch a glimpse of the old Jim that he missed. But after a few weeks comfortably sitting at his new desk, with his new friends, and with his new life, he didn’t feel that temptation creeping up anymore. He had plenty of distractions that kept him occupied. Except for a few fleeting thoughts and one fateful phone call to the Scranton branch, he had kept his distance.

He never told Karen about Scranton or how messy his life was after he announced his transfer. Of course, he knew the reasons that his life fell apart. He had caused it, hoping for good results, but ending up in a dark hole, trapped and tormented by himself.

It started like any normal friendship. He truly enjoyed being compatible with Karen and having something to make his day more bearable. She just happened to be the woman there to fix his problems at the right time. He didn’t speak much about his past, and she didn’t ask. Well, that’s how it started anyway.

After the news that their branch was being shut down instead of the Scranton branch, his perfectly constructed world began to crumble. Instead of letting it truly tear his heart into pieces, he found the closest salvation he could find. He didn’t have to beg or plead, she answered right away, jumping at any opportunity he gave her. There were no strings attached with Karen. There weren’t any fiancés or ‘I cant’s’ to get in the way.

Deep down, he knew he was hurting her when they started seeing each other. He felt so fake, so rotten, so two-faced for putting her in the position where she was his cushion. For that reason, he didn’t let her know him the way he wanted. He showed her who she expected him to be and that’s the way their relationship worked. He made her grab onto pieces of who she knew as Jim Halpert, and cling to them. He only gave her the part that was needed to satisfy her at the time and nothing more. He had nothing left to give.

The day he returned to Scranton, his heart was racing, his palms sweating and God convicting him of his vindictiveness towards Karen. Once he stepped back inside the very office that reminded him of every moment with Pam, the box tightly taped up in his mind was cut open and its contents scattered across the floor.

Whenever he found his new desk in his old office, his old job, his old life, he could only think of the girl sitting directly behind him. He couldn’t work at all when she popped into his head and when that happened, he peered up at Karen, sitting in front of him. She was sweet and kind, smiling back at him. That small action allowed him to work for a few minutes before he had to refocus again, glancing up in Karen‘s direction. He was slowly putting back those mementos and taping the box back up; slowly but surely.

As Michael attempted to bring the office closer together, and as Pam attempted to do the same with him, he mentally restrained himself from coming undone. Luckily, Karen was there to be the buffer and stand by his side. He was thankful she was there to protect his heart from being shattered again. He found comfort in her presence, even though it was for all the wrong reasons.

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

At the end of the day, he was exhausted from all the mental blockers he had put up. Pam was torturing him and she didn’t even know it. He wondered if he was torturing her too. He was for sure he was.

Jim made his way across the dark parking lot and saw her walking slowly to her car. He knew that he had to say something, anything, to make it clear. Or was it more of a test to find out how she’d react? He had no clue what her feelings were at this point. He needed to know without trying to step on her toes.

“Hey,” he said, taking long strides across the asphalt.

She stopped, and replied, “hey.”

“I thought you had already left,” he said, trying to keep the conversation rolling. He couldn’t let it stop for one moment. Then, all the sudden, he remembered where they were standing.

She seemed to have the same realization. They were standing alone, together, in the parking lot.

She replied quickly to cover her uneasiness. “Uh, no. I just had some other stuff I had to do.”

“Good,” he nodded.

“What’s up?” she asked, turning that sweet charm on with her question. He fought himself with what to say next.

“Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today or something.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, and he knew she was feigning knowledge of the situation that had been plaguing him all day long.

He had to get it out quickly, almost like ripping off a band aid, so it wouldn‘t hurt as bad. “I just think I should tell you that I’ve sorta started seeing someone, and um…” he finished, trying to concoct another phrase.

Her response shocked him. “Oh, that’s totally cool. You can do whatever you want.”

All he could muster up was, “Oh- okay. Good.” He took a step back, hoping to pull himself away from the cold forming between their bodies.

“We’re friends. We’ll always be friends,” she said, making his emotional barriers start to form again.

“Right,” he mumbled.

Before he could lose control, she sweetly spoke and knocked him back into reality. “It’s good to have you back,” she said, making his heart feel colder instead of warmer.

“It’s good to be back…” he lied. It was far from the truth. Heck, he never wanted to leave in the first place, but now that things were wrecked, he wished he’d never come back.

He was miserable. Not only for the fact that the girl that he loved was fine with his decision to try and move on but that he had another woman waiting to meet him for drinks. Jim was good at making back-up plans.

So, as he paced back towards his vehicle, he put up some solid walls and put a chain and lock around his emotions. He thought it was the best way to protect his heart from the hurt and pain that he’d felt for so long.

Little did he know, those walls were the very things that were going to hurt him the most over the next few months.

Jim walked out of the corporate headquarters and out onto the busy New York City streets. His senses were buzzing as his thoughts raced about the afternoons events. Even though he had gotten a little more comfortable with the cities streets and atmosphere, he still couldn't shake the feeling of being an outsider. It wasn't just the place he was at, it was the way he felt about the last couple of months of his life. He'd felt like a stranger even to himself.

And, just last week, Pam had made him realize that. Her gutsy and endearing speech made his heart do triple axels in his chest as she looked him dead in the eyes. He was frozen out of pure shock and utter torment. He'd never seen her look to calm and bold at the same time before. He wanted to do and say so many things at that one moment, it was like an overload happened in his brain.

He met Karen outside the restaurant where she had met her friends and he escorted her back to the hotel room. As she sat down on the large bed, she looked at him and asked what was wrong.

He shook his head and then knew he had to tell her what he had come to realize. "They offered me the job," he said, opening up his arms, defeated.

She let out a little gasp, excited for him. "That's great."

He didn't respond for a moment or two before looking back to her. "I didn't take it, Karen," he said, finding his overnight bag and throwing his t-shirt and toothbrush in it.

"What? Why not?" she said, throwing her hands up in the air.

"This isn't going to work out for me," he said, knowing exactly what he wanted to say at that moment. He didn't want to drag it on any further.

"The job? Jim, you didn't even give it a shot," she said, rubbing her hands on her slacks. "That's just insane that you'd give up on something so important."

"I know..." he mumbled, picking up his tennis shoes and shoving them deep into the bag.

"What are you doing?" she asked, confused. "Do you wanna be in Scranton your whole life?" she asked, as he remembered the time Pam told him to take the position at Cumberland.

"Actually, I think that's the perfect place for me."

She looked painfully hurt. "Well, I don't think I want to be in Scranton forever," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Jim's shoulders hung low. "New York is really nice..." he said, shaking his head. He hoped she started to pick up what he was saying.

She did by the way her body tensed and her eyes shot flames in his direction. She uncrossed her arms and crossed them again.

"Are you...breaking up with me?" she asked, putting her weight on her right leg.

Jim put his head down. He held out his hands and opened his mouth. Nothing came out because he had nothing else to say. In his mind, it was over.

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

He slowly nodded, looking up at her for a brief moment to see her face red and her eyes welled up with tears.

"I'm sorry... I..." he began, trying to find the right words.

She held up a hand as two large tears poured from her eyes and down to her cheeks. He was a sap for her tears. He'd seen them only once before and prayed that he'd never have to again. His prayers went unanswered as she tried to cover them with her hand.

"I know..." she said, wiping her cheek. "Go back to Scranton. Go back to your life there. Go back to her."

He dropped his head lower at the mention of Pam. After six months of an unfulfilling relationship, she did see his heart and his inner thoughts after all. He never quite understood how she could do that.

"I'm gonna stay in the city another night. I'll be fine," she said, waving a hand in his direction as she turned and went towards the bathroom.

"Um..." he said, trying to say something, anything, to make the situation easier. Deep down he knew there was nothing that could ease the pain in this situation. So, he grabbed his bag, threw the strap over his shoulder and made his way towards the door. He stopped, to make sure she was fine. He hated to leave her in the state that she was in. He also hated breaking hearts. It's not something he planned on doing, it just sort of happened that way....

"Are you..." he began as she cut him off.

"I'm okay. I could be better," she chuckled, sniffling. "See you later, Halpert."

"Bye," he said, pulling open the door, freeing himself from the mess that had been his existence for the past six months.

"I miss you..." Pam had said, standing in front of her coworkers, friends, and acquaintances.

He replayed those moments of brutal honesty and forgiveness over and over in his head as he drove back towards the Pennsylvania state line. His foot pushed harder on the pedal when he thought about the way she looked at him when she said it. He wanted to make sure he expressed himself before it was too late. It was like if he didn't get the words out at the right time, they would escape into the air where no one could hear them. He didn't want to waste anymore words...

He knew they had wasted weeks, months, years trying to tip toe around one another's feelings. It hadn't gone the way he had saw it played out in his mind. When he first met Pam, he had seen a future with her that started a lot sooner than four years down the road. He kept telling himself for all those years, all those months of torture that "things happen for a reason." Now, he was starting to actually believe it.

He parked his car in a handicapped parking space before he jumped out of the vehicle and trotted towards the door. He made his way into the quiet office and saw the reception desk empty and Dwight sitting at his desk with his shoulders slumped.

Dwight looked up as Jim spotted Pam sitting in the conference room. Dwight tried to start to interrogate Jim as he passed him but Jim kept walking towards the conference room door and leaned his shoulder into it as he opened it. As soon as he opened the door he remembered everything had happened between him and Pam that was pivotal to who they were these days.

He remembered her pale face, her hands intertwined in front of her and "I can't."

He also remembered walking into the dark office, finding her and kissing her out of pure desperation.

The moment when a little thing called ‘perfect timing' just so happened to fall into his lap as he watched Pam and Roy walk out of the reception hall together; hand in hand.

"...I never really came back..." he said, honestly.

She looked at him, held his gaze and said sincerely, "Well, I wish you would."

And now, he was standing in front of her with his heart on his sleeve, yet again.

"Are you free for dinner tonight?" he asked, quickly, trying to get it out before he exploded.

"Yes," she said, looking shocked.

"Alright...then it's a date," he said, tapping the door frame with his hand, trying to ease away the chill bumps that dusted his arms.

It had been nearly two weeks since Jim’s departure from Scranton. Ever since the night he bared his soul to her, everything had changed. Her thoughts were constantly wondering about the ‘what if’s’ and any moment alone was spent mourning.

In one of those times she’d spent reflecting on what her next step in life should be, Pam came to a conclusion. It was either time for her to live a life that she was sure would be mediocre or take a chance on love and possibly lose everything. She didn’t want to think that it all was Jim’s confession that made her realize that she should move on, she hoped that she was doing it for her sake. But, Jim of course, was the catalyst to set her world into motion.

Late that night, she made her final decision, preparing herself mentally for the battle ahead. It was probably the hardest thing she’d ever had to prepare for. Even her father’s death was a stroll in the park compared to letting someone know that you didn’t see a future with them, and that your ten year relationship was for nothing. Before she fell asleep that night, she said a prayer as she turned over and felt him next to her.

As her eyes fluttered open, she didn’t feel tired, scared, weak, or uncourageous. It was like her prayers were answered that this day would go easy. It was like she had grown in the middle of the night, ready for the departure of her comfortable love. She didn’t have to fear what he’d say, she knew her mind was made up and there was no way he could change it.

She found him sitting on the couch, with a bowl of cereal on his lap and watching the morning news. It was his ritual. She’d always join him and they’d sit there until the afternoon watching the melancholy news scroll across the bottom of the screen. As she made her way to his side, he looked up at her, smiled and stuck a spoonful of cornflakes into his mouth.

“Mornin’,” he said, his mouth full.

She replied, looking at him as she spoke, noting that this would be the last time that they’d ever wake up together, sit side by side and watch the news in their living room together. She did feel a bit of sadness and familiarity slip away from her as she thought about the days events she had planned. It was only just the beginning of her lonely days. This will only take a few painful minutes, she told herself, trying to keep herself assured that it was for the best to let Roy go. Then she realized that no matter how short of time it took her to break the news to him, it would take forever to heal. She wanted to let him move on from something that was already lost. And, she wanted to move on too.

“Hey…Roy?” she asked, turning towards him and grabbing the remote and flicking the television off.

“Huh?” he asked, looking at her as she hit the power button on the remote.

“Can we talk?” she asked, feeling her face and neck redden.

“What about?” he asked, looking back at the blank television screen.

“The wedding…” she said, glancing down at her hands in her lap. Her fingers were wrapped tightly together, holding on to one another.

“We can’t afford the extra appetizers that you want. It’s just not in the budget, Pam,” he said, sighing.

“It’s not about the food, Roy,” she said, looking up at him with her eyes shining. He furrowed his brow at the sight of her.

“Roy…”

He placed his cereal bowl on the coffee table and rubbed his hands across his face, sighing again. “What now?” he asked.

A tear streamed down her cheek as she became angry with him. “Excuse me?” she said, catching her breath.

“What’s the matter?”

“I just….I need to talk to you…” she said, softly.

“You already said that, Pam. What about?” he said, getting defensive.

“Our wedding is in like two weeks…and…”

Roy sat there, staring at her, his face a blank canvass.

“Roy…” she said, another tear coming down her cheek. As it fell, Roy placed his hand on her arm and she jumped at his touch.

“What’s the matter, Pammy?” he asked. “Are you….are you have second thoughts?”

Again, she glanced down at her hands and up at him. She nodded.

He didn’t speak at first, just stared at her, waiting for a verbal confirmation. Then he said, “I’m sorry…I don’t know why…what did I do?”

“Roy, I just think that I’ve had a change of heart…I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to say it…”

Roy stood and paced towards the kitchen and stopped. “Is there someone else?”

She shook her head no. She momentarily thought of Jim, living in Stamford, a million miles away, no longer in her life. Roy’s words brought her back to reality.

“Do you want to postpone it? What? Tell me.” he asked, his hands on his hips and his head low, like he was speaking to the floor.

“No,” she said, shaking her head as she sat still on the couch.

He nodded. “So, this is it? What happened?”

“It’s a lot of things.”

“That’s the excuse I get for you breaking off our nine year relationship, Pam? That’s not good enough.”

“Ten years, Roy.”

He swallowed hard and their eyes connected as he understood. “I love you, Pam,” he said, the sound of desperation rattling his voice.

Her eyes welled up again. “I love you too, Roy. But….”

He interrupted her. “That’s the thing….but…what?”

“It’s hard to explain. I think both of us will be happier….this way.”

“You do?” Roy said, getting a bit of anger in his voice. “Our wedding is not even two weeks away…and now…you tell me that you don’t want to get married. Do you realize how much money we just wasted?” he said, furious.

“The money doesn’t matter anymore, Roy,” she said standing, trying to keep her cool. “I’d rather waste the money than stay in a relationship that doesn’t make me happy. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry…” he mumbled, going into their bedroom and grabbing a few belongings. She made her way across the living room with all the strength she had left in her.

“Don’t,” she said, standing at the bedroom door.

He stopped rifling through his drawers. “You changed your mind?” he asked, not looking at her.

“No. I’ll leave. This was my decision after all,” she said, crossing her arms as she leaned against the door jamb.

He let his head drop lower as he grabbed his keys. He passed her as he walked towards the front door. “I’ll be at Kenny’s.”

“Okay,” she said, turning slowly.

“Let me know when it’s safe for me to come back,” he said, opening the door.

“Okay,” she said again, shaking as his hand grasped the door knob.

“Bye,” he said, looking at the floor.

She uncrossed her arms, “Bye,” she said. Before he shut the door completely she managed to get one last thing out. “Roy, I’m so sorry…” she said, stopping his movements.

He finally looked up at her. “Yeah…you already said that…a few times. Goodbye Pam,” he said, shutting the door. Once he did, her heart broke and the tears started pouring.

Pam finally felt a release from the life she feared she’d be in forever, and now, she had no clue where her life was taking her.

“So, thanks for agreeing to go out tonight…” Jim said, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets. He had to find somewhere to put them that would keep them out of trouble.

“No….thank you. I had a great time…” she said, glancing towards the ground and to her neighbors porch light behind Jim’s head.

“Well, I appreciate you…you know, giving it a shot,” he said, sighing.

“No problem,” she nodded and smiled. Her hand touched lightly to her doorknob to her right. Jim took a step back at her action and gave a brief smile.

He rubbed his palm over his left elbow. “Well, I’ll let you go. I don’t want to keep you out all night…You‘ve probably had a long day…”

Her hand fell from the doorknob and grasped on to her purse strap in front of her. “No…I’m having a good time despite how long my day was. Didn’t you have a good time?”

“Definitely,” he smiled. He turned in the direction of a noise from another apartment. When he glanced over his shoulder, he spotted a bench below on the green lawn. He turned back towards Pam and smiled. “Do you want to go sit out there on the grassy knoll with me?” he asked, throwing a thumb over his shoulder.

“Sure,” she said, smiling and taking a few steps towards the stairs. They made their way towards the dark lit lawn in front of the apartment building.

Jim held out a hand for Pam to sit first. She did, holding her purse in her hands still. Jim sat, uncomfortably folding his hands in front of him.

“So…what’s new Jim?” Pam asked, taking the silence from the air. Jim looked out into the dark night before them before answering her.

“Uh…What’s new? Let me think…..” he said, making a face as he thought. Pam chuckled. “A lot,” he said, honestly.

“I know…” she said, causing a pang of regret pass through his abdomen. He furrowed his brow when he felt the past years hurt crash against his body.

Pam sat up and leaned out to see his face. “Hey, I’m just asking how things have been. We haven’t really gotten to catch up…” she said, assuring him that everything from now on was fine and free of pain.

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his legs. Jim rubbed his hands together. “I’m doing much better these days. What about you?”

“I’m doing better too,” she said, smiling at him.

A breeze ruffled their hair as no words were spoken. Just a few sighs and some looks. Pam was the first to break the silence.

“So, you already told me that you broke up with Karen today….what else happened?” she said, quietly.

Jim chuckled. “Today was insane,” he said, looking to the right to see Pam’s face shining brightly as he spoke. “I nailed the interview.”

“Really?” she asked, genuinely excited for him.

“Yeah…But if you didn’t notice, I’m here instead of…there.”

“I noticed….” she smiled, bumping her shoulder into his.

“I declined the job,” Jim said strongly.

“Ah-ha. That’s what I was hoping to hear,” she said, as Jim feigned a gasp and leaned back in shock.

“You wished me luck and everything Beesly! I cannot believe you lied to me…” he said, shaking his head as she laughed.

Pam held out her hands. “I’m sorry. It’s the truth. You have no idea how hard it was to sit in Scranton all day wondering about you.”

Jim looked up at the dark night sky. “Yeah, I think I do.”

“Let me guess, you were thinking about Scranton all day…” she said, shifting on the bench.

“You could say that,” he said, smiling.

After Jim filled Pam in on how his day was, Jan’s breakdown and his decision to return to Scranton, they sat in a moment of peaceful silence as the dew formed on the plants and grass around them. Jim leaned back with his arm resting on the back of the bench. If he didn’t have his jacket on, he would have been able to feel Pam’s hair on the skin on his forearm.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” she assured him, picking up a piece of grass to play with in her hands.

“Me too. It’s taken a while to get back, huh?” he asked, shrugging.

She broke a piece of the grass and tossed it into the wind “Yeah, you’re back. You’re a little different…”

“I am?” he asked, slightly offended even though he knew the truth.

“You haven’t seemed like Jim these past few months. But maybe that will change.”

“I’m sorry…” he said, watching the blade of grass dance down to the ground. “I didn’t even realize I was acting different until it was too late.”

“It’s okay. People change all the time. Maybe it’s a good thing…”

“Are you sure about that?”

“No,” she said, looking for another weed to pluck from the ground below her feet.

Jim chucked lightly. “Nice to know you’re being honest…”

“I’m trying to be honest…from now on.”

Jim shifted uncomfortably on the bench again, this time shifting slightly towards Pam’s direction. “I think that’s a noble thing to do. And…I really admire you for what you said on the beach. It took guts.”

Pam looked up at him. “You’re telling me. You poured your heart to me. That took guts too…” she said, leaving him speechless. “I don’t regret saying what I did. I’m glad I said everything.”

“Me too. We wouldn‘t be here if you hadn‘t.”

“I wonder if you’d ever come to your senses if I hadn’t said anything,” she stated, eyeing the blade of grass in-between her fingers.

“I like to think I would have but… you never know…” he said, taking the grass from her hand. His hand lingered over hers for a moment before pulling the grass away and tossing it to the side. “I think I owe you a ‘thank you’ for what you did.”

“A ‘thank you’?”

“Yeah. Because if you hadn’t opened up that night, where would we be?”

“I’d be upstairs in bed by now,” she said, grabbing his wrist and tapping at his silver watch.

Jim chuckled. “Me too,” he said, almost sadly. “So, thanks…for saving me from disaster,” he said, looking her in the eyes.

Pam smiled. “Oh, I think we’ve already been through the disaster. It’s time to…uh, rebuild,” she said, grinning sheepishly.

“It felt like it…” she said, smiling.

“Well, from here on out, I’m here. 100% here,” he said, feeling her warmth through his jacket sleeve. She beamed and nodded. “Good,” she said, closing her eyes slowly.

As the moon shined behind the clouds, Jim felt her body nestle in closer to his. He took the extra step and leaned forward and inched her chin up. Her eyes flickered shut as his hand found her cheek and held it there. He sighed as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

Of all the things that he could say that had changed over the past year, there was one thing that still seemed like it did before:

Her kiss.

He couldn’t quite explain it, and he didn’t know when, or where, or how, but he had changed. It wasn’t something that he’d planned for, even, didn’t want to do, when he moved to Stamford, it just seemed to happen. He tried to find himself in the mess that had been created, but all he could do was put on a ‘front’ he hated. He hated that the emotions on his sleeve were covered by his new expensive suit jackets and his tightly buttoned long sleeved shirts.

When Karen came along, he really wondered if she knew he wasn’t himself and if she would ever know the real him.

He’d been back a few months, trying to bury his feelings deep down inside himself. It was like real self struggled to break free to escape the prison they were held in. Jim had managed his return to Scranton well, trying not to fall head over heels the moment he stepped back into the Scranton office.

He knew she noticed how cold he’d been towards her and to anyone that knew the real him. Pam noticed everything and every once and a while, she would call him on it. And, every time, his heart skipped a beat, knowing full well that he would be exposed as the fake he was.

“What happened to grape soda?” she asked, slightly amused, until he answered.

He pulled the bottle of water from the dispenser and looked at her. “Oh yeah. I'm trying to move away from that. Getting into more of a bottled water phase,” he said, trying to keep the mood light despite the awkward tension he was feeling in his stomach.

She continued to joke, “Oh. You've changed so much.”

“Well, I'm evolving, Pam,” he said, being completely honest and bare at that moment.

Jim had tried to use his new position to keep him from returning to his old nature and having a relapse. It was difficult at times to refrain from turning to Pam when Michael said something ridiculous or when Dwight irritated him to no end. He just had to train himself to let go of the past and find a new way to go about life in the office.

Pam was waiting for him to return. He did, a time or two. Like the time he recruited her to help steal Andy’s cell phone, or joke about the hole in the wall, or even joke with her about the fake Ben Franklin hitting on her. He truly enjoyed those moments of relief and freedom even though he willed himself not to.

Then, he realized that those little blips of fun and nostalgia only led to hurt and heartache. The second Karen asked him about his feelings for Pam in the conference room, the time his heart sank 1,000 feet below sea level when Pam mentioned dating one of Ryan’s college buddies, and the ten seconds of pure terror when Roy threw his fist back were only the top of the cake when it came to feeling like trash about ‘metamorphosing’ into his alter ego.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” she asked, her voice low and sounding tortured.

His heart was screaming at him, his brain thumping behind his eyes, and his breath about to run low as he answered her in the most truthful answer he had let himself give in the past few months. “Yes,” he said, trying to avoid looking at Karen, hurt and devoid of emotion at the same time. She walked out of the conference room, leaving him alone; the one thing he didn’t want to be at that time.

He was relieved. It was the truth, he did have feelings for Pam. Even though he couldn’t say that no one could put a candle up to Pam, he had at least admitted the majority of his feelings at the time. Karen would never compare to Pam and he prayed silently for another opportunity to explain it to her.

----

When he couldn’t just tell Karen that he was done with her, she had served her purpose, he waited for the right moment to let things just break between the two of them. Sure, their six month anniversary passed and was great, or so he let her think.

But, while standing in the busiest city he’d ever been to, he knew that it was time to fess up, confess, break free from every bit of the lies he’d strung together. It didn’t hurt as much as he’d prepared himself for, it was more refreshing and freeing. Like ripping it off like a band-aid, he quickly spoke his peace and left her to think.

For the most part, he didn’t care that she would never understand why he did it, why he tried to forget Pam and failed, why he left and moved back, why he played tricks on his own heart and why he had drug her into his mess. He regretted ever letting her into his life when he knew the outcome from the very beginning. Their relationship was destined for failure in every way, all because of his heart.

As he marched away from Karen, triumphantly free from his own personal prison, he couldn’t help but think of all the things he wanted to do, but didn’t. Life would have been completely different if he had followed his gut instincts.

He would have left Karen out of the picture.

He would have hugged Pam a little tighter and longer on the day he returned to Scranton.

He would have fought a little harder for his old desk, the one with the perfect view.

He would have thrown his bottle of water in the trash the moment she noticed and purchased a grape soda instead.

He would have taken Pam up on her offer to get coffee after work his first day back.

He wouldn’t have given her up so easily.

But now, that he has righted some wrongs, changed course, set sail for new horizons, he doesn’t care about the ‘what if’s’, ’why not’s’ and the ‘I can’t’s’ anymore. He’s not bitter about anything, he doesn’t care that he wasted almost a year of his life playing mind games on himself and other innocent people, he’s just happy that he’s actually made a decision on his own and stuck with it.

He’s a different man now. Yes, he’s changed, but he’s a better person for it. He now knows the person he doesn’t want himself to become and the “Jim” he’d rather be. The only thing that will change his world for the good completely is one person; Pam.

So, standing in the conference room doorway, his buttoned up persona slowly unraveling, he asks her for a simple little date. It was something. Something to get them talking, something to roll the ball forward, something to rekindle their desperate dwindling fire. After her euphoric reply, he made his intentions clear, that this indeed was the ‘more’ that he was talking about a year ago.