Welcome to Dunder-Mifflin by manidfk
Summary: After a few Stamford workers quit following the merger, the temp agency is forced to find a replacement. The new temp knows something he shouldn't.
Categories: Alternate Universe Characters: Dwight, Jim, Michael, Other, Pam
Genres: Drabble, Inner Monologue
Warnings: Adult language
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 3655 Read: 2686 Published: August 28, 2016 Updated: April 12, 2017

1. Chapter 1 by manidfk

2. Chapter 2 by manidfk

3. Chapter 3 by manidfk

Chapter 1 by manidfk
Author's Notes:

Kade, the new intern, shares his perspective on working at Dunder Mifflin.

 Hope everyone enjoys, this site is in need of more stories! Reviews welcome. 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Kade Interview- "My name is Kade and this is my first day working as a temp at Dunder Mifflin. Do I like it? Huh, well the boss is crazy *laughs*. Everyone else seems nice enough, I look forward to working here. Not, like, forever or anything. Maybe 5 years tops."

Ok, let me introduce myself for real. My name is Kade and last week it was 2016. I was a high school student, played sports, did teenager stuff, and I binge watched the Office tv show in 2 weeks. Yeah, it sounds like a bad decision when I say it out loud like that. Anyway one day I went to sleep in my bed and the next morning I was in a random fucking apartment. I started to freak the fuck out, going around the room frantically wondering how the hell I got there. I find a note on a desk from 'Scranton Temporary Workers Agency', or some shit, and read it over. The note basically said YOUVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO THE DUNDER MIFFLIN PAPER COMPANY. YOU START TODAY. Keep in mind I have no idea where the hell I am or why I am there. I try to find my IPhone but it's nowhere to be seen. The doors not locked, so I walk out and see that it's dark and that I'm in some kind of motel. I didn't give much thought to the note at first, but then it hits me and I run back to read it again. 'Dunder Mifflin' is written right there in the first sentence. On the backside of the note is directions to, I can only guess, some random-ass place that is part of this elaborate and unfunny joke. I scrounge around for my wallet and keys and find them, fortunately. As the sun starts to break over the horizon, I can see my CR-V sitting in the parking lot right outside my room. "At least the fuckers left me my car", I chuckle as I grab the keys and walk out the room, not bothering to get dressed. I just want to get home at this point but the area is completely unfamiliar, so I decide to follow the directions on the note. I put the car in drive and pull out of the lot, heeding the first direction: "Left on Main". Fifteen minutes later I find myself at a building that is way too familiar. I park the car and step back to take it all in. Its the building in Los Angeles where they shot 'The Office'. "Oh... My... Fucking God" I say out loud as I start to laugh. Whoever kidnapped me, brought me to California, left me in a motel room, then wrote directions to the set of 'the office'... Well, they have a weird sense of humor. It suddenly hits me that I am standing in the parking lot, half clothed, laughing obscenities in a foreign city at 7 in the morning. It also hits me that I need to call 9-1-1, like, immediately. I go inside to find a lanky, black man sitting behind the desk drinking a coffee. His nametag reads Hank. "Uh, hey there," I make out. "Can I use your phone to call 9-1-1?" He doesn't look up but replies "Sure, kid" and hands me a flip phone. I turn around, hand on the 9, and then a very familiar boss walks through the door.

Michael Scott interview- "So, today we hired a new temp. Temp temp temp. It's so fun to say that word, isn't it? Anyway I came in early because me and Dwight were going to make a new music video about Scranton and there's the temp! He's just chillin in the lobby, no pants or anything. I could tell it was the temp because he looked like the guy in the picture that the temp agency sent. You know... People that show up to their first day of work two hours early- AND without pants, I should say; are the frontbone of this company. These are the people that keep the day to day going smooth."

I smash the nine button in sheer disbelief. I need a second to compose myself before grinning and saying "Steve! I'm a big fan of you're work, what are you doing here?" He looks at me like I'm crazy before grabbing my hand and shouting "Temp!" Oh, man what is going on. "Huh, good one," I laugh. "Did you come back here for the memories?" I ask him, motioning around the lobby. "NO I DID NOT, temp. I came back here for the 9 to 5 grind, my boy! And it is a good thing you're here because I need a Egg-and-cheese muffin PRONTO." he rambles off. I stand there dumbfounded, and then, as if a lightbulb went off; it all makes sense. The building, the one I thought was a set. Hank. Michael Scott coming in and telling me to get him breakfast. The letter from the temp agency. I'm in The Office. 

Chapter 2 by manidfk
Author's Notes:
Kade meets the employees of Dunder Mifflin. It's going a bit slow, but stuff will start to happen next chapter.

I'm standing in the doorway watching Michael eat his muffin, because he told me that it's essential for workers to see "how the boss gets it done." He removed the sausage part and has been staring at it for the past 30 seconds. "Hey boss, I'm going to go get set up," I tell him, backing out of the room. It's easy up close to tell why the characters on the show get weirded out by Michael Scott. Even though everyone is written out, right? "Ok kid," he replies, eyes still trained on the muffin. I walk out of his office and take in the room. It's hard to believe this is all happening. I slapped myself at least ten times in the drive through at McDonalds, trying to wake myself up from this fantasyland. Didn't work. Now I'm standing up front by the receptionists desk, looking out at the office. I can see where Jim and Pam exchanged glances, and the break room, and the shitty copier that the characters are always complaining about. Another thing I notice is the cluster of three desks where Dwight and Jim sit on the show, as opposed to two. It must be either season 3 or sometime later in the show where Pam is a salesman. Or maybe it's my new desk, who knows. I decide it's the latter and just throw my stuff down. The clock reads 8:45, so no one is in yet. I'm sitting at the desk, listening to Michael Scott chewing loudly on an Egg McMuffin when it finally hits me. I'm in another world. If I'm not dreaming, and this isn't some elaborate prank, the reality I had known for almost 2 decades is gone. I might not see my family and friends ever again. Why the fuck did this happen. I slap myself again for good measure, but I'm still sitting there at the desk of a fictional office. 


Michael- "Why hello, Pamela! Early bird gets the worm! Am I right?"

Pam (or the actor who plays her on the show, I'm still not quite sure) just walked in. She looks tired and not ready to deal with Michael's shit.

Pam- "Hi Michael! *fake smile* Um, who is this?"

She sits down at the receptionists desk and I realize this must be in season 3. I'm kind of zoned out and it takes a minute to process that she's asking about me. 

Michael- "This is-"

I stand up and cut him off. 

Kade- "Hey, I'm Kade. The new temp. And you are...?"

I'm politely smiling at her. And asking questions I already know the answer of. 

Pam- "I'm Pam, the receptionist around here. It's nice to meet you Kade." 

Michael- "Is that any way to treat our new friend Pam... come on."

Pam- "Uhh" she extends her hand. "Hello?"

Michael- "No, God, Pam. Give him a hug. Wait, no, me first." 

He's smiling like an idiot with his arms wide open. 

Pam- "No, Michael, no!" 

The awkward moment continues as Michael is still standing there, a fixed smile on his face and his arms still outstretched. After about 10 seconds of neither of them moving, Pam sighs and walks back to the reception desk. Michael turns to me and whispers "She's the hot one."

5 minutes later, Jim walks in. He walks over to where I'm sitting and stops, looking at me curiously. 

Jim- "Heyy, dude. This.. Is my desk."

I look up; behind Jim, Pam watching our conversation with mild interest.

Kade- "Sorry? The boss told me to sit here, I'm the new temp."

Jim- "Here.. Let me fix that for you."

He takes the empty briefcase Michael had given me 15 minutes ago for "appearances" and puts it on the adjacent desk. The one he sat at for basically the whole series.

Jim- "My branch in Stamford merged with this branch a month ago, and I have been sitting at this desk all month." 

Jim's looking really pissed. At this point it's only Pam, him and me in the room. Michael's in his office with his door shut. I decide to fuck with him.

"I just thought you would want a view of the cute receptionist," I say with a chuckle, and in a fake whisper that carries across the room. 

Jim looks beyond pissed. Behind him, Pam glances down with a sad look on her face. I would feel like a dick, but this isn't real life. They're paid actors. Right?

Jim (John, idk?) leans in, and in a real whisper, so that Pam can't hear, says "No, man. I have a girlfriend. And she's great." He stands up simultaneously pulls my chair away from the desk with both hands. "This is my seat, he says, gruffly. Who am I to mess up the storyline, I guess. 

I decide to make a customer call at 8:55. It's only been ten minutes and I'm already bored. I type in my dads number, desperate that he'll pick up, but instead a gruff voice that is not my father answers the phone. "Hello," I open. "This is Dunder-Mifflin, leading Paper retailer of the North East." I pause, and can hear the guy on the other line eating something. Eggs, maybe. "You have paper needs, we have the paper," I continue, reading off the script. "Umm yeah. We.. Actually need paper. It's funny you called," the guy says. "How much can I get you, sir? What type?" I ask. "It has to be thick," he says. "And get me 40 reams. We're having this harvest festival thing.. And we need a lot of paper. To make posters." His voice seems oddly familiar. "Ok great!" I respond, a little too excited. But come on, I made a sale on my first call. "Can you give us a name, and an address to ship it to?" The guy on the other line coughs and is about to respond when Michael slams his palm down on my receiver, ending the call. "Hah PRANKED!" He yells, laughing hysterically. He actually falls to the ground and starts rolling around, still laughing. What the fuck.

In the next few minutes, Kevin, Angela, and Toby all come in. I go out of my way to greet all of them, while also introducing myself and saying something nice. I don't want to start off on the wrong foot with them like I did with Jim. The TV show doesn't do their personalities justice. Kevin really isn't as stupid as he is perceived, and we have a nice conversation about the Phillies 2008 pennant hopes. I tell him that I think "they'll win it all this year, probably over the Rays." 

Kevin- "No way, man! They didn't even make the playoffs last year. And the Rays SUUCK."

Kade- "Honestly, I would put money on it. I just have a hunch."

Kevin- "Mmm no. Absolutely no chanc-"

*Kevin, did you see back to the future 2? You are throwing away the fucking sports almanac that made that dick guy Biff a bazillionaire. Dammit Kevin.*

Kade- "coughPhillies in 5 Cole Hamels MVPcoughcough"

As Kevin and I are talking baseball, Karen walks into the room. Pam looks up with a cheery smile, ready to greet her, but Karen ignores her and walks right to Jim's desk. 

As the saying goes, "BOOM ROASTED".

Karen and Jim exchange a few words and they both laugh heartily. This must be season 3, I deduce. That means that Jim and Karen are dating and Pam just broke off her engagement with Roy. I hear Jim say "that's the new temp" and look up to see him pointing at me. I smile and start to introduce myself but Karen beats me to the punch.

Karen- "Hey, how are you? I'm new here too, me and Jim and a few other people just moved down from the Stamford branch."

Kade- *chuckles* "Well, I'm Kade. You must be Ann, I've heard so much about you from..."

Oh shit... Did I just say that. Fuck I've been watching too much Parks and Rec. Karen, not Ann, dammit, is staring at me with a weird expression that I can't quite place. It quickly changes to confusion when she notices me looking at her. I must have just trailed off mid sentence after realizing my fuck up, because Pam pipes up her from her desk.

Pam- "No, Kade, her name's Karen. Beginners mistake." 

A few people laugh and everyone more or less goes back to their work. When I look up I catch Karen looking at me, the same expression on her face as before. She looks away immediately and starts cheerfully talking to Jim again. Weird.

Chapter 3 by manidfk
Author's Notes:
Jim and Pam share their sides of the story. Set in S3E12 - Back from Vacation.

Jim Talking head- "Am I glad to be back? Well... I really missed this one person. Like a lot. You know what I mean? Life felt so.. empty without them. I missed the sound of their voice. I missed... his beautiful glasses and that calculator watch and the beets." *Jims at the camera*

------ Jim --------

No, fuck that. Like I'd tell the cameras anything.

I missed Pam.

I tried to put her out of her mind- I really did. The first thing I did in Stamford was hit the gym. No time to think about Pam when you're working out, I thought. Stupidly. A week went by, and work happened, and all of a sudden the nightly trips to the gym were replaced by all nighters sitting up in bed, just thinking. Thinking about her smile, her curves, THAT KISS. She haunted my dreams. Not even once did I reflect on much of a fucking creep I was being. Perving in my mind over a happily engaged woman. It was just.. unacceptable on my behalf.

Things generally got better. Weeks turned into months. I got to know my new coworkers. Andy, a Cornell graduate and avid Nautica connoisseur. Josh, the new Michael Scott- minus the Michael Scott and plus the ability to manage. And finally, Karen. We got to know each other well; especially after I realized it had been 2 months since I last had sex.

Scranton was disappearing rapidly in the rear view mirror. I rarely corresponded with anyone in the branch. Creed, oddly enough, sent me some stock market info and we sent emails back and forth for a few weeks- but that was it. After receiving 5 texts from Pam in the first 2 days in Stamford, I deleted her number. Didn't even look at the messages. It was too raw, honestly (that's what she said). I certainly wasn't in the mood for the "Hey Jim! How are you! Guess what Dwight did today!" banter bullshit she was probably sending. A dick move by me? Maybe, but what happens in Scranton stays in Scranton. Besides, Karen and I had starting seeing each other. It was just a bounce back, but let me tell you, she was a freak in-

*DING* New IM.

It's from Karen. I click out and go back to the Williams & Werchster sale I've been working on all day. 200 reams of 92-bright cardstock. Exciting shit, right?

Kevin- "Ohhh boy! You GOTTA check this out!"

And, just like that, Kevin is standing on a table.

Kevin- "GUYS, guess what I just got in my email?"

Oscar- "Kevin we don't care! Get down from the table."

Kevin- "Ohh no Oscar, you're gonna like THIS." *Kevin giggle* "Wait... you're gay. I.. uh.. you're not gonna like it."

Suddenly Karen's at my desk. "What do you think it is Halpert?" She whispers in my ear.

Angela- "For gods sake Kevin, just tell us."

I turn to Karen. "It's porn. Definitely porn." She laughs.

Kevin pulls a folded piece of paper out of his pocket.
"Why TELL you, when I can SHOW you?"

After struggling with the folds, he hastily opens the picture and shows it to u- oh, GOD.

Kevin- "Michael and Jan TOTALLY had sex."

It's a picture of Jan, naked, face down with Michael rubbing her back. On a Jamaican beach.

Behind me, Pam lets out one of those cute laughs she always tried to hold in. It lasts a second, then it's gone.

All of a sudden, Karen's back in my ear. "Maybe we should try that massage thing sometime, Halpert... my place, tonight?" 

Why not.

"I'm no Michael Scott but we'll see what my hands can do."

She laughs again, this time loudly. It's too easy.
--------------------------------------
Pam talking head- "Yeah, everything is going great for me! I've had a lot of free time to paint since Roy and I... you know. I'm very happy."

--Pam--

Ha, funny joke Pam. 'Happiness'. What is that.

Karen's back at Jim's desk. God, now she's whispering in his ear. Probably about the hot sex they're going to be having tonight. I'm.. I'm so pathetic.

And, right on cue, here comes Michael. 

"PAMELAAAA how are you doing today, my fair lady?"

Fuck my life.

"I'm great, Michael."

A crazy grin comes over his face and he motions for me to lean in. I don't.

"PAM COME ON, this is... essential." He whispers in a strained voice, barely containing a smile. 

"Michael, I'm really bus-"

He cuts me off, putting a finger to my lips and making a shushing noise.

Slowly, Michael draws close to my face and- "FPPLLLLFFFFFT"

Super loud farting noise right in my ear.

I look up, beaming, ready to laugh about this with Jim. In a split second I catch myself- my gaze resting on Jim's back (which might as be 100000000 miles away) and then passively down to my keyboard. Jim's gone, he's never coming back, and it's all my fault.

Just another day in the life of Fancy New Beesly.
-------
10:30; late enough to hit the break room for twenty minutes with the excuse of eating lunch. I quietly get up and walk towards the annex. No one pays attention to me- I'm just the lousy old receptionist, after all. The break room is mostly empty with the exception of Toby and the new temp (Cal? Nate? I can't remember his name) eating together at a back table.

I half expect a greeting from Toby, but he sits there with his head down furiously eating his sandwich.

"What's up Pam."

I turn in surprise to see the temp casually smiling at me. I walk over to the table before letting out a quiet "Hey" and sitting down.

Toby quickly stands up, while simultaneously muttering "Hello" under his breath. He stands there, frozen for a second, and then quickly exits the room.

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

What the hell. Out of fucking nowhere.

I don't say anything so the temp continues- "That... was too far. He was just telling me about Radon, and how it was the silent killer, and Jesus Christ I just wanted to kill myself." He ends it with a chuckle.

"I know EXACTLY what your talking about." I lean in to whisper to him, even though we're the only two in the room. "Toby is nice- SO NICE- but he's... just..."

"An evil snail?" The temp offers. We both laugh.

He leans away from me, and suddenly gets serious. "Hey... me and Jim Halpert- from sales -were talking. He's having trouble with his girlfriend, or something. I think you should help him."

Wait, Jim's having trouble with Karen?

"Jim? I hardly know him. Isn't he that guy obsessed with Battlestar Galactica?"

More like- hahaha better put up a front, because Pam Beesly can't show her true emotions to anyone.

The temp looks like he's about to burst out laughing, but in an instant the expression is wiped away.

"You know who Jim is. Talk to him about this; he needs a woman's advice."

This guy doesn't know how much I want to talk to Jim. More than anything. I canceled my fucking wedding for Jim.

*fake laugh* "Why me? What about Kelly, or Phyllis, or Angela?"

"Do you really think he's going to go to ANGELA for help?"

The temp, smiling, grabs his brown paper bag and rises to leave. At the doorway, he turns back.
"Think about it, Pam. Seriously."

After he's gone, I let myself smile. A real smile. Just thinking about talking to Jim is a rush. Feels good after months of anything but happiness.

I will think about it.

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