The wailing sound of the alarm clock startled Jim out of sleep. Blearily he looked at the clock and pushed himself out of bed. Running a hand through his already messy hair he made his way to the bathroom, yawning.

After a quick shower, he was dressed and stood over the sink brushing his teeth.

“Hey,” Mark muttered, walking into their shared bathroom and grabbing his toothbrush.

“Hey,” Jim said after spitting out a mouthful of toothpaste. “What’s up?”

“Dude, I just woke up,” Mark rolled his eyes and moved to take Jim’s place in front of the sink. Jim chuckled and moved to the scale in the corner of the small room.

“Weight good?” Mark asked through a mouthful of toothpaste.

“Yeah,” Jim shrugged and grabbed the pillbox from the medicine cabinet. He quickly swallowed all nine pills, wincing at the chalky taste. “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment today so I may be late getting home.”

“Okay no problem. I’ll order Chinese,” Mark nodded to himself and walked out of the bathroom.

“Get me something with tofu, vegetables and steamed rice,” Jim called out after him and with one quick look in the mirror walked out as well. He grabbed his messenger bag, gave a quick wave to his roommate, and walked out the door.

His phone rang as he got into his car and after fumbling with his bag he answered it.

“Hey Jim, it’s Dr. Pressman’s office,” A perky voice said on the other end. “We just wanted to remind you that you have an appointment today.”

“Yup, I remember, Amy. Thanks,” Jim started his car and pulled out of the driveway.

“No problem Jim, see you at four,” She said and a click told him that she had hung up. Jim smiled and drove the rest of the way to work.

~*~

“Tuna again?” Kevin raised his eyebrows at Jim’s lunch. Jim frowned at his tuna sandwich, carrot sticks, and apple before looking up.

“Yeah? What’s wrong with it?” Jim asked and Kevin scoffed, returning to his lunch of microwave pizza rolls that left a small puddle of orange grease behind on the plate.

“Nothing, it’s just…” Kevin giggled. “Girl food.”

“Girl food?” Jim took a bite out of a carrot stick.

“Yeah. Girls eat bite-sized veggies and fruit and guys eat meat and bread. It’s so obvious,” Kevin said intensely.

“Food doesn’t have a gender preference Kevin,” Jim replied and quickly stuffed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth and stood after swallowing. “I’ve got to go talk to Michael.”

Jim had quickly explained that he needed to go to a doctor’s appointment and after avoiding awkward comments, fled the office.

~*~

“Hey Jim,” The young receptionist smiled as he approached the desk. “You’re late for your appointment.”

“Sorry,” he grinned back and Jen rolled her eyes playfully. “Work is insane.”

“Sure,” She chuckled. “Dr. Pressman will be seeing you shortly. Take a seat if you want.” Jim thanked her and grabbed a seat in the overly soft couch.

The only other people in the waiting room were an older couple. The wife was holding onto her husband’s hand tightly.

“Look how young he is,” She whispered a little too loudly and Jim felt his ears burn as he looked through the issues of Healthy Living. “Such a shame.”

“Not so loud Lillian, I think he can hear you,” Her husband scolded and Jim pretended he did not see her horrified look.

“Jim Halpert,” A nurse called and smiled at Jim as he hurried out of the uncomfortable situation. She took his blood pressure and weight and then led him into a room.

“Jim!” The doctor walked into the room a few moments later. “How are you?”

“Just fine Chris,” Jim shook his hand

“How have you been?” Chris asked, settling down into the small chair in front of the patient’s bed. “Have you been looking for your weight and making good food choices?”

“Yes,” Jim smiled, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been doing this for a while. I’m pretty sure I know what to do.”

“I’m sure you do,” Chris grinned. “Have you experienced anything abnormal?”

Jim paused for a moment before sighing. “I haven’t been sleeping well since I’ve been so out of breath as soon as I lay down.”

“Really?” The doctor frowned. “We’ll adjust your digoxin and see if that helps.” He scribbled out a new prescription and handed it to the young man.

“So, any news about my placement on the list?” Jim asked, nervously tapping the prescription on his hand rapidly.

“I’m afraid not Jim,” Chris shook his head. “Since you aren’t horribly sick you’re still a little low on the list. I think you should join a support group.”

“What?” Jim asked sharply, raising his eyebrows. “I don’t need group therapy sessions. I can deal with this on my own.”

“Heart failure is a traumatic experience to go through, especially at your age,” Chris tried to explain but Jim’s glare made him sigh.

“Yes, it is, but I’m fine,” The younger man said through gritted teeth. “I should be getting home now.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Chris frowned. “Jim, I’ve been your doctor for almost nine years and I think it would be best. You’ve been dealing with this by yourself for a long time and talking it through with someone will help.”

“I’m fine,” He muttered, staring at the prescription. “I’m sorry Chris, but I really don’t want to go to those depressing meetings. I tried them when I was in college and all that happens is that the number of members gets smaller. They don’t help.”

Chris looked at him sadly and nodded. “I understand. You’ll call me if anything happens?”

“Yeah,” Jim stood and shook Chris’s hand. “Good to see you man.”

“You too, we’ll get that heart someday,” The doctor grinned and Jim chuckled back.

As he walked out of the office, he gave a small smile at the older couple before hurrying to his car.

~*~

“Hey man, I got you your veggie thing,” Mark called out as soon as Jim walked in the door. He was sitting on the couch motioning at the white carton with his chopsticks.

Jim sat down heavily on the couch and poked at his food with his chopsticks, not paying attention to the game on television at all.

“He said my chances of getting a heart soon were incredibly slim,” Jim mumbled suddenly.

“Dude, that sucks,” Mark replied, patted his friend on the shoulders. Jim smiled back at him slightly but it vanished soon after.

“Yeah,” Jim mumbled before nibbling on a piece of steamed broccoli.

In Jim’s junior year of high school, his basketball team made the playoffs. The whole school was covered in giant blue and white posters encouraging the team and the days leading up to the game were full of school pride and pep rallies.

“You nervous?” Mark grinned at him as they tied their shoes in the locker room.

“Please, me nervous?” Jim scoffed and finished tying his shoes. In reality his heart was pounding. They could hear the roar of the crowd outside in the gym and the junior tried to calm his heart by taking a deep breath.

“Alright team,” The captain, Alex, called out loudly as he stood. “We can’t lose to these guys. Let’s go out there and win!”

The team exploded into cheers and stood. Jim pushed himself to his feet, and instantly held his stomach.

“Okay there Halpert?” Alex asked softly and Jim nodded.

“Just a small stomach ache,” He muttered and stood still until the nausea passed.

The team jogged out onto the field amidst screams and cheers from the fans. The sounds all seemed too loud and Jim was incredibly relieved when they got to their coach. He slowed to a halt, panting heavily, and scanned the crowd.

A grin spread across his face when he saw his parents and brothers waving wildly. Turning back to the coach, the team put their hands in and cheered, running to their opening positions.

While waiting for the other team to come out, Jim suddenly felt faint. His breathing was harsh and wheezing.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked eyes narrowed in concern. Jim nodded slowly and watched as the other team jog out onto the court.

The game was absolutely brutal for Jim. He could normally go half the game without getting too tired but lately he was out of breath almost immediately.

“Dude,” Mark called out as he jogged past. “You look really pale.”

“I’m fine,” Jim muttered then everything went black.

~*~

The first thing Jim was aware of was the pain. His chest ached and he could not breathe. Green eyes snapped open in a panic and he began to gag.

He could hear his mother’s shouts but continued to choke around the tube in his throat. A doctor hurried into the room and leaned over him.

“Okay Jim, we’re going to take the tube out. Cough when I count to three, okay?” A nurse joined the doctor and he put some gloves on. “Alright, one…two…three.”

Jim coughed and felt the tube being pulled out. He continued to gasp and wheeze as the nurse placed an oxygen mask over his face.

“Are you feeling okay?” The doctor leaned down, square glasses sliding down his nose. When Jim nodded weakly, he smiled. “I’m Dr. Pressman but you can call me Chris. I’m going to tell you what we found.”

Jim began to feel better with the flow of oxygen and leaned into the pillow, now taking in his surroundings. He was lying on white sheets and was surrounded by machines.

“What happened?” He asked hoarsely, pulling the oxygen mask away slightly.

“You collapsed on the basketball court baby,” Larissa Halpert said, stroking his hand. “Your heart stopped.”

“We did a few tests and we found that you have a disorder called aortic valve stenosis. One of the valves in your heart has narrowed and this makes it difficult to pump blood. You have probably had this condition since birth but it was not obvious. Unfortunately, this has continued to damage your heart and it overcompensated until your heart muscle thickened. You are currently in heart failure.” The doctor explained.

“What do we do?” Larissa asked but Jim could hardly hear over the rushing sound in his ears.

“Well, we’re going to start you on some medications and observe your reaction. If that doesn’t work we’ll have to replace the valve surgically.”

“Heart surgery?” Jim asked softly and the doctor nodded.

“I’m sorry, I wish we had better news,” Chris said sadly.

“What if the valve replacement doesn’t work?” Jim asked, pulling the oxygen mask away again.

“We’ll put you on the heart transplant list,” Chris replied and Larissa let out a small cry. She instantly buried her head in her hands and began to cry.

“Okay,” Jim nodded, leaning back and closing his eyes.

~*~

“Psst, dude!” Jim opened his eyes slowly and jumped. His entire team surrounded the bed, still dressed in their uniforms. His mother had met his father and they were currently talking with the doctor about treatments.

“What are you all doing here?” His voice was still hoarse but the oxygen mask had been replaced by a nasal cannula.

“We just finished the game and wanted to come see you,” Mark said with a grin. “We won too!”

“Sweet!” Jim grinned brightly and pushed himself up.

“So, how are you?” Alex asked and Jim noticed the rest of the team looking worried. Jim’s grin faded slightly. “You just collapsed and no one told us what’s going on. Your mom sent us up to talk to you.”

“Yeah,” Jim muttered and ran a hand through his hair. “My doctor found that I have a heart defect. He said that I’ve started going into heart failure.”

“Wow,” Mark said after an awkward silence. “So, no basketball?”

“Nope,” Jim shook his head and sighed.

“I’m sorry man,” Alex said softly and gave him a faint smile. “We can tell a couple cheerleaders if you want though. I’m sure they would love to take care of the ‘oh so cute Jimmy Halpert.’”

Chuckles ran through the room and Jim smiled slightly.

“No thanks, I’m sure I’ll live,” Jim smiled. “You’d better keep winning the games. I’m coming down there as soon as they let me out.”

“We’ll be looking forward to it,” Alex smiled. “We’d better get going guys. See you Halpert.” The team filed out of the room but Mark stayed behind.

“How bad is it really?” He asked suddenly. “Dude, I’m your best friend and I can tell when you’re keeping something from us.”

“I know,” Jim nodded slowly. “They said I’ll need surgery if the medication doesn’t work to replace the valve. If that doesn’t work they’re putting me on the transplant list.”

Mark was completely silent, staring at his basketball shoes. “So, it’s really serious?”

“Yeah,” Jim sighed and stared at his clasped hands.

“Dunder-Mifflin this is Pam,” Jim glanced up at her voice and watched her for a few moments. Pam soon realized that Jim was looking at her and smiled slightly.

Jim smiled back quickly and turned back to his computer, lightly tugging on his collar. He felt like he had caught a nasty cold and the horrible feverish feeling left him shivering. The younger man coughed harshly and got a disgusted look from Dwight and a concerned look from Phyllis.

Standing slowly, he made his way to the kitchen and only allowed his body to sag with exhaustion when the door closed. Jim made himself a cup of tea, hoping it would help his cold.

Suddenly, searing pain flashed through his chest and the mug fell to the ground, shattering. Jim gripped the counter and gasped. A painfully sharp cough ripped from his chest and splattered blood across the counter.

“You okay? We heard something break,” He heard Oscar’s voice as the door opened. The accountant completely froze when he saw the blood-splattered, gasping man.

“Can’t breathe,” Jim gasped out, legs giving way. Thankfully, Oscar was close enough to lunge forward and grab him. Blood was still trickling out of his mouth with every cough and his dazed mind barely heard Oscar shouting for help.

Colors and shapes began to blend into a pain-filled haze. Jim could hear the paramedics coming and felt the oxygen mask being placed over his face. Before his vision went completely black he saw Pam’s horrified face leaning over him.

~*~

Pam sat in the emergency waiting room, trying to not let tears fall. She had heard Oscar’s panicked cries to call 911 and after glancing up to see him standing in the break room doorway, covered in blood.

The call and waiting for the ambulance were all a blur but she remembered looking into Jim’s terrified green eyes as they put him on the gurney. The color of his white dress shirt was stained in blood and it completely covered his mouth and chin.

Roy had driven the dazed Pam to the hospital and now she was sitting on the uncomfortable plastic chair, watching Jim’s worried parents. She was gripping Roy’s hand tightly and he was rubbing her back. The warehouse employee had been startled by Jim’s appearance and knowing that he was one of her best friends, followed the ambulance.

“He’ll be fine Pammy,” Roy mumbled into her hair and kissed her forehead sweetly. Pam nodded slowly and wiped tears away.

A middle aged man came through the doors and smiled at the Halperts. He was rather squat with a head of salt-and-pepper colored hair and a friendly smile.

“Larissa,” He shook Jim’s parent’s hands. “And Rob, I wish we could meet under better circumstances.”

“What happened?” Larissa asked tearfully.

The doctor glanced over to the couple awkwardly, not wanting to continue while they were in the room.

“You can talk about it, they’re friends of Jim’s,” Rob said gently, smiling at Pam and Roy. Pam stood slowly to her feet and was quickly followed by her fiancée.

“Jim has suffered a pulmonary embolism,” The doctor said gently. “We looked further into it and have found that he has endocarditis. A patch of bacteria must have broken off and gone into his lungs, blocking the artery. This is actually a very common complication with his condition.”

“Condition?” Pam asked softly, not sure if it was her place. She could hardly see through her tears but the doctor’s confused expression was clear.

“I’m sorry?” The doctor frowned, obviously thinking that they knew.

“It’s alright Chris,” Larissa said gently. “I’m sorry but we didn’t know that you didn’t know.” She gave the couple a small smile.

“Alright,” Chris nodded. “I’m Chris Pressman, Jim’s cardiologist. When he was in high school his heart stopped and we discovered he had a heart defect and had gone into heart failure.”

“Oh God,” Pam’s eyes teared up more if that was possible and she quickly put her hand up to her mouth.

“We had thought that the heart failure wasn’t progressing quickly but I think that we are wrong. We did an echo and have put through blood tests but simply by the echo I believe the infection is pretty severe,” Chris said sadly.

Larissa closed her eyes and let out a small cry. Rob quickly wrapped his arms around her and turned damp eyes towards the shocked Pam and Roy.

“We might need to cut the parts of infected heart out,” Chris continued. “He’s awake and breathing normally now if you want to see him. I’m only going to allow family back, I’m sorry.”

“We’ll tell him that you both came by,” Rob said softly, smiling at them.

“We need to call Pete and Tom,” Larissa said quietly as they walked through the doors.

~*~

“Hey Jimmy,” Larissa hurried over to her youngest son and grabbed his hand. “Has the doctor already talked to you?”

“Surgery?” Jim asked groggily.

“Yes sweetie,” His mother smiled and began to stroke his hand. “Some of your friends are outside. They’re very sweet and very worried.”

“Who?” Jim’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Pam and Roy. Poor Pam was in tears the whole time,” Rob shook his head and then noticed the horrified look on her son’s face.

“You told them!” Jim shot up in bed, anxiety heightening.

“Jim, calm down,” Rob tried to calm his son down.

“Calm down! I had no intention of telling anyone!” Jim spat, his heart rate monitor beeping wildly.

“Jim, I’m sorry we didn’t know,” Larissa sounded worried and gripped Jim’s shoulder. He began to calm down and fell back onto the pillows.

“It’s fine,” Jim said tiredly.

“Do you want to see them?” Larissa asked softly.

“No,” Jim replied solemnly, pulled the sheets up to his chin, and turned onto his side. Larissa bit her lip, hesitated, and left the room.

~*~

Pam walked through the doors slowly, clutching the iPod like a lifeline. She had noticed Jim’s forgotten iPod on his desk and had grabbed it when she returned to work.

Now, on a Saturday morning, she had decided Jim would be bored sitting in the hospital for too long. She did not count on being so nervous however.

“Hi, I’m here to visit Jim Halpert,” Pam said to the receptionist, proud that her voice did not shake. The receptionist smiled at her warmly and told her what room to go into.

Pam walked down the seemingly endless hallway until she was standing in front of her best friend’s door. After lifting a trembling fist several times, she finally knocked quietly on the door and opened it.

“Hey,” She gave him a small, nervous smile. Jim usually turned towards her with a warm smile but currently he looked at her and quickly turned to look at his hands.

“I brought your iPod,” She held up the small device but Jim continued to look at his hands. “How are you feeling?”

“Super,” Jim replied harshly, making her wince. “I’m feeling just fine.”

“Sorry,” Pam muttered, staring at the iPod. “You just scared me at the office and I didn’t know you were sick.”

“Well, I’m sorry I scared you but no one was supposed to know!” He suddenly snapped.

Pam froze and tightened her grip on the iPod. Jim sighed harshly and fell back onto the pillows, closing his eyes.

“I know now,” Pam almost whispered. “I know your heart is failing and that you’ve been sick for a long time. What I don’t understand was why you didn’t tell me? I thought we were friends Jim, good friends. We should be able to tell these things to each other!”

As she continued talking, her voice got louder and louder until she was almost shouting. Jim simply stared at her blankly and closed his eyes.

“I was first diagnosed with heart failure when I was seventeen. When my friends found out, they treated me like glass. I didn’t want our friendship to suffer because I’m sick,” Jim’s voice was tried and rough. He suddenly did not look like the confident young man she had become friends with but a tried ill person who had lost hope.

“I’m so sorry,” Pam muttered then turned to look at him with tears in her eyes. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? You would know that I wouldn’t judge you.”

“I know,” Jim nodded slowly. “But how would I bring in that fact that my heart is failing into a conversation?”

“Good point,” Pam allowed herself a weak smile.

“Thanks for bringing my iPod, by the way,” Jim gave her a more realistic smile. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“It’s alright,” Pam gently placed it on his bedside table. “What happens now?”

“Well, I guess I go into surgery in a few days after they try to get rid of some of the infection with some antibiotics,” Jim tried to ignore the stricken look on her face. “It’s fine. It’s not my first heart surgery.”

“I figured,” Pam smiled faintly. She quickly sat down in the plastic chair near his bed. “You won’t believe what Dwight did yesterday.”

“Fun,” Jim grinned and sat up a little straighter.

“Hey, I’m going to head out a little early tomorrow,” Pam said, cleaning the plates off the table. “Michael wants me in early to get his files set up.”

“Okay,” Roy nodded. “I’ll get a ride from Darryl.”

“Cool,” Pam smiles slightly and closed the dishwasher. “I’m really tired, I’m going to bed.”

She spun around and walked to their bedroom, closing the door behind her with a click.

“Okay,” Roy mumbled into the empty room.

~*~

Pam walked slowly down the white hallways, hating how loud her small heels sounded on the tile ground.

“Come on mom,” She jumped when she heard Jim’s voice and jumped behind the nurse’s station. One of the nurses gave her an odd look but turned back to her charts.

“It’s nothing sweetie,” Larissa’s voice cracked with emotion.

“It’s a minimally invasive surgery,” Jim replied shortly.

“And by minimally invasive they mean cutting into your heart and hacking out damaged parts,” A man’s voice she did not recognize said sarcastically.

“Cute Tom,” Jim snapped back.

“Boys, come on,” Rob tried to separate his sons. “We’ll see you when you get out Jim.”

“I love you,” Larissa said tearfully.

Pam leaned slightly into the hallway to see Jim lying on a bed, surrounded by his family. He was smiling faintly but his family was pale and worried looking.

“Please, I’ll be fine,” Jim squeezed his mother’s hand gently and leaned back onto the gurney. “I think the anesthesia is beginning to kick in.”

He looked dazed and his words began to slur slightly. Larissa smiled and kissed her son’s cheek before they wheeled him through the double doors.

Pam stared at the swinging double doors, her heart pounding loudly in her ears.

“Pam?” She jumped and spun around to see Mark standing behind her holding a duffle bag. “What are you doing here?”

“I…uh…” Pam stuttered and felt her face heating up. “I wanted to see Jim before he went in.”

“Oh,” Mark raised his eyebrows. “I was just bringing in some extra clothes for Jim. Has he already gone in?”

“Yeah,” Pam nodded.

“Jim didn’t mention you were coming in today,” Mark said as he walked into Jim’s room, dumping the duffle bag on the ground.

“I…I wasn’t,” Mark noticed that Pam had reddened further. “He didn’t know. He actually asked me not to come.”

“Oh,” Mark paused, eyes widening. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware.”

“I shouldn’t have come,” Pam muttered, starting to walk out the door.

“Wait!” Mark grabbed her arm. “I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward. I talked to him yesterday about you. He had gotten freaked out because you were spending so much time with him, since you are engaged. He doesn’t want to ruin your engagement but he really likes you.”

“What?” Pam froze.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t supposed to say that,” Mark mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face. “This whole situation has been so stressful to him. He comes home from work exhausted and sometimes just talks about everything and anything. Usually, it’s about you.”

Pam stood there in shock. Jim had feelings for her. A horrible wave of guilt washed over her and she fiddled with her engagement ring.

“Please don’t tell him,” She whispered and quickly fled the room, leaving Mark alone in the room.

~*~

“Are you okay?” Pam asked Roy who had been quiet all through dinner.

“Where were you this morning?” Roy asked, suddenly looking up at her.

“I told you yesterday. I had to go in early to type up Michael’s schedule,” Pam poked at her casserole listlessly.

“I had this crazy suspicion that you were mad at me,” He laughed humorlessly. “I bought you one of those giant muffins but when I went to give it to you, you weren’t there. Actually, Scott said you called in to say you were going to be late.”

“I…I don’t,” Pam stuttered, eyes wide.

“All I want to know is where you were. Was it so important that you had to lie to me about it?” Roy said angrily, dropping his fork with a clatter.

“I was at the hospital,” Pam whispered. “Jim went in for surgery this morning.”

“Halpert!” Roy raised his eyebrows. “Are you cheating on me?”

“No!” Pam’s head shot up. “No! I promise we are just friends. I was scared that you would get all upset.”

“Can you see why I am though?” Roy snapped. “You lie to me to go see Halpert in the hospital. I’ve noticed that all during lunch you were checking your phone. You were waiting for information on him, weren’t you?”

“Yes,” Pam whispered.

Roy snarled and stood up from the table abruptly, leaving Pam sitting there by herself.

Pam woke up slowly, joints aching. She had decided to sleep on the couch after the fight with Roy and still felt incredibly guilty.

“Pam?” She sat up fully, hair sticking up in every direction. Roy was standing in the kitchen doorway holding a plate of waffles and a cup of tea. “I made you breakfast.”

“Thanks,” She smiled and tried to smooth down her hair. Pam took the plates from him and stared down at the syrupy waffle. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Roy quickly grabbed his fiancée’s hand. “I was jealous and tired. I didn’t mean to snap at you. If you want, I can give you a ride to the hospital after work. Didn’t he have the surgery yesterday?”

“Yes he did,” Pam smiled sweetly. “Thanks Roy.”

~*~

Pam walked down the hallway, gripping Roy’s hand tightly. Her fiancé gently rubbed her back as they walked towards the intensive care unit waiting room.

They could easily pick out Jim’s family amongst the other worried families in the waiting room. Pam recognized his parents and saw the two men who she assumed were his brothers, Pete and Tom. Two young women sat next to them, staring blankly at style magazines.

“Mr. and Mrs. Halpert?” Pam said softly, getting the whole family to glance up at them with reddened, exhausted eyes. “I don’t know if you remember us.”

“Of course I do,” She gave Pam a fleeting smile.

“I just wanted to come down to see if you needed anything,” Pam said awkwardly, Roy squeezing her hand.

“That’s very sweet of you dear,” Larissa smiled. “I think we’re fine but we would love for the two of you to join us. Jim should be out of the ICU soon.”

“Is he alright?” Roy asked, obviously feeling uncomfortable.

“They had to cut away quite a bit of his heart and he only woke up a few hours ago. I guess he still has the breathing tube in and they’re watching him closely to make sure his heart doesn’t give out,” Rob muttered, rubbing his face.

“He’ll be okay though,” The younger of the two brothers, Pete, said sharply.

“He’s as stubborn as they come,” Tom smirked.

“I’m going to head home, I’m supposed to help Kenny move his new TV in,” Roy kissed her on the cheek. Pam knew that Roy had nothing to do that night but he was incredibly uncomfortable. She gently squeezed his hand before he left the room.

“Larissa, I’m going on a snack run,” One of the women, a pretty blonde, smiled at her. “Pam, Ellen, would you like to join me?”

“Sure,” The other, older woman with long straight black hair stood up and placed the magazine on the plastic chair.

The blonde hooked her arm through Pam’s and gave her a bright grin. The three women left the waiting room then slowed to a stop as soon as the doors closed behind them.

“We really haven’t been formally introduced,” The blonde smiled. “I’m Rachel Halpert, Pete’s wife.”

“And I’m Emma Halpert, Tom’s wife,” The dark haired woman grinned.

“Have you guys been here all night?” Pam asked as they made their way to the cafeteria. Both women nodded, obviously tired.

“How long have you known Jim?” Emma asked with a tired smile.

“We’ve worked together for a couple years now,” Pam began to feel more comfortable with the two women. “He’s become my best friend and it’s just been really hard.”

“I totally understand,” Emma nodded, pulling her hair back. “I was dating Tom, who’s about seven years older than Jim, when he had his first heart attack. We were in the audience of the basketball game when he collapsed. It really did change his brothers, they were terrified.”

“Goodness, I can imagine,” Pam shuddered at the thought.

“And poor Vanessa and Jason have been so upset that Uncle Jim has gotten sick again,” Emma shook her head. “I have a neighbor watching them.”

Pam nodded uncomfortably, feeling completely out of place. These women were completely part of the family and she felt just like an onlooker.

Rachel jumped slightly and pulled out her cell phone, smiling embarrassedly. She glanced at the text and her eyes widened.

“Jim’s awake and they removed the tube. He’s still a little tired but aware,” She grinned. “Let’s go see him.”

Pam gave her a shaky smile and the bright grin on Rachel’s face faded slightly. She linked her arm through the receptionist’s and they began to walk back to the ICU.

Pete and Tom stood outside the room, talking and laughing. Rachel slid next to Pete and hugged him.

“How’s he doing?” Emma asked, brushing her hair behind her ears.

“Not too bad,” Tom said, smiling at Pam. “Mom and dad are in there with him now. But they’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Pam nodded shortly and clasped her trembling hands together, staring at the door. Rachel gently patted her shoulder and smiled at her. She glanced down and her smile faded slightly when she saw the thin gold band on Pam’s left hand.

The sound of the door opening made Pam jump. Jim’s parents walked out, smiling slightly.

“Well, we’ve all been in,” Larissa said brightly, obviously happy. “Pam, would you like to see him?”

“Uh, sure,” Pam smiled at the family and walked into the room, slowly.

Jim was lying in a bed, completely covered with tubes. He had several coming out of his arms, one in his neck, and several pads attached to his chest. She could see the deep incision peaking out of the blankets.

“Hey,” Jim smiled, his voice incredibly hoarse.

“Hi,” She gave him a trembling smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Actually, not too bad,” Jim closed his eyes for a moment and shifted up higher in his bed. “They’ve got me on all kinds of pain meds. It’s pretty awesome.”

Pam lips quirked into a smile but she could not keep her eyes off all of the tubes. They only made him look extremely ill and frail.

“I know the tubes are a little weird,” Jim said with a tired smile and Pam blushed, embarrassed to be caught staring. “The little pads are the EKG monitor, it checks my heart rate. The one in my arm is my arterial line, which monitors my blood pressure and the amount of oxygen in the blood. The one in my neck is a Swan-Ganz, which measures the pressure in my heart and pulmonary veins. And there are a couple of tubes in my chest, which are under the blanket, drain all the crap that builds up in my chest.”

“Wow,” Pam said slowly. “So, I’m guessing this isn’t your first heart surgery?”

“Nope,” He gave her a small smile. “It’s my fourth.”

Pam’s heart froze and Jim’s smile faded at the look of shock on her face. He reached out and grabbed her hand.

“Thanks for coming,” He said softly.

“I’m glad I came,” She responded, squeezing his hand faintly.

His smile faltered again and he gently pulled his hand away, leaning back on the pillows.

“Roy’s helping Kenny move his new TV,” She blurted out, not really sure why.

“Ah,” Jim raised his eyebrows, scratching at the IV site. “Good for him.”

Pam nodded, wringing her hands nervously. Jim stared down at his hands and sighed, he could feel the exhaustion that followed the surgery.

“Pam,” They both glanced up to see Rob leaning into the door. “I’m sorry dear but your time is up.”

“Oh,” Pam muttered and took Jim’s hand, squeezing it again. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” Jim said with a smile.

She turned around and walked out of the door, glancing behind her shoulder to give him a quick smile. Pete slipped into the room as Pam walked out and Jim groaned.

“Come on Pete,” He moaned. “I’m exhausted.”

“Oh whine, whine, whine,” Pete mocked him, plopping down into the plastic chair by the bed. “Pam’s cute. But Jimmy, she has a ring.”

“Really? I didn’t realize!” Jim gave a gasp of mock surprise. “She’s just a good friend.”

“Uh huh,” Pete nodded.

Jim rolled his eyes but a sudden pain in his chest made him freeze. Pete frowned and sat up as his brother’s eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped over. The heart monitor let out a loud, horrible wail as it flatlined.

Author's Note: This chapter was difficult to write. Don't get me wrong, I didn't like Roy for the longest time after the break up but the way I view it is that he's not a bad guy, he just wasn't right for Pam. Anyway, on to the chapter!



Jim woke slowly, vision fading in and out. He slowly turned his head from side to side and his eyes widened when he realized there was something in his throat. He began to gag and cough, eyes watering.

“Hey,” A blurry face leaned over him. “You’re fine. Just relax; you have a tube down your throat.”

Jim tried to relax the best he could but his whole body was tense and trembling faintly. He could feel more than see the people moving around him until a face came sharply into focus.

“Okay, on three I need you to cough, we’re going to get this thing out,” The doctor smiled. Jim winced at the feeling of the tube being moved as the doctor took a hold of it.

Jim coughed when the doctor reached three and the horrible sensation of the tube being pulled out almost made him sick to his stomach. He could feel an oxygen mask being placed over his face and after a few shaky breaths, collapsed back into the pillows.

“I’m going to go page Dr. Pressman,” The doctor smiled again. “Just hold on for a bit.”

He took deep breaths through the oxygen mask but could feel exhaustion beginning to set in. That was when he became aware of the bizarre feeling in his chest. Glancing down, Jim could make out the beginning of a surgical incision peeking out from the collar of his hospital gown. He moved a shaky hand downward and instantly let out a gasp when he discovered a rectangular lump beneath his skin.

“Jim,” He looked up to see Chris walk in, smiling. “I’m glad to see you are up and awake.”

“What happened?” Jim asked, voice raspy and weak.

“You went into cardiac arrest,” Chris’s expression suddenly turned very serious. “You stopped breathing and it took us a while to get your heart back. After a few tries it became apparent that your heart wasn’t going to keep beating on its own so we rushed you to surgery and installed a pacemaker, which I see you’ve already discovered.”

“A pacemaker?” Jim asked in disbelief. His grandfather had a pacemaker installed when he was seventy-two and here Jim was at twenty-six going through the same thing.

“I’m afraid so,” Chris nodded solemnly. “I’m going to let you get some sleep, don’t be afraid to call me when you have any more questions.”

Jim nodded slowly, still feeling foggy and watched as Chris stepped out of the room.

At that moment, amidst the beeping and gossiping nurses in the background, he allowed the tears to fall and curled into himself sobbing.

~*~

Pam frowned as Roy pulled the car over on the side of the road, eyes downcast.

“Pam, I think we need to talk,” He mumbled, still staring at his hands on the steering wheel. “I know that Halpert is your best friend and that you care for him dearly. But, I thought the person you were supposed to marry was your best friend. I thought you were supposed to think about the person you loved all the time, and I don’t feel like you feel that way with me.”

Pam sat there speechless and put a hand to her mouth in shock. “What are you talking about? Are you breaking up with me?”

“I love you Pam,” Roy looked at her in the eye, serious. “But I can’t marry you if you love someone else; it’s not fair to you. Do you love him?”

“I…I don’t know,” Pam said tearfully. “I love you Roy but I’m not sure if I’m just staying with you because I’ve been with you for so long. I loved you at one point, I swear, but now I don’t know.”

“It’s Halpert isn’t it?” Roy said sadly. “I know, it’s okay. He’s always been there for you when I never had and I’m sorry for that.”

“Roy,” She whispered and placed her hand over his.

“Pam, I want you to be happy, and I’ve never seen you happier than when you were with him,” He gently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. “Do you want me to drive you back to the hospital?”

“Yes,” She said softly and he nodded. As they drove in silence, Pam twisted the engagement ring off and handed it to him when they pulled into the parking lot.

“I hope you’re happy with him,” Roy smiled at her sweetly and left her in the hospital entry way, feeling empty.

~*~

Pam walked up to the ICU in a complete daze. Walking into the waiting room, she saw the entire Halpert family sitting in their previous seats, surrounded by empty soda bottles and candy wrappers.

“May I go into his room?” She asked softly and after a small pause, Larissa nodded.

Pam walked to the room, smiling at the nurses behind the giant nurses’ station. She paused for a moment outside of Jim’s room before sliding open the glass door and stepping behind the curtain.

She saw that he was fast asleep but the sheets had slipped down enough to reveal the beginnings of the deep incision.

Pam sat down in a nearby chair and grabbed his hand, before laying her head down by his side.

“I think I may have feelings for you as well,” She whispered softly, remembering the rumor that had been started and his denial of that rumor, then squeezed his hand as he continued to sleep peacefully.

Jim slowly woke up; exhaustion still weighing heavily on him, when he realized someone was holding his hand. He turned his head to the side to see Pam sleeping, head resting next to his hip.

Confused, he looked down at her left hand in his and was shocked to see that the ring was gone. He pushed himself up, stirring her awake.

“Hey,” Pam smiled softly, smiling. “How’re you feeling?”

“Uh, okay,” Jim mumbled, smiling back. “What’s going on?”

“It’s hard to explain,” Pam gently, rubbed at her now empty hand. “I broke off the engagement with Roy.”

She smiled at Jim’s blank stare and squeezed his hand, only to have him jerk away.

“No,” He shook his head. “No, you can’t have. Did you do this because of me?”

A little taken aback by his sudden outburst she could not do anything but nod. Jim’s face completely drained of all color and he fell back into his pillow.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, nervous.

“This always happens!” Jim hissed, now looking angry. “Every time someone finds out that I am sick, they always react in the same way. Suddenly everyone feels bad and feels the need to do what they think I want. You just threw your entire life away to be with me, just because I’m sick.”

“Really?” Pam snapped back. “You really think that I can’t make that decision on my own? I have been with him for years Jim, years! He was never right for me but I didn’t see it. I thought that was how love was supposed to be but then I met you and you’ve been so good to me. When I thought that I could lose you, I realized I couldn’t imagine life without you.”

As she spoke her voice rose in volume and tears streamed down her face. Jim’s entire expression softened and he turned to look at his hands.

“I’m sorry,” He muttered, before looking at her. “I don’t think it’s any secret that I…have feelings for you.” Jim swallowed heavily and found a point on the wall to stare at intensely. “But I cannot go through this having you leave once I get better. That’s happened way too many times.”

Pam stared at him, tears continuing to run down her face. She could not think of anything else to say so she simply grabbed his hand, stroking her thumb over his hand. Jim’s eyes locked onto her hand and he gently squeezed it.

“Hey Jim,” They both jumped at the knock on the door and Pam slipped her hand out of his. Chris came into the room smiling and nodded at Pam. “I’m happy to say that you’ve healed enough to go home. We’ll let you go this afternoon, your roommate is coming by to pick you up, and you can return to work in about two weeks.”

“Okay,” Jim grinned brightly for the first time in days.

“You know the warning signs,” Chris flipped through the chart. “Come in if the incision site becomes inflamed and we’ll call you if you move up any on the list.”

“Awesome,” Jim said, with a huge smile. “I’ll get packed up.”

Chris gave them both a smile and stepped out of the room, leaving them in awkward silence.

“Well, I guess I should let you get ready,” Pam stood, giving him a tight smile. “Uh…I’ll see you at work?”

“Let’s get dinner,” Jim blurted. “You can help me pack and we’ll get some food. There’s no reason for me to call Mark and get him to drive all the way up here.”

“Oh,” Pam sat back down. “Okay, I’ll help.”

“Great,” He grinned brilliantly. “I’ll get dressed. Could you turn around? These gowns don’t have a back.”

“Ah,” Pam blushed brightly and turned towards the wall, waiting until she heard the bathroom door click shut. She busied herself by packing extra clothes, books, and other various things into Jim’s duffle bag.

“You’re a fast packer,” Jim said suddenly behind her, smile in place. He looked tired but happy in an old college t-shirt and jeans.

“I try,” Pam laughed.

“And you succeed,” Jim smiled even wider. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

He took her hand and she squeezed it gently, trying to ignore the bruise left from the IV site.

“And a vegetable tray,” Pam placed the platter of vegetables on the table with flourish. “Because you can’t have popcorn and you can’t watch a movie without snacks.”

“Aw, you’re so thoughtful,” Jim grinned up at her and grabbed a handful of carrots. Pam smiled back and pressed play on the DVD player, Braveheart starting on the screen.

“I know,” She snuggled under the thick blanket next to Jim. She could clearly see that he had grown paler and thinner.

The pair had been dating for a little over two months. Over that time, Jim had been forced to cut back on work more and more until he only had the energy for a few hours at a time. Thankfully, the company had been flexible and had allowed him to keep his job.

His body suddenly jerked forward as he went into a violent coughing fit. Pam jumped at the unexpected movement and gently rubbed his back. Jim continued to cough harshly and her worry spiked when she saw the tears of pain in his eyes.

“You okay?” She asked softly, rubbing his back. He nodded but remained doubled over, wheezing.

Fear rushed through her when she saw that his breathing had not calmed, if anything it had gotten worse. Jim was gasping loudly, had grown pale, and sweat dripped down his face.

“What’s wrong Jim?” Pam asked softly. “Lean back.”

She tried to pull him back and leaned him against the couch, hoping that would calm his breathing. When Jim was still wheezing loudly she made up her mind.

“’Come on, we’re going to the hospital,” Pam stood and grabbed her shoes, pulling them on while trying to find Jim’s slippers.

“What…no…I’m fine,” Jim panted, eyes closed.

“No you’re not,” She replied, helping Jim slip on his shoes. “Let’s go, just to make sure nothing’s wrong.”

Pam did not consider how difficult it was going to be to move the incredibly tall man to the car without much help from Jim himself.

The car ride to the hospital was silent and tension filled. Pam began to get more worried when Jim began to worsen. His breathing had grown heavier until it sounded like he was gasping and his head continued to droop forward.

She quickly pulled into the hospital parking lot and put the car into park. Pam jumped out and ran over to Jim’s side, opening the door and helping him out. He was now leaning heavily on her small frame and his legs were giving out on him.

“Help!” Pam suddenly shouted, panicking. A nurse who had been on break outside saw them and called to someone else to get a gurney as she ran over.

“What happened?” The nurse asked, supporting Jim’s other side.

“He just started gasping and coughing and couldn’t breathe. He has heart failure,” Pam said quickly, obviously upset. Another nurse and a doctor ran out with a gurney and helped get Jim on it.

“Just come with me,” The nurse said soothingly, placing an arm around her shoulders and led Pam into the lobby. “Is there anyone you need to call?”

“I need to call his parents,” Pam said, tears beginning to fill her eyes now that the situation was sinking in.

“You can sit in that room there,” She said, pointing at a stark white door. The nurse gave her another reassuring smile. “We’ll let you know how he’s doing.”

“Thank you,” Pam whispered walking into the quiet room. The room was done up in soft pinks with huge watercolors of flowers on the wall but it just felt claustrophobic and cold to her.

She pulled her cell phone out of her purse with trembling hands and dialed Jim’s parent’s number.

“Larissa?” Pam asked tearfully when the phone was picked up. “Jim’s in the hospital.”

After telling Larissa exactly what had happened, Pam hung up and sat alone in the room, shaking.

“Hello?” A young doctor knocked on the door and gave her a warm smile. “Are you here for Jim Halpert?”

“Yes,” Pam sniffed. “I’m his girlfriend.”

“Alright, because of his heart failure, Jim has had a pulmonary edema,” The doctor sat down next to her. “Basically, there was an accumulation of fluid in his lungs but we’ve given him oxygen and some medication and he’s doing much better.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Pam asked softly.

“He’ll be fine,” The doctor said with a smile. “Unfortunately, I’ve talked to his primary cardiologist and we both agree that it will be best if he is under constant supervision until his transplant.”

“That could be months,” She said. “You’re saying that he could stay in this hospital for months.”

“I’m sorry but it’s for his own health,” The doctor said gently. “He would stay in the CCU and would get the best care possible. You all could visit as often as you want and he will be very comfortable.”

Pam nodded, wiping at her tears. “Can I see him?”

“Sure, come with me,” The doctor stood and led her through the ER to one of the curtained rooms.

Jim was propped up in bed, eyes closed and breathing through an oxygen mask. The doctor nodded at her and left her alone.

Pam walked over to him and gently took his hand. Jim’s eyes opened and he smiled at her.

“Hey,” He said, voice muffled by the mask.

“Hey,” Pam pulled up the closest chair. “How do you feel?”

“Like crap,” He mumbled, closing his eyes again and letting out a few sharp, weak coughs. “My chest is really tight.”

“I know,” She mumbled, gently rubbing the back of his hand as his closed his eyes tighter.

“Jim?” Mike asked as he stepped through the curtain. “Hey.”

The usually cheerful doctor had a very serious look on his face and was holding Jim’s chart tightly.

“I’m sorry I don’t have better news but I, and some other professionals, believe it would be best to your health if you stayed here until your heart transplant.”

Pam squeezed her boyfriend’s hand tightly as his eyes narrowed.

“I’m not staying here for months,” Jim said sharply, moving aside his oxygen mask to be heard more clearly. “There’s no way, I’m not staying here.”

He struggled to sit up but Pam’s hand on his shoulder kept him down in the bed. Jim was trembling with exhaustion and fell heavily back onto the pillows.

“We can come visit you,” Pam tried to reason with him. “I’ll come when I’m not at work. It won’t be that bad and the transplant might be really soon.”

“Or it could be months or even years away,” Jim snapped back. “I’m not going to stay in the hospital for that long like a sick old man. I mean, Jesus, I’m only in my twenties. I’m fine.”

“Jim, think about this,” Mike tried again. “What if you’re alone and something happens. You could die in minutes.”

“Please do it Jim,” Pam whispered, now growing desperate. “I can’t deal with you dying if we could have prevented it. Please.”

Jim stared at her intently for a few moments before closing his eyes and nodding, shoulders sinking in defeat.

~*~

Over the next hour, a listless Jim was moved into a room in the CCU. He was silent throughout the whole move and Pam was convinced that he was still bitter towards them.

Jim lay curled up in his narrow hospital bed and stared out the small window. After the move upstairs, Pam and his family went to go pick up his stuff and left him alone.

“Hey neighbor,” He heard a harsh, raspy voice outside his door. Jim glanced over to see a thin old man in a wheelchair at his door. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” Jim pushed himself up on his bed. “Yeah, sure.”

“The name’s Gregory Lancaster,” The man extended his hand, purpled from IVs. “I’m in the room next door, been here for a little over three months.”

“Jim Halpert,” Jim shook his hand. “So, is it as bad as I think it is?”

“Nah,” Gregory waved his hand. “The food sucks and I would avoid the nurse named Lucy but otherwise everyone is nice and Nurse Susan is pretty hot.”

“Thanks for the advice, but I have a girlfriend,” Jim laughed.

“Ah, well there isn’t any harm in looking,” The older man grinned. “So, how did you end up here?”

“Heart failure caused by a congenital defect,” Jim replied, moving farther up the bed.

“Ah, bummer man,” Gregory shook his head. “Mine was from forty years of smoking. So tell me about this girlfriend.”

~*~

Pam walked down the hall, carrying a duffle bag full of clothes and books. As she neared Jim’s door she was confused at the sound of laughter.

“Hey Pam!” Jim said as soon as he saw her, face lighting up. “This is Gregory Lancaster, he’s from next door. Greg, this is my girlfriend Pam Beesley.”

“Lovely to meet you dear,” Greg shook her hand and smiled.

“Yeah, you too,” Pam smiled at the obviously happier Jim.

“It’s just always nice to meet someone new,” Greg grinned brightly. “Especially in a place like this.”

Over the next few weeks, Pam came as often as she could to visit Jim. They would play cards, board games, or just watch movies. The only comfort she had was that Greg was there to keep Jim company.

The two men had become fast friends and she was always reassured to see them laughing together every time she walked into the room.

“I don’t think I’ll get that transplant,” Greg said suddenly, not looking up from his hand of cards. “I mean, I’m pushing seventy and the smoking has ruined my lungs and liver.”

“Don’t talk like that Greg,” Jim said, his heard skipping a beat.

“Nah, it’s no big deal,” Greg smiled. “I just hope I go with Nurse Susan leaning over me.”

“That would be the way to go,” Jim smiled back, feeling uncomfortable.

“What about you?” Greg suddenly looked serious, the humor gone from his eyes. Jim froze and swallowed heavily.

“Uh…I don’t know,” Jim rubbed the back of his head. “I really don’t want to go anytime soon. I hope I’ll get the transplant but I know that the chances of getting a perfect heart are incredibly slim. I just hope it’s quick and painless.”

“Reasonable,” Greg nodded and erupted into a coughing fit. After his breathing calmed down he studied his cards again.

~*~

“So,” Pam grinned at Jim. “We have Battleship. I know I know…we didn’t want to get crazy tonight with that games but I couldn’t help myself.”

“Is this the Battleship that lights up and makes explosion noises?” Jim asked, laughing. “Awesome!”

“I know right?” Pam grinned and turned the game on. She sat down on the foot of Jim’s bed while he pulled up his feet. “So, how was your day?”

“Not bad,” Jim shrugged. “I had lunch with Greg and then watched TV for a few hours. Riveting, I know. How was work? C5.”

“Miss,” She laughed as Jim placed a little white peg in the space. “Not bad, Michael tried to get everyone to schedule a visit to you at lunch. At the same time. But I said that you were getting a test this morning and they decided they weren’t coming. F10.”

“Miss,” Jim sighed. “Thank you, you saved me. I7.”

“Miss, don’t thank me yet. I told Michael you were getting some testing done and when he asked what the testing was and I couldn’t answer him he took it to mean the worst. Sorry. B9.”

“Hit,” Jim groaned. “Thanks.”

“I tried,” Pam smiled at him, glad to see that he had accepted the need to stay in the hospital.

“After this we could watch a movie,” Pam suggested. “We should invite Greg.”

“Yeah!” Jim lit up at the idea of inviting his new friend. “Mary.” He called out, seeing the brunette walk by his room.

“Yes Jim?” The nurse smiled at him and Pam.

“Could you ask Greg if he wants to come over and watch a movie?” Jim asked but his voice softened at the look on her face.

“Oh honey,” Mary shook her head in sympathy. “I’m sorry if you didn’t hear but Greg passed away this afternoon, his heart just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

“Oh,” Jim’s face became quickly blank. “Oh, okay.”

“I’m so sorry,” Mary continued. “Do you want me to get anyone?”

“No thanks,” Jim said quickly. Mary nodded and gave Pam a sad smile before stepping out of the room.

“I’m so sorry Jim,” Pam whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. Jim’s green eyes looked almost glazed and his breathing was speeding up. “Are you alright?”

“Oh God,” Jim whispered brokenly. “Oh God, oh God, oh God. I’m going to die.”

“What?” Pam frowned at him but it was almost as if Jim could not see her. His eyes glazed further and he began to let out choking sobs.

“Oh, God, I’m dying,” Jim sobbed, leaning forward catching his head in his hands. Pam quickly wrapped her arms around him, bewildered. “I’m going to die, I’m going to die.”

Pam gently shushed him, trying to calm him down. Jim kept choking on his own sobs and began to hyperventilate. Pam could feel his thin body trembling violently and rocked him back and forth.

When Jim was not able to snap out of his hysteria Pam was forced to call a nurse in. The nurse pulled Pam away and gave Jim a mild sedative, which caused him to calm down and fall unconscious.

“I’m sorry, but he could have really hurt himself if it continued,” The nurse, Lisa, tried to calm her. “It was just a really bad panic attack. Usually, at this stage of heart failure there are signs of anxiety and depression. We’ll get a therapist in to talk to him tomorrow.”

“You have to understand the trauma of seeing a friend die who suffered from the same condition as you,” The on-call doctor mentioned, writing down the incident in Jim’s chart.

Pam collapsed into the nearby chair, feeling the dampness from his tears still on her shirt. She trembeled violently, thinking for the first time that they might not get through this.

After Gregory’s sudden death, Jim had become incredibly quiet and distant. Pam was heartbroken to see her boyfriend grow colder and push away everyone.

She was standing at the nurses’ station, fixing herself a cup of coffee when she saw Pete walking down the hallway. He saw her and grinned widely.

“Hey Pam!” He walked up to her. “So, Jimmy tells me that you two hooked up, good for you. I can’t imagine how much that’s helped him.”

“Yeah,” Pam said softly. “It did.”

“But then his friend died,” Pete’s eyes softened. “Mom said that he’s gotten much worse. He’s gotten quiet and his vitals are declining.”

“It’s like I don’t even know him anymore,” She blurted to Pete’s surprise. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Pam instantly dissolved into tears. Pete took the coffee cup and placed it on the counter before guiding her towards the plastic chairs along the hallway.

“I’m sorry,” Pam sobbed, head in her hands. “It’s just, he was such a funny sweet guy and he’s completely changed. He doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t want to do anything, he’s just staring out of the window. I’m so scared for him, he thinks he’s going to die.”

Pete’s usual smile was completely gone. “I know. My mom thinks that too. She called Tom and I down here. She is completely convinced that Jim isn’t going to make it.”

His voice cracked and he looked down, tears flashing in his eyes.

“Tom is flying down tomorrow and apparently we’re going to say goodbye to my baby brother,” Pete quickly wiped a tear from his face. “His vitals are dropping and the transplant board isn’t going to give a heart to a guy who’s so depressed he doesn’t talk when they can give it to the sweet mom of three.”

“Jim isn’t depressed,” Pam muttered.

“He is listed as showing signs of severe depression in his chart which will be shown to the committee,” Pete whispered and Pam’s heart stopped. “Apparently he also has requested to take his name off the list.”

“What!” Pam said sharply, sitting up straight.

“He didn’t tell you?” Pete started, obviously surprised. She quickly stood and hurried to Jim’s room sliding the door shut angrily.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She hissed. “You sign your own death certificate and don’t tell me?”

Jim’s eyes widened in understanding and he leaned back into his pillow. He closed his eyes and she was shocked at how tired you are.

“Pam, can we talk about this later?” He whispered. “I’m really tired.”

“No! No! I’ve been just going along with this for far too long. I’ve been trying so hard to be here with you and do what you ask because I don’t want you to be in any more pain than you are. I get your lunch, I’ve slept here with you, and I’ve played so many games of scrabble I could scratch my eyes out but you don’t seem to see any of that!”

“Pam, that’s not it at all,” Jim said sadly. “I love you and I love what you have done for me but I’ve been suffering from this disease for years. I’m so tired. I’m tired of surgery, medication, and being so careful with everything. I’m just exhausted. I can’t stand the thought of waiting for someone else to die so that I can get their heart, which I may reject anyway. I just can’t do this anymore Pam. I want to die by my own terms, not waiting for something that may never happen.”

Pam stared at her boyfriend, vision blurring with tears.

“You’re a selfish bastard Jim Halpert,” She whispered, grabbing her purse and walking out of the room.

~*~

Pam looked down at her phone to see Jim’s name flash along with his number. Her thumb hovered over the talk button before quickly moving to press the end call button.

She sniffed and pulled her knees up to her chest. Pam watched as the screen darkened and stated that there was a voicemail. She pressed the play button and held it to her ear.

“Hey Pam,” Tears welled up in her eyes at how strained he sounded. “I’ve called probably thirty times and I haven’t been able to reach you, although I totally understand. I’ve been a jerk and I don’t know how to make this better. It’s just…Jesus…” His voice cracked and he paused. “I canceled my request, but I don’t know how high I am on the list. I never thought about how you or my family felt. I know I’ve hurt you and I don’t know how to fix this. I care about you so…”

Her breath caught in her throat when the voicemail beeped. Pam instantly hit the redial button and a soft smile spread across her face when he answered eagerly.

“Jim?” She breathed. “Did you really cancel the request?”

“Yes,” He said, sounding strained. “Please come back, I need to talk to you.”

“Jim,” She started slowly, heart beating harshly. “I don’t know.”

She had felt the ache of missing him and bit her lip. Pam had spent the night at the hospital for several days and even though it wasn’t the most comfortable place, she couldn’t stand the idea of being away from him for too long. Even work had become painful and she found herself worried that something would happen to him while she was gone.

“Please,” His voice cracked and tears came to her eyes. “I can’t stand it here a minute more without you.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” She said and pressed the end call button. Taking a few deep breaths she grabbed her purse and went to her car.

~*~

“Pam,” Jim grinned brightly. He was alone in his room and looked absolutely exhausted.

She let out a soft sob and rushed to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. They just stayed like that, holding each other, for a few moments.

“I’m so sorry,” He whispered. “God, I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” Pam whispered back, running her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.

“Please stay,” Jim tightened his hold on her and she nodded. Jim scooted to the edge of the bed and helped Pam lay down next to him, pressed up against his hospital gown clad body.

Pam lay as still as she possibly could so she would not bump any wires or tubes accidentally.

“When I was nineteen I had a false alarm,” Jim whispered, closing his eyes. “We got the call that there was a heart available and my mom was so happy. I had my hospital bag and we got to the hospital, all ready to get the transplant. I was halfway through signing all the paperwork when they told me that the heart was diseased and it wasn’t available to be transplanted. I was sent back home.”

“I’m sorry,” She said, taking his hand in hers.

“My mom was devastated. All she did for days was cry and that really scared me. I came to a revelation the other day and got really freaked out. I didn’t want you to have to go through that. I know that it can take years for me to get a heart and I’ll get worse.” Jim started but Pam interrupted him with a kiss.

“I don’t care how long it takes,” She said smiling but his face remained serious.

“I do. How long are you going to stay in this hospital with me? Are you really going to come to this room and sleep here after work for years? You won’t be able to go to art school, which I know you want to do. If you want kids it might be too late and you’ll be stuck. I can’t live with that.” Jim’s eyes shone with tears.

“When you told me that you decided against the transplant I couldn’t stand the thought of you dying when something could be done. I didn’t want to stay here and watch you die, I would rather spend years waiting.” She ran her thumb over the back of his hand.

“I realized that when you left. I was in pain and didn’t want to suffer through another disappointment and more surgeries. I know f I get worse I could be put on a ventilator and I couldn’t stand the idea that you would have to watch as I got worse. I love you Pam. I love you and didn’t want you to waste your life waiting for me to get my heart,” He refused to look her in the eyes.

Pam watched him for a few moments before kissing him deeply.

“I love you too,” She whispered and pressed her forehead against his. “I will wait forever for you.”

Pam stirred awake and blinked to see Susan smiling down at her. She realized how awkward the situation was and quickly untangled herself from Jim’s arms. He let out a few harsh coughs before waking up fully and seeing the nurse.

“Hey Susan,” He muttered, turning onto his back with a wince. Pam straightened her clothes and watched as the nurse changed the medication on the IV pole.

“Hey yourself,” She smiled down at her patient. “The doctor’s going to come talk to you later, okay?”

“Sure,” Jim rubbed at his face at tried to push himself up the bed. Susan moved quickly to help him up and push the pillows behind him.

“Pam, it’s about eight-twenty,” Susan said softly. “I don’t know if you have work?”

“Crap!” Pam gasped, grabbing her purse. She turned back towards Jim and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you! I’ll see you after work!”

She hurried out of the hospital and jumped into her car, arriving at work about five minutes late. Pam smoothed down her wrinkled skirt and began to walk up to the office building, pausing when she saw several party rental trucks.

“Pam!” She looked up to see Andy jogging towards her. He and several other employees came from the Stamford branch but only Andy had lasted more than a month with Michael.

“Hey Andy, what’s going on?” She asked, smiling at him slightly.

“Well, my dear little Pamela,” He was grinning brightly. “This was supposed to be a surprise, we weren’t expecting you to come back today.”

“I was always going to come back today,” She shrugged.

“Oh no!” Michael wailed from across the parking lot when he saw her. “You weren’t supposed to come back today!”

“Yes I was!” Pam argued. She had taken a week off to spend time with Jim but was convinced she was coming back today.

“She was coming back today Michael, we discussed this,” Phyllis rolled her eyes and came over to them. “We were going to surprise you.”

“We’re having a fundraiser!” Michael blurted out, grinning widely.

“We figured the cost of Jim’s operation and his hospital bills would total about two-hundred thousand dollars, and with what he’s paid and the crappy healthcare we have there’s not much of a chance of him easily paying it off,” Phyllis explained with a smile. “We are hosting a fundraising event in Jim’s name. We’ve got food, casino games, a raffle, inflatables, and rides. Some things are outside but most of the adults are inside. Some local restaurants offered to cater free of cost and we’ve been promoting in the paper and a small amount of local TV time.”

“You’re kidding,” Pam whispered, tears filling her eyes at how thoughtful her coworkers were being.

“No, we’re not,” Michael was still smiling widely. “The event starts at five. You can help us set up and then go get Jim.”

Pam nodded and smiled to herself. She looked around the parking lot, which was being completely transformed before her eyes.

“Hey Pam,” She jumped and spun around to see Roy standing sheepishly behind her.

“Roy,” Pam smiled back and quickly hugged him. “You look good, I like the beard.”

“Thanks,” Roy laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “How’s Halpert doing?”

“Um, not too well. He’s tired all the time and he hasn’t improved at all,” Pam sighed, rubbing at her eyes.

“Ah, I’m sorry to hear that,” Roy said genuinely. “Well, I’d better get back to setting up some of the stuff.” He smiled slightly at her and walked over to where some other people were setting up an inflatable.

“You know,” Pam turned to her left to see Angela. “It was Roy’s idea to have the fundraiser.”

“What?” She asked, raising her eyebrows in disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Go ask him,” Angela rolled her eyes but allowed herself a small smile when Pam hurried over to her ex-fiancé.

“Can I talk to you?” She asked softly and Roy nodded, following her to a secluded part of the parking lot. “Is it true? Was this your idea?”

“Well, yeah,” Roy mumbled, obviously feeling uncomfortable. “I was watching the news and something about the cost of transplants came up. They talked about how some people weren’t able to afford the transplant and died because of it. I’ll be honest Pam, I love you and I want you to be happy. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to not be able to help him just because of money so I did some research and asked Jan. He’s a good guy and doesn’t deserve to loose the heart or go bankrupt because of this.”

Pam stared blankly at him before hugging Roy tightly.

“Thank you,” She whispered into his collar. “Thank you so much.” Roy rubbed her back and pulled back, smiling.

“You should call up his family,” Roy said softly, giving her another smile before going back to where the inflatable was being set up.

Pam pulled out her cell phone and quickly dialed Larissa, practically brimming with excitement.

~*~

The parking lot and warehouse were transformed into an almost carnival-like setting and the warehouse was set up as a casino. People were beginning to arrive by the dozens and Pam could not help but smile at the proud looks on her coworker’s faces.

“I’m going to go get Jim,” She told Michael, who was standing in line for his fourth cotton candy. Michael beamed with excitement and nodded vigorously.

Pam’s heart beat harshly in her chest as she pulled up to the hospital. She stepped out to see Susan standing by the loading dock, waving at her.

Another nurse who Pam did not recognize wheeled a very confused Jim, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, out onto the loading dock.

“What’s going on?” He asked, giving her a smile.

“Nothing,” Pam said sweetly. “We’re going to go on a little trip.”

A hospital van pulled up to the side of the loading dock and they helped Jim in, folding up his wheelchair and putting it in the back. Pam slid in next to him and Susan got into the passengers seat.

“So, where are we going?” He asked again.

“You’ll see,” Pam grinned when he sighed, annoyed. They drove in silence for a few more minutes before Jim suddenly realized where they were.

“We’re going to the office?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. “This is your big surprise? The office.”

“Maybe,” She drew out the word and laughed when he rolled his eyes and sank down in the stiff chair. His annoyed expression changed quickly to complete confusion when he saw the bright lights and the top of a Ferris wheel peeking over the wall surrounding the parking lot.

“What?” Jim turned to Pam, bewildered.

“Jim, here’s the surprise,” Pam started, grinning brightly. Jim’s eyes locked on the huge banner that read ‘Have a Heart!’ right at the entrance to the parking lot. “Everyone at the office has organized a fundraiser for you. I know we never talked about funds when it came to the transplant but let’s be honest, we probably can’t afford much without going into debt. They want to raise money for you and have put so much effort into this.”

“Seriously?” Jim’s expression was one of complete shock.

“Yeah,” Pam nodded, tearful, and pulled Jim into a hug. “They’re so excited to see you.”

Jim was silent as Susan pulled out his wheelchair and set it up outside. He was still able to walk a little bit but would grow exhausted so quickly that he had to sit down. While Jim was not happy about being restrained to a wheelchair, he decided it was worth it to even get around.

He was clearly overwhelmed by everything that was going on and tightly held Pam’s hand as Susan wheeled him into the parking lot.

“Jim!” Michael had been waiting by the entrance and sprinted over to them as soon as he saw them. He leaned over and gave Jim an awkward hug.

“This is amazing Michael,” Jim said, smiling brightly at his boss.

“Isn’t it?” Michael beamed, looking around the huge crowd of people.

“You have no idea,” Jim was still grinning but noticed that Michael was trying really hard not to stare at the wheelchair or the IV port in his hand. “You haven’t come to visit me man.”

“Well, I’ve been really busy,” Michael shifted awkwardly. “And sick people are gross. Except you dude, you look fantastic.”

“Yeah,” Jim laughed. “I have a x-box set up in my room though, come by whenever you want.”

Michael’s whole face lit up and he nodded vigorously. They stayed and talked for a while before Michael declared that he wanted a hot dog and ran off before the line got too long.

“Jim Halpert,” David Wallace walked over to them with a bright smile and shook Jim’s hand. “It’s good to see you.”

“David,” Pam noticed that Jim seemed genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. “I can’t thank you enough for this.”

“It’s really impressive how everyone pulled together,” David nodded, looking around the brightly lit parking lot. “My father actually passed away from heart disease. I’m just really glad we could do something to help you.”

“Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me and my family,” Jim said sincerely. David nodded and smiled, shaking Jim’s hand once again and leaving, allowing Jim and Pam the first moment together since they got there.

“Susan, I can take care of him from here,” Pam offered the nurse, giving her a smile. “You can go get something to eat.”

“God, thank you Pam, I’m starving,” Susan was off in a flash, leaving the couple alone.

“This is perfect Pam,” Jim said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. “Thank you.”

“I just found out about it this morning actually,” She admitted, squeezing his hand. “This was all the office, they did this. And Roy was the one who had the idea.”

Jim’s eyebrows shot up in surprise but he remained silent. His eyes flickered somewhere behind her and he sighed.

“Hey Pam, go grab yourself something to eat and grab me a bottle of water,” He smiled at her and let go of her hand. Pam quickly turned around to see Roy talking to some other warehouse employees.

“Alright, I’ll be right back,” She said, walking slowly to the concession area.

Jim paused for a moment, running a thin hand through his hair. He realized that he truly was not strong enough to push his chair all the way over to where Roy was standing and quickly gave up trying.

“Roy!” He tried calling out but his voice cracked. “Roy!”

The larger man turned to see Jim give him a timid wave before doubling over in his chair coughing. Roy paused, excused himself, and walked over to where Jim was.

“Hey man,” He said awkwardly, watching as Jim tried to catch his breath. When he finally was breathing normally, he looked up.

“Hey,” He smiled. “So, Pam told me that this was your idea. You can’t even imagine how much this means to me.”

“I’m just glad I could help,” Roy mumbled.

“Yeah, uh, I don’t really know how this works,” Jim chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

“You know,” Roy straightened up and looked at Jim firmly. “This shouldn’t be awkward. You are better for Pam than I ever was. When I wasn’t there for her, you were. Now you need her and she wants to be there for you. I should have seen it sooner.”

“I’m sorry,” Jim tried to apologize but Roy put his hand up.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Seriously, this is past us. I’ve actually started dating again and I’m happy. I’m glad to see that you two are happy.”

“Thanks,” Jim smiled. “You have no idea how that makes me feel better. You know, when I get better we need to play basketball. I bet I could still beat you.”

“Yeah?” Roy grinned. “Alright, I’ll play you.”

“Hey!” Pam smiled hesitantly and walked up slowly, handing Jim a bottle of water. She held a container of fries and a bottle of soda.

“Hey,” Roy smiled back and Jim took a quick swig of the water. Then Roy took a glance behind them and waved at someone. “This is Brooke.”

A tall brunette grabbed his hand and smiled at them both. Pam relaxed quickly and smiled back at the other woman.

“Hi! You must be Jim and you have to be Pam,” Brooke shook both of their hands. “It’s so good to meet you both finally!”

After about twenty minutes of talking, Pam noticed that Jim’s head was drooping slightly with exhaustion. She excused them, wheeling Jim over to a secluded part of the parking lot.

“Do you want to go back to the hospital?” She asked softly.

“No,” Jim shook his head, sitting up straighter and rubbing at his face. “I’m fine. It’s only like eight o’clock. I’m good.”

Pam nodded but did not look convinced. She could tell he was completely exhausted but Jim would still smile and talk to any person who came up to them.

Around ten Jim was almost out of it. His head was leaning against her body since she was standing so close to the side of his chair.

“You look exhausted man,” David said as he walked up to them. “I just wanted to tell you that we’ve raised almost thirty-thousand dollars tonight. We’re going to keep doing this until around seven in the morning so we’re most likely going to raise even more money.”

“Seriously?” Jim’s eyes widened. “Jesus David, that’s amazing.”

“It is, but you should go and get some sleep. I know how exhausted you must be,” David gently clapped him on the back. “Just know Jim, that you’re always going to be able to keep your job here, regardless of how long it takes for you to get back to work. You’re a very talented member of this company and we’re honored to have you here.”

“Thank you David,” Jim said softly, shaking the other man’s hand. There was a flurry of goodbyes and hugs as Pam and Jim moved to the entrance and into the hospital van.

As they drove back, Jim rested his head on her shoulder and had his eyes closed.

“Jim,” Pam lightly jostled him and he cracked one eye open. “Earlier, the doctor was supposed to talk to you. What did he say?”

“Ah,” Jim shifted slightly, closing both eyes again. “Apparently, I’ve been moved up to status 1A on the transplant list.”

Pam froze, tears filling her eyes, and wrapped her arms around him. Moving up to a 1A placement on the list meant that he was first in line to get a new heart, but it also meant that he was getting worse quickly.

It was shocking how quickly Jim’s health deteriorated after only a week. The slightest movement knocked the breath out of him and the faint blue tint of his lips was incredibly bright in contrast to his white skin. He would stay awake for a short time before drifting off to sleep and could no longer stay awake for visitors.

Pam could not handle the image of the man she loved ill and so out of it from pain medications. She spent as much time as she could with him, holding his hand and either reading or watching television quietly.

“Hey,” She jumped at the sound of his whispered voice and sat up straighter. “What’s up? How long have I been asleep?”

“Uh, about forty minutes,” Pam smiled as Jim blinked bleary green eyes. “How do you feel?”

She waited for the answer and frowned when she realized that he had drifted off again. Pam gently shook his shoulder and he snapped awake.

“Sorry, I’m just tired,” He mumbled. “I’ve been feeling worse.” A spark of hopelessness flashed through his eyes and Pam recognized the same expression he wore when he had accepted his inevitable death.

“Don’t do that,” Pam mumbled and his eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. “You can’t for a moment start doubting. Please.”

“I promised you I wouldn’t,” Jim whispered, exhausted. “But you have to understand that everyday is harder than the last. I’m in so much pain and am so tired and the idea of staying in this place is unbearable.”

“Will you marry me?” Pam said suddenly, smiling at the shocked expression on Jim’s face. “At least after you get the transplant. You can’t give up if we’ve got wedding plans to make and a wedding to look forward to.”

After a moment of silence, Jim’s face split into a grin. “My my Beesly, bribing me to make me get better. Who thought you would sink so low?”

“What can I say, I got desperate,” Pam grinned. “But what do you say?”

“You were serious?” Jim’s smiled completely faded. “Well, considering that was supposed to be the question I was supposed to ask. I’ve just not been able to go ring shopping; I’ve been rather busy. But yes, I guess I will marry you, if you’ll marry me?”

“Yes,” Pam grinned, tears building up in her eyes as she leaned in to kiss him. “Let’s get married.”

“This wasn’t the way I thought it would be. I was going to ask when I got better but this lovely hospital environment is perfect. Let’s get jell-o to celebrate!” Jim’s eyes lit up.

“Actually Dwight sent over some deer jerky if your feeling adventurous,” Pam waggled her eyebrows and pulled out a plastic bag full of jerky.

“Let’s stick with jell-o,” Jim said, disgusted.

Pam grinned, giving him another kiss before walking out of the room. She went to the nurse’s station and opened the small fridge, debating between blue and red.

“Cardiac care unit,” Susan answered the phone behind her. “Fantastic! I’ll alert them right away!”

Pam stood up, finally deciding on two cups of red jell-o.

“There’s a heart!” Susan said happily, grabbing Pam’s hand. “It’s being prepped for surgery and the surgeons are coming up to get Jim ready.”

She quickly began to make more calls and was scribbling wildly on a pad of paper. Pam stood behind Susan, forgotten cups of jell-o in her hands.

Her heart pounded wildly as she watched one of the doctors on call walk into Jim’s room. He glanced up from the magazine she had brought him that morning and smiled slightly at the doctor. Pam could not hear what they were saying but saw Jim’s eyes widen and a grin spread across his face.

She hurried into the room, grabbing his hand and enjoying the huge smile on his face. That perfect moment of solitude was shattered when nurses and doctors rushed into the room, doing tests and bringing consent forms.

“Your family has been informed and they’re on their way,” a social worker named Gene announced with a tired smile. “The operating room is being prepped as we speak so you have a little time. Your family can spend a few short minutes with you before you go into surgery. I’ll leave you two alone.”

With a small smile, the social worker stepped into the hallway. Pam squeezed Jim’s hand trying to keep tears at bay. He had several new IV’s placed and his chest was painted orange with an antibiotic.

“You look like you’re going to a sports game,” She whispered, grinning.

“Thanks Beesly,” Jim chuckled, rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand.

“I’m scared,” She whispered, tears gliding down her face. “I know I shouldn’t be, that you’ll be fine, but I’m terrified. I can’t help but think that you’ll go sleep and never wake up.”

Jim sat in silence for a few moments before pulling her towards him and kissing her gently. He pressed his forehead to hers and they closed their eyes, just absorbing the feeling of being together.

“I love you,” He mumbled and Pam felt another swell of tears build up in her throat. “I love you and I don’t want to leave you. You are the reason I wanted to keep going and the only thing that is going to get me through this operation is the thought that I’m going to marry you.”

She sniffed and kissed him again, squeezing his hand tightly. They could hear the sound of hurried footsteps in the hallway and she leaned back.

Jim’s family rushed into the room, Larissa wrapped her arms around her youngest son’s neck and sobbed. Pam felt slightly smothered and stood up from her chair. She moved to the back of the room, smiling slightly at Tom who nodded back, tears shining in his eyes.

“And we’ll be in the waiting room the whole time,” Larissa continued to sob, hugging Jim tightly. “You’ll be fine, don’t you worry.”

“I know mom,” Jim smiled at Pam and rubbed his mother’s back. “I’ll be fine. The doctor said I’ll be able to see everyone pretty soon after the surgery.”

Larissa nodded, stepping backwards to stand with Jim’s father, wiping her watery eyes. A tall graying man in green scrubs stepping into the room, several nurses also waited outside the room.

“Alright,” The doctor smiled. “I’m Dr. Lessman, we spoke earlier. I’m the anesthesiologist who’s going to be with you during the surgery. Are you ready to go back?”

Jim took a deep breath and nodded, smiling at Pam faintly.

“Julian here is going to take your family back to the waiting room,” Dr. Lessman nodded at an older woman in brightly colored scrubs. “You can have one person walk back with you to the doors of the operation room if you’d like.”

“Pam, would you?” Jim asked softly and suddenly all eyes were on her. Pam nodded slowly and followed the bed as it was wheeled out to the hallway.

She grabbed his hand, fighting back tears.

“I’m really looking forward to a burger and fries,” Jim said dreamily. “I used to eat them all the time and it was too much sodium to eat. We need to go get burgers when I get the all clear.”

“We can get milkshakes too,” A huge grin spread across his face and he kissed her palm.

“It’s a date,” He mumbled.

“I’m sorry miss,” One of the nurses said apologetically. “But you can’t go any farther.”

Pam glanced up to see the huge doors and felt her breath catch in her throat. Frightened tears trickled down her face and she felt his fingers brush them away.

“I’m going to be okay,” His whispered, pressing his lips to hers. “Please don’t worry, please. Everything is going to be okay.”

“I know,” She whispered back before standing up and wiping her wet cheeks. “Alright, so I’ll see you in a little while.”

“It’s a date,” He grinned at her, squeezed her hand, and the nurse led her to the waiting room.

He was pushed through the doors and his confident smile vanished. Jim’s throat closed up with fear and it suddenly felt like everything was going too fast.

“Hey Jim,” He recognized Chris behind the surgical mask. “It’s the big day!”

“Yeah,” Jim gave him a nervous smile as he was helped to the surgical table. His eyes quickly roamed the room and he froze when he saw the small cooler sitting on a nearby table.

“Alright,” Dr. Lessman pulled on a surgical mask and nodded at him. “Can you lean back? I’m just going to place this mask on your face and you should go out pretty quickly. Just count down from ten. See you in a little while.”

Jim nodded and winced at the bright lights in the room. He felt the mask close over his nose and mouth, a sweet smell overwhelming him with drowsiness.

“Ten…nine…eight…sev…” And then everything went black.

“Mom?” Pam whispered into the phone, voice trembling. “Hey, Jim got a heart.”

“Thank God,” Laura Beesley breathed. “What’s going on? Is everyone all right? Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Pam choked out, turning slightly towards the family sitting worriedly in the plastic chairs. “I’m in the waiting room with his family. It all happened so fast and he’s already in the operating room. I..I just want to know if you can come down here?”

“Of course sweetheart,” Laura said soothingly. “How many people are there? I can pick up food.”

“Oh mom you don’t have to,” Pam spoke softly, now realizing how quiet the room was but knew that it would be far more awkward if she stepped out now.

“Please,” She could hear the sound of her mother rustling through her purse and grabbing her keys. “Those people need something to help.”

“Um,” Pam scanned the worried family. “About seven?”

“Alright honey, I’ll be there in a bit,” Pam nodded and quickly wiped her eyes before hanging up. She quickly sent a text to Toby, letting him know she would not be at work, and finally sat down.

She had not felt so awkward in such a long time. The family was huddled together, silent, and she was sitting across the room.

Pam had never felt so alone in her life.

She stared intently at her phone and jumped when she got a text from Michael. He assured her that they could hold down the fort without her and to text if she needed anything. He then typed “XOXO Mikey” but Pam still could not think of a better boss.

The door opened and Laura stepped in, holding several pizza boxes and a large plastic bag. She smiled faintly at the group and shut the door behind her.

“Hi, I’m Laura Beesley,” She introduced herself. “Pam told me what happened and I thought you might be hungry. I have pizza, bread sticks, and some brownies.”

Larissa instantly burst into tears and hugged Laura tightly. Pam grabbed the bags of food while her mother rubbed the back of the incredibly stressed woman.

“Sorry,” Larissa gasped through her tears. “I’m an absolute mess.”

“It’s perfectly okay,” Laura smiled warmly. “I can’t imagine being calm in this situation. You should eat something, starving yourself is not doing any good.”

The previously silent room suddenly was a flurry of noise as everyone busied themselves with the food. It seemed like the worried family was just glad for a distraction.

“So,” Laura said gently, taking a bite of her pizza and placing it back on the napkin in her hand. “I’ve only met Jim once in passing but Pam has told me so much about him. From all the pranks he pulls around the office it must have been fun with him growing up.”

“He almost wasn’t allowed to walk the stage at graduation after he saran wrapped the administration staff’s cars. He convinced the entire basketball team to help,” Rob smiled slightly and picked at the chocolate chips in his brownie.

“Do you remember the time when Jim put poprocks in our cereal?” Pete laughed suddenly. “He was like what…six?”

“Annoying little bastard,” Tom smirked into his soda.

The next hour was filled with stories and laughter, fear disappearing. The group saw around the waiting room and simply talked.

“Rob and Larissa,” Chris stood in the doorway, removing his surgical mask. “The surgery went great. The donor heart is beating just fine and he’s in recovery.”

Larissa seemed to collapse in on herself, Rob holding her up. Both parents instantly burst into tears and held onto each other. Pete and Tom hugged each other and then pulled Pam into a tearful embrace.

Pam felt like she was completely numb, tears running down her cheeks. Jim was going to be okay. Jim was going to be healthy for the first time in so many years.

~*~

Jim slowly awoke to the uncomfortable feeling of having a breathing tube down his throat. His hands jerked suddenly in response to the anesthesia and he felt the soft hold of restraints against his wrists.

“Mr. Halpert?” A young nurse with a mask on leaned over him. “Relax. You got through surgery just fine. The donor heart is going strong and is perfectly healthy. You have a tube in your throat that is attached to a respirator to help you breathe while your body heals. There is also a tube that is going down your nose into your stomach to help keep your stomach from bloating. Also, I’m sorry about the restraints but they are necessary because you may try to pull the tube out in your sleep and the tremors you get from the aftereffects of the anesthesia can hurt.”

Jim’s head was swimming and all he was aware of was that his chest was not as heavy and although his chest ached there was an overwhelming sense of euphoria.

He closed his eyes and could feel the pull of the medication before he drifted back to sleep.

~*~

“Can we see him?” Pam asked, still wiping her teary eyes with trembling hands.

“I’m sorry but we can only allow in immediate family members,” Chris said awkwardly, frowning slightly.

“She’s his fiancée,” Pete broke in, placing a hand on her shoulder and bringing her in for a quick hug. “And we’ve seen Jim waking up from surgeries too many times. Pam, you should go.”

Pam nodded and Chris put a hand on her back and led her out of the room. Her head was fuzzy and she felt slightly sick to her stomach. The receptionist had to wash up and dress completely in protective equipment. She felt silly in the hat and mask but her mind went completely blank when she walked into the ICU and saw Jim.

He was incredibly pale which just emphasized the dark bruises under his eyes. There was so many tubes coming out of him but the breathing tube down his throat was the most startling.

Pam gently took Jim’s hand in her gloved one and his dazed eyes opened. She avoided the IV line but gently rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand.

Jim squeezed her hand weakly and turned his head slightly towards her. Pam felt her tears dampen the mask she wore and she gently caressed his cheek where the surgical tape holding the breathing tube in place ended.

“You,” She began, her voice cracking. “Have no idea how worried I’ve been. Oh god I love you.”

He smiled slightly around the tube and only squeezed her hand tighter. Pam’s eyes travelled down from his glazed eyes to the large bandage covering his chest. A tube snaked out from under the bandage and emptied bloodied liquid into a container.

“Your parents have been worried sick and it’s been horrible waiting for you to come out,” She smiled when he pushed his face towards her hand softly. He winced and closed his eyes tightly when his movement jarred his incision.

“Are you in pain?” She asked and tenderly pushed his hair back when he nodded slightly. Worry began to build up in her when she saw that he had paled further and was trembling slightly from the pain. His wrists were still restrained but he would jerk up every so often from the tremors.

“I’ll let you get back to sleep,” She whispered when she saw his eyelids droop with exhaustion. “I love you.”

He squeezed her hand again before falling asleep. Pam stood in the room, listening to the sounds of the ventilator and the various beeps of the machines before making her way out of the room.

Pam walked down the hallways of the hospital, heels clicking sharply on the white floors. She had left work and had gone straight to the hospital, excited to see Jim.

After a couple days Jim had been transferred to the ICU. He was still incredibly weak from the surgery and was starting physical therapy. The office had signed a giant card for him, complete with a poem from Michael, and had sent their best wishes.

She turned the corner and froze. Jim was standing in his room, wearing his hospital gown and a pair of grey sweatpants. He was leaning slightly against a physical therapist and taking a few shaky steps.

Pam paused, simply watching him. He was still wearing a mask to protect him from infection and had lost a ton of weight. A huge smile spread across her face when he took a shaky step, leaning heavily on the physical therapist and closing his eyes.

The smile slid off Pam’s face when Jim began to shake his head and lose his footing. The physical therapist grabbed a nearby chair and helped the trembling young man to sit down.

“It’s no problem Jim,” She heard the physical therapist say gently as she quickly stepped out of the way of the window but on the other side of the door. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you may have trouble getting your strength up but a few steps is a great start.”

“A great start?” Jim snapped back sharply. “I played basketball in high school and have been active all my life. Now suddenly taking a few steps is a huge deal? I’m always tired and even after the transplant I’m going to have to do therapy and take medication for the rest of my life!”

“Jim,” The therapist said, laying a hand on the exhausted young man’s shoulder. “I know this is hard…”

“You know! You know what it’s like to slowly grow so weak that you can hardly move? I’m so sick of everyone treating me like I’m made of glass!” Jim snarled. “Now get out!”

The therapist paused for a moment and stepped out of the room, sighing. He gave Pam a small smile before making his way down to the nurse’s office.

Pam glanced into the room to see Jim glaring out the window, eyes dark. She knocked hesitantly on the door jam and he whipped his head towards her, a smile forcing the mask up slightly.

“Hey you! Like the evil scientist look?” He waggled his eyebrows. “I knew the SARS scare turned you on so I thought this mask would be fun.”

“You got me,” Pam said with a forced smile.

“What’s up?” He furrowed his brows in confusion. “Are you okay?”

“Are you?” She asked, laying a hand over his.

“Yeah,” He shrugged. “I actually feel great. I’m breathing better and you missed it but I took a few steps! It was pretty intense.”

Pam nodded slowly, feeling the worry build up in her. She rubber his hand gently before a sudden rush of anger exploded in her.

“Come on Jim!” She snapped, taking him by surprise. “I saw you get angry at the therapist. I know that you aren’t getting better as quickly as you want but I wish you could see it through my eyes! Before the surgery you were hardly able to talk so yeah, a few steps are awesome. In fact, it has to be the most amazing I’ve felt in a long time. I feel like a broken record but Jim I swear to God that if you keep talking like this I’m not going to come back.”

Jim stared intently at her as tears started to trickle down her face. His hands tightened into fists until his knuckles were white and he grabbed at her shoulders.

“What are you saying?” He whispered. “Are you saying that you’re going to leave me?”

“I can’t,” Pam sobbed. “I love you Jim. But I can’t stay if you’re going to torture yourself and hurt yourself further. I know it’s hard but please just don’t feel sorry for yourself. Put yourself in my shoes! What if you had to watch me slowly grow weaker and slowly die? Then suddenly, imagine I get the heart that is going to save me and I still am acting like I’ve lost the will to leave! I love you so much Jim, but I’m not going to sit here and watch you kill yourself, I wont survive that!”

She sobbed hysterically and Jim quickly wrapped her into a hug and pulled her towards him. Pam placed her hand over his chest and felt the course stitches and beneath that was a rather firm fast heartbeat.

“I’m so sorry,” Jim kept whispering into her hair, voice muffled by his mask. “God, Pam, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Pam just held onto him, sniffing. She could not imagine leaving Jim but she could not survive watching him kill himself by just giving up.

~*~

“Hey,” Pam smiled shakily at Jim as the therapist helped him move to the edge of the bed.

“Hey!” Jim grinned brightly at her, eyes crinkling behind the mask, as he slowly got to his feet. “Want to walk with me to the end of the hall?”

“Why Mr. Halpert you charmer,” She laughed and stood next to him as the therapist took his arm and helped him walk out of the room.

Pam looped an arm through his and the therapist stepped back. Jim laid a hand on hers as they walked slowly through the hall, the IV pole scratching on the floor behind them.

“You know, this is our first walk together as fiancées, it’s been almost a month since you proposed,” Pam rubbing at his back. “But this is perfect, so romantic.”

“Ah yes, I’m still wearing a mask although I know the hospital gown turns you on. The fluorescent lights shining off the charts and my hospital bracelet are just stunning. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Jim hugged her back and pressed his chin to her head.

“Do you want to rest?” Pam asked as they reached the end of the hallway.

“No, I’m okay,” He said slightly breathlessly. “This is great, I love walking with you.”

And Pam loved it too. The transformation to healthy, happy Jim was amazing. Pam found herself never going home, she went straight from work to the hospital and spent the night there.

“The doctor says I can go home tomorrow, although I will still have to wear a mask for awhile” Jim beamed at her. “And they say I can go to work in another week. Maybe we can convince Dwight that if he comes too close to me he can get sick. This could be fun!”

“You’re kidding me!” Pam grinned and quickly wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m so excited! I’ll move all your stuff into my apartment! This is going to be awesome!”

“Your apartment?” He asked, amused.

“Well yeah, Jim your bedroom is on the second floor and you have to walk up stairs. It makes more sense to move in with me,” Pam said awkwardly.

“Well, if it’s for my health,” Jim grinned and squeezed her arm.

“Of course,” Pam laughed. “Look we made it to the other side.”

“Will you look at that,” Jim looked back at the therapist who was smiling brightly at the young man. “I guess you’ll have to walk with me more often.”

“Always,” Pam grinned and quickly stood up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

Jim’s eyes slowly opened and winced at the bright light in the bedroom. He had been discharged from the hospital a few days before and had been staying at Pam’s apartment ever since.

He noticed that Pam’s side of the bed was empty and just for a moment enjoyed the soft sheets and the warm blanket that Pam’s grandmother had made that covered him. Jim still felt like he was in a dream and could not imagine a better situation.

He heard Pam’s soft voice from the kitchen and assumed that she was on the phone. Jim sat up in bed and swung his legs over the side. His breath hitched as pain flared through his chest as he jarred the incision and nausea swept through him.

Jim pushed himself up and pulled a warm robe on. He found that wearing a t-shirt would rub against his incision so his attire for the past few days were his robe and a pair of pajama pants.

As he walked down the hallway he had to pause every so often to catch his breath and fight down nausea.

“Hey,” Jim called as he stepped into the kitchen and froze.

A tall blonde woman was standing by the counter and jumped when he spoke. Jim gave her a quick awkward smile and pulled his robe closed, wincing slightly when it hit his incision.

“Hi!” The woman smiled brightly. “You must be Jim, I’m Penny, Pam’s sister.”

“Oh!” Jim put a hand out to shake hers while still holding his robe together. “I’m so sorry I thought you were Pam. This is kind of awkward.”

“Yeah a little,” Penny crinkled her nose almost exactly like Pam did when she laughed. “That’s okay though. Do you need to sit? I know you just got out of the hospital.”

“I’m actually okay,” Jim smiled kindly. “I’ve been laying down or sitting for a long long time so it feels good to stretch my legs.”

“Okay, so here’s the list,” Pam said as she walked through the kitchen door and jumped when she saw Jim there. “Holy crap Jim! I didn’t know you were awake! Why didn’t you call me to help you in here?”

Jim rolled his eyes good-naturedly at Penny as her sister maneuvered him into a chair.

“I’m fine Pam,” Jim smiled. “Really I feel great.”

“Oh, okay,” Pam looked frazzled and quickly ran a hand through her hair. “Anyway, Penny is going to stay here for a few days and help me out while you get better.”

“I’m getting groceries,” Penny held up the list.

“We were going to have breakfast before Penny went, care to join us?” Pam asked motioning towards a pot of oatmeal sitting on the stove.

“Uh, sure,” Jim shrugged. “I’m just going to go put a shirt on.”

He motioned towards the bedroom and slipped out of the room before Penny giggled and grinned at Pam.

“He’s a cutie,” She waggled her eyebrows. “And he looks great for getting a transplant a few days ago.”

“You should have seen him a few weeks or even a few days ago,” Pam sighed and stirred the oatmeal. “He was in pain or exhausted all the time. There was even a point when he was so depressed that he rejected the transplant, it scared me to half to death.”

“Oh my gosh,” Penny’s hand went to her mouth, eyes wide.

“But now,” Pam turned around, eyes shining. “He’s so full of life and is really trying to make this work. I mean, its obvious that he’s frustrated how long its taking but I think his expectation are too high.”

“I’m ready!” Jim came back into the room, slightly out of breath from the walk to the kitchen. “Do we have any orange juice?”

“Yeah,” Pam pulled the carton out of the refrigerator and pulled out his medication separator. “And you need to take your medication.”

Jim quickly swallowed the pills and washed them down with a long gulp of orange juice. He winced at the chalky taste in his mouth and took the bowl of oatmeal that Pam handed to him and her sister.

“Thanks,” Penny grinned. “So, when do you get to go back to work?”

“In another month,” Jim answered, stirring his oatmeal around. “It’s really supposed to be when I feel much better, like walking longer distances and my appetite improving.”

“I guess it helps that selling paper isn’t very strenuous,” Penny stirred in some brown sugar.

“Not strenuous?” Jim gave her a mock glare and rolled his eyes towards a smiling Pam. “I have to remember the prices of pure white cardstock and the discounts we’re having on recycled goods. Can you imagine the stress of having to sell multicolored index cards in bulk! It’s unimaginable.”

“I’m sorry,” Penny threw up her hands in defeat. “I guess you should stay home for longer.”

“I might have to,” Jim nodded seriously causing Pam to giggle.

Pam noticed his expression falter and he paled slightly. She quickly grabbed the wastebasket and handed it to him just as he lost what little breakfast he had eaten.

The light atmosphere was instantly lost as Jim continued to dry-heave weakly into the wastebasket. Pam rubbed his back and could feel the harsh spasms through his muscles. Penny wetted a washcloth and laid it down over the back of his neck.

“Just breathe,” Pam was whispering in his ear as he gasped through the pain, tears in the corners of his eyes from the stomach acid burning his throat. “Please Jim, just breathe.”

He collapsed backwards in the chair, breathing harshly. Pam quickly put the wastebasket aside and rubbed his shoulders.

“The medication makes him nauseous,” Pam explained softly. “The oatmeal might have been too heavy, I’m sorry.”

Jim nodded weakly and squeezed her hand.

“I’m sorry to kill the mood but I need to go lay down,” He said hoarsely. The two women nodded quietly and Pam helped Jim rise, allowing him to lie down on the couch.

“I’m going to go to the store,” Penny said, grabbing her purse. “I’ll grab you some ginger ale and saltines Jim.”

The young man raised his hand in response and Penny gave Pam a quick smile before walking out the front door. Pam filled up a glass of water and handed it to her fiancé.

“Thanks,” He said hoarsely. “I’m sorry, I thought it was getting better.”

“Well, it is,” She smiled at him and rubbed his knee through the blanket. “You’re not constantly green and sitting in the bathroom all day.”

“Yeah,” Jim shuddered and gulped down the rest of the water. “I couldn’t watch my Iron Chef recordings in the bathroom, and I knew you wouldn’t let me move the TV in there.”

“No, that would be stupid,” Pam laughed and sunk down next to him, jumping when he hissed in pain.

“I’m fine, I just jarred my incision,” Jim muttered and wrapped his arms around her. “When are you going back to work?”

“Next week, I figure you’ll be able to take care of yourself by then,” She kissed his jaw slightly.

“Aw,” He whined. “But who will get my food and my fuzzy socks?”

“I guess you’ll have to do it yourself lazy,” She said back with a smile and snuggled back into his arms. Jim chuckled and fell silent; soon the sound of deepened breathing told her that her fiancé had fallen asleep.

Pam gently turned herself in his arms to see that his eyes were closed and his head was resting on the back couch cushion. She slowly moved her hand up and rested it on his chest. Through the thin fabric of his t-shirt she could feel the roughness of the healing incision and the strong heartbeat.

~*~

“Hey Pam,” Michael grinned, standing in front of her desk. “Paaaaaaaaam. Paaaaaaaam. PAM! I’m so glad to have you baaaaack! Your replacement was horrible! She had no sense of humor.”

“Imagine that,” Pam smiled slightly, still trying to reorganize her desk. It seemed like everything had been moved in the time she had spent away.

“How’s Jim?” Michael asked, poking through the jellybeans. She could tell that he had been dying to ask. “I mean the guy got his heart hacked out of his chest. Was there a lot of blood?”

“Michael!” Oscar scowled at him from the copier.

“Um, I wasn’t actually in the operating room with him,” Pam said slowly and Michael let out a harsh breath, glaring.

“Really Pam? Really? I would have sat in the operating room with him and held his hand! He was probably scared and needed someone there for him! But no one called me, not until he was already under the knife,” Michael’s voice cracked and he put a hand to his mouth.

“No one is allowed in the operating room Michael,” Pam said slowly, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. “It’s not safe.”

“That’s a lie!” Michael threw his hands up and scowled. “Don’t you think I know B.S. when I hear it? When my cousin Kim had surgery her husband got to sit with her!”

“Was she having a baby?” Oscar asked scathingly. “You’re allowed in for a c-section but not for a complete heart transplant.”

“Oh,” Michael stared ahead blankly and rubbed the back of his neck. “So, how’s Jim?”

“He’s doing well,” Pam smiled, not continuing Michael’s earlier conversation for his sake. “His medication is making him a little nauseous and sleepy. But he’s in less pain than he was before. He should be able to come back to work in a couple weeks.”

“Great,” Michael’s grin faltered slightly and he quickly hurried to Dwight who was typing furiously on his computer.

Pam’s smile slipped off her face when she looked up and saw Jim’s empty desk. Thankfully, the cleaning crew had continued to wipe down the dust and tidy up the papers. She was so lost in her thoughts that her phone vibrating scared her into jumping.

Glancing down she smiled to see it was Jim.

I’ll take care of dinner, ok? : )

Before she was able to respond Dwight was suddenly standing over her desk with a piece of paper. Pam could read the title Causes of Myocarditis and Heart Failure

“Pam, is there any way Jim could have had polio?” He asked abruptly, Michael standing behind him, looking worried.

~*~

“I’m home,” Pam called out as soon as she shut the door and pulled off her shoes and coat. “You’re going to be so proud of me! I’ve convinced Dwight that you have polio, I’m betting that he wont talk to you for weeks!”

Her excited stream of words was cut off when she stepped into the kitchen. Her plain white kitchen was covered in small candles and a beautiful meal of pasta and homemade bread was on the table. Jim grinned at her, wearing a pair of old jeans and a buttoned up shirt.

“Hey! I was wondering when you were going to get home,” He looked suddenly unsure of himself.

“What’s this?” Pam started but her voice faded when Jim slowly got down on one knee. He winced sharply when he jarred his incision but waved off her attempt to help him.

“So, I know we didn’t want to do this in a big way,” Jim smiled up at her as her eyes filled with tears. "But, you’re the reason I got through this. You’re the reason I found myself trying. You’re the reason all those nights in the hospital didn’t kill me. I didn’t think just asking me while I was dying in bed worked. So, I asked your sister to take me to a jewelry store and I got this.”

Pam gasped when he pulled a small box from his pocket and opened it to show a ring.

“Pam, I think its some kind of weird irony that while my heart was failing, it also got stronger because of you and I know that I had a moment of weakness before, but I don't want to leave you. Ever. Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” She whispered brokenly, sniffing and wiping away her tears. “Of course I’m going to marry you.”

Jim grinned brilliantly, slipping the sparkling ring onto her trembling finger. He stood with help from her and embraced her tightly.

“How many times did you practice that speech?” Pam asked, smiling tearfully.

“I lost count,” Jim smiled into her hair. “Why? Was it a little cheesy?”

“A little,” Pam leaned back and kissed him firmly. “But I like cheesy.”

“Are you ready?” Pam asked grinning over at her fiancé who sighed and stared sadly at the office building.

“No,” He moaned. “Can we just come back in a week?”

“No,” Pam laughed and opened her car door. “Now come on you big baby, it won’t be that bad.”

“You really think so?” Jim sighed and grinned as Pam grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the entrance.

The ride in the elevator was silent as the couple waiting to get to their floor. Jim felt a sudden, immense sadness when he realized that the past few months, while incredibly stressful and horrifying was one of the best times of his life. Jim gently rubbed the ring on Pam’s finger and smiled at her.

And in a few moments he was going to be sitting at his desk just like before.

Pam opened the door to the office to see that it had been covered in incredibly bright red streamers and balloons. Jim tried to turn around to leave but Pam pulled him back.

“Jim!” Kelly squealed, wearing a bright red dress and matching heels. “Oh my God! I’ve been so worried! It’s so good to see you!”

“Kelly!” Michael snapped from the door to his office. “Please! Please! The man just got back from a traumatic surgery! He almost died. Please just give him some space.”

Jim smiled at Kelly who was on the other end of the room. Michael walked slowly towards him with his arms out as if he was approaching an animal.

“Hey,” He said softly with a careful smile. “How are you feeling champ?”

“Michael, Jim got out of surgery almost two months ago,” Pam tried but Michael waved her away. He continued to walk slowly to Jim, making him uncomfortable.

“Hey Michael,” Jim said just as slowly then grinned. “This place looks amazing!”

“It does!” Michael visibly brightened and looked around the room proudly. “We picked red because of the ‘Go Red’ campaign. We’re here to support you Jim.”

“Wow,” Jim nodded slowly. “We’re you aware that the ‘Go Red’ campaign is for women with heart diseases?”

“What?” Michael’s face fell.

“But it’s great!” Jim tried to comfort the obviously upset Michael. “Really, I really appreciate it. It’s a great welcome back!”

“We missed you!” Their boss’s face crumpled and he quickly pulled Jim into a tearful hug. “Welcome home my son, welcome home.”

There was a long awkward silence as the hug continued far longer than was comfortable.

“So,” Jim said, voice slightly muffled. “I should just get back to work.”

“Yeah,” Michael wiped tears from his eyes and sniffed loudly. “Work my friend, my brother. Work and feel alive.”

“Will do,” Jim patted the older man’s shoulders. He sat down in his old chair and turned on the computer, seeing Pam sit at her desk in his peripheral vision. With a faint smile, he picked up the phone and started his calls.

~*~

Jim glanced up from where he was making his tea to see most of the office look away awkwardly. He sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, I know you’re all really curious so go ahead and ask questions,” He turned to see his obviously embarrassed coworkers.

“Did it hurt terribly?” Phyllis asked softly, leaning forward slightly.

“It actually felt pretty good after just because I could actually breathe,” Jim smiled into his tea and took a long swallow. “But before it was incredibly painful. I was just exhausted and my chest ached. It wasn’t a pleasant experience.”

His coworkers chuckled softly and Jim felt more at ease. Throughout the day he had felt like they were avoiding him or being intentionally quiet and gentle.

“So, are you like all better now?” Kelly asked, picking at her salad while eyeing Kevin’s pizza.

“Um, kind of,” He shrugged and leaned against the counter. “I have to take medication for the rest of my life to prevent rejection but I feel great!”

“Did the doctors look like those on Grey’s Anatomy?” Kelly asked, suddenly perking up. “Oh my god, I like both McDreamy and McSteamy but I think McDreamy is a little bit hotter.”

“No, they didn’t.” But Jim went unheard as Kelly continued to tell the plot of the show to a very unenthusiastic Oscar.

Jim edged his way out of the kitchen and walked over to the reception desk. Pam grinned up at him and leaned back from her solitaire game.

“So, is coming back to work everything you dreamed of and more?” She asked, raising her eyebrows. “Did you take your pills?”

“Yes mom,” He rolled his eyes. “This sounds horrible but I was actually expecting everyone to make a bigger deal, besides the lovely decorations.”

“They didn’t want to get you food because they believed that food contributed to your heart problems,” Pam said with a grin. “I think you overestimated how much everyone cares about anything here.”

“True, true. I guess I’ve been around people who actually enjoyed and were good at their job for far too long,” Jim sighed.

“I suppose so,” Pam patted his hand in mock-sympathy. “Now, you better get back to work. I’m not paying for this wedding by myself.”

“I see how it is,” Jim smiled. “You’re just trying to get rid of me.”

“You got me,” Pam returned to her solitaire game and moved a card.

Jim smiled down at her and went to sit down at his desk, wincing slightly when he pulled his still tender incision. It had healed to the point where it was still a harsh scar but no longer raw. The scar was rather embarrassing to him and he kept a shirt on at all times to avoid having it be seen.

“Are you in pain?” He looked up to see Dwight blinking at him owlishly.

“No, just pulled it is all,” Jim drained the rest of his tea and set the mug down.

“Then don’t pull it,” He replied matter-of-factly.

“I missed you Dwight,” Jim grinned after a long moment of silence.

“Psh, baby,” Dwight rolled his eyes but Jim noticed that the older man was ignoring the stack of papers spilling over to his desk.

“This wasn’t you fault,” Pam whispered, pressing her forehead to her husbands. “Please, don’t blame yourself.”

Baby Luke had come into the world with a heart defect and had been rushed to the operating room a few days after he was born. When Luke was born he was unable to cry and was almost blue in color.

Jim pressed his forehead closer to hers and kept his eyes tightly closed as tears slid down his cheeks. The young parents sat alone in the dim waiting room, simply holding each other.

Pam stared at her distraught husband and knew that some part of her should be angry. Angry that she should have to consol her husband when the child she had given birth to just days ago was in surgery. Angry that she couldn’t scream away her frustrations. Angry that she hadn’t been allowed to hold Luke.

But all that anger faded away when she looked at Jim.

~*~

At the sonogram when they found out about the defect the couple had left, emotions blank. Pam’s mind was completely empty as they drove home, hand on her rounded stomach.

The car suddenly pulled over onto the gravel shoulder and Pam glanced over to her husband in confusion. Jim’s green eyes were incredibly bright with unshed tears and he broke down right in front of her.

Pam sat in complete silence as Jim took in great gasping sobs, crying into his hands. She slowly slid her hand over his trembling shoulders.

“Sorry,” He choked out, voice thick. “God I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Pam mumbled against his temple as she kissed him softly.

“You heard what the doctor said,” He snapped, turning teary eyes towards his wife. “The heart defects are more prevalent in children whose parents have them. My shitty genes are the cause of this.”

“Hey,” She grabbed his chin and turned his face towards hers, wiping the tears off his cheeks. “You are not to blame. You went through this and you’re still here with me. This baby, shitty genes or not is something we made, you and me.”

Jim stared at her for a few moments before pressing his lips to hers and laying a hand across her extended stomach.

~*~

After that trip home he had been more attentive than ever. Jim would constantly encourage her to relax to the point of nearly smothering her. When she went into labor, he had held her hand throughout the whole thing. It was only after Luke had been brought into surgery when old doubts recurred.

He sat in the waiting room, leg bouncing nervously. Jim’s green eyes were locked on the door leading to the operating room and he gripped Pam’s hand tightly. The couple sat quietly in the plastic chairs and all Pam wanted to do was sleep. She had spent a good two hours in labor and watched as her baby was rushed out of the room.

“I’m sorry,” Jim whispered.

“Please don’t start that again,” Pam hissed, exhaustion and stress overwhelming her. “I can’t deal with that again.”

“That’s not what I was going to say,” He said and his eyes slid up to the pastel colored walls. “It’s been three years since my transplant and I’ve never been happier, but now I’ve noticed that I’m an egocentric jerk. I’ve made this way harder for you than it should have been. You just spent several hours in pain just to have me whine and cry.”

“I don’t mind,” She said softly.

“I know, but you shouldn’t have to comfort me when our child is in surgery,” He looped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. Pam then let her tears soak into the thin fabric of his t-shirt.

They simply sat holding each other for hours, waiting until the doctor came out. Pam felt herself drifting off as her husband stroked her messy hair gently.
“Hey,” Pam woke up slowly when she felt her shoulder being shaken. Her eyes opened to see a tired looking middle-aged woman in scrubs. “The doctor’s here.”

“Hey,” Pam instantly sat up and rubbed at her eyes. “How is he? Is Luke okay?”

“Luke came through the surgery just fine,” The doctor smiled at the relieved parents. Pam began to cry silently, smiling softly. “He is really sleepy and the defect was taken care of. He’ll be fine.”

“Thank God,” Jim breathed, covering his face with his hands.

“Can we see him?” Pam asked, squeezing his hand tightly. The doctor nodded with a smile and led the parents through the halls until they entered the NICU.

The soft beeping and dimmed light gave Jim pause for a moment as memories overwhelmed him. His chest ached for a moment as he arrived at Luke’s bedside.

The tiny boy was hooked up to so many tubes and lines that they could hardly see him. Jim felt his breath hitch when he saw the tiny, peaceful face of his son.

“He’s beautiful,” Pam’s voice was thick with tears.

“The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Jim whispered, then his eyes trailed to the prominent red incision on his chest. “He’s going to have a scar.”

“That’s okay,” Pam whispered. “I like it.”

“You like it?” Jim asked incredulously.

“Yeah, it’s a reminder that he’s going to be here with me,” She said, hand resting over Jim’s scar. “You too. Every time I look at the scar I remember that you’re still here with me. Sometimes when I wake up from nightmares I just look at your scar and I remember that the worst is over, that you aren’t in danger. Now when I see Luke I’ll know that he won’t have to suddenly collapse because we caught it early. You are both still here with me.”

Jim smiled and covered her hand with his, eyes moving to look at his child. He saw the incision and felt a weight on his chest lift. Luke moved his tiny fingers and opened green eyes to look at his parents.

“It’s fine mom,” Luke rolled his eyes as Pam straightened his tie. “You’ve been fixing it for a good twenty minutes.”

“I know baby, but it’s your big day,” Pam smiled at her son who grinned brightly at her. “You need to look your best.”

“But I always look my best,” Luke laughed, green eyes sparkling. Pam was struck for a moment by how much he looked like his father.

“Yes you do,” Pam smiled and smoothed out her blue dress. Luke spun around to fix his collar in the mirror. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I think I am,” Luke kissed her on the cheek and hugged Pam tightly. “I love you mom.”

“Oh sweetheart, I love you so much,” Pam hugged her son tightly, squeezing for a moment and then letting him go to wipe at her eyes.

“Are you ready yet?” His sister, Sarah, asked from the doorway. She was dressed in the yellow bridesmaid dress with white flowers in her hair. “Mary is freaking out and thinks you’ve left her at the alter, you’d better get down there.”

“You heard her mom,” Luke grinned. “I’m going to get married!”

He rushed out of the room and she could hear his groomsmen cheering him on in the next room. Pam felt a small smile spread across her face and quickly looked in the mirror.

The years had defiantly had an effect on her. The corners of her eyes were wrinkled with laugh lines and her curly hair had a slight amount of grey in it.

“Hey!” She looked up to see Jim standing in the doorway. He was wearing a crisp black suit and was still as tall and thin as ever. The only aging he had done was that the skin around his eyes wad wrinkled and grey stood out against his temples. “What’s taking you so long? You are the mother of the bride after all.”

“I’m coming,” She turned and grabbed her husband’s hand, going to sit in the church.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful, Mary looked stunning in her long white dress. Luke eyes shone with tears as he said his vows and slid the ring onto his new bride’s finger. They kissed among cheers and walked down the aisle as a married couple, staring into each other’s eyes.

At the reception, Luke stood up and raised his glass of champagne.

“Okay, I know it’s not exactly traditional for the groom to give a speech, but I would like to say something to my…my wife,” He smiled softly at Mary who grinned back up at him. “As a little boy I didn’t exactly imagine what kind of flowers or what flavor of cake I wanted at my wedding, I didn’t even really think about anything, but I always knew what true love would be like. I never had to wonder about finding love because I saw my parents and it all made sense to me

My dad spent years pining over my mom even though she kind of wasn’t available at the time. That didn’t deter him however, because he knew he loved her and that was all he knew for certain. There wasn’t any fairytale or romantic comedy ending where it all works out since my dad got really sick. His illness brought them closer together and they realized they couldn’t live without each other. My mom was the reason my dad made it through that and they love each other more than anyone I have ever seen

As a couple of you know, I also had heart problems when I was younger, resulting in an open-heart surgery after only a couple of hours after I was born. I ended up having a really bad scar, which I’ll admit I was rather embarrassed by.

Then I met Mary. She wasn’t scared away by my health or the scar and when I asked why she replied that yes, the scar meant that I wasn’t born perfect and it was clear that I had problems but it was a symbol of a second chance. I didn’t really understand what she meant but now I do.

Mary, I was given this second chance in life because I needed to love you. You are the reason I breathe and the reason I wake up every day. The pain and worry is worth it if I can see you everyday for the rest of my life.”

Mary had tears streaming down her pretty face as she stood to embrace her new husband and kiss him firmly on the mouth.

Jim leaned over and kissed his wife, not surprised to find her cheeks wet with tears.

“I love you,” He whispered, grinning and staring into her eyes. “I love you so much.”

“Me too,” Pam mouthed, hugging him back, smiling at her son over Jim’s shoulder. Luke smiled back and lifted his hand in a small wave before he turned back to his new wife.