Summary: Crossover with Doctor Who and The Office. In her attempts to cross universes and get back to the Doctor, Rose Tyler ends up stuck in the parking lot of Dunder Mifflin around the time of Ben Franklin. A multi-reunion fic of sorts. Spoilers for the third season of The Office. For DW, not JE compliant but little spoilers for late series 4.
In which things get reunited and dry ice ATTACKS
Categories: Jim and Pam,
Episode Related,
Crossover,
Alternate Universe Characters: Ensemble, Jim/Pam, Pam
Genres: Fluff, Humor
Warnings: Adult language
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 5
Completed: No
Word count: 12428
Read: 9340
Published: July 27, 2008
Updated: September 10, 2008
1. A Smidge Lost by Treble
2. A Tad Found by Treble
3. A Dollop of Rum by Treble
4. A Touch of BOOM! by Treble
5. A Splash of Reunion by Treble
Author's Notes:
So earlier this week while I was writing my angst-tastic fic about Rose from Doctor Who crossing universes, I kept coming up with really silly and inappropriate ideas for where she might get stuck. Clearly Dunder Mifflin was at the top of that list. A MILLION thanks to dmscranton for the amazingly quick and helpful beta. :D All mistakes are my own, as I'm a compulsive tweaker.
If you don't follow Doctor Who, what you need to know is that the Doctor travels through time and space. Rose was his lovely companion, until she got trapped in a parallel world. Their platonic/not really platonic friendship was Jim/Pam levels of epic. Basically you should just be watching it already. ;D
Disclaimer: No, I don't own this at all. Absolutely none of it. Nothing at all.
Rose Tyler was stuck in a parking lot. Eight months she has been jumping through time, space and reality itself, but it was here, in a nearly abandoned parking lot at an ungodly hour of the morning in the middle of snowstorm, that her jumper decided to give out. As did her mobile. Because really, she sighed, what good is a working mobile in the middle of a crisis in an unknown universe?
She looked around, trying to make out her location, or at least the universe. She had been aiming for what she and Mickey had dubbed Groundhog World. Due to an unfortunate temporal loop, the entire planet spent two years stuck on January 12th, 2009. A mostly unremarkable day, but it had seemed wrong to leave the lot of them there like that, oblivious as stars flickered slowly on and off around them.
It had required a feather duster, a windmill and a giant set of cables to resolve the issue and she’d been promising a follow up visit with the UNIT intelligence team there ever since. (Although UNIT was called LNIT in Groundhog, seeing as how that world had stuck with the League of Nations. LNIT, not the best with acronyms, that universe).
Had Rose not been so absorbed in trying to come up with a better acronym for LNIT, she might have noticed a tall thin man crawling along the ground towards her, in a manner somewhere between a crab walk and leap frogging. Alas, Dwight Schrute is an excellent tracker and she remained oblivious until the moment he chose to pop out in front of her, as menacingly as possible considering he was on the ground, dirty, and brandishing numchucks.
“Oh, hello!” responded Rose, giving a little wave of her hand.
“Don’t wave at me. Who are you and why have you been standing in our parking lot for almost a half hour? I’m warning you, only the truth will be tolerated.”
‘Ah’, Rose thought, ‘That’s definitely an American accent.’ She opened her mouth to catch a snowflake on her tongue. It did not taste like almonds. So, likely America, but not on Groundhog. She frowned.
“Right. ‘Course. Would you mind standing up? You’re makin me a bit uncomfortable. Not to mention if you’re trying to intimidate me, you might not be going about it the best way, ya?”
Dwight frowned as he slowly stood up, taking two steps closer to Rose. “You are foreign.” He breathed out slowly, peering into her face.
“Well so are you, to me at least. Aren’t you?”
“You can’t trust the British. Or Blondes. Or Baltar.” Dwight answered, squinting his eyes in triumph. Rose raised her eyebrow and returned his gaze, trying to place him and his oddly familiar brand of insanity. It was right at the tip of her brain, which was unfortunately still reeling from the last jump.
Suddenly, realization dawned over Dwight’s face. “Unless…are you the stripper? Of course you are! A blonde wearing boots! Michael is going to love you. Well, you are early, which I appreciate, and still fully attired, which shows you have good sense. The agency did well. Although you should have identified yourself clearly, and I expect you to do so in the future. They didn’t tell me you would be foreign, but that explains why the background check was so difficult.”
“Pardon me? What?”
“We should head inside. You can settle in the conference room for now. Bob Vance’s party doesn’t begin until 2:30pm. You will need to be there from 2:45-3:15. Obviously we are not paying you for your time before that.”
“Right, obviously.” Rose nodded absentmindedly and looked down at her still silent jumper and her still dead mobile. She looked back up at the large building at the edge of the parking lot. It was cold and she was tired and she didn’t exactly have anywhere else to go. “Alright then, lead the way Mr...”
“Schrute. Dwight Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager, and the official security supervisor of this branch. Your name is?”
“Well done, you. Excellent job. I felt quite secure.”
Dwight pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, overflowing with smugness. “Yes, well, they won’t let me carry a weapon but I keep these in my car, along with a spare pepper spray and throwing stars. The enemy is almost always unexpected Miss…your name please?”
“Can you actually take someone down with these, um, fighting sticks? I’ve never seen it happen really. Looks a bit tough.”
“Miss, I’ll have you know, that I’ve been trained to handle eight different classes of weapons. I can break a man with a strategically placed paper cut.”
“Mmm, I’m sure that is a terrible way to go. Could we head inside now? It’s right freezing.”
As Dwight turned to lead the way into the office, a small blue car entered the lot. “Pam.” Dwight nodded approvingly, glancing at his watch. “She can keep an eye on you.” Rose squinted, trying to get a better view of the rather familiar looking young woman who had emerged from the car.
“You may ride the elevator with Pam. I prefer to take the stairs when there are more than two people. Safer. Elevators have a remarkably high rate of fatalities. You’re fifteen times more likely to get killed in an elevator than by rabies.”
Rose nodded mutely, playing with the zip on her jacket. Pam entered the lobby with a cautious and curious smile, looking back and forth between the two.
“Pamela, this is the stripper. You must keep an eye on her today, as she is British and I was unable to run a full background check. She could be anyone, so watch her like a hawk.”
He frowned at Rose. “Stripper, this is Pam. She is the receptionist here. She knows things, so behave accordingly. I’ll see you both upstairs.”
He slid the numchucks into the base of the potted plant by the door and walked backwards towards the stairwell, pointing his fingers at his eyes, then at the potted plant, and then back at the two girls.
“Nice, Dwight.” Pam mumbled, pressing the elevator button and offering Rose a hesitant smile. Rose burst out laughing. “I’m not really a stripper, it just seemed easier than fighting with him. I think he threatened to off me with a paper cut. Completely human, is he?”
Pam laughed as they stepped into the elevator. “Oh we still aren’t sure. Well good, good. I mean, it would have been fine if you were. A stripper, I mean. Sorry, there is a bachelor party here today and it has all gotten kind of out of hand. And, it’s 8:30am and I’ve just had to talk to Dwight before my first cup of caffeine.”
“Ya, I could definitely take a cup of tea right now.” Rose nodded and they smiled at each other.
“I’ve got some upstairs, and there’s coffee too. Or will be, when I make it. So, are you selling something?” Pam asked.
“Me? Nope. I’m just traveling through. I’m a bit lost. Quite lost, actually.” She frowned slightly, and they rode up the rest of the way in companionable silence.
Pam led the way into the office and set her bag down behind the reception desk, standing to unbutton her coat. She looked up to see Rose still waiting by the entrance, eyes sweeping across the office.
“Now this is weird. I mean I get déjà vu all the time, but I know I have seen this place before.”
“Alright Miss Stripper.” Dwight said, exiting the conference room. “It is all set for you. Wait in there for now. And do not under any circumstances touch the electronics”
“Dwight, she’s not the stripper. She’s just a lost passerby and I’m going to help her figure things out.” Rose gave Pam a warm smile.
“But she told me she was the stripper.”
“No, I did not. You inferred and I was cold.”
“But you are already in the office now! As a stranger. You were allowed in here under false pretenses. I let a stranger into the office.”
Pam rolled her eyes. “Technically Dwight, I let her into the office, so I think you’re safe.”
Dwight frowned while he considered that over. “Well I’ll have to check with Michael about letting you use the conference room. And now you’ll have to answer phones or something if you want to stay.”
Something about the name Michael clicked with Rose, and she looked up sharply. She took a large step closer to Dwight and stared at him, before switching her stare over to Pam, a huge smile breaking across her face.
“Oy! Of course! This is Dunder Mifflin, ya? Oh I love that show! I thought you both looked familiar but I couldn’t place it. Still adjusting when I met you downstairs. How odd is this? Dunder Mifflin PA, right here. Blimey, I used to have the theme song as my ringtone! Mickey’ll have a laugh. And you! Of course! Congratulations! Big wedding, right? So romantic the way you guys did it.”
Pam looked pained, and rather alarmed. “Um, I’m not married. Are you sure you are alright?”
“Oh... Woops? Um, wow look at the year –er, time. I’ll just be in there.” Rose gestured vaguely to the conference room behind her and made her escape, rubbing her forehead as she muttered. “Amateur…me…Spoilers!...Causal nexus…Stupid stupid ape...”
Dwight and Pam both watched her exit, for once wearing matching expressions of complete befuddlement.
***
End Notes:
Any and all feedback appreciated. :D
Author's Notes:
If you don't follow Doctor Who, what you need to know is that the Doctor travels through time and space. Rose was his fair companion, until she got trapped in a parallel world. Their platonic/not really platonic friendship was Jim/Pam levels of epic. Thanks again to dmscranton who provided a ridiculously necessary beta. Also, a few little snippets of Rose's dialogue stolen from POTW and Army of Ghosts.
This chapter is a bit more dialogue focused, but I promise to pick back up with the fun and happy if you stick with me. :D
Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, because if I did I would make David Tennant and John Krasinski put on little skits for me all day. Possibly with puppets. But alas, I don't.
***
Rose was slumped down in a chair with her head in her hands when Pam entered the conference room, carrying a large round tray. She sat down across from Rose and wordlessly begun to unload its contents: a teal teapot, two mugs, and a packet of peanut butter crackers from the vending machine.
Rose peeked out at Pam from between her hands. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I promise I’m not a nutter, just a bit tired.”
Pam simply nodded and began to pour out two cups of tea. “It’s English Breakfast,” she offered. “Two sugars and a little milk. Sorry, I probably should have asked first but that’s how I drink it.”
Rose took the tea gratefully, cupping the mug with both hands and sniffing at the swirling steam. Pam ripped open the packet of crackers and placed them in the center of the table, stealing one for herself then sliding another across the table towards Rose. Rose picked up the cracker and absentmindedly dipped it into her tea, looking up just in time to see Pam staring at her in horror.
Rose let out a small laugh. “Ah, try it! It’s delicious. Mind you, these aren’t proper biscuits, but it still works.”
Pam watched skeptically as Rose nibbled on the soggy cracker, before reaching out to steal another from its cellophane wrapper. Pam slowly dipped one end into the tea with a look of complete concentration. She ate half the cracker in one bite and then looked up at Rose with a scrunched up face. Rose burst out laughing, and Pam shook her head with a swallow.
“I’d this friend once, yeah?” Rose started, “And he had this huge thing about mushy food. He’d prepare his cereal for a snack, and then let it sit there for a clear half hour! Until it was just this indistinguishable goo, like a mushy cereal spread.” She smiled. “We used to go through a whole box of biscuits for one cup of tea, until the bottom of the mug became too full of crumblies.”
Pam smiled back at her and the room again fell into silence, both girls sipping their tea and munching away. Pam was waiting, and Rose could feel it.
“I’m not from here.” Rose said suddenly, after the last cracker had been devoured and she was left wrapping the cellophane wrapper around her finger. Pam nodded encouragingly. “I’m not from anywhere anymore, and I’m trying to get home.”
“Dunder Mifflin’s parking lot is on the way?” Pam said with a small smile.
“See, that’s what I can’t figure out! Every time I’ve been sent somewhere before, it has been somewhere that needed me, or rather needed him and had to make do with me.”
Rose reached into her jacket pocket and removed the jumper device and her mobile. With a deep breath, she placed both on the table side by side. “‘Cause I mean, I’m really not from here.”
Pam reached out to touch the jumper, looking for Rose’s approval before picking it up. Rose nodded and Pam brought it close to her face, slowly rotated it around to get a thorough look at all angles. “You aren’t from here.” Pam repeated back slowly.
Rose smiled. “Did you ever believe there are things out there, things greater than you’ll ever know? Things, beyond this world that you don’t understand, maybe that you never will?”
Pam shrugged. “I didn’t use to. Well, I mean I didn’t really think about it before last spring. But, my family, we’re all British too, you know. I mean, I’m not, I’ve always lived here in Scranton. But my relatives are mostly still there, near Dulwich?”
Rose nodded in acknowledgment.
“So when all of those weird things started happening, it seemed somehow realer to me I guess, than to them.” Pam gestured back towards the still mostly empty office. “I’ve spent almost five years working as a receptionist in a paper supply less than two miles from where I grew up. We all come in every day, and everyone hates it and no one really sees each other anymore.”
“Yeah, I know.” Rose murmured.
“So one of my cousins was killed last spring, by some kind of, well… giant metal robot? No one seems to know any details, just that he was doing classified work for the British government. And I got completely obsessed afterwards, pulling articles, searching for blogs about it. Things were changing here and my life didn’t fit anymore, if that makes sense. Like, it all seemed so crazy that something like that could happen while I was here, photocopying and faxing, watching it all tick away.” Rose noticed Pam absentmindedly twisting away at her bare left ring finger, eyes a little unfocused.
“I'm so sorry Pam. It was at Canary Wharf?” asked Rose gently. “Was it the Cybermen or the Daleks?”
Pam shrugged. “I don’t know. All the reports I could find were vague. It felt like even the reporters and eyewitnesses couldn’t reconcile what they had seen with what life is supposed to be.”
“I was there.” Rose said quietly, after a long pause. “That’s where I was lost.”
Pam looked up questioningly.
“For the first 19 years of my life, I lived with my mum in a London council estate, and nothing happened. Nothing at all, and then one day I met this man called 'The Doctor', and he had this beautiful traveling machine. He took me all over and he showed me all of these terrible, wonderful, astounding things. Things I never would have imagined, things I never would have thought to imagine.” Rose paused to catch her breath, getting more animated as she spoke. “But it’s more than that. He showed me a better way of living our lives. To never give up, to make a stand. To say no! And be heard!” Rose slammed her palm down on the table, and the mugs and teapot jumped a little in surprise.
She slumped back down in her chair and continued in a much smaller voice. “He showed me myself, through the whole of time and space, and I vowed to stay with him forever. But I fell. I slipped away, through a crack in reality. I fell and the walls closed Pam, the walls closed and I was lost; trapped in a parallel universe.”
When she looked up at Pam there were unmistakable traces of wetness on her cheeks, her smudgy black mascara framing the hint of tears still trapped inside her eyes. “He had to burn up a sun to tell me goodbye. Left me on a beach in bloody Norway.”
“I’m so sorry.” Pam whispered, reaching out to squeeze Rose’s hand. Instead her fingertips ended on the teapot, tracing along the smooth curve of the handle.
“Ah, it’s alright. At least he said it. Didn’t just leave me.” Rose said pointedly, wiping her face dry with her sleeve. Pam frowned. “Sorry. Sorry. I’ve been ruder lately. I didn’t mean it like, well anyway, that is the very sad story of how I ended up here. Looks like we are a bit linked, you and I.” Rose offered Pam an apologetic smile and Pam slowly smiled back.
“At work we created this device, this machine of sorts, call it the Dimension Cannon, ya? Well it basically shoots me through the fabric of reality and I land in a different universe each time. Mostly. I’ve been doing this, oh… about eight months. Though I suppose linear time doesn’t mean much to me anymore. I figure eventually I’ll land in the right one and get back to him. Only now the jumper won’t work and my mobile has gone dead. Don’t know where I am and I can’t get back in touch with base.”
“But he left you. Aren’t you angry at him?
Rose shook her head quickly, then shrugged and nodded. “Ya, maybe a bit. I know I was, once. But I know he didn’t want to leave me. He let me promise him forever. That’s something. And I love him.”
“What if he’s moved on?” Pam suggested, shifting in her seat uncomfortably. “Sorry, that was completely totally rude of me.”
Rose looked at Pam with a knowing smile. “Ah, we’re even then." She shrugged. "And well, then he best move right back, yeah?”
Pam laughed. “Sorry, I know it must be really terrible, not knowing where he is, or how he’s doing. Just missing him a lot I’m sure.”
“’S true, but at least it‘s not of our own making.” Rose said with a playful smirk.
Pam narrowed her eyes at Rose. “So… Dunder Mifflin PA?”
“But that’s it!” Rose suddenly bounded up and looked out the window. “That’s why this universe feels wrong, feels so different. Because it’s right! That’s got to be it. That’s why the jumper stopped working! Because it’s finally got me here!”
“But that’s great! So now what?”
Rose dejectedly sat back down with a woeful smile. “I have absolutely no idea. I’ve got no phone, no money, no way of contacting him. Just assumed he’d find me, I suppose.”
“What if we try to help him find you? Like um, send out some kind of signal? Like the bat signal? Something he might notice and want to investigate?”
Rose let out a giant whooping sound. “You are brilliant! Pam Beesly. I always told people I thought we would be friends. Is that odd to say aloud? But I did. Always wanted to do your hair and makeup too. You don’t give yourself enough credit you know. Or at least you didn’t back then. Which I guess is now, for you. Because Pam, you are absolutely brilliant. And more than that, you are good. You’re a good person. Do you have paper? I need to think.”
Thus began a heated half hour of brainstorming and sketching, until Pam looked at her watch with a small squeak. “We have to get you out of here now. You made it through Dwight but there is no way you can handle the whole office, especially the day of Bob Vance’s bachelor party.”
The two agreed that Pam would quickly drop Rose off at her apartment for the day. Rose would return tomorrow, posing as the new temp, and the two would raid the warehouse for necessary supplies.
“It will work. I can convince Michael that he forgot giving me the go ahead.” Pam said, and then added sheepishly, “And he can bully Toby into it. I just have to figure out Dwight.”
“Well, based on my brief encounter, he’s rather paranoid, right? Possibly susceptible to blackmail too? If you were to, I don’t know… casually suggest to him that he was in fact the one responsible for letting me into the office today, a violation of his position as, what was it? office security supervisor?…Although, would Michael even care?”
“Totally irregardless. He’s paranoid enough for that to work. We’ll do that. It’s perfect. Seriously, do they even have a Michael in your world’s version of all of us?”
Rose let out a snort of laughter and furrowed her brow, trying to work out the best way to respond to that dangerous line of questioning. A gentle knock saved her and they looked up to see Jim standing in the doorframe.
“Hey Pam, Michael just called, he’s running late. Some kind of emergency involving R-rated candy necklaces and I think he said jello shots? I told him you were in the supply room sorting thing out.”
“Oh gross, ok. Thanks Jim.”
Jim stood there awkwardly, looking back and forth from Pam to Rose.
“Uh, hi. I’m Jim.” He leaned forward to shake Rose’s hand.
“Sorry, right! This is…” Pam trailed off, realizing she still had no idea.
“I’m the new temp.” Rose jumped in with a smile.
“Oh.” said Jim with a puzzled face. “I didn’t realize we were getting a new temp.”
“She’s here on this new kind of temp exchange program.”
“Yes! Yes, I am. It is part of the, erm, Transatlantic Typographical Temping exchange.” Pam raised her eyebrows with a quirk of her lips. Rose went on, breaking out her haughtiest accent and trying her best to maintain eye contact with Jim. “It’s a collaborative exchange program, to better research and catalog regional cross referencing systems before the 2008 Expo.” Pam shook her head slightly and gave a slight tilt of her head to the right. “Sorry, 2007? Expo.” Pam nodded and the two girls grinned at each other.
Jim was leaning against the doorframe now with his arms crossed against his chest. “Well, that in no way sounds made up. Beesly is this your doing?”
“What?” Rose feigned outrage. “It took me three years to qualify for the opportunity. Had to, oh, get my typing skills up a bit. You need a minimum of 60, 70, sorry, 85 words per minute. And fluency in shorthand!”
Jim shook his head with a faint smile.
“Is there a problem?” Pam asked, smiling sweetly at him.
“No. It’s cool. It’s just that these kinds of things are supposed to go through me.” Jim said slowly, with a slightly pained expression.
Pam quickly broke his gaze and looked back at Rose, flatly responding, “Um, right. Sorry. Next time I will make sure to follow proper protocol.” Rose frowned at her.
At that, Jim stood up straight and stepped back, catching sight of the teal teapot on the table. He let his gaze linger on it before offering Rose an awkward smile and returning to his desk.
Rose leaned forward and gave Pam a sympathetic squeeze on the arm, letting the silence linger yet again.
Finally Rose spoke, looking up at the ceiling. “I really can’t tell you anything. Even though I want to, honestly I do, I wish I could. But I can’t.”
“Spoilers?” Pam asked.
Rose smiled back at her.
“With universe jumping, there is this constant risk of a, er… chronological refraction, ya? Um, it’s like, well, it’s a sorta hall of mirrors, it all looks the same as far back as you can see, but maybe one of the mirrors has a little dent, allowing for a tiny distortion. And all the mirrors beyond that reflect that distortion and so on. So, every time I change something that shouldn’t be changed, I become that, that dent and another universe spins off. So I try to keep still, so I don’t accidentally ripple one of the lines structuring the foundations of that universe. Got it?”
“Kind of.” Pam answered, though she was shaking her head in confusion.
Rose laughed. “Close enough. So Pete’s World, the parallel universe where I’ve been, it runs faster than this one. They are halfway through 2011 over there. Dunder Mifflin PA has been off the air for a few years by now, part of why I didn’t recognize you lot faster. But oh it was a great success. Very popular, one of my all time favorites. So I know how things end up there, but here and there aren’t necessarily the same, got it? Like over there they only had four Spice Girls. And no cucumbers. Eddie Izzard has his own line of shoe wear. So even if I know how things turn out over there, or how I think they should have turned out, I can’t tell you that, or I might just spin off a whole new universe. And that one could be better, but it could be worse, and it’s not my place. I don’t want that burden.”
Pam nodded and slowly started to stand back up, gathering papers and placing their used dishes back on the tray. “I guess that makes sense.” She stopped and looked at Rose, her next words coming out in a big rush. “I do want one though, a big romantic wedding. Someday.”
Rose looked her square in the eye. “Then you should make sure you get it.”
End Notes:
Feedback would be delightful, but so would be world peace, an endless supply of gouda, and aforementioned David Tennant/John Krasinski skits.
A Dollop of Rum by Treble
Author's Notes:
Thanks to dmscranton for the beta again. She's the best! Sorry for the delay, I'm in the middle of exams for graduate school and that took over this week. Next chapter will be up by Wednesday. I knew there would be limited interest over here for this kind of DW/Office crossover, and I want to thank you all so much for your kind reviews and encouragement. It is much appreciated. :) I still own nothing here. nada.
***
After the abrupt and rather curious beginning of the day, things went from odd to worse for Pam.
“You’re not still into Jim, are you?”
“Oh, yeah. I mean no. Sorry. I was confused by your phrasing. I’m not interested in Jim. You should totally date him. I mean you are dating him, and that’s great. You guys are a great couple. Sorry.”
“What are you sorry about?”
“What?”
“You said you were sorry.”
“Oh, I was thinking about something else.”
After their discussion about Jim in the break room, Karen kept stealing glances at her with an expression somewhere between sympathy and fear. Pam was relatively sure it was all Rose’s fault.
Pam’s mind had spent the whole day stuck on the sheer absurdity of her morning. It was one thing to sit across the table from Rose and believe her when she said she came from a parallel universe, one where Pam’s life was a popular television show. It was another to consider it while she was alone, suddenly hyper sensitive of her actions and her words.
All afternoon she was overwhelmingly aware of the cameras, and for the first time in almost two years she found herself obsessing over her portrayal of herself and shredding plastic cups into little pieces, trying to make flowers out of the remaining plastic strands.
So she arrived home that evening exceedingly unhappy, with a paper plate full of left over cake and Ben Franklin’s phone number tucked away in her purse. She’d gotten stuck at every red light on the drive home from the office and was nearly convinced that when she arrived home, it would be empty; that Rose would have been just a figment of a lifetime career of sniffing too much White-Out. If she was being completely honest with herself, she kind of hoped the house would be empty, that she could collapse on the couch and just forget, armed with her fuzzy slippers and the rest of the cake.
But when she opened the front door of her apartment she was greeted by blasting pop music and the faint scent of burning oil. “Hello?” she called out.
“Oi! You’re back! Don’t…” a loud clanging noise interrupted Rose. “Bugger! Where did that –fuck that hurt. Stay where you are! Don’t come in here.” Pam frowned and slowly set the cake down on her front table, unbuttoning her coat and trying not to panic.
“Please don’t break my kitchen.” She called out halfheartedly.
Rose appeared from around the archway looking rather disheveled and carrying two large glasses filled with frothy pink liquid. “Voila!” she gestured grandly, adding a little curtsy. “Careful, I may have been a tad heavy handed with the rum.” Pam looked at Rose, her face a little shiny with the red flush that suggested she knew exactly how heavy handed the rum had been poured. She looked at the drinks, liquid spilling over the top of the rim from Rose’s exuberance. She looked over at the leftover cake, where the remaining icing called out ‘ULATIONS!’ and finally, Pam Beesly burst out into tears.
It took about fifteen minutes for Pam to collect herself, sitting on the couch and letting out huge sobs of frustration, interspersed with tiny sips of her drink. She quickly recounted the rest of her day to Rose, who said nothing, but curled up on the couch next to her and occasionally patted her on the shoulder.
The tears had almost all dried by the time she was relaying how Elizabeth the stripper had offered to teach her the basics of pole dancing in exchange for a cut of her first few jobs, and how Ben Franklin had left his phone number under her windshield wiper with a note saying “I’d love to see you in my pantaloons…”
At that, Rose stopped trying to keep in her laughter and let out a giant giggle. “Ah well done! Now we can both look into profitable stripping careers. I’ve already been mistaken for a stripper twice in my life, and one of those times was on a planet where I was two feet taller than the dominant life form, and short an appendage.” Pam tried to frown but the mental image was rather silly and her glass was empty, so she let out a giant snort of laughter instead.
“And Ben Franklin!” gasped Rose. “Wasn’t he one of your presidents or something? You could have made it with an American legend!”
“No!” cried Pam, swatting at Rose. “But he did discover electricity! And try to make the wild turkey America’s national bird. And rack up an impressive number of sexually transmitted diseases. Though,” she added thoughtfully, “he did have some pretty good hair. What was left of it at least? Enough to hold on to. I think.”
Rose snorted daiquiri out her nose and the two girls dissolved into giggles all over again.
“Thank you.” Pam said, once she had caught her breath. “Seriously it’s weird that I don’t know you, I can’t actually think about it all for too long. But you did this for me,” Pam gestured at her empty glass and the space on the couch between them “and I needed it. And you knew.” Rose shrugged and smiled a little too brightly.
“Ah.” Pam said with the beginnings of a frown. “Spoilers? Seriously, again?”
Rose let out a puff of air and moved to get up, lightly patting Pam on the arm. “Let’s just say, I had a suspicion that you might need a bit of cheer tonight.” And with that, she grabbed Pam’s empty glass and disappeared into the kitchen, where Pam could soon hear the blender hard at work again.
***
“What is this anyway?” Pam asked, dipping her finger right into the glass.
“Strawberry daiquiris!”
Pam looked at Rose expectantly.
“What?” shrugged Rose, “I don’t like bananas.”
***
“And then I finally figured out why he was trying to keep me from a mirror. My entire skin had turned fluorescent purple. ‘M talking blimey you can see me in the dark purple. It took three weeks for the residual effects to wear off.”
“What’d you do?”
“Well he felt so badly about not warning me about the tree bark that he took me to this giant disco on the third moon of Keldon, during the decade that body paint was all the rage? Yea, so no one batted an eyelash and he even let me paint his face bright green. Well, that’s to say I painted his face a lovely shade of green and he moped only a little bit. Oh, I got quite tanked off Keldon tequila and he got all silly trying to keep me from flashing my knickers and we ended up stealing a strobe light for the library. I wonder if it’s still there.”
“I’m pretty sure you are insane.”
***
“How did you pay for the rum anyway? There’s no way there was rum in the house.”
“Mmm, it was a little less than ethical, but almost mostly legal.”
“You really are a stripper.”
“Ah, you’ve found me out! Don’t tell Dwight. Now, do you have any of those twisty straws? This would better with a straw.”
***
“If you won’t tell me your name, what am I supposed to call you?”
“Um, how about Carly. A friend use to call me Carlos, as a joke. That might work.”
“Why can’t you just tell me your name?”
Rose shrugged and drained her glass in one gulp. “I guess I have to keep something for myself. So much gets lost in the shuffle.” She accidentally let out a loud belch and looked so horrified that both girls toppled over laughing yet again.
***
“Baked beans on pizza? You can’t be serious.”
“It’s delicious!! I promise. It’s the best.”
“Well, even if it was, there is no way the pizza place here has that. We are in Scranton.”
“Fine. What do you usually get?”
“Pepperoni and pineapple?”
“With olives?”
“Olives on half.”
“Agreed. But chips too! Can we do a side of chips? What about chips on the pizza?”
“I’m taking your drink away.”
“How ‘bout you just take a shot of rum and catch up?”
“How about I do a shot of dacquiri instead?”
“Two shots.”
“Deal.”
***
“So we would just put a different colored stapler on his desk everyday and it actually took him a full week to notice. But everyone swore his stapler had always been bright red and really, what could he do about it. So then we decided to start leaving him notes on his desk, written out in staples. From the basic ‘I like your hair today.’ to the 'I can kill a man with a paper clip.' We ended with the elaborate ‘I’ve lost my sister. Stanley is doing terrible things to her. Help us all!’ Dwight made a big show of thinking it was some kind of stupid joke but Stanley caught him later, mid rescue attempt, and he had his stapler privileges revoked for a week. I ended up having to staple things for him, which sucked, but it was totally worth it to watch him ninja into Stanley’s locked drawer, armed with his bright red stapler and a pair of pliers. Dwight keeps his stapler all locked up now, but every now and then I like to leave a handful of loose staples scattered around his desk. Just to keep him guessing”
“Nooooo! I never saw that one!”
“…You are such a spoiler tease.”
***
“Why exactly are you going through my closet?”
Rose emerged victoriously, brandishing a dusty box with something feathery dangling out of one end.
“Those are dance costumes from the jazz classes I took when I was 15.”
“And? I don’t care what they’re from. They are still in your closet, ya? I just suspect they might be better than this terrible shite you’ve been wearing, And, sparkly! Try this on. Oh and this as well.”
***
“I’m not wearing blue eyeshadow.”
“Nope, you are not. It is eyeliner and I’d say it’s more of a greenish blue.”
“Oww! That’s my eye.”
“Well stop squirming all about, you.”
“Stop poking out my eye!”
“Well I don’t want to miss any good bits. Here, you can do your own mascara. Not like that! Put your elbow into it. Better.”
***
“Pam, I cannot believe you have 5ive on your mp3 player.”
“Shut up.”
“No, it’s great! I loved 5ive! Baby when the lights go out, every single word cannot express… You are going to have to sing with me. I get terrible stage fright. Like that time on Eleneck! Oh...”
“No, I am not singing 5ive in my living room at 8pm at night.”
“Pam, you’re wearing a dance costume and a feather boa. So drink up and if you are very nice to me, I will even teach you the choreography from the music video.”
“Oh, you think I don’t know it. That’s so cute.”
“Show off.”
***
“So wait, how old are you?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Don’t know which years count anymore.”
“Right. Of course.”
“No really! ‘M not trying to be difficult. I really dunno how to count. If you had asked me in 2005, I would have said 19. But then I spent almost three years with him, and then almost five years in the other world. So I think I’m closer to 27, though right now I guess I’m about 21.”
Pam frowned for a moment, deep in thought. “It’s like being born on a leap year! Well happy birthday then? Happy birthday!! For all your birthdays in between!”
They clinked their glasses with a big smile, and Pam gifted Rose her feather boa.
***
“I’m not going to the store dressed like this.”
“Pam, we are out of rum. And I can’t go alone.”
“Well at least let me change!”
“But that is the whole point! C’mon! We’ll tell them we are long separated sisters, celebrating our reunion. If it’s a bunch of blokes, they love that stuff! You can be named, hmm Sophie. And I will be Lila.”
“The store is three blocks away. They kind of know me there.”
“Not with that eyeshadow they don’t.”
***
“Do’ya think Karen’s more attract, attrast, Do you think Karen’s prettier than me?’
“Of course not! She’s fine but she’s just something different, all her different bits. Don’t go and forget that, right? I know these things. She’s very lovely, but she’s not you.”
“She’s really nice too. If I were a guy? I’d totally want to do her.”
“Well, all I can think about is shagging Ben Franklin now. I blame all that talk about his great hair, I think.”
“I love hair. Karen has pretty nice hair.”
“Pam. Your hair is nice too.”
“Thanks. I think your hair would be better if it were a little less blonde. Oww! Careful! That’s my drink!”
***
“What are you going to do if he shows up?”
“When he shows up. He’ll find me.”
Pam sighed as she attempted to pull off her old tap shoes. “It’s so romantic. That’ll be a big kiss. Movie ending.”
Rose blushed. “Er, well we’ve never really, I mean we have, but not really. We weren’t really like that, not exactly.”
Pam aimed for the couch but ended up plopped on the floor, jaw dropped open. Very slowly she spoke, “You’re searching, across universes, for a guy, that left you, on a beach, in Norway. And you’ve never really kissed him?”
Rose smirked. “Well as you should know, sometimes, you don’t need all that to still know all that, right? Sometimes you just know, and you just have to hope it will all work out, that everything that’s supposed to happen will.”
“He told me he loved me and I walked away.”
“I told him I loved him and he faded away. The best things are worth going back.”
“Wow. You are very wise.”
“Nope. Just rather trusting. And hopeful. And drunker than you.”
“Perseverance!!!! Yes!! I’ll persevere Karen’s face off.”
“Hmm, or maybe I’m less drunk. Hard to say. It might be time for sleep now.”
“I’m sorry I made fun of your hair. You are very nice.”
***
The next morning found Pam passed out in her bed, still dressed in a leotard, with one tap shoe on and about two weeks worth of smudgy black eye makeup on her white pillowcase. A full glass of water and a bottle of pills had been set next to her bed, along with several sheets of looseleaf paper covered in messy scribble and sketched pictures.
Rose emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed in one of Pam’s skirts and stockings, though paired with her own pink top and leather coat. Her hair was pulled back in a simple bun and her eye make-up was out in full force. “Hope you don’t mind. How do I look? Temp-tastic?”
Pam groaned and buried her head deeper into the pillow.
“Get up, get up! Remember our plan?” Rose gestured to the pile of papers on Pam’s bedside table. “Those are the items I need to build the radiated transfigmorater.”
“The what?”
“I know! I just made it up. It sounds very serious and important, no?”
And that was how day two of Rose Tyler’s infiltration into Pam Beesly’s life began.
8 hours later, the Doctor would arrive in Scranton.
***
End Notes:
David Tennant called. He also likes gouda. I'm pretty sure we are soulmates. Jealous?
A Touch of BOOM! by Treble
Author's Notes:
Thanks again to
dmscranton for the lovely beta and for being a great help when a computer malfunction left me determined to marry Rose off to Dwight. And for making me Rose/Pam icons! And thanks to all of you for your continued interest! I still don't own anything here, though I do have a brand new David Tennant screensaver.
Despite Pam’s persistent hangover, the sheer force of Rose’s enthusiasm was enough to get them out the door and to the office before 9am.
Dwight was unsurprisingly already at his desk by the time they arrived. Rose smiled sweetly at his wary expression as she made her way over to Phyllis’ desk, setting her stack of papers in the empty inbox. Conveniently enough, Phyllis had taken the day off to run wedding related errands and Rose had insisted its location was fundamental to Part B of Step Two of The Plan.
Rose sat down in the chair and slowly swiveled around to where Dwight was still staring at her suspiciously.
“Hello! I’m Carly.”
Dwight scowled. “I met you yesterday.”
“No, I don’t think you did,” said Pam thoughtfully, peering over from behind the reception area. “Unless, hmm, unless, are you referring to that anonymous and strange woman you allowed into the office inappropriately before office hours?”
Rose gasped. “Why Pam, wouldn’t that be a direct violation of his responsibility as branch security supervisor?”
Pam shook her head with a wistful frown. “I know. It’s terrible. Michael will be so disappointed.”
“I’m quite sure,” added Rose. “I hear he went through so much trouble to set it up.”
“Oh yes. Especially after everything that happened…” Pam added, conspiratorially. “I hear it took a lot of convincing for them to take on such a…loose cannon.”
Rose shrugged nonchalantly at Pam. “I’m sure that Michael will get over it, eventually. I suppose nothing really terrible happened, just Dwight’s blatant disregard for the security of the branch, and the sanctity of his friendship with Michael. Nothing too serious.”
“You would never, that’s not how it happened!” Dwight spit out, looking back and forth from Rose to Pam. Both girls made a big show of firmly maintaining his gaze, and Rose threw in her most threatening eyebrow wiggle.
“Fine,” Dwight hissed out. “But only because I’m worried Michael might misunderstand the situation. I’m watching you Carly, if that is your real name. I’m watching you. I don’t know who or what you are, but I’ll figure it out. I’ll find out and I will bring you down with a systematic analysis of your weaknesses, including possible food allergies.”
“Oh come now,” said Rose, rolling her eyes. “No need for that. I’m just a temp after all.”
Dwight scoffed. “The last temp started a fire that threatened the lives of twenty people, and more to the point, I’m 98% sure he did it on purpose. I don’t know you. Therefore, I don’t trust you. Henceforth, you will be Dwight Enemy #2, until I successfully eliminate you from this office park. Or clear your name of any wrongdoing, which is highly doubtful. Do you understand me?”
Rose stuck out her hand. “Ooh! Alright then. That sounds a bit fun. Should we shake on it?”
Dwight looked at her hand disdainfully and then slowly, deliberately, rotated his chair until it faced back towards the reception desk.
Pam and Rose exchanged looks of triumph and Pam settled back behind reception.
***
The rest of the office filed in shortly thereafter, most of them glancing at Rose curiously. Rose remained focused on her papers, scribbling furiously in a spare notebook.
She was so absorbed in her plans that she didn’t realize Michael had arrived, until the barely concealed whispering coming from Pam’s desk became too loud to ignore.
“Pam, that temp agency is good. That is one attractive young woman over there. And well Ryan… They must require headshots. She’s really got that whole slutty secretary thing going on, much better than you.”
“Michael…”
“No, it’s okay Pam, don’t worry. I still think you’re hot too. I mean, you’re my baby mama!”
“No, I’m really not.”
“In thirty years, close enough. I should say something. I should. Go get the annex outcasts.”
As Toby and Kelly shuffled in, Michael clapped his hands loudly. “Everyone! Everyone! I need to make an announcement! I’m sure you all noticed that our office is two and a half times hotter this morning, and yes, I did switch to Axe body spray.” Dwight nodded approvingly and everyone else waited. “But the rest of you are wondering about this lovely lady over here.” He gestured grandly towards Rose, who smiled back with a mischievous smirk.
“This, my good friends, is our new British temp Carly. She is here as part of the...what was it again Pam?”
“Transatlantic Typographical Temping Exchanging program.”
Several people frowned and Jim shook his head with a hint of a smile.
“Of course, right, that. I approved this whole thing so our office could learn more about other cultures. Because she’s British! Even though she doesn’t look it, I’m sure there is a lot she can teach us about that great father nation of ours. Right-o Carly? Bangers and mash and cheerio ta-ta. Here, come stand up so everyone can get a look.”
“Michael, this is the kind of stuff that really needs to be cleared through HR first,” sighed Toby, as Rose made her way to the front of the office and gave a small wave.
“Toby, you are being rude and an idiot. She can hear you! Jerk. Carly, I’m so sorry. I promise you, not all Americans are like that one.”
Rose smiled politely.
“And I would just like to say, you do not look British. Your teeth are fine. And you have a nice womanly form.”
Pam pulled a face. “Michael, that’s ridiculous.”
“Is it Pam? Can anyone in the office name a really attractive British woman? Ryan?”
“Um, Kate Beckinsale.”
“She’s not British.”
“Princess Diana,” called out Kevin.
“No, God Kevin. She’s dead. Why would you- seriously, what is wrong with you?”
“I just thought, I mean categorically, she was very attractive.”
“You disgust me. Nepotist.”
“Necrophiliac?”
“No, he wants to have sex with dead people Oscar, not bleed to death.”
“Queen Elizabeth?” called out Jim.
“Mary Poppins?” Pam jumped in.
They both smiled at each other.
“What about Madonna, can she half count?” asked Karen.
“No! The point is,” he said, as he placed a hand on Rose’s arm, “we are very lucky to have you here Carly, and also, it is really nice to see a woman dress like a woman, for once. Pam, Karen, pay attention. Carly, I’m very delighted to have you working under me.” He let out an awkward little laugh.
“That’s what she said!” yelled out Dwight.
Michael stopped and frowned. “No Dwight.” He turned to Rose with a pathetic attempt at a suggestive leer, “But yes, Carly, that is in fact what she said.”
Rose let out a throaty giggle, tilting her body towards his. “That’s right Michael,” she purred, drawing her finger lightly up his arm. “That is what I said. Because I really am looking forward to being under you...” She punctuated the sentence by lightly tapping him on his chin with her index finger.
The whole room went quiet.
Michael shifted uncomfortably from side to side and started backing away. “Uh, I’m sorry. That was inappropriate. I have a girlfriend! Her name is Jan.”
“Aww,” cooed Rose, taking a step closer to Michael. “Maybe she wouldn’t mind? We could all spend a bit of time together… I can be
very friendly.”
“What? No. Her boobs are enough for me. Just those two. It’s good. I’m happy, really happy, so that, uh, would be a bad, very bad, idea.” He frowned as he realized he had backed up against his office door and he began fumbling for the door knob.
“Everyone get back to work. Carry on! Paper can’t sell itself. I have a meeting to go to, so I’ll just be in there. Busy.” He gestured towards his office and extricated himself from Rose, backing into the room and slamming the door.
“Blimey! I’ve always wanted to do that,” sighed Rose as she returned to her desk, oblivious to the shocked glances of her new coworkers. Pam didn’t bother hiding her laughter and Michael did not leave his office for the rest of the morning.
***
So overall, the morning went rather well, considering its overwhelming potential for cataclysmic disaster. However, it was early afternoon by the time Rose and Pam managed to sneak away to the warehouse to finish assembling supplies. So far they had located an egg timer, a warm can of Coke, two feet of plastic tubing, a large box, and two different shades of nail polish (grabbed from Kelly’s desk while Rose was being subjected to fifteen minutes on why she wasn’t Ryan’s type, so “Don’t even bother trying it, Blondie.”)
“Really, how do you wear these everyday?” Rose whined to Pam for the third time, tugging at her tights.
“Shhh!” Pam whispered as they crept along behind the stacks, searching for cardstock while hiding from Dwight. He had spent the morning covertly following them around the office and it had taken three attempts and two paper emergencies to get him off their track. “Why do you need the cardstock again?”
“It will help absorb the reverberation of the explosion,” Rose said, matter-of-factly.
Pam stopped walking and spun around. “Wait, explosion? What kind of explosion? You didn’t mention that. Are you actually just crazy?”
Rose nodded solemnly.
“No, seriously, what exactly will this contraption do?”
Rose sighed. “Well in theory, I still have residual Huron energy inside of me, from the whole Bad Wolf incident? At least according to the preliminary Torchwood tests. So, if I can harness those particles through a big enough explosion, the TARDIS should automatically gravitate towards that direction, since Huron particles attract.”
Pam frowned. “You are going to explode the building, to send little particles into the universe, hoping they will end up in the right place.”
Rose rolled her eyes. “Not the whole building. Pam, seriously. Just a little BOOM! is all it needs, just enough to power them up and send them on their way. Everything will be fine. I think.”
A deep voice came from behind them. “So, just part of the building gets blown up?”
The two girls looked up guiltily to see Jim standing there with his arms crossed, leaning against the metal shelves.
“No, no. The building will be fine. You all worry too much,” Rose said, standing up from where they had been crouching. “I’m going to go look over there for the cardstock. If you find it first, something green would work best.”
Pam and Jim watched helplessly as she bounced off. “Oh, and dry ice! I need dry ice,” she called from somewhere a few stacks over.
“She’s insane.” Jim said with a faint smile.
Pam nodded and shrugged. “Maybe, but I guess I understand it.”
“Come on Pam, what’s really going on?”
Pam stared at the toe of her sneaker, wondering when her whitest Keds had been scuffled away into a murky shade of grey. She took a quick breath and looked back up. “She lost someone, or he lost her, I don’t know. But she’s willing to do anything to get him back.”
He held her gaze questioningly, until he awkwardly cleared his throat and looked down at the floor, watching her shoes shuffle against the concrete. She refused to look away, and instead allowed herself the luxury of watching the barely hidden tension in his face.
“And she needs Dunder Mifflin for that? Why can’t she just call him?” He said quietly, looking back up.
“Maybe she doesn’t have his number anymore.”
“Well she could try.” His words came out quickly, sharply.
“Maybe she isn’t sure he wants to be found.”
“Well she obviously thinks he does, since she’s preparing to blow up the building to find him. Which, awesome, by the way.”
“Yeah, but still, she’s letting him come to her. She’s giving him the choice.”
“The choice to clean up after her explosion?”
“He gets to decide whether to be found.”
“Maybe she just shouldn’t have gotten so lost.”
“Maybe he’s the one who is lost now.”
A heavy silence fell but neither looked away. Pam started to tap her fingers against her hip, counting out the rhythm of her racing heartbeat. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3….
“Pam…” Jim’s voice came out softly, wrapped in a stilted breath.
Pam gingerly reached out and curled her fingers around his wrist, trying to count out his heartbeat so that it matched her own. He didn’t pull away and she could hear the hum of the overhead lights buzzing in her ears, the shallowness of her breaths in and out, the drumming of two hearts. She looked up at him and he looked down, his eyes so distant from the ones she had once committed to memory.
She tentatively brought his hand up to cup her cheek. He held it there stiffly for a moment, until lightly he brushed the pad of his thumb across her face. She kept her fingers wrapped around his wrist, gently trying to make a circle with her thumb and middle finger, tracing the jump of his pulse beneath her fingertips.
She let herself lean into his hand, trading him the imprint of her cheekbones for the curve of his palm. His thumb lazily wandered across her face, down towards her mouth and his eyes took on a familiar hue. He softly brushed his thumb against her bottom lip and she barely resisted the urge to brush her lips back against it. She stared up at him, saying nothing but everything she could, and he held his hand still, waiting right at the corner of her mouth. Waiting, longer and longer, until finally a small sigh escaped her lips.
He abruptly dropped his arm, his eyes taking their time to shift away from hers, until finally she had no choice but to release his wrist. Her arm dropped reluctantly to her side and he took two steps back, absentmindedly wetting his lips as he stared heavily at the space now separating them.
“Dwight’s looking for you both. I’ll see what I can do.” He said quietly, eyes still averted, before quickly turning and walking back towards the stairs.
She never looked away from where he had been.
Her face stung and her heart burned.
***
Pam wandered around the building for a half hour before she finally found Rose setting up in a corner of the parking lot. She was carefully inserting one end of the tubing into a side of the box, stopping occasionally to blow air through the tube.
“I thought you had to be upstairs at Phyllis’ desk for the plan to work.”
“I know!” huffed Rose, waving her sheet of notes around. “But the documentary crew is still angry at me for not signing the release form. Like that wouldn’t cause a giant retroactive time dent. Anyway, they stuck me in the back, with Marjorie. Lovely woman by the way, but now there is no way I can get all of this up through the main office.”
Pam frowned up at the cloudy skies. “Will it still work alright out here?”
Rose shrugged. “I hope so. Maybe better because of the dimensions of the car park. And I found these, which should help.” From out of her pocket she took a lime green sock and a compact mirror.
Pam peered over the top of the box, which was lined with forest green cardstock. A large chunk of dry ice was resting at the bottom of the box and both bottles of nail polish had been emptied out on top of it. Rose took the open mirror and placed it facing the section where the tube entered the box.
“Alright,” said Rose, handing a book of matches to Pam and referring to her notes. “I’m going to do three more deep breaths into the box to try to optimize the Huron levels. Then I’m going to empty in the can of soda and seal the lid, so that all the chemicals have time to build up. We wait five minutes, I put one more deep breath in, add a lit match, plug the tube with the sock, and then we run like hell.”
Pam shook her head. “Wait, where did you get dry ice?” Rose picked up the tube and blew in one more deep breath while Pam cracked open the can of soda.
“The supply room. There were two huge coolers of dry ice in there, right by the cardstock. Is that unusual?”
Pam gave Rose a look of disbelief. “Um, yes. Why would we have dry ice? In our supply closet?”
Rose frowned. “Well now that I think it over, it was rather peculiar. The dry ice seemed fresh too, fresh dry ice, right in the supply room of Dunder Mifflin, exactly when I needed it.”
The two girls looked back at the box.
“Ah well,” said Rose. “That’s another mystery for later.” She sealed the lid and set five minutes on the timer.
Neither saw the pair of eyes peaking out from behind the blinds in the conference room.
By the time the egg timer buzzed, the box had begun to take on a rather off-putting smell. Rose took a few deep breaths in preparation and glanced over at Pam, who was holding out a match. “Ready?” Pam nodded. “Do it!” Rose emptied her lungs one last time into the tube and Pam threw in the lit match. Rose stuffed the green sock into the tube opening and grabbed Pam’s arm, pulling her away from the box and ducking behind a nearby car.
They waited.
And they waited.
And just as Rose was moving to stand up and see what had gone wrong, a loud noise cracked across the parking lot and the box exploded, spewing Pompeii Purple and Aphrodite’s Pink Nightie ten feet in every direction.
“Yes!” cackled Rose triumphantly, smacking Pam on the arm. “I knew it would work.”
Pam looked around the pink and purple spattered parking lot. “We need to get out of here, seriously, before Stanley sees his car.”
Rose nodded. “It may take a couple hours for the particles to reach him anyway, and he’s hardly the most punctual at the best of times. I’ll go check out that dry ice situation.”
Pam nodded and the two girls began to split off for their separate directions. “Wait!” called Pam with a smile, grabbing Rose’s hand. “Real quick, yay!” They both laughed and bounced up and down, giving each other a quick hug. “I really hope this works. I think I need it to work. Now go figure out that dry ice. I'll check on Dwight.”
Rose saluted Pam and headed back towards the warehouse.
***
Back upstairs, Pam’s coworkers were moving about their days, oblivious to the chaos outside.
Well, at least most of them were.
Pam had hardly made it back to the reception desk before Jim spun around in his chair, pointing towards the kitchen with a nudge of his head. Pam looked up and could just make out the shape of Dwight on the phone, squinting menacingly back at her.
She was heading towards the kitchen when Dwight hung up and marched through the door with a loud sense of self-importance.
“Pamela Beesly…” he began, as the whole office looked up.
“Excuse me,” drawled a man’s voice from the reception area, “Sorry to trouble you lot, but I’m here to investigate. Department of Labor Safety.” Pam looked over to see a tall, thin man in a long brown coat holding out a paper badge.
He stood up straight in recognition. “Oi! This is Dunder Mifflin PA! That’s brilliant! And quite the coincidence. Well, has anyone noticed a minor explosion lately? Though,” he added, with a tug of his ear, “mind you, I never saw that bit.”
Dwight looked at Pam, and Pam looked at Jim, and she couldn’t contain her smile.
***
End Notes:
Author's Note: If you don't know who Marjorie is, you are missing out on the best character on The Office.. Check out the awesome website
here. I'm pretty sure she is a Doctor Who fan.
A Splash of Reunion by Treble
Author's Notes:
Same rules apply. I don't own anything here, although if I could, I would. Not in a creepy way.
Author's Note: I'm very very sorry for the ridiculous delay, and I hope there are some of you out there still interested in the conclusion of this little story of mine. In my defense, I had to relocate 5000 miles and have been quite busy handling foreign government bureaucracies. Fun! The last chapter is 1/2 written so it should be up by weekend. Thanks again for reading!
***
After a long minute, Dwight broke the silence that followed the Doctor’s entrance. “I know something about an explosion,” he said slowly, triumphantly smirking at Pam. Pam confidently smirked back at him, forcing his sly little grin to falter a bit.
“Ah yes, Dwight. That does not surprise me.” The Doctor perched himself on the corner of Dwight’s desk. “Please share.”
Dwight worriedly looked back at Pam, whose smile had graduated to a full out beam. She was rocking back and forth on her heels, throwing nervous glances in the direction of the main office entrance. Dwight looked back at the Doctor curiously.
“Wait a minute, why are you British too? Foreigners can’t work for American government agencies. Let me see that badge. ”
“Mmm, perceptive as well. I can see nothing makes it past you.” The Doctor dug back through his pockets and offered the paper badge to Dwight.
“This is blank.”
“No it isn’t,” said Phyllis, peering from over Dwight’s shoulder. She smiled shyly at the Doctor. “It says Officer John Smith of the Department of Labor Safety.”
“Officer John Smith. Seriously?” asked Karen doubtfully. Pam scowled at the back of her head.
“That is what it says.” Jim shrugged from next to Karen’s desk.
“I didn’t even know the Department of Labor had Officers.” Karen frowned.
“Oh, they do,” interrupted Pam. “Big ceremony. They induct you after surviving basic training.”
“It gets televised once a year. I think it’s carried by a CNN channel,” Jim said.
“Yeah, CNN the Ocho,” Pam added.
Karen frowned at both Jim and Pam. “Ok, what exactly is going on here –ouch!”
Karen rubbed her arm while glaring up at Jim, who was looking around the office with a wide-eyed smile.
“Karen’s right,” Dwight said, while inching toward the Doctor. “And either way, that piece of paper is blank.”
“Is it?” asked the Doctor casually as he slid off the desk and snagged the paper out of Dwight’s hand. He began to back toward the kitchen.
“Please,” Dwight said, rolling his eyes, “my grandfather trained me in four different types of ancient mind control the summer after the Incident. Is this some kind of British conspiracy? Are the two of you working together?”
The Doctor rubbed his forehead in exasperation. “What? No. I’m just trying to follow up on a possible explosion, for safety reasons. Now, should I go write up Dunder Mifflin for failing to cooperate with a federal investigation? I didn’t think so,” he said confidently as he continued to walk towards the kitchen. He had just reached the door when he spun around, “Wait, hold on. What did you mean by
two? Has Donna wandered in here? Blimey, the woman said she was happy to stay put and catch up on some telly this time out. She’s probably in lock up somewhere by now. Bloody jeopardy friendly I say, every single one of them.”
Pam raised her eyebrows. “Um, what? Sorry, but who exactly is Donna?”
“Actually I think Dwight was referring to Carly,” offered Jim, overemphasizing the name.
The Doctor scrunched up his nose. “Who is Carly?”
Jim gave Pam a concerned look, and she responded with a reassuring shrug.
“She’s the new British temp, and the second hottest visitor we’ve ever had… ever,” piped in Kevin.
“Wait, who was the first?” asked Oscar.
“The purse girl, though Carly’s accent is really hot. She could yell at you, and order you around and make you do things. Like the Queen.”
“Wow, I had no idea you had such a fetish for British royalty Kevin.”
“Jim, you have no idea.”
“Katy was really pretty,” said Phyllis, turning to Karen. “Sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? Who is Katy?”
“Hey, marry, kill, boink,” oozed Kevin, “Katy, Carly or Pam?”
“Absolutely not,” interrupted Angela, shaking her head.
“Pamela!” cried Creed, with a fist pump.
Oscar rolled his eyes. “Kevin, we’ve been over this before. I don’t like girls and this is incredibly inappropriate.”
“Also, I’m standing right here,” Pam interjected.
“Katy,” threw out Ryan.
“I really think I would take Carly, because it might be weird to have Jim’s leftovers. I mean, I would take them, but not as my first choice. Sorry Karen, you’re still really hot too,” Kevin said thoughtfully.
“Wait, what?” Karen said spinning around in her chair.
“PAM AND CARLY SET OFF AN EXPLOSION IN THE PARKING LOT.” Dwight blurted out loudly.
Silence fell over the office as everyone turned to look at Pam.
She bit her lip and waved awkwardly. “Well thanks for that Dwight. Guys, it wasn’t really an explosion. It was more like an experiment. And everything is fine.”
“Oh, you best not have messed up my brand new car,” growled Stanley as he pushed his way toward the conference room.
The Doctor let out a triumphant whooping noise and had just bounced after Stanley when the main entrance of Dunder Mifflin squeaked open.
A loud whisper came from somewhere in the front hallway. “Pam? Pam! I need some help. The dry ice is attacking.”
Pam shrugged as everyone again turned to look at her.
The voice came a little louder as Rose turned the corner into the main room, her hair wildly disheveled and the sleeve of her jacket slightly torn. She was dragging a large cooler that seemed to be shaking violently and fighting against her efforts. “Seriously, Pam,” she said exasperatedly, “A little help?”
Pam cleared her throat awkwardly and Rose finally looked up to see the whole office staring at her peculiarly.
“Oh, right. Hello again! Right, this must look a bit odd.” Rose let out a deep breath, blowing a stray piece of hair out of her face.
A loud crashing noise came from the conference room. “Pamela Beesly, what in holy hell did you do to my car?” Stanley roared as he came storming out. “I hope for your sake that you have some kind of secret trust fund set up because if you think I am paying to repair that paint job, you are sorely mistaken.”
“I have to say,” said the Doctor as he came bounding out from behind Stanley, “I think the color selection is rather inspired. You know that in ancient Anlucarra, purple and pink were used as a third degree battle cry.” He furrowed his brow and tugged on his right sideburn. “Which, come to think of it, usually ended in widespread decapitation.”
Pam looked over at Rose, who had dropped the still shaking cooler onto the floor and was standing very still. Pam watched as her smile turned into a grin, and that grin turned into radiance, and the radiance was joined with huge, blindingly joyful laughter.
Everyone turned to look at her.
Pam turned to look at the Doctor.
Any doubts she may have had about the man’s identity vanished completely, as the look on his face so completely matched the one on Rose’s that Pam could see them both in it. She caught Jim’s eye, and nodded shyly at him.
“Well, hello,” breathed out the Doctor.
“Hello,” said Rose, still brimming with laughter.
The two were staring at each other so intently that neither seemed to see Dwight sneaking up behind the Doctor with a long length of rope.
Just as Pam was about to call out a warning she saw the Doctor reach into his pocket and pull out small pen-like device. Without once taking his eyes of Rose he aimed the device at Dwight and a soft hum filled the office.
“What? What are you doing? I knew you were working together! And that isn’t a licensed weapon! I am the official security supervisor of this branch! I can write up a warning!” yelled Dwight as the rope began its revolt against him, pushing him back into his chair and tying him up securely.
“Eh, considering I am here investigating an explosion, perhaps someone isn’t doing his job all that well.”
Dwight let out a gasp and narrowed his eyes, still struggling against the rope, which for a non-sentient entity seemed rather entertained by his fruitless struggles. “Who are you?”
The Doctor finally tore his eyes away from Rose and looked directly at Dwight. “I’m the Doctor. And I fix things.”
He looked over at Jim, “In Dunder Mifflin PA, I sometimes thought you could be rather cruel, that the pranks seemed excessive at times. I must admit, I understand a bit better now.”
Jim shrugged. “It’s cool man. Sometimes I think I should stop myself, try to lighten up a bit,” he frowned over at Dwight who scowled back at him, “But he always manages to test my resolve.”
“Wait,” interjected Rose. “Hold on, Dunder Mifflin PA? It’s The Office here. I know, I checked.”
The Doctor turned back to face Rose, though he seemed set on looking everywhere but her face.
“We-e-ll…I’ve been spending some time in Pete’s World...”
Rose’s mouth dropped open.
“With the stars going out I was able to squeeze through using a cascade harness. Don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. And well, I just wanted to see if, erm, whether the problem with the stars was on your end. I’ve got to go fix that still, by the way. A retroactive closure loop should do the trick, unless… So yes, I thought I’d check up, you know, pop in and say hi.”
“Hmm, retroactive closure loops can be tricky, like that one I dealt with back in ’67. Make sure to use an electron stabler as a counter balance,” Creed added, taking a large bite out of a tomato.
“You crossed through to Pete’s World, just to say hi? And somehow managed to find time to watch Dunder Mifflin?” Rose asked skeptically.
“Oh, I suppose I also wanted to see what you were up to, if you might want to come back. I mean, if you weren’t too settled in with your new life, or with Mr. Mickey or something. And then,” said the Doctor pulling on his hair, “Well, I actually stayed with your family for a bit.
“You what?”
“It seemed logical! You weren’t there but everyone seemed so sure you were going to call and it seemed best to wait around.”
“You waited around for me, at my parent’s house. For how long?”
“Oh I don’t know. About a month? Lots to teach Tony. Drove your mum a bit mad I suspect. Oi! Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like I slept in one of the guest bedrooms or something.”
Rose raised her eyebrows.
The Doctor rubbed his neck and gazed intently at a fleck on the ceiling. In a smaller voice he added, “Pete let me park the TARDIS in the dining room. Close to the kitchen and all that. Pete said Dunder Mifflin PA was your favorite, so I watched that, and then the 6th season of Arrested Development. Built a spare screwdriver for Tony. It all worked out fine.”
“You came back to get me?” Rose asked quietly.
“Well of course. Always said I would. I’d given up there for awhile, but Donna said some quite nasty things about me being sulky and codependent and she insisted on staying in this London until I made some progress finding you. I had to promise to come back for her within a few days. Don’t know why she’s still so mad that it was two weeks. That’s downright on time when you think about it.”
“Who exactly is this Donna?” Pam asked.
The Doctor glanced back at Pam. “Oh Donna’s my traveling friend. My best mate, I suppose. Though don’t tell her that.”
“You came back to get me.” Rose said in a louder voice.
The Doctor frowned sheepishly. “That’s alright, isn’t it? I mean, I assumed, since you weren’t there, and then they told me about the dimension canon. And well I assumed you wouldn’t mind…”
Rose started laughing. “I exploded nail polish all over the parking lot to get back to you.”
“You can help pay for my car then,” Stanley grumbled.
“You were coming back?” asked the Doctor with a hopeful smile.
“I am back,” said Rose with an answering grin. “Hello Doctor.”
“Hello Rose. I think I’ve done this all wrong.” And with that, the Doctor leapt across the room and swept her up, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her off the ground. He swung her back and forth with a swallowed giggle and Rose buried her face in his shoulder, the two clinging to each other with their eyes closed.
“I guess I’ll have to take Katy after all,” sighed Kevin.
The Doctor set Rose down while keeping one hand cupped against her cheek. Rose grinned and pulled him down gently with a hand on either side of his face. She softly kissed his forehead and he beamed back at her, smoothing out her tousled hair and tucking a stray strand behind her ear.
Pam tore her eyes away upon the sinking realization that the persistent scuffling noise coming from the cooler had stopped. “Sorry, but Carly? Or Rose, I guess. Um, where did that cooler go? You said dry ice was attacking?” Rose looked around with a worried expression, still not releasing the Doctor.
Michael chose that moment to barge out of his office. “Pam. Pam! Something is wrong with Harvey. He’s been possessed.”
Pam looked at Michael, and then looked pointedly at the Doctor and Rose.
Michael frowned at the embracing pair. “How dare you madam? I’ll have you know,” Michael said to the Doctor, “Your girlfriend made quite the pass at me this morning.”
“I’m not-“ Rose started.
“Did she then?” The Doctor interrupted, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Blast, I was hoping to get that chance myself.” Rose grinned up at the Doctor and he pulled her back into a hug.
“Ew gross. PDA ALERT! God, Pam, can you come help me?”
Pam sighed. “Michael, what exactly is wrong with your computer?”
“Harvey, I think he’s possessed.” Michael pushed open the door to his office and Pam could almost make out the words coming from Michael’s computer. An eerie silence fell over the room, as everyone strained to hear.
Slowly, the words could be made out, a computerized voice calling into the silence in escalating tones, “Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf. BAD WOLF. BAD WOLF. BAD WOLF. BAD WOLF. BADWOLF BADWOLF BADWOLF BADWOLF”
The overhead lights flickered off and by the time the emergency lights powered up, the words BAD WOLF had taken over the office, every computer screen, every poster. The computerized voice was now screaming from Michael’s office.
“BADWOLFBADWOLFBADWOLFBADWOLFBADWOLFBADWOLFBADWOLF”
The noise was joined by the murmur of panicking voices as everyone tripped their way towards the center of the office.
Rose looked up at the Doctor and then over at Pam. “Everyone! Everyone, please stay calm. I apologize for lying to you earlier but my name is actually Rose, and I’m not really a temp. This here is the Doctor. You all are Dunder Mifflin, and we’ve got trouble. Conference room… right now. ”
***
End Notes:
Bwahaha. I love reviews! But I also just love you folks for reading this crazy little story of mine. So, win-win-win.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.