Chapter 1 - Christmas 2004

“Pam, the world wants to know what you will do with that fine cat magnet you got from your secret Santa.” Jim asked, looking at her with his eyes wide almost mockingly as they stood at together at reception.

“Hah! I dunno, probably just put it on the refrigerator and use it to hold the grocery list, or Roy will throw it out. Either or. Are you excited for your free karate lesson with your instructor Dwight?” She wiggled her eyebrows and grinned mischievously at Jim.

“Oh you know it. Seriously though, I’m pretty sure I’m never ever going to go anywhere near Dwight if it’s not work related. I’m almost positive.” He said, emphasizing almost to drive his point home.

“Aw come on, you should go! Then you could tell me all about what he’s like when he’s not kissing up to Michael, and if he wears a mustard colored karate robe.” She said, trying to stifle a giggle.

“Oh man. You’re right it would be interesting to see what he’s like outside of work. I’ll consider it on one condition, you have to go with me and watch, be my cheerleader. Plus I’m sure I would never be able to do the experience any justice just by telling you about it. I’m sure if I do go, it’d be something you have to see with your own eyes.” He said, hoping he sounded nonchalant.

“OK, I’ll be there. Let’s make that our next monthly Saturday outing!” She said, almost giddily.

“You have yourself a deal there Pam.” He said, again hoping to pare down his excitement at getting to spend time with Pam outside of work.

“OK” she put out her and they shook on it and make if official.

“So, what are your plans for this Christmas?” He asked, trying to change the subject and not think about how soft her hand felt.

“Oh, pretty much the same thing as last year. Go to Roy’s parent’s house. Help out his mom with dinner while the guys all watch football and drink beer all day. What about you?” She had to stop herself from sounding exacerbated as she envisioned another holiday of serving the men on hand and foot.

“I’m going to my parent’s house. The usual, endure torture from Tom and Pete. And get a lecture from my mom and grandmother about why I never bring a date with me to Christmas dinner.” He rolled his eyes at the thought of a full day with intrusive relatives.

“Really? I find it hard to believe that you haven’t brought a date to Christmas dinner.” She said pointedly, trying to figure out why the fact that he wasn’t bringing a girl to Christmas dinner made her feel relieved.

“I don’t know, it just… I feel like if I’m not completely certain that they’re not going to be around the next year then what’s the point? Then I’ll just get another lecture from my mom about bringing different girls to dinner each year. You know how it goes. Parents always have something to say.” As he finished he broke eye contact with Pam and stared at his feet, trying to hide his embarrassment at what he just admitted.

“Aw! Hey maybe next year things will be different.” She said, patting his bicep.

“Yeah, we’ll see. I guess I need to get out more, huh?” He said, trying to lighten his mood with a soft chuckle.

“You should do that. But don’t forget about our monthly Saturday afternoon outings. I think this time we should see a movie and grab lunch. And I can give you some more stick shift lessons. Oh, and now we have to figure out a time to get you to a Karate lesson with Dwight!” She said, feeling a flutter in her stomach at the mention of their next Saturday afternoon together.

“That sounds great, we should definitely set it up after the holiday.” Jim said, as he and Pam grinned at each other for longer than a moment, until Jim heard Roy coming from the kitchen. Jim recovered, and quickly looked at his watch.

“Hey Pam, I have to run, Tom needed me to help him with some Christmas stuff. Talk to you after the break. Hope you guys have a safe trip home in that snow.” He said, as he gathered his bag and coat and headed for the door.

“OK. You too, be safe. See you next week. Merry Christmas Jim.” She smiled and waved.

“Merry Christmas Pam.” He replied as he put his hands in his pockets and walked towards the elevator, wishing he could instead turn around and give her at least a hug. But Roy probably wouldn’t be OK with that.


Jim

What is it about this girl that I can’t stop myself from over-sharing details about my life? What in the world was I thinking telling her I don’t bring anyone to Christmas dinner? Now she must think I’m such a pathetic loser! Hey brain, can you and mouth get it together? Stop making me look like a fool in front of this girl! She’s engaged to be married to someone who’s not me!

I seriously need to have my head examined. Pam is just a girl I work with. That’s all, just a girl from work who happens to be my friend. She’s just someone who makes me laugh and makes working in that office a lot easier to deal with. We’re just friends. I need to stop telling her details about my personal life like I just did. I seriously need to get out and start dating someone, no matter how much I wish to every God out there that I could just go out on one real date with Pam. Just…OK stop that train of thought right now! That’s it. This year’s resolution is going to be to find someone to date. It doesn’t matter who. Yes it does. No it doesn’t. UGH! OK. Get it together Halpert.

There was a time when I used to look forward to Christmas. It’d just be me, Tom, Pete, Larissa, and our parents. I’d get up super early on Christmas morning, wake up everyone in the house, and then go run to open presents. Then we’d have breakfast together and spend the day going over our gifts, putting together things that needed to be assembled. Then after dinner we would all watch Christmas movies and drink hot chocolate. It sounds so kitschy and too good to be true, but that’s really how it was every year when I was a kid.

Now things are different. It’s still fun to be with my family but now my brothers are married and have kids and when we all are together at my parents house, I just feel like I’m watching from the sidelines every year waiting for my turn to have my own family included in the mayhem that Christmas day has turned into now. What would it be like to see the wonder in my own child’s eye during the holidays? What would it feel like to have my girlfriend sitting next to me at the dinner table with my family, joking and laughing and having a good time? I’m so not in the mood this year. I’m not looking forward to my mom asking me all about my social life, if I’m dating anyone, why I’m never dating anyone. Not in the mood to have Tom and Pete tell me about how easy I have it because I’m single. I’m pretty sure I’d trade places with them in a second.

I don’t think I’d ever actually tell my mom about Pam, I don’t think anyone in my family really needs to know how ridiculously desperate I am for her to be not engaged to that guy who treats her like she doesn’t exist half the time, just so I could go out on a date with her. Yeah that’s just too much information for anyone to have about me. That has got to stay inside the brain. Do you hear that mouth? Shut it. Pam is just a girl I work with who’s also my friend. That is it. Let’s get out there and date someone.

What happened to me? Before I took this job I was totally fine with the way things were in my social life. I had plenty of dates. I didn’t care about whether or not I ever had a wife and kids. Now for the past few years, ever since I started working there, selling paper, making Pam laugh throughout the day, all of a sudden now I want a wife and kids. It’s so stupid to think this way. What is it about this girl? I’m really afraid that I’ve known that answer since the day I met her.



Pam

Every year I dread Christmas a little more. I just don’t like that when Roy and I go over to his parents house, all he does all day is sit in the living room watching football all day with his dad and Kenny. And I get stuck playing housemaid to the three of them. I’m just tired of trying to remember all the good times Roy and I have when it’s just the two of us alone. But when he gets together with his brother, it’s like I fade into the background.

I have to stop myself from getting angry with him when he puts no effort into my gift. I just have to keep telling myself that at least he remembered to get me something. I have to not get annoyed when he yells for me to bring him another beer, while I’m helping his mom with dinner. I do like his parents. They’re sweet, like my own family. We get along, but something is missing that I can’t put my finger on.

But whenever we do finally get married things will get better, I just know it. We’ll have kids, and things will be right. He’ll play with them and help put together their new toys and we’ll laugh and watch silly Christmas movies together. We’ll have Christmas day at our house, he’ll help me with dinner and we’ll all be a family together, instead of this women in the kitchen, men in front of the TV thing that goes on every year.

Things will definitely get better. They’ll change and I’ll be happy and married and everything will be perfect. This is why I don’t like the holidays, because most of the year things are good between Roy and me. And when they’re not, I have my best friend Jim to lean on and talk to.

Jim is such a great guy. I hope he finds someone that makes him happy, I really do. He’s so warm and sweet and really funny. When Jim and I talk I just feel like he’s actually paying attention to what I have to say. I know he’ll be there to listen. And when I get a little scared to think that when he does find someone he won’t have any time for me, I just have to remind myself that I’ll be married to Roy soon, and everything will be perfect. I won’t have to deal with Roy staying out all the time with his brother. And I won’t have to dread the holiday’s anymore.

Chapter 2 - Christmas 2006

“So, how long do we let him stay up on the roof?” Jim asked, setting his bag on his shoulder and grabbing a jelly bean.

“Oh, about as long as it takes me to get home and call my sister to send him a text message to abort the mission. I was going to send it from my phone, but I figured he’d recognize the phone number.” Pam looked up and grinned, trying to keep her excitement in check.

“That’s perfect! Wow you really thought of everything Pam. Good work. I taught you well.” Jim smiled proudly, making direct eye contact with Pam.

“Thank you! Oh, uh, before I forget. Here’s the card and the rest of your gift.” She nervously handed him a small envelope, trying to stop her hand from shaking slightly.

“Oh you didn’t have to. Oh cool an iTunes gift card! I haven’t had a chance to buy anything on iTunes in a while, but I can’t wait to use this!” He smiled and went to place the envelope in his bag, and took out a small CD jewel case that said ‘mix for Pam’ on it.

“I have a CD of some new songs I got a few months ago I thought you might like. Here you go. ” Jim said anxiously, handing Pam the CD, trying to stamp down the awkward feeling he had in his stomach.

“Cool, thanks Jim.” She smiled, stopping herself from going to hug him, instead, she placed the CD in her purse.

“Hey, are you walking out?” He asked as he picked began to put on his scarf and jacket.

“Yeah. Just have to grab my coat.” She spun around a bit too quickly, silently shunning herself for giving into the giddy feeling she was having.

“OK, I’ll walk out with you.” Jim said, as he stepped towards the door, opening it for her.

“Thanks for waiting. Oh, I had a nice time getting to know Karen today. She seems really nice, and funny.” She said, trying not to sound as genuine as possible, even as her stomach lurched a bit as she completed the sentence.

“Yeah, she is. Before she left tonight she told me that she thought you were pretty cool.” Jim looked down at his feet as they waited for the elevator to arrive.

“Oh yeah, I felt bad that Angela was so rude to her. It was fun hanging out with her. So, how was lunch with Michael? Does it beat the time you two went to Hooters?” She asked, trying to break the awkwardness that seemed to creep in whenever either one mentioned Karen.

“Hah! Maybe. He and Andy got wasted and then hit on every waitress in the place. I did get Dwight to tell us all how to correctly butcher a goose, so that was a bonus. You should’ve seen the look on the faces of the people that were sitting between us. The guy asked me if Dwight had a mental problem and the woman actually told Dwight to shut his mouth. It was the first time I’d ever seen Dwight speechless. It was pretty funny.” Jim shook his head as they walked out of the elevator and out the front doors to the parking lot.

“Oh my God, that’s hilarious! I can just picture Dwight’s face. It must have been priceless!” Pam said, smiling at the thought of an offended Dwight.

“It was. I should have taken a picture on my phone to savor the memory.” Jim replied, nodding his head and shoving his hands in his pocket, more out of nerves than because of the below freezing temperatures.

“Yeah, you totally should have! “ She said excitedly, laughter touching the corners of her voice, as she stopped in front of her little blue Yaris.

“So, this is your new car, huh? It’s so tiny! How do you fit into it?” He peeked in the windows, shaking his head and smiling.

“Yeah, it’s kind of small. But it was pretty inexpensive.” She shrugged, hiding her slight embarrassment at her matter of fact response.

“Oh yeah, plus Toyota’s are pretty reliable. I really liked the one I had last year.” He said, making eye contact, and smiling.

“Yeah, it gets me where I need to go and I have enough money to pay rent so that’s a plus.” She said, silently wishing to make the conversation less awkward.

“That’s always a good thing. Hey uh, thanks again for the gifts. That was really cool of you to think of me.” He said, fighting an urge to hug her.

“You’re welcome. Thanks for the CD. I’ll check it out over the weekend.” She smiled as she began to play with the strings on the end of her scarf.

“Do you have any big plans for the week off?” He asked, hoping that he sounded as casual as possible.

“Just going to my parents for a few days, spend time with my friends and family. I have stuff to do for class too. What are you up to?” She looked up and smiled, suddenly feeling a pang in her chest at the thought that he was going to say Karen’s name at some point.

“Oh, you know, just the usual family stuff for the holiday. I can’t wait to see my niece. For the week I’ll probably just catch up on some things I haven’t had a chance to do. Like download new music. ” He smiled, trying not to notice the relieved look on Pam’s face.

“That’s cool. Hey, thanks for walking me to my car. I better get going, gotta get Penny to send that text message soon, I don’t want Dwight to freeze up there.” She said as she inched towards the drivers side of her car.

“Yeah, that’d be bad. Well, Merry Christmas Pam.” He said, looking at her and smiled, shuffled his feet as he moved towards his car.

“Merry Christmas, Jim.” She said, as she smiled and waved to him. When he turned around, she put her head down, and let out a big breath she didn’t realize she was holding, as she tried to convince herself that the tears in her eyes were from the cold air.


Jim:

I know I’m not crazy. I absolutely know this because the other day some lady on TV was showing off her jell-o mold collection and squealing when the jell-o jiggled. So I’m definitely not crazy. But I can’t help compare what I feel like this Christmas to how I felt about something that went on in my life when I was about nine years old. My friend Jeff had this beautiful dog named Molly. Molly was great, I played with her a lot, when I was outside on my front steps she would come running over to greet me. I played catch with her, and I actually taught her to roll over. I would even dog sit when Jeff and his family went on vacation. I loved spending time with that dog so much.

I asked my parents for a dog for Christmas that year. I promised them I would take care of it, and walk it every day, that I would be completely responsible for it. It turned out that Larissa asked for a cat that same year. So my parents sat me down and told me that they were going to get a cat instead of a dog. My mom was nervous about having a dog around when Larissa was so young. I tried to understand, and I really tried to like the cat, I did. But it wasn’t the same. I couldn’t walk the cat. It didn’t do tricks. It didn’t play in the backyard with me. It was nice to pet and it was a cuddly cat, but it wasn’t the same as what I knew having a dog would be like.

That’s basically what I’m feeling right now. What I have with Karen is fine for a little while, but she’s just not Pam. I just know that if I had a chance to be with Pam, it would be perfect. I just can’t stop thinking about the times Pam and I used to hang out together outside of work, like the day we went to play mini golf, or all the times we went to lunch together. All the time I spent getting to know Pam and falling in love with her was the happiest time of my life. I mean, this girl taught me to drive a stick shift, we made up fake diseases together, and we organized an office Olympics together!

I saw this look in her eyes today, for a second she looked sad, and I pretended to ignore it. But it was there, she was looking at Karen and me exchanging gifts, I saw the look, but then the camera caught her and she made like it didn’t happen. It took every ounce of self control to not hug her tonight when we said goodnight by her car. I just know that if I had hugged her I would never have been able to let go.

I wonder what it would be like to wake up with Pam on Christmas morning, make breakfast with her, open presents with her, visit relatives with her. I wonder what it would be like to do such simple things with her, like shop for groceries, or make a fire in the fireplace, snuggle on the couch and have hot chocolate together. I wonder what it would be like to take her ice skating at Rockefeller Plaza, and see the Christmas show at Radio City Music Hall. I wonder what it would be like to do mundane every day things, like fill a dishwasher, or fold laundry together. I wonder what it would be like to have a family with her.

If I close my eyes tight enough, I can see having a family with Pam. Our kids could burst into our bedroom on Christmas morning. They’d beg us to start opening presents before we would have breakfast. We would all be laughing together and taking a ton of pictures. I can see Pam and me at the end of that day when the kids are asleep, just listening to some holiday music, dancing together in our own living room, being so in love with each other that we can’t take our eyes off of the other. I wonder what it would be like to do that. I wonder what it would be like to fall asleep holding her close to me every night. I wonder what she looks like when she first wakes up in the morning, sleepy but fresh and beautiful in the morning light. I wonder what it would be like to finally be able to tell her and show her how much she means to me. I wonder what it would feel like to hear her say she loves me. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing Pam tell me she loves me.

Now I’m reminded of what my dad told me when I wanted a dog. He said ‘one day it will happen, you’ll get that dog. You just have to wait a little bit. You just have to wait. In the meantime, get to know the cat better. You may end up loving it.’ I wonder.


Pam:

Christmas never really was my favorite time of year. It just felt like such a struggle, such an ordeal with my parents, that it never seemed worth the effort. My dad never wanted to decorate the house. He never wanted to be involved in any gift buying. He never wanted a gift from us, and anything we bought him he would have us return. But my mom was full of Christmas spirit, she did it all herself. She decorated, baked, shopped, wrapped, and cooked for us. And my dad would nitpick at everything she did, so they’d start to bicker.

Christmas morning, my mom, Penny and I would gather around the tree that we put up without my dad’s help, and open presents just the three of us. My dad would always just either stay in bed or he would be outside doing something. I know we had good times as a family, and I love both of my parents equally, but they just killed Christmas for me. If it has to be that much effort just for a little piece of joy and happiness, then what’s the point of making the effort?

I know that part of my childhood wasn’t necessarily normal, but I need to accept that I can’t go back and change my dad. I can’t make him accept our gifts, or join in on something the rest of us think is fun. My friend Isabel’s family is the complete opposite. She tells me they all gather around the tree on Christmas morning, her dad helps decorate. He even bakes cookies for them to this day.

I want something like that. I want my kids to know that whatever effort they put into a gift, that it’s very much appreciated. I want them to know the joy that Christmas is supposed to be about.

I wonder what things would be like if Jim and I were together. I wonder how different my life would be right now if I had just taken a chance and picked up the phone and told him what I was thinking. I wonder if he would come Christmas shopping with me. I wonder if he would want to go with me to the New York City to see a show or maybe to see the tree, maybe we could go ice skating at Rockefeller Plaza.

I wonder what it would be like to sit in on a Friday night eating pizza and watching a movie together. I wonder what it’s like to hold his hand while we sit and talk. I wonder what it would be like to just do regular things like pay bills together, or to make decisions together like what movie channels we want on cable. I wonder what it would be like to wake up with him in the morning, what it would be like on Christmas morning. I wouldn’t have to worry if he would open presents together as a family, I know he would be there. I can see us waking up with our kids rushing into our room begging us to go see what Santa left for them.

And most of all, I wonder what it would feel like to finally tell Jim that I’m absolutely crazy in love with him.

I wish I would have seen all of this a lot sooner, because I’m pretty sure it all just slipped through my fingers.

Chapter 3 – Christmas 2007

“Hello?” Pam answered her cell phone, too distracted to see the caller ID.

“Good morning” Sounded the deep familiar voice of her boyfriend on the other end.

“Oh hey, good morning. Ouch, damn it!” Her attempt to maneuver a hot cookie sheet from the oven to the stovetop as she cradled her phone between her ear and shoulder did not go as she had planned as she nearly dropped the entire tray on the floor.

“Pam, what happened?” He said, almost too loudly, as he leapt off his couch and unconsciously went to grab his keys and wallet as he heard Pam muttering curse words.

“I was taking cookies out of the oven and the phone slipped. I tried to catch it and somehow I burned my finger on the cookie sheet.” She slightly whimpered as she immediately ran cold water on her finger.

“My girlfriend is so graceful. Are you ok? Want me to come over and kiss it better?” He said somewhat sarcastically, and feeling very much relieved that it wasn’t more serious.

“Very funny Jim. I think I’ll survive. What time are you picking me up? She asked, as she dried off her fingers and went to put the hot cookies on a cooling rack.

“Well, my mom said dinner is served promptly at six, so I’m thinking I can come over at three.” He said, as he turned off the television and went to his room to put on a shirt.

“OK, three is too early. Can we make it around four? I need time to finish this baking and get myself ready.” She replied, placing more cookie dough on a clean tray, preparing to put them in the oven.

“Honey it’s eight in the morning, what in the world are you making?” He asked, slipping on his sneakers.

“Right now I’m making sugar cookies. Next up is chocolate chips, and then I’m going to make an apple pie and some brownies, and maybe gingerbread cookies if I have time.” She rattled off the list as if she were the micro machine man from those eighties commercials.

“Wow, ok I knew I should have slept over last night. You’re out of your mind.” He chuckled as he picked up his keys again, locked his apartment door and made his way to his car.

“Jim, I want your family to like me! This is the first time I’m spending the holidays with them. I need to make a good impression.” She said, furrowing her brow while she tried to make sure her cookies were all the same size.

“And you figure raising their cholesterol and sugar levels is the way to go.” He deadpanned, as he got into his car.

“Jim!” Sounding higher pitched than she intended.

“Pam, they’re going to love you, don’t worry about it. Seriously. It’s not a big deal. It’s just Christmas dinner with my family. Trust me it’s going to be fine.” He said, trying to calm her down.

“Jim there’s no such thing as just Christmas dinner with your family. It’s a bid deal. It’s really important that they like me.” Her eyes wide, suddenly feeling emotional, but not teary eyed.

“I know it’s important to you. It’s important to me that you like them just as much. Don’t worry about it. Just be yourself and everything will be fine.” He replied, as he started his car.

“Jim, what’s that beeping?” She tilted her head sideways, placing the cookie tray in the oven.

“I’m in the car, on my way over to help my crazy girlfriend Betty Crocker.” He said with a wide grin.

“No you don’t have to.” She said, pretty non-convincingly.

“Oh, but I do. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. I’ll grab you a breakfast sandwich and coffee. Do you want juice?” He asked as he put the phone on speaker, and began pulling out of his parking spot.

“Orange, please. Thank you.” She said, as she mixed more dough together, suddenly feeling giddy that he would be there to help.

“You got it. See you in a few. Oh, and Pam?” He said, lowering his voice a bit.

“Yeah?” She stopped mixing at the sound of his serious tone.

“I love you. Merry Christmas.” He said, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

“Merry Christmas Jim. I love you too. Oh and grab some brown sugar for me? I’m running out.” She said, bouncing on her feet a bit, smiling from ear to ear.

“You got it. On my way.” He said, as he flipped his phone closed and made his way to the grocery store, quickly picking up some breakfast items and brown sugar, then to Pam. Today was going to be a very good day, he thought.

Jim

I’m starting to worry that it’s not healthy to be this happy. I always knew being with Pam would make me happy. But I underestimated it. There was no big let down, like when you’re a kid and finally get the Christmas gift you wanted for months, that one that they hype up all over the local news and advertise during all the Saturday cartoons, and it isn’t what you hoping it would be. It’s nothing like that. Being with her is the exact opposite of that, it’s better than I imagined it. I am constantly amazed at how much I smile just talking to her on the phone.

I love that she’s so nervous about spending the holiday with my family. They’re really going to love her. What’s not to love? I mean, she’s gorgeous, she’s sweet. It’s an endless list. And every day that I get to spend with her, something else gets added to the list. Like today, I’m adding ‘bakes when nervous’ to the list. I can just see her now, hovering over a mixing bowl. She’s probably talking to herself about what needs to go in where. She’s absolutely adorable when she talks to herself. She’s adorable when she does just about everything.

It’s just unreal how our lives have meshed together so well since the first week we started dating. I knew it. I knew it would happen. I know how she feels today though. When we went to her parents for Thanksgiving, I was terrified of having to meet her father for the first time. I was so worried that he’d hate me, which would really put a wrench in the whole spending the rest of my life with Pam thing. Her father and I were sitting in the living room while Pam’s mom and sister were chatting in the kitchen, and I almost started to lose it. I mean, it’s a good thing I wore a suit jacket that day, because my Speed Stick failed the test miserably.

I wanted to show him how serious I was about his daughter, but all he did was glare at me for the first few minutes. So I just kept talking. I wound up telling him about the engagement ring I bought her, about how I plan on buying us a house and taking care of her and giving her the freedom to pursue her art. I think that’s what he wanted to hear, because he patted me on the back and welcomed me to the family. That back pat is pretty much the only thing Pam saw of the whole exchange so she thinks her dad and I hit it off immediately. Oh if she only knew.

The fear is gone now. The fear that I’ll wake up one morning and this will all be a dream. It’s been replaced with joy. And I just know that this is going to be the first of many holidays we’re going to spend together. I know it that this ridiculous happy feeling is never going to go away. I know it’s not healthy to be this happy, but I just don’t care. I can’t wait for more of it.

Pam

I shouldn’t be this nervous. Really, it’s just Jim’s family. It’s just me meeting his entire family. His brothers, sister, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles and his cousins and his niece and nephew are all going to be there. Judging me, because I’m the first girl Jim’s ever brought to Christmas dinner. No pressure. I’ll just be meeting the people I’m hoping to call my in laws one day. I better make the gingerbread cookies. At least I’ll win over the kids.

I’m just so scared that his parents are going to hate me. I’m the girl that broke their son’s heart not too long ago. I’m the girl that he moved out of state to get away from. I am the one to blame for that. I just hope that they can see past that, get to know me and not hate me. I don’t like people hating me. I just need to show them that I care so much about their son, and that I care about being included in their family. That I’m in this for the long haul. And when you can’t say it in words, say it with food. Not sure who said that, but hopefully they’re right.

I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s on his way over here to help me with all of this baking. I mean, it’s Jim. Jim does these things. He drops what he’s doing to help me. Now that I think about it he’s always been this way, even when we were just friends. I’m running out of ways to describe how insanely in love with him I am and how incredibly happy I am to be with him.

I don’t worry now. I don’t worry that one day he’s going to wake up and say ‘you know what, this isn’t what I thought it was going to be’ and leave me. I’m not sure when that fear was replaced, but I’m so sure of us now. We do such silly things together. Like when we went pumpkin picking in October. He tried to prove how strong he was by trying to pick up this gigantic pumpkin and he hurt his back. That night while I was rubbing some pain ointment onto his back, he just looked at me and said ‘our kids are going to be so lucky to have you as a mom.’

I know he sees our future together. And so do I. That’s why it’s so important that his family likes me. First impressions count. This is such a big day for me. And honestly, I’m so happy I can’t even stand it. It’s amazing how things change from year to year. And I can’t wait for next year, and the year after that, and the next sixty years or so. I’m also sure that now that I’m baking all of these things this year, his family is going to expect it every year. And I’ll be happy to do it with Jim by my side. I can’t wait.

Chapter 4 – Christmas 2008

“I can’t believe my parents started fighting tonight. At the dinner table. Over how to cook a pork roast! I can’t even believe it. When Penny told me they’d been arguing a lot lately I had no idea it was that bad. I don’t know what’s gotten into them. They never used to be that couple that fought with each other in other people’s houses. I’m sorry. They probably made you feel uncomfortable.” She said, walking over to where Jim stood, placing her arms around his waist.

“Nah, I’m fine. Things happen. My parents fight sometimes. It’s natural.” He rubbed her back lightly and kissed the top of her head.

“I’m just worried about them. They really seemed like they were really angry with each other, and the name calling. Have I told you how incredibly happy I am that that’s not us? What is going on with people this year? My parent’s are at each others throats. Angela’s cheating on Andy. I almost feel guilty being so happy here in our new house!” She almost whined, holding Jim closer.

“Don’t say that, here, come sit.” He untangled himself from her arms and took her hand, leading her to their living room.

“I just don’t get it. What is with everyone messing with my spirit?” She frowned as she spoke, following Jim to the couch.

“I don’t know, but I’m sure everything will work itself out. Come here, let’s go watch some TV, turn on the tree lights and just relax here for a little bit. We’ve got to get you back in the holiday spirit.” He said, as they sat on the couch, he put his arm around her shoulders as he put the TV and began flipping channels with his free hand.

“OK.” She nodded, sinking into Jim’s embrace.

“So, Pam, what is your favorite memory from this past year?” He asked, placing the side of his face on the top of her head.

“You mean aside from sitting here with you? I’d have to say, the day you proposed, no, actually, that night. About ten minutes after you proposed, I decided I wasn’t going to class that night. I went back to the dorm after our lunch, grabbed my overnight bag, and got back to your apartment in record time that night. I’ll never forget the look on your face when you came home from work and saw me standing in the kitchen making dinner. You didn‘t say a word about me skipping class.” She said, smiling at the memory of that night.”


“That was an amazing night. That has to be one of the best nights of my life, not counting our first date.” He grinned, squeezing her shoulder as he remembered his proposal in the rain.

“What’s yours Jim?” She whispered, sounding tired.

“The night you came back from Pratt for good. I think I’ll always remember what you told me that night.” He said, putting down the remote next to him, and adjusting himself so Pam and he were lying together on the couch.

“Oh yeah? What did I say?” She asked coyly, as she faced him and kissed his nose.

“You said thank you for supporting me, giving me the courage to try, thank you for not being upset that I failed. And then you said something that honestly, gets me choked up anytime I think about it.” He said, kissing her lips softly.

“I remember. I told you that I can’t wait to spend every night falling asleep in your arms, and I can’t wait to kiss you awake every morning. I meant it Jim. I can’t wait to do that forever.” She said, blinking back tears and placed her arm around his neck and hugged him.

“That has to be one of my favorite moments of this year. Maybe even of my life.” They sat together for a moment in silence, reflecting on the monumental moments in their life and relationship.

“So, I spoke to my mom before. She keeps asking me if we set a date. By the way, there’s a good chance she’ll ask us again tomorrow.” He said a little later, rolling his eyes for affect.

“So, let‘s set a date then Jim.” She answered, raising her eyebrows as she grinned.

“I was thinking. What are your feelings on a fall wedding? Not too cold, not too hot.” He said, making his deep in thought face.

“Ooh I like that idea! And the fall foliage would be perfect for pictures.” She said, excitement soaking her words.

“We’ll pick a specific date in the morning. What about one weekend in October, but not Halloween. I’m not a big fan of Halloween.” He said, looking at her for approval.

“I couldn’t tell at all, three hole punch. This past Halloween you were Dave, I‘ll have to work some magic on you for this years. Maybe you can be a clown or something.“ She giggled.

“Cute. Anyway, if we do it in the fall that should give us plenty of time to find the perfect reception place and somewhere to go on our honeymoon.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Oh, I’d love to go honeymoon someplace that’s warm and tropical.” She agreed, placing her hand on his bicep and shaking him a bit in her excitement.

“What about California? I know you’ve wanted to go for years now.” He offered, without a hint of hesitation at the thought.

“As much as I want to see the Pacific Ocean, I definitely don’t want to be site seeing on our honeymoon, if you catch my drift.” She winked as she finished her thought.

“Yeah, I get it. OK warm and tropical. Like Hawaii?” He said, forming circle with his lips.

“Something without a fourteen hour plane ride.” She replied after a few seconds of thought.

“OK how about I’ll call a travel agent next week and see what they can come up with?” He offered.

“And something that doesn’t cost a fortune.” She said, giving him a stern look.

“Yes dear. Need to save money for your ever growing shoe collection.” He said mockingly.

“Hey, a girl can never have too many shoes Jim.” She shook her head in disapproval.

“Noted.” He replied seriously, as he kissed her nose.

“Hey, it’s after midnight. We should go up to bed and get some sleep. You’ll need your energy to deal with Tom and Pete.” She said without moving a muscle.

“Alright. You do realize you have to stop lying on me in order to get upstairs, right?” He chuckled, pointing at her from head to toe for affect.

“Fine. You’re comfy though.” She reluctantly rose from his embrace.

“Thanks Pam.” He said, shutting off the TV, as they made their way to the staircase. He double checked that the front door was locked before they went upstairs.

“You’re welcome.” She said with a smile, walking slowly up the steps, as if she were out of energy.

“Remind me to fix this creaky step next week.” He said, bouncing a little on the offending step.

“You’re such a good handyman. OK. I’ll put it on the list tomorrow.” She said, as she entered the bedroom and began unmaking the bed, placing the throw pillows on the chair in the corner.

“You mean later today. It’s almost twelve thirty.” He noted the time on their alarm clock.

“Hey, then Merry Christmas.” She said, crossing the room to give him a kiss.

“Merry Christmas, shoe lady. Ouch, don’t pinch.” He grabbed at his arm and made a dramatic frown as they got into bed.

“I love you Jim. Goodnight.”

“Love you too. Goodnight.” As he settled into bed, they shared another long kiss, before drifting off to sleep. His last thought before sleep overtook him, was that he couldn’t wait until October.

Jim

Every night for the past year and a half, she says I love you before she falls asleep. She says it first. Every night. I’m so amazed at how lucky I am every single day I’m with her. I already feel like we’re married. We do everything together.

Apple picking day, that was, what a gorgeous day. It was picture perfect weather wise. The orchard was somewhat packed. There were tons of kids around. One little girl dropped an apple on Pam’s foot; Pam just smiled and said something that made the kid laugh. She’s going to be such a good mom, I just know it. We walked around that orchard for a few hours, hand in hand, and just started talking about the future.

And not just upcoming things. We talked about things that are far down the road. Like what kind of parents we want to be. How we would want to raise our kids. Even things like where we want to live when we retire. She thought it was important because her parents never agreed on where they wanted to live when they retired. Which caused more arguments between them.

I’m so glad Pam and I don’t argue. We bicker, we get on each others nerves. But we have never had an all out brawl with words or actions. I would never call her any of the things her father called her mother tonight at dinner. I was horrified at how someone could talk to someone they supposedly loved like that. Of course I played it off as no big deal to Pam. I don’t need her to worry anymore than I’m sure she probably is. I don’t want her to ever worry about anything ever.

I just feel like I’m holding the world in my hands right now, literally. She’s my entire world and I can’t even think about trying to remember what it was like when we weren’t together. All I know is that every night I put my arm around her, kiss her goodnight and she tells me she loves me. That is all I’ll ever need. We could strike it rich, we could lose it all, but as long as I have this right here, just the two of us in our own little bubble, that’s all I’ll ever need.


Pam

It’s nights like tonight, when we just lay on the couch together and talk about ten different things at once, just holding each other and relaxing, I just know whatever we went through to get here was worth it. I wake up every morning more in love with him than I was the day before.

He listens to everything I say with genuine concern, I love that about him. I love that he wants to be the one to call the travel agent about the honeymoon. I love that he wasn’t scared tonight by my parents arguing. I’ve never seen them go at each other like that with so much hostility.

Jim and I are so different from them. I do worry that one day this is all going to disappear somehow. But we are different. We don’t argue. I would never ever say anything deliberately mean to him. I don’t understand how you can be so mean to someone you love. We do bicker, and he’s gotten on my nerves at least once a week since I met him, let alone became engaged to marry him. But I would never call him some of the things my parent’s were calling each other. It was embarrassing for me actually.

I love that he knows how to calm me down. He knows when I need my space to sort it out myself, and when I want him to push and get involved and help me deal. If there is a perfect person, he’s pretty much close to it. He’s going to be an amazing father and husband. I just know it. And I can’t wait to tell him I love him every night before we fall asleep for the rest of our lives.

Chapter 5 – Christmas 2009

Pam groaned as she leaned back, melting into Jim’s chest as she sat between his legs like she had done years prior at Dwight’s beet farm on their first night away together. They had found this to be the most comfortable sitting position for her a few weeks back, his body being more sturdy and supportive than pillows propped against the headboard for her pregnant body. Jim and Pam relaxed in the late evening as they awaited sleep. It had been a busy day, filled to the brim with time spent with both sides of the family – Pam’s for a late brunch and Jim’s for Christmas dinner and the unwrapping of even more presents for the baby.

Elf played on the small TV in front of them, Will Ferrell’s character sparking thoughts about a similar person they were quite familiar with.

“He’s just like Michael!” Pam exclaimed as Buddy the elf threw at least a pound’s worth of candy and sugared cereals into a bowl before stuffing himself full of the unhealthy food.

Jim laughed. “I was just about to say that, but I didn’t want him to come into our ‘happy space’” he replied and their minds wandered to the barbeque at Jim’s old house with Mark.

“I can’t help it, they’re both so clueless!” Pam laughed, too. “Oh crap, now I can’t stop thinking about Michael. He put so much candy onto that pretzel. It was gross.”

“Stop, you’re going to make yourself sick thinking about that. And hey, mind your language around the baby!” Jim’s hands rubbed her ever-expanding belly that was protruding from the sheets covering them.

Pam giggled. “Shhh. I’m trying to watch the movie!” She whispered.

“Fine, be that way. This movie is so sad.” He said, pretending to be offended.

“Yeah.” Pam was quiet for a minute, wrapped up in the events of the movie. “Wait, how is this sad?”

“I don’t know… it just takes them all a while before they can truly be happy… and they get their feelings hurt over and over before everything works out in the end.” Jim said quietly in a more serious tone. He rubbed her belly and a thankful, relieved expression filled his face that the hard waiting period was finally over and they were able to be together without any obstacles.

“Wow, that sounds a lot like us.” Pam replied in a more solemn wistful voice, somewhat sad at the events that had occurred in order for their relationship to begin. “I was with Roy, then there was Casino Night, you left for Stamford, then Karen, we didn’t communicate well…” Pam’s voice became quieter and she stopped speaking. She looked pained to remember all the hardships they’d been through.

“Yeah.” He pulled her closer, which was hardly possible considering their proximity and her burgeoning belly, but somehow he was able to completely wrap her in his arms. Jim placed several soft kisses on her hair, ears and neck before he spoke again minutes later. “But we made it anyways… that’s what counts.”

“You’re right. I love you so much Jim. And our baby, too.” She sighed contently and pulled Jim’s hands onto her stomach to feel the baby kicking.

“I love you more than anything, Pam… well except for this little baby here.” Jim and Pam both laughed and she turned her head around to kiss his lips as Buddy the elf stood in awe of the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza.


Jim

Now that I think about it, I really can’t choose which has been my favorite Christmas with Pam so far. They’ve all been so special, romantic and memorable in their own way. When we were dating she came with me to Christmas dinner, the first time I’d ever brought a woman with me to meet my family. She had been so nervous all day long, frantically baking every type of sugary dessert known to mankind to bring with us. I’d gone to her apartment trying to relax her with breakfast and when she opened the door her pink apron had 5 fresh stains on it, her face covered in flower. Pam quickly kissed me good morning, took the brown sugar and juice from my hands and was back in the kitchen measuring baking soda before I could blink my eyes. All of my family ended up loving Pam, just as I had told her many times, but it made me so happy to know she cared so much about their impression of her.

The next year, when we were engaged, we went to Pam parent’s house. They had been fighting in front of us and when returned home to our little house Pam couldn’t stop ranting at how she was so embarrassed that they had done that and how thankful we would never be like them. Later as I tried to calm her down we talked about our favorite moments in our relationship. Pam spoke about the look on my face when I came home one day after work to see that she was making dinner and had skipped a class at Pratt to be with me. I told her that when I proposed to her, that was one of the highlights of my life so far, and I feel like the luckiest man alive to be with her for the rest of our lives.

So I guess I won’t choose which Christmas was my favorite. They have all been filled with their ups and downs, but in the end were spent with just moments to reflect on the journey it’s been to get here.

Next year, I know, will be even better. The baby will be here and we’ll start to create memories which will last forever. I’m sure Pam and I will take more pictures than we could possibly imagine and we’ll have proof just how great our lives have turned out to be.

Pam

This Christmas I’ve tried to reflect on how lucky I am. The baby will be born in a couple months and I can’t wait to see what an amazing father Jim will be. There’s no guessing that he’ll be a natural at it, if I’ve learned anything from knowing him over the last 5 years it’s that he’s the most caring and sweet person on the planet.

Although it’s been a rough couple of months, with the unknown fate of Dunder Mifflin and whether or not we’d have jobs in 2010, we can stop holding our breaths and know that everything will be okay. Jim and I will still have our jobs, and when the baby comes in February we’ll be in a place where we can devote our full attention to it. We won’t need to worry whether or not there will be enough money, or anything like that, we can just enjoy the life we made together.

That’s why my resolution for the New Year is to be thankful and find the positive in every situation. I know I’ll have Jim’s support with that, as that’s just the kind of person he is. I think I admire that most about Jim, that even when life is hard he can make the most of it, and find a way to fix everything.

So for this Christmas I think Jim and I will focus on the baby. We’ll make sure we have everything for our child when he or she comes, and then maybe buy each other something special – something to remind us of all the happy times we’ve had, and the promise and excitement of the future.

Chapter 6 – Christmas 2010

“Jim?” Pam asked as she held their adorable daughter Olivia in her lap. Olivia just stared up at Pam with her big green eyes, her light brown hair, curly like her mom’s, lightly blowing in the wind. Pam looked down to see Olivia smiling around a bottle of juice as she drank.

“Yes my dear?” Jim asked, shifting in his chair to look at Pam.

“Have I told you how insanely happy I am?” She smiled, wide and bright, her eyes glistening, but not tearing.

“Not in the last ten minutes or so, no.” He looked at his watch and gave her a quizzical face.

“Well, let me tell you again. I’m so incredibly happy. Thank you, for all of this. This is amazing.” She said, as she turned her head to look at the ocean, as the sun set in front of the happy family of three.

“You’re welcome. So what has been your favorite part so far?” He asked, putting his arm around Pam’s shoulders.

“Hmm, well taking Olivia to Disneyland yesterday was nice. I loved that parade they had. And she loved seeing the characters, even though I’m pretty sure she didn’t understand what was going on. But I think today wins, hands down, as the best day of this Christmas vacation.” She said definitively.

“Oh yeah? Why is that?” He said in a low voice, as he kissed the side of Pam’s cheek.

“Oh stop, you know what I’m talking about Jim.” She said, giving him a look of mock disapproval.

“Well, I’m on vacation, my brain shut off. Tell me, what’s so special about today to you?” He said with a wide grin.

“Oh please, you just want to hear me say it so you can inflate your ego.” She said rolling her eyes, looking back down to see Olivia sleeping in her arms. Pam put the juice bottle back in the baby bag, and moved her arm down so Olivia was laying across her lap with her head on Pam’s arm.

“So you say. I’m serious! I want to know, what’s so special about today? Jim continued to prod.

“This. Us, sitting here on the sand with Livy, spending the day on the beach, facing the Pacific Ocean as the sun is setting. It’s pretty much the perfect end to the perfect day. I love how the sun makes the water look all golden and I love when it shimmers like that. It’s so calm and peaceful here.” She said, leaning her head back as she took a deep breath of fresh ocean air.

“Hmm… yeah, this is more or less how I imagined it would be when I started planning this.” He said, moving his himself closer to Pam on the beach blanket they were sitting on.

“I’m telling you, you did a great job planning all of this. Seriously, how did you find a hotel right by the beach? It’s like you found the perfect things for us to do each day too.” She said, smiling and giving him a peck on the cheek.

“They do have these things called tour books, Pam. They have them in book stores. I’m sure you’re familiar.” He said sarcastically, trying but failing to cover a huge grin.

“Don’t mock me, stop smiling like that.” She said, turning her head back towards the sunset.

“Like what?” He asked innocently.

“Like you’re mocking me.” She smirked and nudged him with her elbow.

“I’m not mocking you Pam. I think it’s cute that the little things still impress you.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“This isn’t little Jim. You planned an entire week in California for us! It couldn’t have been easy, making up an itinerary of when we were going to the San Diego Zoo, which was a ton of fun for Livy. And the tour of the wineries, and the tour of Los Angeles, it was a lot to plan out by you alone. I take back the time I told you that you were going to beg for my help when you kept refusing it. It’s all been fantastic! I’m so impressed you were able to do this all without a travel agent.” She said her voice filled with awe at what Jim had planned for them.

“That internet is a useful tool Pam.” He chuckled.

“Funny boy, take the compliment or I take it back.” She said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow as she looked at him.

“OK, thank you.” He again squeezed her shoulder and kissed her temple.

“Though I do wish you wouldn’t have been so extravagant, I saw our credit card statement. Even though finally being able to see the Pacific Ocean is amazing, we’ll be paying for this trip for a few months” She said, trying not to sound unappreciative.

“Don’t worry I have it covered.” He said nonchalantly.

“Jim, I do worry. This a pretty steep price to pay for a vacation.” She said quietly.

“As long as you’re happy, I don’t care how much it costs Pam. Plus, I told you, I’ve got it covered. I’ve been planning and saving for this for a long time.” He said smiling proudly.

“What, like a few months?” She asked, turning towards him as she shifted Olivia in her lap. Olivia fidgeted for a moment and then fell back asleep.

“No, that’s definitely an understatement.” He regretted saying that the moment it came out of his mouth.

“A year?” She asked, becoming more curious.

“I’m not telling you Pam. It’s pretty embarrassing.” He said, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

“Come on, please? You have to tell me! How long have you been saving money for this?” She asked her voice filled with amusement at his embarrassment.

“I can’t say.” He said as he kissed her nose.

“Jim, come on, you can’t keep secrets from your best friend.” She began to pout her lips and make her sad face that he found irresistible.

“Wow, it’s been a while since you pulled the best friend card. Since we got married it’s been the wife card. You must really need to know huh?” He said, sounding defeated.

“Please? Tell me!” She said, moving her arm, causing Olivia to fidget again.

“Okay you win Pam.” He rolled his eyes.

“Of course I do.” She grinned proudly.

“So, remember the day we found out that Kevin might have skin cancer? We went to that store to get him gifts and during the drive there we talked about all of the things we would want to do if we had a week to live. I remember, I said I wanted to try chili cheese dogs, go to Disney World, and finally convince Dwight that I was a secret spy from the government. Then you said you wanted to see the Grand Canyon, live in a house with a terrace for at least one day, stay up for twenty four hours straight, and see the Pacific Ocean. You said that you were sad that you probably would never be able to afford to get here, that you really wanted to sit on a beach and just take it all in, maybe sketch a picture of the sunset. Take a tour of the wineries and of Hollywood. See where the stars lived. It just seemed like it was really important to you that you get here to California one day. And you looked really sad when you said you probably never would.” He looked down at his hand, becoming interested in his finger nails.

“Oh my God Jim, I can’t believe you remembered all of that..” She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

“I decided that afternoon that you would get to live that dream one day, with or without me. I always hoped that I would be going with you, but either way it became a mission of mine to give you this. I’ve been putting money away every few weeks since then so we could do this. Even when we weren’t on the best terms, I kept saving, I figured even though we weren’t really getting along, I wanted to still give it to you as a thirtieth birthday gift. But that we’re here together, it’s so incredible. ” He said, as he slowly looked up to see Pam looking teary eyed.

“Oh my God.” She said, staring at him with a look of pure love on her face, choking back the small lump that had formed in her throat.

“Yeah. Wow.” He said, as he stared back at her, with an equal amount of love and slight embarrassment in his eyes.

He closed the small space that was between them and put both arms around her shoulders., She turned to look in his eyes, and they stared at one another for a moment. Jim brought his hand to rest on her cheek, and kissed her softly at first, and with more passion as the kiss progressed, Pam moving her arm up around his neck to pull him closer. They slowly began to pull apart, when Pam pulled him into a tight hug and whispered in his ear.

“I love you so much Jim. You have no idea.” She said, giving him a soft kiss on his cheek..

“I love you too, Pam.” He said, lightly rubbing Pam’s back.

They spent a few minutes sitting in silence, enjoying the sunset, Pam’s head on Jim’s shoulder, Jim lightly running his fingers over her arm with one hand, as he took Olivia’s hand in his who was now shifted to be sleeping on his lap.

“Oh look the sun is almost half way down. It’s so pretty.” Pam said breaking the silence.

“Yeah… it’s beautiful.” Jim said softly.

“You’re staring at me Jim, not the sunset.” She said with a giggle.

“Sorry, can’t help it, the expression on your face is just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Makes every cent totally worth it. I’m so in love with you Pam.” He said, kissing her lips.

“I love you too Jim.” She said as they parted.

“Can I give you your gift now?” Jim asked, moving to his right to get her gift out of their beach bag.

“Jim, I really think this trip was enough of a gift. You didn’t have to get me anything else.” She said seriously.

“It’s not just from me. Livy picked out the card herself.” He said with a smile, glancing down at his daughter sleeping on his lap.

“How did she do that?” Pam asked, incredulously.

“I went shopping with my mom and Livy the day you went to lunch with Penny. My mom held up two cards and Livy pointed to the one she liked.” He said, as he handed Pam the envelope he was holding.

“Thank you.” Accepting the gift from his hands and beginning to open the card.

“Read the card out loud so she can hear it.” He said as he adjusted Olivia and settled her so that her head was on his shoulder, carefully making sure she didn’t awaken.

“Okay. It says, ‘Dear Mommy. I can’t write so daddy is helping me out with this. Merry Christmas Mommy. You’re the best. We hope you enjoy our first family vacation, and our first Christmas together in California. Daddy and I love you so much. Merry Christmas, love and hugs, Olivia Grace, and Daddy.’ Aw, that’s so sweet Jim. Thank you.” She said, placing both hands on either side of his face, giving him a firm kiss.

“You’re welcome.” He said, his deep voice almost in a whisper.

“You’re too much. I’m going to save this.” She said, putting the card in the baby bag.

“Hey, Okay I couldn’t really tell you what we were doing on our last day until now. So, for tomorrow I made a reservation for you at the resort’s spa. You can pick out any treatment they have, it’s been pre-paid. And while you’re there me and Livy will get our things packed up for the trip back home. Then tomorrow night I scheduled for a sitter at the resort to watch her while we go for dinner. Nope, close your mouth. I can’t tell you where yet, that’s a surprise.” He said, as he rubbed Olivia’s back, smiling broadly.

“Jim, I… I… oh my God, thank you so much, that’s so sweet of you!.” She said, shaking her head in amazement.

“You’re welcome.” He said, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“Thank you so much Jim. Merry Christmas.” She said, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Merry Christmas. Thank you, too Pam.” He said as he kissed her head.

“For what?” She looked up, creasing her brow.

“Everything.” He said, as he pulled her closer to him.

They continued to sit for a few more minutes, with Jim holding Olivia in one arm, and his other arm wrapped around Pam, Jim’s cheek resting on the top of Pam’s head, as they stared at the sun setting over the ocean.

Jim

I guess this is what it feels like to have more than everything I could have ever wanted. I’m raising this beautiful little girl here, with the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. Pam really is amazing. She brightens the room just by walking into it. She’s passionate about everything she does now. The way she takes care of our daughter, it’s like instinct. She knows the meaning of every sound that Olivia makes. It’s amazing to watch them together. Livy is like a carbon copy of Pam.

I know I loved Pam the day I met her, but that was nothing compared to what I feel for her today. It’s weird to hear people tell me that the magic and the passion die when you have a child. That eventually you forget what being together as a couple was like. With Pam, it’s the exact opposite. We still go out for dinner. We still sit on the couch at the end of the day and talk once Livy is in bed for the night. We still have movie night, we still joke around, and we still make time for us. I still kiss her when we go to sleep at night. I still hold her while we watch TV. I just can’t understand how people could be married and have kids and lose that part of their relationship. Maybe in a way it is good that we know what it’s like to love each other but not be together, this way we value each other more. I don’t know what it is. We just migrate towards each other all the time.

And this little girl, she’s already saying some words. She’s going to be the most beautiful girl in the world. I know every parent thinks their child is pretty, and talented, and smart. But Olivia Grace Halpert really is the smartest, prettiest, most talented little girl on the planet, even if she’s only ten months old. She really does have me wrapped around her little finger. They both do.

I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. I’m three years into my ten year plan, and life is wonderful. And it’s only going to get better.

Pam

I don’t know how I got this lucky. I really don’t. I was never a lucky girl when I was growing up. I never got an award, or any special recognition. I just flew under the radar, accepted life for how it was, and never questioned it until he walked into my life and changed everything with that kiss. I really wish I could go back to that night and change everything that happened after that kiss. If I knew then what I know now, I would have jumped into his arms and went off to see this sunset with him then.

I wouldn’t have wasted all that time, all that precious time that I wish we could get back. It’s an entire year or more that we could have been together. I definitely know that’s why I hold onto him every night while we sleep, why I tell him I love him so often.

I can see his face in our daughters. She has the prettiest green eyes, his exact hair color, and her little mouth looks just like his when she smiles that crooked little smile. I never thought I would be any good at this mothering thing, and it’s definitely not easy. But when she smiles at me, holds my face in her chubby little fists, and calls me momma, my heart melts.

I wish that I can find a way to show Jim how much this trip means to me, how much he means to me, and how much I adore him and our daughter. Words are absolutely not enough. How do you thank someone for giving you every single thing you could have ever wanted and more? I’ll just keep holding onto him every night, tell him I love him every day, and try to be the best wife and mother I can be.

This is where I’m meant to be, with his arm around my shoulder, our heads pressed together at the temple, and our daughter in his lap. It’s absolute perfection.