INT. RECEPTION AREA

We see a messenger leaving reception just as Dwight exits the breakroom. Pam holds up a package and waves it towards him.

PAM
Dwight. This just came for you.

Dwight sprints over to reception.

DWIGHT
It’s about time! I thought someone else
had gotten their hands on my package.

Jim, seated at his desk, looks at Pam, amused, but Pam just shakes her head.

PAM
Too easy.

Jim nods reluctantly.

JIM
So… whatcha got there, Dwight?

DWIGHT  
This, Jim…

Dwight rips open the envelope and pulls out a DVD case.

DWIGHT(continued)
… is JUSTICE.

JIM
Wow. Is Andrew McCarthy in that, too?

DWIGHT
Very funny, Halpert. It won’t be though
when the evidence on this DVD frees me
and burns you for the criminal, slacker
(beat) uh… movie… non-returner you are.
(beat, then to everyone)
I would like everyone’s attention please.
Everyone… Everyone!

Michael comes out of his office and looks at Dwight.

DWIGHT(continued)
I would like you all to please enter the
conference room… and personally witness
my exoneration.

JIM
Wow. I didn’t know that hospitals let
people film that. Are some body parts
digitized or…?

MICHAEL
What? We are NOT watching that in the
conference room!

DWIGHT
(shaking head)
Michael…

KEVIN
Will there be donuts this time?

DWIGHT
N… yes. Yes, there will be.

KEVIN
Don’t toy with me, Dwight! Donuts are not
playthings!

STANLEY
I am not going into the conference room
for whatever silly reason you have. I’m
busy.

DWIGHT
Doing crossword puzzles is HARDLY being
busy. And you’re not making yourself any
smarter doing these stupid things. What
can you learn from a crossword puzzle?

STANLEY
I learned what a six letter word
for jackass is.

Angela lets out a snort and then catches herself. Dwight is crushed. Everyone stares at her for a moment and then looks back at Dwight and Stanley.

MICHAEL
I… I don’t get it.

DWIGHT
Michael, please! I KNOW I can clear
my name with this. Please give me that
chance!

MICHAEL
Jeez, Dwight… what… what is this, anyway?

DWIGHT
It’s footage from the day after the
Dundies. I got them to send it to me.

Jim and Pam look at each other like “Wow, THAT’S interesting!” Everyone pretty much has the same reaction.

MICHAEL
Wow, really? That’s… OK, everyone into the
conference room. Pam, call Kelly and…(beat)
you know, just Kelly. Tell her to get over
here.

JIM
(low)
Michael… Toby kinda needs to be…

MICHAEL
(exceptionally annoyed)
Oh, alright, FINE!!
(affects a whiny voice)
“Michael, that’s not nice!”
“Michael, be nicer to Toby!”
“Michael, stop putting pencil
shavings in Toby’s coffee!”
What about ME?

Michael storms in to the conference room. Jim stares at Pam and then into the camera. Everyone starts to head to the conference room. Dwight cuts Angela off.

DWIGHT
(low)
Angela… I… I… just wanted you to
know that… You don’t have to worry.
The footage on this DVD… it’s…
it’s before our (beat) relationship.

ANGELA
I don’t know what… relationship you
could be talking about… Dwight.

Angela brushes past Dwight and heads to the conference room. Dwight hangs his head, dejected. Before Angela
enters the room, she looks at back at Dwight. For a split-second she is sad, but then hardens and goes in.

INT.-CONFERENCE ROOM

Everyone has found there way into a seat. Andy has saved a seat for Angela.

ANDY
Would you care… for a chair?

Angela looks at Dwight and then sits.

ANGELA
Why… thank you, Andy. That was…
very gentlemanly of you.

ANDY
(proud of himself)
A seat for… the elite. A recliner
for…

ANGELA
That’s enough, Andy.

ANDY
Alright.

Dwight looks at the two sadly as an excited Kelly and Toby enter.

KELLY TALKING HEAD

KELLY
(clapping)
I am… so, so anxious to see this!
When Pam told me what we were going
to watch I was like “Oh wow! This is
so incredible! I mean… What were people
wearing back then? What kind of advances
have we made in make-up? (beat)It’s like
having a fashion time machine, you know?

TOBY TALKING HEAD

TOBY
Yeah, Kelly is really excited about
seeing this. Me? I don’t… really care.
It doesn’t make any difference to me.
(his face falls)
Unless… that was the day I, uh…
accidentally let the air out of
Michael tires…

EXT. PARKING LOT

We see Toby crouched next to the driver’s side rear tire on Michael’s car. There is a hissing sound. He is smiling ever so slightly until he looks up and sees the camera. As the camera zooms in there is a mixture of shock and guilt on his face.

TOBY TALKING HEAD

TOBY
THAT… could be a… problem…

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Jim and Pam sit side by side.

JIM
So… How’s that Spader report coming?

PAM
Early stages… but you may be on to
something. So far he appears to be
not such a good guy in the roles he
plays.

JIM
(smiling)
Hmmmmm…

PAM
(smiling back)
It’s not over yet. We’ll see
who comes out on top.

Jim looks in happy shock at Pam, who’s eyes widen.

PAM
I TOTALLY didn’t mean it
that way.

Both laugh as Dwight stands at the front of the room.

DWIGHT
Alright, listen up. This is a criminal
investigation. I will be searching for
clues to clear my name. If anyone
(looks at Jim)
feels the need to confess, please do so.
Your statement will be taken and there
will be no punishment… other than being
immediately fired.

MICHAEL
(standing)
Alright… thanks, DICK Tracy.
(Laughs to camera)
Everyone… just enjoy the show, we
already know who the culprit was.

DWIGHT
No! Not true! I…

MICHAEL
Sit down, DICK Tracy.
(Laughs to camera again)

JIM
(quietly, leaning over to Michael)
Couldn’t… think of another one,
huh?

MICHAEL
(quietly)
Uhhhhhh… bleh. Not really.
(louder)
Alright, come on, D…
(shakes head)
Dwight. Let’s see this.

Jut then the door opens and Daryl comes in.

KELLY
(happily)
Daryl!

DWIGHT
What are YOU doing here?

DARYL
(evenly)
I was invited by the young lady.
Do you have a problem with that?

DWIGHT
(quietly)
No.

DARYL
Cool.

Daryl heads to the back towards Kelly, who leaps up and hugs him.

DARYL TALKING HEAD

DARYL
Yeah, Kelly asked me to come up and
watch this. Emotional support, I guess.
Damn, even when Ryan is on VIDEO it works
to my advantage.(beat) I should send him
a card or something…

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Dwight inserts the DVD and starts it. A small title pops up that says The Office-Day 193. Everyone hunkers down to watch.

KEVIN
(quietly, to Oscar)
I’m really looking forward to watching
this. I’m gonna look for clues… about
you.

OSCAR
What?

KEVIN TALKING HEAD

KEVIN
This is from BEFORE we found out
that Oscar was gay. So, I’m gonna
look for clues I didn’t see at the
time. It’s kinda like that movie
Vanilla Sky. At the end you find
out that Tom Cruise’s brain is in
a box in the future or… something.
So you watch it again and look for
clues. Only THIS time… Tom Cruise
is GAY.
(nods, the frowns)
Wait… what I mean is…

INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM

On screen, Michael appears.

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Well… it’s the day after the Dundies.
It went VERY well last night. I killed,
as usual. My jokes were right on target,
you know, impersonations, rapping… uh…
costumes… uh… everyone loved me. Uh…
Except for those guys throwing food at
me. They… didn’t like me so much.(beat)
Could you guys, uh… edit that part out?
That…
(shakes head)
Hecklers are such an ugly part of this
business.

Michael grabs the remote from Dwight and pauses it.

MICHAEL
Gah! I look fat! Why do I look fat?

JIM
So strange. And they say the camera
subtracts 25 pounds, too.

MICHAEL
ARE YOU SERIOUS? God, I…

Pam shakes her head at Jim takes the remote from Michael. Suppressing a laugh she starts it again, hands the remote back to Dwight and pats Michael’s hands.

PAM
You look FINE, Michael.

Onscreen, Pam walks into the office looking tired and rundown.

PAM
I, on the other hand, look
like crap. Oh my God.

She sinks into her seat as, on screen, Jim approaches Pam.

JIM-ON VIDEO
Wow… are… you alright, Pam?

PAM-ON VIDEO
(holding head)
I will be… as soon as you stop
yelling at me.

On video, Jim looks at the camera and displays a classic Jim-face.

KEVIN
Ah, ha! That’s one!

OSCAR
Aw, come on, Jim! We’re not
even a minute into this thing!

DWIGHT
(stopping DVD)
What are you two yelling about?
I have to concentrate on this!

KEVIN
I bet Oscar that Jim would look at the
camera with that stupid face at LEAST
5 times.
(laughs)
I’m on my way, baby!

Oscar shakes his head at Jim as Jim peeks at the camera.

JIM TALKING HEAD

JIM
Apparently, I have to change my
look. I don’t know… A frown, maybe?
(Jim pulls an exaggerated frown)
Maybe some cocky, eyebrow raised
kinda thing?
(makes that face)
Because, clearly… when your co-workers
start betting on your face (beat)
it’s time to change up. (beat)
I’m… doing it again, aren’t I?

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Dwight starts the DVD again. On screen we see Jim and Pam still at reception.

JIM-ON VIDEO
A little… hung over, huh, Beesly?

PAM-ON VIDEO
Maybe… ugh. Feel terrible. And Roy
was all mad at me for coming home
drunk. Lousy morning.

On screen, Michael walks up to the two.

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Good morning, my peoples!

PAM-ON VIDEO
Perfect…

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Wow, Pam… You look awful! C’mon,
you’re the first face people see
here, ya gotta represent!(beat)
Do you even OWN make-up?

PAM-ON VIDEO
(angry)
You know what, Michael? Why
don’t you…

JIM-ON VIDEO
(grabbing Pam)
OK, Ok… Um,
(Laughs)
Why don’t you get some coffee,
Pam, and I’ll… uh… be right
there.

On screen Pam shoots Michael a dirty look and heads to the kitchen.

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Man… Pam looks a little purple
around the gills, there, Jim bag.

JIM-ON VIDEO
Um… I’m pretty sure the saying
is green around the gills.

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
(scoffing)
Yeah, ok. Um, ALL fish are green
around the gills, Jim. That doesn’t
make much sense.
(laughs)
Gotta brush up on your botany,
SwimJim.

Onscreen, Jim gives the camera another Jim Face. Off screen Kevin laughs.

OSCAR(offscreen)
You’re KILLING me, Jim!

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
So… comments? Opinions?

JIM-ON VIDEO
Uh… well… I think Pam might be a
little… hung over.

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Well, YEAH. Pam got smashed
stealing people’s drinks. That
I know. I’m talking about the
Dundies. Four stars? Three and a
Half? Three and a half, right?
Dwight kinda… his timing sucks.

Dwight looks at Michael and then down, depressed. Pam gives Jim a sad look.

JIM-ON VIDEO
Um… Three and a half, four…
somewhere in there…

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Four it is! “It was fantastic!”
raves Jim Halpert of the, uh…
Dunder-Mifflin Times! I’m gonna
send a review to Jan. You don’t
mind if I flesh that out a bit,
do you?

JIM-ON VIDEO
Have at it.

Onscreen, we see Pam in the kitchen, staring at the coffeemaker. Kevin comes in.

KEVIN(OFFSCREEN)
Hey, it’s me!

OSCAR(OFFSCREEN)
Wow, really?

KEVIN-ON VIDEO
Hey, Pam. How are YOU today?

PAM-ON VIDEO
Ugh.

KEVIN-ON VIDEO
So… you kissed Jim last night.
Did you go home with him?

Onscreen, Pam looks embarrassed at the camera as Kevin laughs silently behind her. The conference room erupts in “Ooooooohs!” Pam covers her face and slides even further into her seat. Jim kisses the top of her head and smiles at the camera.

PAM TALKING HEAD-ON VIDEO

PAM
Yeah… I… kissed Jim last night. Oh,
God.(beat) But that wasn’t me. That
was the drunken, crazy, out-of-her-
mind, not thinking about the ramifi-
cations me. Not the… engaged, hung-
over, boy, I don’t know how to explain
this to Jim (beat) me.

JIM TALKING HEAD-ON VIDEO

JIM
Yeah… Pam… kissed me last night.
(smiles)
Wow. Caught me completely off-guard.
(beat) Made my night, though.
(frowns)
Probably… shouldn’t mention it to
her. Have to see… if she says
something about it, first.

Onscreen, we see Pam come out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee. She walks over to reception and sits. Jim comes out of Michael’s office.

JIM-ON VIDEO
There’s no “k” in spectacular, Michael.

Everyone in the conference room laughs.

MICHAEL
What? That’s a common mistake!

Onscreen, Kelly walks in, says hi to Pam and then Jim. She is rather dowdy as opposed to the current Kelly.

MEREDITH(offscreen)
Wow, Kelly! I didn’t know your mother
worked here before you did!

Again, everyone laughs. Kelly looks angrily at a laughing Daryl. She rises and pulls Daryl to his feet.

KELLY
Ok, um… I know you have a lot to do,
Daryl… maybe you should go.

DARYL
No, I’m good.

KELLY
No, you MUST be busy.
(starts pushing Daryl towards
the door)
I’ll talk to you later, baby.

DARYL
(smirking)
Alright.

Daryl heads out and an embarrassed Kelly returns to her seat.

KELLY TALKING HEAD

KELLY
Maybe a fashion time machine isn’t
such a good idea after all.

INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Onscreen, Jim walks over to reception. Pam, embarrassed, ducks closer to her mug.

JIM-ON VIDEO
So…

PAM-ON VIDEO
UGH. This coffee is terrible.

JIM-ON VIDEO
You need some good stuff. Starbucks?
I’ll get it for you.

The conference room erupts in “awwwwwwwws!” Pam, still covering her face, just shakes her head.

PAM-ON VIDEO
(smiling)
That’s sweet. But I owe you.

JIM-ON VIDEO
No problem… Hey, uh… Last night… um…
(laughs)
do you remember…

PAM-ON VIDEO
(quickly)
I don’t remember last night.
At ALL. Just a blur. Wow… I,
uh… just remember coming home.
(beat) sorry.

This time the conference room erupts in a chorus of boos and “Aw, Pam!!” comments. Pam is beyond mortified.

JIM-ON VIDEO
(dejected)
Oh… ok. I was, uh… just
gonna ask if you remember
falling out of your chair.
(puts head down)
Pretty funny…

Onscreen, Pam looks at Jim and then the camera. You can tell she feels terrible about it.

PAM-ON VIDEO
Oh… I…

Onscreen, there is a long pause. In the conference room, Pam takes Jim’s hand and looks at him.

PAM
I am… SO sorry, Jim. I was
so stupid back then.

JIM
It’s ok. We both were.

PAM
You’re sweet… but that made
NO sense.
(laughs)

JIM
(mock serious, patting Pam’s hand)
It’s ok. We both were.

Pam laughs and goes back to watching. On screen, Jim and Pam are still quiet.

JIM-ON VIDEO
Um… I’ll go and… get you that coffee.

PAM-ON VIDEO
Um… ok. I…

Onscreen, Jim starts towards the main doors.

PAM-ON VIDEO
Jim, I’m sorry…

Onscreen, Jim turns back to Pam.

PAM-ON VIDEO
I’m sorry… I’m such a pain
today. You’re… the best.
Thank you.

JIM-ON VIDEO
It’s ok. We’ll… get you fixed up.

Kevin boos in the back again. Pam spins around and glares at him.

PAM
Aw, shaddup, Kevin!

Everyone laughs. Even Pam has to. She slides back down into her chair, still embarrassed.

MICHAEL
Where’s this incredible evidence
to clear you Dwight?

DWIGHT
(nervous)
It’s here. I know it is! Soon!

Onscreen, Jim walks to the elevator and, upon reaching the main floor, strolls out into the parking lot. The camera is with him the entire time. Off to the side we see Roy, Daryl and some of the warehouse guys hanging out in the parking lot. Roy spots Jim. He starts towards him. In the conference room a look of concern crosses Jim’s face.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Halpert!

PAM
(sitting up)
What’s this?

JIM
(suddenly remembering)
Uh… Pam… I forgot. We gotta… uh… go, um… out.

PAM
What? Why? I wanna see this.

JIM
Pam…

ROY-ON VIDEO
(getting close to Jim)
What’s the deal with you letting Pam
come home plastered last night, man?
You got her drunk? Trying to move in
on her, or something?

JIM-ON VIDEO
(backing up)
No, man. I wouldn’t do that. I DON’T
do that. She had a good time. At least
I was there to watch over her!

The conference room lets out collective “Ooooh!” Jim looks extremely worried.

ROY-ON VIDEO
What’s that supposed to mean? Huh?

JIM-ON VIDEO
(angry)
It means that…

On screen, a young buxom blonde walks up to Jim and Roy.

YOUNG LADY-ON VIDEO
Roy?

JIM
(a little desperate)
Pam, this is… We, we… gotta
skip this. Stop the DVD, Dwight!

PAM
(really suspicious)
DON’T, Dwight! What’s going on here?

ROY-ON VIDEO
(after checking the young
lady out from head to toe)
Uh… yeah. What can I do for you?

Jim starts to rise and go towards the DVD player but Pam grabs him.

JIM
Pam! No…

YOUNG LADY-ON VIDEO
(laughing)
I’m not gonna touch that… yet.
(looks at camera, puzzled)
Why is… a camera…?
(shakes head)
Um… I have your cell phone. You left it last
night.

ROY-ON VIDEO
(eyes wide)
Oh, hey! Um… Let’s go over here.

On screen, Roy tries to steer the young lady away but Jim follows. Jim, watching the DVD, puts his head in his hands as Pam stares open-mouthed at him and then back to the monitor.

JIM-ON VIDEO
Friend of yours, Roy?

ROY-ON VIDEO
(angry)
Hey, man…

YOUNG LADY-ON VIDEO
We just met last night…

ROY-ON VIDEO
Hey! Don’t speak to him!

YOUNG LADY-ON VIDEO
(trying to hug Roy)
Ok, damn! It’s alright, I’m all yours!
(laughs)

On screen, Jim looks at the camera and stalks away angry.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Halpert, wait!
(to young lady)
Hold on, uh… honey.
Halpert!!

On screen, Roy catches up to Jim and grabs him. Jim shrugs
him off.

JIM-ON VIDEO
Get the hell off of me!

ROY-ON VIDEO
Listen! Wait, man… we just… we didn’t do anything!

JIM-ON VIDEO
Yeah, I’m stupid! You dropped her off at the
convent and your phone fell out there!
(grabs Roy by collar)
I can’t BELIEVE you did this to Pam!
(shoves Roy away)

ROY-ON VIDEO
(stunned by Jim’s anger)
Wait! Please, man. Please don’t tell her!
(looks at camera)
Don’t ANY of you guys tell her! Halpert!
I don’t wanna lose her!

On screen, Jim starts walking away, still boiling. We see
Roy behind him, receding.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Halpert! PLEASE, man! Come on!

Dwight stops the DVD player. Everyone in the room is quiet. Pam looks at Jim.

PAM
(stunned)
I can’t believe… you didn’t tell me
about this.

JIM
(reaching)
Pam… I…

PAM
(drawing back)
No.
(stands)
I CANNOT BELIEVE…
You didn’t TELL ME this!

JIM
I… couldn’t…

PAM
(quietly)
You were my best friend. And you didn’t…
I… have to go… away. Outside… somewhere…

Jim reaches again for Pam but she pulls away violently.

PAM
Leave me ALONE! Just…

Pam bolts from the room. Jim gets to the door and just stops. He hangs his head and puts a hand through his hair. Everyone is looking at him.

CREED
I don’t understand this movie… when does the
part with the sex doll come in?

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Everyone is looking at Jim as he sits with his head in his hands.

MICHAEL
Good going, Dwight. Any other  
relationships you want to ruin?

Dwight glares at Michael and then at Angela, who turns away. He approaches Jim cautiously.

     DWIGHT
I’m… sorry, Jim. I… didn’t…

JIM
I know, man. It’s…
(waves hand)

KEVIN
Dude… why didn’t you tell her?

JIM TALKING HEAD

JIM
(shaking head)
I… couldn’t. Roy and I…(beat)… I
couldn’t. And I know what everyone
is thinking. “If you had just told her,
she would’ve been YOURS.”
(shakes head)
I didn’t… want her like that. I didn’t
want to be the guy that dropped the
bomb and then was… conveniently there
to pick up the pieces. I couldn’t be
that guy, you know? Pam had to look
at what she knew about me and Roy and
make that choice. Just like it happened.
(sighs)
God, I hope I don’t lose her over
this…
(puts head in hand)

ANDY TALKING HEAD

ANDY
Wow. Poor Tuna… dashed on the rocks.
Trying to spawn on the river of love.
(beat) That’s… really a salmon but…
kinda the same thing.

ANGELA TALKING HEAD

ANGELA
I… don’t know what to say. Roy and
that(beat) tramp harlot. Disgusting.
Absolutely disgusting.(beat)He could’ve
done MUCH better.

INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK

Jim exits the conference room and looks at reception. No Pam. Michael comes out behind him, followed by the others.

MICHAEL
Oh, she didn’t leave, did she? I hope
she’s not driving while she’s crying.
That is SO hard to do, driving and crying.

Jim looks at him.

MICHAEL
I mean… when you see it in the movies.
So difficult.

Jim looks at the camera, walks towards the exit and leaves.

MICHAEL
Wow. This may be the end of PB&J.
Jeez, you know, you pour your heart
and soul into coming up with a great
nickname… and they have to go and
mess it up.

KEVIN
Um… I made that nickname up.

MICHAEL
Pff. Ok, Kevin. Like you made up
Scrantonicity?

KEVIN
I DID make up Scrantonicity.

MICHAEL
(slowly)
I KNOW, Kevin. I just said that.
(looks at camera, then affects an older
southern sounding voice)
“What we have heah… is a failya
ta communicate.”
(laughs)
Old… cracker geezer… from that(beat)
prison movie. Shawshank… I think.
(shakes head)

DWIGHT
Michael… I’m still in the middle
Of an investigation…

MICHAEL
Oh, for… Give it a rest, Dwight!
The world is ending for two young
lovers and all you care about is
clearing your stealing, lying sack
of crap name! Why is this so import-
ant to you?

DWIGHT
Michael!

MICHAEL
Oh, alright, alright!
(to office)
Ok, everyone, 15 minute intermission.
Stretch your legs, grab a soda…
(leans in to Phyllis)
You go pee, Phyllis, that was a
long stretch for you.

Phyllis stares at Michael and then at the camera.

MICHAEL(CONTINUED)
And then we’ll go back in and find
this mystery DVD thief that isn’t
named Dwight Schrute.

Michael gives an annoyed Dwight an “Are you happy?” look and heads into his office.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

DWIGHT

Ok, yes, Jim and Pam have been shattered
by a secret transgression. Alright… Sad.
Unfortunate. Stupid, really. But it pales in
comparison to the bashing that my reputation
has taken. And to clear my name, to win back
the respect of Michael, I would break up even
Donnie and Marie Osmond!
(nods and the frowns)
If they were in fact… a couple and not(beat)
brother and sister.

INT. STAIRWELL

We see Jim standing by the ladder leading to the roof.

JIM
I know she’s up there. I KNOW
she is. And… I am scared to go
talk to her.
(stares off and shakes his head)
We’ll pull through this. (beat)
We’ve GOT to.

Jim starts to climb the ladder.

EXT. THE ROOF

We see Pam looking out onto Scranton. She looks sad but not grief-stricken. Behind her the roof panel slides open and Jim climbs out. He stands right there as Pam doesn’t move. It’s obvious he is really trying to figure out what to say.

JIM
Hey.

PAM
(quietly)
Hey.

JIM
(moving a little closer)
Pam… I… I’m really, REALLY
sorry. I…
(shakes head)

PAM
Jim…

JIM
I didn’t… tell you because…

PAM
Jim… I need a little time, here.
Just a little.

JIM
Ok… But I just…

PAM
(facing him)
Jim. Time. And then I’ll come
down… and we’ll… talk. We have
to talk.

JIM
(looking a little wide-eyed)
O… k. Um… I’ll be…

PAM
(turning back)
Ok.

Jim looks at Pam, opens the panel and then climbs back down.

INT.STAIRWELL

Jim comes back down the ladder and runs a hand through his hair. He looks at the camera, with a bit of shock on his face.

JIM
“We have… to talk.” I think…
that’s the, um…
(swallows)
…scariest thing Pam has ever
said to me.

INT. THE OFFICE-KELLY’S DESK

We see Kelly on the phone, talking excitedly.

KELLY
OhmiGod, Daryl, they TOTALLY look like
they’re gonna break up. Which is SO sad
because they totally are perfect for each
other and they complete each other’s sent-
ences and maybe one day WE’LL do that and
(beat) WHAT? OhmiGod, what fire?? (beat) Ok…
ok… you go help put it out, baby. Be careful!
(smiles)
Don’t burn that…

Kelly stops and looks at phone and then shrugs and hangs it up.

KELLY
(to herself)
How come the fire alarm didn’t go off?

She shakes her head, gets up and looks over the divider to Toby.

KELLY
Do YOU think they’ll break up, Toby?

TOBY
(not turning around)
I don’t know. Maybe.

Toby smiles to himself, then sees the camera and stops.

KELLY
It’s SO terrible, Toby! OhmiGod, I think
I’m gonna cry!

Toby
(rolling eyes)
YES, Kelly, it’s the most awful news ever.
Without a doubt, it’s the biggest disaster
of the decade.

KELLY
See now, Toby, you don’t have to make fun of
me.(beat) Brad and Jennifer was the biggest
disaster of the decade.(beat) This is pretty
big, though.

Toby looks at the camera, closes his eyes and shakes his head.

INT. THE OFICE-KEVIN, OSCAR AND ANGELA'S AREA

All three are sitting quietly at their desks. Oscar leans towards Kevin.

OSCAR
So, ah… I guess we better delay that bet
we had going.

KEVIN
Yeah… Dude! So what do you think?
Are Jim and Pam done?

OSCAR
Nah. They'll work it out.  

KEVIN
I don't know… did you see the
look on Pam's face? Ten bucks
says it's OVER.

OSCAR
You're on.

ANGELA
(annoyed)
Is there… ANYTHING that you two…
subspecies won't bet on?  

KEVIN
No.
(laughs)
One time, we even bet if you
were or weren't a vir…  

OSCAR
(low)
Shut up, shut up…

KEVIN
Uh… a virgo.  

Angela glares at Kevin and Oscar. Oscar shakes his head at Kevin, who tentatively points at him.

KEVIN
Uh… Oscar… bet that you weren't.  

Oscar looks at the ceiling and sighs.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

INT. THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT’S DESKS

Jim comes through the main doors and slowly makes his way to his desk. He seems incredibly tired.

DWIGHT
Did you find her?

JIM
(sitting heavily)
Yeah, she’s on the roof.

DWIGHT
(leaping up)
WHAT? Oh My God! Andy,
call 911!

ANDY
On it!

Andy starts to pick up the phone but Jim rolls over, disconnects the call and shakes his head at Andy. Dwight pulls out a bullhorn from his desk.

DWIGHT
You were right to wait for me, Jim!
You’re not suited for this… besides
you put her up there in the first place.

JIM
Dwight…

Dwight turns on the bullhorn.

     DWIGHT
(through bullhorn)
We’ve got a jumper, everyone!
Andy! Find the bouncy castle and
drag it into the parking lot!

Everyone recoils from the loudness. Michael comes out of his office.

ANDY
I think Michael returned it.

MICHAEL
Yep. Cheap bastards.
(looks at camera)
Had to fight like hell for that
store credit. What’s going on?

DWIGHT
Pam’s gonna kill herself!

MICHAEL
What?

JIM
(tired)
Michael. Don’t listen to him.

     DWIGHT
Dammit Jim, don’t you even care?!?
(beat, then really nasty)
I hope she lands right on your car.

JIM
(exasperated)
Pam is NOT going to kill herself!
(calms himself)
She’s… thinking. Figuring
out… what she’s gonna do.

MICHAEL
Wow. REALLY doesn’t sound good.(beat)
You think… Karen would take you back?

JIM
Michael…

MICHAEL
Yeah, you’re right. You…
(chuckles)
You kicked her to the curb pretty hard.

Michael pantomimes dropping a ball and then kicking it, complete with sound effect. He laughs to the camera. Jim glares a hole through Michael, who becomes self-conscious.

MICHAEL
(quietly)
Maybe not kicked… sorta… gently nudged…
with your foot.

Michael look at Jim, then the camera and then goes back into his office and shuts the door.

DWIGHT
(standing)
Alright, it’s been twelve minutes! That’s
close enough to fifteen minutes. Every-
one, back in the conference room! Come on!

JIM
Dwight. Nobody’s into it anymore.
Just buy Michael another DVD, man.

DWIGHT
No! No! I will NOT take the fall for
this! I have been unjustly accused,
insulted and convicted! I will not
allow myself to be… denigrated like
this! To be besmirched.

JIM
Wait. Bebe Smirched? That’s that head-
hunter that calls all the time, right?

DWIGHT
WHAT? No, no…

JIM
Whew, that’s… that’s a shame, man, Bebe
could’ve really hooked you up.

DWIGHT
You know… I am truly sorry about you and
Pam. But that does not change the fact
that you are a complete idiot, Jim.
(shakes head, thinks and then leans towards Jim)
This... Bebe you spoke of... She's good?

Jim looks at the camera and smiles slightly.

JIM TALKING HEAD

JIM
When you’re in the electric chair,
waiting for your girlfriend to flip
the switch (beat) you gotta entertain
yourself SOMEHOW.

INT. THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT’S DESKS

Dwight is standing looking around the office. No one is budging. Dwight looks at Andy.

DWIGHT
Not even you? The truth is in
THERE, Andy.

ANDY
Uh… sorry, but… as much as I would
love to be the Scully to your Mulder…
(pauses and frowns)

JIM
Didn’t, uh… they have a baby together?

ANDY
NOT… where I was going, um… with that.
Um… anyway, no. The… the whole Jim and
Pam breakup has got me all bummed.

JIM
We, um… we… haven’t broken up, Andy.

ANDY
(laughs then gets serious)
Oh. Right. I want to believe TOO,
Jim.

DWIGHT
Fine. So THAT'S how it is, then.
(addresses the entire office)
I will look myself then! You all
may not believe me… and some of
you may have even conspired to set me
up… But know this. I will not rest,
will not SLEEP, until I know vindication
and redemption!
(a beat then he leans over to Phyllis)

DWIGHT(quietly)
Uh… Phyllis. Could you watch the DVD for
me for a few minutes? Lunch is NOT
agreeing with me.

PHYLLIS
Uh… sure.

Phyllis looks at the camera as Dwight moves towards the bathroom, rubbing his stomach. Jim stands, looking miserable. He turns completely around, aimless, his hands on his head. Then, he heads towards the main doors and leaves.

INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK

We see Phyllis watching the DVD through the door of the conference room. She is becoming more and more entranced by what she is watching. Her eyes widen. She reaches for the remote, presses some buttons and then comes out of the conference room. She looks around the room and then stops.

PHYLLIS
(to herself)
Roof.

Phyllis heads towards the main doors and then out.

EXT. THE ROOF

Pam is standing where we saw her before, staring out at the surroundings. The roof panel opens again.

PHYLLIS(off screen)
Pam? It’s me. Phyllis.

PAM
(not turning)
Hey.

PHYLLIS(off screen)
Pam, I really need you to come
down and see something. Ok?

PAM
Phyllis… I just need… some more time…

PHYLLIS(off screen)
Pam. You really, REALLY need to see
this.(beat) Hey, don’t make me
climb up on this roof and get you.
‘Cause… I won’t. I… don’t like heights
very much.

Pam finally looks at Phyllis who only has the top half of her head sticking through the opening to the roof. Pam laughs.

PHYLLIS
I promise you. It’s important.

Pam sighs and heads towards Phyllis.

INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Pam and Phyllis enter. Phyllis picks up the remote and hands it to Pam.

PHYLLIS
It's all cued up. Just
take the pause off, sweetie.

Phyllis rubs Pam’s arm and leaves, closing the door behind her. Pam sits and takes the pause off. The screen, which had been frozen on a shot of Jim handing Pam a cup of coffee, springs to life.

PAM-ON VIDEO
Thanks, Jim... I really...

On screen we see Jim walk away towards the main doors.

PAM-ON VIDEO
Jim?

We see Jim stop and Pam walks over to him.

PAM-ON VIDEO
Are you… are you mad at me? Listen…
Last night…

JIM-ON VIDEO
No, I'm… I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad
at you, Pam. I just… have some errands to run.
Kinda… occupied with that. I'll be back in a
bit.
(forces a smile)
Ok?

PAM-ON VIDEO
O… k.

On screen, Jim touches Pam's shoulder and leaves. Pam sadly goes back to reception. Watching this on the monitor, Pam sadly shakes her head and sighs. The scene changes on the monitor. We see a spy shot of Jim sitting sideways in the driver’s side of his car with his legs sticking out of the open door. His head is in his hands. We see Roy come towards him.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Man, I’ve been… I’ve been
looking all over for you.

JIM- ON VIDEO
I don’t want to talk to you, Roy.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Halpert… listen…

JIM-ON VIDEO
GO. THE HELL. AWAY, ROY.

ROY-ON VIDEO
HALPERT! I’m not going anywhere!
You need to listen to me!
(grabs Jim’s arm)
You can’t tell Pam!

JIM-ON VIDEO
(looking at Roy’s hand)
So this is your plan? Beat me
into a coma so I can’t say any-
thing?

ROY-ON VIDEO
(removing his hand)
Halpert… Come on, man. Come
on. Don’t do this.

JIM-ON VIDEO
I haven’t done anything! YOU’RE
the one that cheated on his fiancé!

Roy takes a step back and stares at him.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Boy… you… you’ve just been WAITING for me
To screw up, haven’t you? Just looking for
that opportunity to take her away.

JIM-ON VIDEO
That’s not true.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Oh, yeah, ok! I’ve SEEN the way you look
at her… and… and touch her, man. I ain’t
stupid, Halpert!

JIM-ON VIDEO
(standing)
Pam is my BEST friend! She’s… we’re FRIENDS,
Roy. I would never… try to…
(shakes head)
All I want is what she wants! And she wants
to marry YOU! How could you DO that
to her?

We see Pam absolutely mesmerized by what she is seeing. Both hands cover her mouth and her eyes are wide.

ROY-ON VIDEO
ALRIGHT, ok, I messed up, man!
(looks around and then quieter)
Look… I made a huge mistake. Pam
and I just had a fight and I… I had
too much to drink and this chick…

Jim shakes his head disgustedly.

ROY-ON VIDEO
(trying to save)
And it was WRONG, I know! I know. And
I’m sorry for it.(beat) Halpert… I can’t
lose her because of this. I CAN’T. Listen
to me, Halpert. Listen. Please.

Jim stares at the ground and Roy crouches to see his face.

ROY-ON VIDEO (continued)
Ya gotta promise me. I’ll do whatever it
takes. I… I already cut this chick loose,
this will NEVER happen again! But you gotta promise me that… you won’t tell Pam. Promise
me. Halpert, please… I’m (beat) begging you
man. (beat) Please. Please.

Jim looks like he wants to slug Roy. He closes his eyes and thinks.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Please.

JIM-ON VIDEO
I swear to GOD… if I see something
like this again, Roy…

ROY-ON VIDEO
Never again! Never! No way!

Jim sighs and shakes his head. Roy looks at him, hoping.

JIM-ON VIDEO
(quietly)
Alright. I… promise I won’t tell her.

ROY-ON VIDEO
(excited)
Oh, thank you thank you thank you, man!
I SWEAR, this will never happen again!

Roy shakes Jim’s limp hand profusely and claps him hard on the shoulder.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Halpert! You are… me and you are
COOL, man! I’m gonna hook you up…
Whatever you need, man! Hey(beat)you
want that chick’s number?

Jim gives Roy a death stare and Roy relents.

ROY-ON VIDEO
Yeah, that was… forget that.
(beat)Thank you! Thank you!
Whew, God!

Roy claps Jim again on the shoulder and leaves.

ROY(OFF-SCREEN)
You’re the man, Halpert!

Jim stands there, shaking his head. He is obviously furious. He looks around then gets in his car and closes the door. He puts his head on the steering wheel.

JIM-ON VIDEO
(yelling)
DAMMIT!!

The yell is muffled inside the car but we still hear it. Jim stays like his is. In the conference room Pam looks on sadly. She hangs her head as the scene on the monitor changes. We see Michael seated at his desk with Dwight leaning against the wall behind him.

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
I just wish Jan would loosen up a bit.
She can be such a… a stiffy… ah…
(looks at camera) I mean…(beat)
OH, that reminds me!
(digs around for his bag)
I brought that movie in for you,
Dwight!

DWIGHT-ON VIDEO
(confused)
What movie?

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
(coming up with DVD)
This! Remember? After the Dundies?
I was telling you about Mannequin.
That ‘80’s movie I was talking about!

Watching, Pam's eyes widen and she covers her mouth, gasping.

DWIGHTV
(looks at camera)
Oh… yes. Of course. With… the talking
dummy.
(takes the DVD)
Why am I watching this, now?

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Because it’s HYSTERICAL, Dwight.
We’ll be able to run lines at each
other. “Do you suspect pilferage,
sir?”
(laughs)
You remind me of that guy SO much!

DWIGHT-ON VIDEO
I… probably won’t have much time to
watch it… what with… uh, the farming…
and… laser tag and, uh… (beat) sleeping?

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
(rolling eyes)
I don’t expect you to watch it TONIGHT,
Dwight.(beat) Tomorrow is fine. At least
before next week. And don’t let any-
thing happen to that DVD, Dwight… or I’ll
kill ya.
(laughs to camera)
No. no… I… wouldn’t kill ya.
(beat, then fairly serious)
I’ll just fire you. Ok?

Dwight nervously grips the DVD and looks at the camera.

MICHAEL-ON VIDEO
Enjoy!

Pam looks at the camera, clearly amused. Onscreen, the scene changes to a talking head of Dwight looking with contempt at the DVD.

DWIGHT-ON VIDEO
No, I don’t want to watch this movie. I’d
rather punch myself in the face repeatedly
than sit through this. But in business, in
order to get ahead you might have to do things
that may be… against your ethics.
(sighs)
It could've been worse. I might've had to
sleep with Michael.
(long pause)
Yes… that… that would be worse.

Pam laughs and uses the remote to set the DVD to the beginning of the conversation between Michael and Dwight and then pauses it.

PAM
(to camera)
Wow… Dwight always has…
(smiles hugely)
…the ODDEST ways of cheering me up.

Pam stands and then leans out the conference room door. Phyllis looks at her and Pam mouths “Thank you”. Phyllis smiles sweetly. Just then Dwight walks past.

PAM
Oh, oh, Dwight, come in here for a moment!

Dwight comes in and Pam closes the door.

PAM
I’ve joined in on your investigation.
And I have evidence. Irrefutable,
undeniable evidence.

DWIGHT
Excellent! We know for certain who
the guilty party is?

PAM
OH, yes.

DWIGHT
Yes!
(does fist pump)
I will be branded no
longer!

PAM
(handing Dwight the remote)
Ah… I suggest you watch the
evidence first. This is a…
sensitive matter.

DWIGHT
(not listening)
Yes, of course. Sensitive.
Got it.

Dwight practically shoves Pam out of the conference room.

INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK-CONTINUOUS

Dwight sends Pam towards reception and stands in front of Jim’s desk.

DWIGHT
EVERYONE! May I have your
attention, PLEASE!

PAM
Dwight…

Michael comes out of his office. Everyone kind of pays attention.

DWIGHT
Pam, after careful analysis of the
DVD, has discovered who the TRUE
thief is. So come in, watch (beat)
and prepare to apologize.
(looks at Michael)
MICHAEL.

Everyone starts heading into the conference room.

PAM
Dwight, Dwight… No…

DWIGHT
I’m sorry, Pam… but I can’t allow
you to protect Jim anymore. He has
long flaunted his total disregard
for the rules here. I know you care
for him…(beat) for some reason…(beat)
but Jim is a blight on this office.
A guilty blight. And the guilty must
pay for their malfeasance.

Dwight puts his hand on Pam’s shoulder and looks at her earnestly. Pam looks at his hand then him.

DWIGHT
You know you’re doing the right
thing, right?

PAM
I… do now, yes.

Dwight nods sincerely and walks into the now filled conference room. He gives Pam one last look and then closes the door. Pam shakes her head to the camera and looks around the office. Then she gets an idea. She crosses the room and looks out the window near Creed’s desk. We see Jim sitting in his car exactly like he was when Roy found him on the video. Pam smiles and then takes a deep breath and then heads for the main doors.


EXT. PARKING LOT

In a spy shot we see Pam walk up quietly, Jim completely unaware of her presence.

PAM
Hey.

JIM
(startled)
Oh, hey! Hi! God!
(leaps to his feet)
Listen… Pam, I am… I am SO, so sorry.
About everything. But I… I couldn’t
tell you… because I… I promised…

PAM
(soothing)
I know, I know, it’s ok.
(sighs)
Let me talk for a minute, Jim.
(takes his hand)
I… well… the first thing I want
to do… (beat) is apologize.

JIM
What?

PAM
I acted like… SUCH an ass up there.
But, when I found out that you knew
about Nikki… and now, EVERYBODY knows
about her… I just… I was mortified.
And I lashed out. And I’m sorry…

JIM
Wait. Nikki? How do you know her
name was…

Jim pauses and takes a step back from Pam. He looks hard at her. Pam drops her head.

JIM
You… you already knew.

PAM
(shaking head)
He… he always got these mysterious
calls… Always “wrong numbers”…
(does air quotes)
and one day when he was in the shower…
I answered it.

Jim sits heavily back in the car like he was before.

JIM
I don’t believe this. I… I can’t believe
you stayed with him, Pam.

Sighing, Pam opens the rear driver’s side door and sits like Jim. She looks at him through the open car window.

PAM
Jim… he was… all that I knew. All
that I thought was out there… until
you came along.

JIM
Pam… Please tell me this was the only
time.

Pam hangs her head, shamefully.

JIM
Oh, Pam…

PAM
(quietly, not looking up)
I told you… I was so stupid
back then.

Jim looks at Pam and sees how sad and hurt she is. He reaches and takes her hand through the car window.

JIM
It’s ok… we both were.

They both laugh quietly.

PAM
Still sweet… and STILL makes
no sense.

Jim and Pam stand up and hug each other tightly. They both seem really relieved. Then they share a brief kiss.

JIM
So… I’m gonna wiggle out of this one?

PAM
Just BARELY, Halpert… but you would’ve anyway.
No WAY we break up because of Roy Anderson.
But no more secrets. Get ‘em all out now.

JIM
Oh…  you mean like you really remembering our
Dundies kiss?

Jim raises the windows on his car and closes the doors as Pam squirms, embarrassed.

PAM
Damn. I was hoping that snuck by…
(laughs then gets serious)
Jim, I’m sorry….

JIM
No, no, no. We’ve used up all of our allotted
“I’m Sorry’s” for today. Moving on.

PAM
Ok.

Jim hits the alarm on his key and  they start moving towards the main doors,
arms around each other.

JIM
Boy… and all of this because of Michael’s
questionable viewing choices.

PAM
OH! That reminds me. You’ll be happy to know
that  Inspector Clouseau has incriminated himself
with his own DVD in front of everyone.

JIM
(laughs)
Awesome.

PAM
All hell should be breaking loose right now.

JIM
Jeez… Do we… have to go back?

PAM
Afraid so… but we’ll make up later. The Spader
Report will dictate… who makes up to whom, exactly.

JIM
Wow. God bless you, James Spader.

Pam laughs as two head through the doors.



EPILOGUE

EXT. PARKING LOT

We see Dwight nervously pacing back and forth. His cell phone, which is in his hand, rings.

DWIGHT
(answering phone)
So? Did you find it?
(Dwight rolls his eyes and slumps)
Mose, it has GOT to be somewhere!
Are you SURE you don't have it?
(beat) It's not scary, Mose, it's a
comedy.(beat) MANNEQUIN.
Why do I have to keep telling you...(beat)
It sounds familiar? Oh, go look!
(long beat, then frowns)
It's where?

Suddenly Dwight's eyes widen and he puts his hand to his head.

DWIGHT
Why... in the world... would you
do that? (beat) Use a piece of wood,
like every other human! Oh my God.
(beat) So use something else, you don't
use a DVD case to level a trough! Is it...
ruined?
(shakes head, then answers tiredly)
Because pigs will chew on ANYTHING,
Mose, you know that. (beat) No, don't bother...
(sighs)
I really don't think hosing it off would help
any.