Another day, another study in “The Back of the Neck: Jim Halpert Edition”. If it wasn’t always covered by his shirt collar, she was sure she would know every mole and freckle and see them in the constellations every night. Karen wasn’t even in the office today and Jim still managed to evade Pam, despite her burning stares into the back of his head.

But she knew, even if he did look at her, it would be Stamford Jim looking at her—“Evolved Jim”. She rolled her eyes as the words ran through her head. There had been a few times Scranton Jim had popped his floppy-haired head out of the grass, but he was fairly quickly tackled to the ground by Stamford Jim, and it usually coincided with Karen showing up somewhere. Pam had almost forgotten what a real Jim smile looked like, one where he could simultaneously keep her gaze instead of averting his eyes upon realizing Scranton Jim was attempting to escape again.

It used to be a habit to always look up at him, find his eyes, smile or roll her eyes at something Dwight or Michael had done. That habit was fading, replaced by her subconscious telling her that he’s not looking anyway, so why bother? She let out a sigh, not sure if it was audible or just her tired brain sighing, when she heard Jim’s cell phone ring. He swiveled his chair to the side and leaned back a bit, exposing his profile to the reception desk.

“Hey Mom, what’s up?”

She smiled at how his voice warmed when talking to his mom. Jim shot forward.

“Wait, what?! Mom, slow down….is she okay?!”

Pam whipped her head up as her stomach dropped. Jim’s face was pinched with concern and fear.

“Where? Oh my g—okay, what hospital? It’s going to be fine mom, I’ll be there in a few hours. Is Tom there? Pete? Okay. I’ll see you soon. Love you, mom.”

Jim stood up quickly, fumbling to grab his bag and suit coat. He quickly headed toward the door and Pam instinctively followed him out.

“Jim!” She caught up to him. “What’s going on?!”

Jim ran his hand through his hair, obviously shaken up.

“It’s my little sister, Larissa. She was in a biking accident up in Rochester. Apparently she’s conscious, but heavily sedated and they’re not sure how much function her legs have right now.” He looked terrified.

“Oh, Jim…”
“I’m going to head up there to see her.” His eyes got wide with realization. “Shit. Karen has my car! Hers is in the shop so I let her borrow mine. She’s visiting her friend from college down in Maryland and won’t be home until tomorrow morning. I was just going to get a cab home.”

“Take mine,” she blurted without hesitation.
“Pam, I couldn’t…”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Jim. Seriously, take it.”
“I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”
“My parents have an extra car they hardly ever use and I’m sure I can borrow it.”

She watched as he mulled it over in his head.

“Are you sure?”
“Positive. Let me get the keys.”

She went back to her desk and fished in her purse for her keys and made her way back to Jim.

“Here,” she said, handing him the keys. “Keep it as long as you need to. Seriously. And keep me updated.”

She could see his eyes begin to get glossy, ever so slightly brimmed with tears. She flashed back to the only other time she had seen him like that, only then it was in a parking lot, where everything had changed between them. She snapped out of her memory when she heard him say her name.

“Pam. I don’t think I can drive.”

She didn’t know what to say. He looked at her--really looked at her. Scranton Jim spoke up.

“Come with me?”

In what seemed like a blur, suddenly she was pulling out of the Dunder Mifflin parking lot, Jim in her front seat. It seemed surreal; they hadn’t been this physically close, alone, since he had come back from Stamford. She couldn’t help but notice that he still wore the same cologne that he always had and that his scent, though subtle, seemed to fill her car. She didn’t mind.

“Do you want to stop home really quick? Grab some clothes? Maybe a toothbrush or something?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, probably should. Just, uh, take a right up here.”

Pam pulled into the parking lot of Jim’s apartment complex and waited in the car while he ran inside.

When he asked if she would go with him at the office, she had said yes without a thought. As much as the last month had worn her down as she continuously grasped for signs of their old friendship, she knew she would always do anything for him. She had never seen him look so scared and it tugged at her. There was no question, she was coming with him.

But now, sitting in the car with nothing but his lingering scent and her own thoughts, she started to feel a slow rise of panic in her chest. There were a million things left unsaid between them and now there was a nearly three and a half hour drive ahead. She wasn’t sure they knew how to talk anymore. He would obviously be worrying about Larissa the entire time and she desperately wanted to find a way to ease his mind and calm him down, but she was nervous she wouldn’t be able to do that now. He had begun to feel like a stranger and she had never been good at small talk.

Jim came out of the apartment, duffel bag in hand. He maneuvered his tall frame into her tiny car again and threw his duffel bag in the back seat. He looked at her, disbelief still lingering in his eyes from hearing the news about Larissa.

“Do you need to stop home for anything?” Jim asked.

“Uh, no, actually,” she shrugged. “As it turns out, I was planning on spending the weekend with my friend Isabel in Philly, so I already have a bag in the trunk. I was going to leave straight from work.”

“Well, now I feel extra terrible asking you to drive me.”

“Jim, stop apologizing. Isabel will understand. I’m happy to do this.” She looked over at him. “Really.”

He looked down at his lap with a sad smile. “Thank you, Beesly.”

There was a beat of silence between them as she pulled onto the interstate. She glanced at him as he fiddled with his phone.

“Any more news about your sister?”

“My mom texted me about ten minutes ago. Larissa got really lucky. I guess she and her friend were biking on the side of the road and a driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit her. She didn’t have any injuries to her head or anything, so thankfully no concern about her brain. She’s apparently pretty banged up, though. And uh, they’re worried about possible paralysis,” his voice broke as he said the last word. “I guess it’s too early to tell if it's permanent.”

“You alright?” She glanced his way.

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I think some of the shock is wearing off. I’m just glad she’s going to be okay. My mom is a wreck.”

“I can imagine. Anything I can do to help?”

Jim yawned.

“Seriously, letting me drag you to New York is help enough. I feel bad, because now that the initial shock is gone, I probably would have been fine to drive myself. I just felt so sick when my mom called. I couldn’t really focus on much.”

“I’ll admit I was a little surprised you asked me to come,” Pam admitted, “but I’m very glad to help in whatever way you need. I don’t know what I would do if Penny got hurt.” She shook off the thought. “You look tired though. Do you want to sleep? I have a jacket in the back seat you could use as a pillow.”

“Actually, that would be nice.” His eyelids were already getting droopy. “Didn’t get much sleep last night and then this seems to have kind of taken it out of me.”

Pam reached in the back seat, keeping her eyes on the road, and grabbed the jacket. Jim balled it up and put it under his head. “Thanks,” he smiled. Within minutes, he was asleep.

She looked over at him. His sleeping face had released the worry he had been carrying all afternoon and it was nice to see him looking so peaceful. It was nice to see him at all, actually.

It wasn’t as if they never spoke to each other at work. There were still little jokes here and there, a couple pranks he had included her on (or that she inserted herself into), and friendly exchanges, even if they were laced with a formality that hadn’t been there before he left. But it just felt so different now. They never spent more than a few minutes together at any given time. Before Stamford they would spend their entire lunch break talking and laughing or plotting against Dwight. She didn’t see him much now, and he sure as hell didn’t see her. She picked up her phone and dialed Isabel’s number. Jim seemed asleep enough for her to have a conversation.

“Hey Pam!”

“Hi Iz. So, change of plans. I can’t meet you in Philadelphia tonight.”

“What, why?”

“I’m actually driving to Rochester right now with...Jim.” His name came out a whisper as she looked over, checking to make sure he was really asleep.

“WHAT?! Pam...details.”

“Shhhhh...he’s asleep in my front seat. His sister got into a pretty bad accident and he needed someone to drive him up there because Karen has his car and he asked me, for some reason. I’m sorry I have to call it off so last minute.”

“Oh, you KNOW you don’t have to apologize for this. Is his sister okay?”

“She should be fine, they’re just hoping she’ll regain feeling in her legs. Luckily no brain injury or anything.”

“And he invited you to come with him?”

“Yeah, I offered to just lend him my car but he said he was too shaken up to drive and invited me to come.”

“Hot damn. I thought he was all about professionalism and the art of the cold shoulder these days.”

“Me too! But here we are. Not sure what happens when we get there, but I was happy to help him out. I’ve never seen him look so scared.”

“Well, I guess keep me updated with everything. Hopefully his sister is okay. And hopefully you get the chance to tell him how much you lo----”

“Aaaaaand I’m hanging up now. See you, Iz.”

“You know you doooo---”

*blip*

Pam hung up on Isabel. Even though Jim was asleep and probably couldn’t have heard her friend on the other line anyway, she still felt uneasy with where that conversation was headed, especially considering Jim’s close proximity to her.

If she was being honest, she was still a little confused. Inviting her to join him seemed so out of the realm of their current “friendship”. She kept stealing glances at him in the front seat, then back to the road, then back at him. She saw his chest rise and fall rhythmically with even, sleep-filled breaths, his hair perfectly messy from running his hands nervously through it so many times. His tie was loosened and he had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, like he always used to.

And she knew it. Isabel was right.

She loved him.

Pam watched as Jim lifted his hands to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He blinked hard a few times and checked his watch.

“Hey, Beesly. Where are we?”

Hearing him call her by her last name always sent a warm trickle of familiarity and calm through her. “We’re about 30 minutes away. You’ve been asleep for almost two and a half hours.”

“Oh wow. Guess that’s two and a half hours I didn’t have to spend worrying.” He checked his phone.

“My mom says Larissa has been able to come off a lot of the sedation already and is much more alert.” The relief washed over his face. “Hey, mind if we stop at a gas station or something? I could use a little pit stop.”

Pam took the next exit and pulled into the nearest gas station. Jim headed inside while she began to fuel her car. As she stood waiting for her tank to fill up, she continued to wonder what she would do when they got to the hospital. She felt oddly protective over Jim. She wanted to be there for him when he saw his sister and endured the emotions one probably felt when you get so close to losing someone you love. But she also understood it wasn’t her place. She knew that they weren’t together, that she had never met anyone in his family, and that they didn’t exactly feel like best friends as of late. She resolved she would just drop him off and go from there.

She saw Jim coming out of the gas station, a white plastic bag in his hand. He hopped inside the car, reached into it, and pulled out a green bag of chips. He handed them to Pam.

“French Onion,” she softly smiled at him.

“Naturally,” he nodded.

“Thank you.”

He pulled out a bottle of coke for Pam and a grape soda for himself.

“Couldn’t actually kick the habit, huh?” Pam joked with him. “What about your water evolution?”

Jim let out a little laugh but his face fell ever so slightly. This day had been blanketed with a somber feeling and this was no different. He turned to her.

“I guess when stuff like this happens, it’s nice to just go back to what’s familiar,” he shrugged. “Something comfortable. Also, water kind of sucks.”

He lifted his grape soda to tap the lid against Pam’s coke bottle. “Cheers.”

—————

Once they began on the final stretch of interstate, Jim looked over at Pam. She caught his eye and he quickly looked down at his lap before speaking.

“Hey, uh...before I fell asleep earlier you said something that’s kind of been on my mind.” He cleared his throat.

Pam looked at him, eyebrows raised. It wasn’t really like them to talk about exactly what was on their minds. When it came to beating around bushes, they had perfected the craft. Jim continued, fiddling with the lid on his grape soda.

“You said you were really surprised when I asked you to come along. Can I ask you why?”

Now it was Pam who couldn’t meet his gaze. She weighed whether or not she wanted to start this conversation right now, especially under the circumstances of Larissa being in the hospital and Jim obviously worried about his sister. She spoke slowly.

“I just...figured...it was a personal family thing and...you...would want to go on your own…” She wasn’t even convincing herself.

“That’s it?”

She sighed. He still knew her so well.

“Okay. Things...I guess...just haven’t really felt…” she finally glanced over, “...the same? I mean, of course they’re not the same…” she felt her face grow hot.

“Yeah…”

“Things just feel different and I feel like it’s my fault.” The sentence came out quietly and quickly, as if it was one continuous word. “So I didn’t think you’d want me to come.”

Jim went quiet and she instantly wished she could shove all the words back into her mouth. She shouldn’t be making him think and talk about this right now. He subtly shook his head.

“Not your fault.”

“Feels like it.” Her voice was barely audible.

Jim picked at invisible lint on his suit pants. He rubbed his knees with his palms.

“I just...the real reason I went to Stamford was because I wanted to be...not here. And even though I came back, I just feel like I’ve never really...come back.”

At least she wasn’t imagining it. She felt a small surge of courage. She didn’t know the next time she would be able to talk to him like this. No office, no worries about someone walking into a break room and interrupting them.

“Well,” she said solidly, “I wish you would.”

They met eyes. In one short look, before she had to look at the road ahead of her again, she attempted to speak to him through her gaze—everything she had failed to say and still wished to tell him.

Her car‘s GPS system interrupted them, informing Pam to exit in two miles. They were minutes away from the hospital and she could physically see the realization of that hit Jim’s face. This newfound communication between the two of them would have to wait. There were more important things to worry about and rightfully so.

“She’s going to be alright, Jim.”

“I know,” he looked at her. “Still scary.”

“I know.” She fought the urge to grab his hand.

They arrived at Strong Memorial Hospital and Pam pulled up to the curb. Jim took a heavy breath and quickly exhaled.

“Thank you so much, Pam. Really.”

“Anytime, Halpert.” She gave him a half smile. “Keep me updated, okay?”

“You got it.”

She watched him walk through the hospital doors, his shoulders heavy, and she wished with everything in her that she could be by his side as he went through this. She pulled out her phone and drafted a text.

I think I’m going to get a hotel room for a couple nights here. I don’t want to drive back to Scranton just yet and it’s the weekend so I don’t need to get back to work. If you feel like you need a friend, I’m here. Always.

Eleven minutes later, her phone buzzed.

I just booked you two nights at the Holiday Inn. Can’t thank you enough, Beesly. Just don’t go crazy with the mini bar. :) I’ll check in with you later, but so far things look very promising here. She made fun of me immediately as I walked in the door, so that’s good news. Thanks again.

She closed her phone and couldn’t repress her smile. He wanted her to stay, so stay she would.

Later that night, Pam sat alone in her hotel room. She hadn’t heard anything else from Jim but she expected he would be preoccupied with family and Larissa at the hospital. She picked up a bottle of wine on the way to the hotel and planned to stay in and watch whatever she could find on cable.

She didn’t exactly know what her role was currently. She didn’t want to be too pushy with Jim but she also couldn’t deny that Jim paying for a two-night stay at a hotel meant he probably wanted her around. So she settled on letting Jim take the lead.

After sinking onto the bed and settling into a rerun of Friends, she heard a knock on her door. Her brow furrowed with confusion. Slowly, she stood and peeked through the hole in the door, quickly smiled, and swung it open. Jim was standing there with his hands in his pockets. He gave her a half-smile.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” she responded, happy to see him smiling. Before she could stop herself she pulled him into a tight hug. The feel of his strong, lean arms around her made her stomach flutter. It might have been solely in her mind, but she thought she felt him squeeze her a little tighter, gripping on to her as they held their embrace. As much as she wished she could stay there, she pulled away from him.

“Sorry. I’ve just been wanting to do that since you told me about the accident at the office. I’ve been worried about you.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, still smiling. “I needed it.”

He held out his arm to hand something to Pam. “Here’s your jacket. I didn’t realize I carried it in with me when you dropped me off. Thought I’d return it.”

She took it from him. She could tell from his face and his body language that he was a little more relaxed. Still a little shell shocked maybe, but an obvious difference from how he looked during their car ride. She tried her luck.

“Hey, I just opened a bottle of wine. Want to come in…?” Her face flushed as she realized how that sounded. “I just mean, you could probably use it and I wouldn’t mind an update on your sister. That’s all I meant.”

“Relax, Beesly. I’d love a glass. It’s been a long day.”

Pam moved out of the way so he could walk in and Jim pointed at the TV.

“Great episode.”

“What? Oh yeah. It was the only thing on.” She poured him a glass of wine in a plastic cup the hotel provided. “It’s super classy around here, Halpert. Hope you’re not intimidated.” She handed it to him, her stomach flipping as their fingers brushed.

Pam sat down on one side of the bed and was surprised to see Jim sit on the other side, rather than the chair by the desk. Resting against the pillows, he laid his head back, flung his arm over his eyes, and let out a deep sigh. Pam shifted slightly to face him.

“Want to talk about it?”

Jim lifted his head and looked at her.

“Just a hell of a day. Larissa is doing incredibly well, considering. Her pain is being managed without making her too out of it. The doctors said they are amazed with how far she has come in just one day. Which doesn’t surprise me. She’s stubborn as an ox.” He chuckled. “But I’m not going to lie, Pam, it was really difficult to see her in the hospital. She’s scraped and bruised everywhere. Just hard to see my little sister that way, you know?”

“I can only imagine. I’m so sorry.” She instinctively put her hand on his shoulder. “And...her legs?”

“Still no movement from her, but they did a CT scan and the good news is that her spinal cord is intact and no vertebrae were fractured or anything. Looks like mostly bruising, but it’s causing her to lose all feeling in her legs. Doctors say its just a ‘wait and see’ kind of thing. It could have been a million times worse, though. She was extremely lucky. If she was just a second behind where she happened to be on that bike when she got hit...I don’t even want to think about it.” He shook his head as if to shake off the hypothetical.

She looked at him sitting next to her in the bed. He looked exhausted and she felt her heart pulled to him in a different way than she had ever felt. She wanted to wrap around him and comfort him and while she knew she had likely blown her chance to be anything more than a friendly shoulder for him to lean on, that didn’t stop her from wanting to take his heart in her hands and protect it from the hurt, the pain, the fear.

“Tell me about her,” she said softly.

A true smile came across Jim’s face. It was evident what his sister meant to him.

“Oh man, where to start? She and I are buddies. Pete and Tom were always kind of jerks to us as kids, but she and I stuck together. My pranking days started early, Pam. One time, we ate all the marshmallows out of the box of Lucky Charms, took a polaroid of us eating them, then sealed the bag back up with super glue. Put the picture of us eating the marshmallows at the bottom of the box. Harmless stuff, really. But fun for us.”

They were both grinning. Pam loved seeing him talk about Larissa. His adoration of her was apparent. She continued listening to him talk about her, admiring the glimmer in his eyes.

“She’s just kind of always been the person I could tell anything to. I mean, we poke fun at each other constantly, but it’s always out of love.”

“I’ve never really heard you talk about her. She sounds great.”

“I think I’m just really protective of her. No...I know I am. She’s so friendly that she gets bulldozed by people if she’s not careful and I’ve seen people take advantage of her. So I kind of keep her close to my chest, if that makes sense.”

“No, I totally get it. You’re a good big brother.”

“I just wish I could move her legs for her.” His face fell.

“Hey,” she said, making him look at her. “Tell me your favorite memory with her.”

“Hmmm...there are a lot. Okay, this one is going to sound so random and non-specific, but it’s what came to mind. We were in high school. I was a senior and she was a sophomore. It was right before I graduated and left for college and we decided to just take a drive around Scranton for the heck of it. We rolled the windows down, blasted ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ by Third Eye Blind and just belted it at the top of our lungs. Seems like such a small memory, but I remember just feeling so carefree and happy. Things felt simple.”

Pam looked at him and smiled. “Do do doo, do do doo doo…”

Jim grinned and dove into an incredible impersonation of Stephan Jenkins, every lyric memorized. They both broke out into laughter.

————

They continued the night talking about Larissa and sharing stories of both of their childhoods. Pam felt lighter than she had in months as she watched the Jim she knew emerge from hiding. Eventually, conversation stopped when they realized the movie Fargo had come on TV. Jim remembered it was one of Pam’s favorites, so he turned up the volume and suggested they watch it. There was no way Pam would say no to that.

It didn’t take long before Jim had dozed off, emotionally and physically exhausted, Pam assumed. Slowly, his head began tilting down off the pillows, finding its way onto Pam’s shoulder. She was positive the sound of her rapidly beating heart would wake him. She stayed still because, after all, it would be rude to wake him after the day he had, she told herself.

She felt his phone buzzing through his pocket, but Jim didn’t so much as stir. Knowing it could be about Larissa, she gently nudged him awake.

“Jim...Jim...your phone.”

Jim sat up, slightly disoriented, and rubbed his eyes. He grabbed his phone, looked at who was calling and stood up quickly from off the bed.

“Crap,” he muttered. “I forgot to tell—“ he cut his sentence short as he put the phone to his ear. “Hey Karen…”

Pam watched Jim walk out into the hallway, still feeling the warmth from his head on her shoulder.

Pam could only partially hear Jim’s deep, muffled voice through the hotel room door and she could tell he was pacing. From what she could hear, his tone was even as he presumably recounted the situation to Karen over the phone. Suddenly, however, she heard Jim very sharply say Karen’s name, his tone a little more agitated. Pam sat forward and grabbed a pillow to her chest, wishing she could make out the words Jim was saying. She could only tell that he was getting frustrated and she began to feel an instinctual protectiveness over Jim again. What would Karen be saying to make him react this way? Especially after he had spent a day at the hospital with his injured sister? Jim had lowered his voice now and for the next ten minutes Pam couldn’t decipher anything he was saying. She knew she shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but she also couldn’t resist.

Jim’s voice stopped and he gave a soft knock on her door. Feeling a slight nervousness that talking to Karen would bring back Stamford Jim, she tentatively opened the door. He stood in the hallway facing her, head hung. He rubbed his face with his hands.

Pam spoke first. “Everything...okay?”

Jim sighed. “I forgot to tell Karen where I was. She came back early from her trip to Maryland.”

“She has to understand, Jim--you’ve had a lot to deal with--”

“She’s my girlfriend,” Pam winced at the word, “and I forgot to tell her my sister was hit with a damn car and that I’m in New York.”

“Was she upset?”

Jim simply nodded. Pam felt a small rise of defensiveness within her.

“Jim, I don’t think that’s really fair of her...this is a huge thing and you were focused on Larissa and getting to the hospital and making sure--”

“Pam,” his voice was soft. “Don’t you think the person I’m dating should be the first person I should think of to call? I mean, what the hell is wrong with me?”

“Nothing,” was all she could muster.

“She was upset I didn’t call,” he looked up at her, “and even more upset that you’re here with me.”

“Oh…”

“I mean, she doesn’t know everything. She knows I was...involved...with someone back in Scranton before I left. But I never told her it was you. Turns out Karen is pretty perceptive and had figured out a lot on her own, with a little help from Phyllis.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I couldn’t be doing any of this without you.”

They looked at each other, a thick silence between them. Jim finally broke their gaze and looked at the floor. His voice was quiet and reserved.

“She didn’t even ask how Larissa was.”

She could see the pain on his face and it broke her. “Oh, Jim--”

“I mean, she asked at first, but then when she found out you were with me it was like she didn’t care anymore. I know I forgot to call her, but it felt like she was more worried about me being with you than about my sister.” He couldn’t look at her.

Pam couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She wanted to make Jim feel better by giving him some excuse for Karen. Maybe that she was just worried when he wasn’t in Scranton when she got home or that she was just flustered. Maybe she didn’t understand the severity of the accident. But even more than wanting to diffuse the situation, Pam couldn’t suppress the anger she felt toward Karen in that moment. So instead, she waited for Jim to speak again, because forcing out words she didn’t mean seemed impossible.

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose and changed the subject.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” he said quietly and shook his head. “And there’s actually something I kind of forgot to mention to you. Larissa knows you’re the one who drove me up here and she insisted all day that I bring you to the hospital with me tomorrow. But she was also pretty drugged up, so I doubt she’ll remember that,” he laughed. “You have an out if you don’t want to come.”

“Wait, she asked me to come?”

“Yeah..” he hesitated, “remember how I said I tell Larissa everything…?” Jim shifted on his feet, obviously nervous.

“Oh.” Pam understood. Larissa knew exactly who Pam was.

“I just didn’t have the heart to tell her no. She pulled the paralysis card on me.” He shrugged emphatically. Pam laughed.

“I’d be happy to come. I feel like I know her after the stories you’ve told me tonight.”

“You sure? I know it’s probably weird…”

“Positive.” She smiled.

“Well, okay. I guess I’ll swing by here tomorrow? I’m staying just a couple floors up.”

“Sounds good.”

Jim began to walk away but Pam called after him.

“Jim!” He turned around. Pam leaned against the doorway. “Thank you for sharing her with me.”

He smiled softly, put his hands in his pockets, and continued down the hallway.

With the invitation to join Jim at the hospital, Pam found it difficult to sleep. Her emotions were riding a tumultuous wave, from feeling ecstatic that she was able to connect with Jim again, to being upset with how Karen had made him feel, to nervous about meeting the Halperts, and round and round again. She knew Jim well, but she was still slightly worried about all that he had told his family, especially Larissa. Pam was painfully aware of the hurt she had caused Jim in the parking lot after the Casino Night. She still hadn’t even fully forgiven herself, so she could only imagine how his little sister must feel about her.

Somehow, though, sleep found her. She felt like she had just closed her eyes when she heard Jim knocking on her door. She looked at the alarm clock to realize it was actually morning and that she had gotten a full—three hours—of sleep. She groaned and rolled out of bed, then cracked the hotel room door open, squinting into the bright light of the hallway, her hair sticking out in every direction.

Jim laughed through his nose when he saw her, a smile plastered on his face that he was obviously trying to supress.

“Morning, Beesly! Rise and shine!”

“Shut up. Just give me a minute.”

She quickly rifled through her suitcase to find something that was even remotely suitable for meeting the family of the man you just recently admitted to yourself you do, indeed, love, who also has a girlfriend you now hate, and whose family probably knows way more about you than you’re comfortable with. Not complicated at all.

She settled on a purple blouse and a pair of jeans. There wasn’t much she could do with her hair on such short notice, so she threw it up into a quick ponytail, threw on some mascara and her favorite lip gloss, and headed out the door.

Jim lit up when he saw her. “That’s one heck of a ‘before and after’, Pam,” he said playfully. He handed her a cup of tea. “But seriously, you look great...you should wear your hair like that more often. Ready?”

Pam blushed. His comment about her hair was offered so casually, but she knew it would stick with her all day.

“Ready,” she chirped, trying to mask the wave of nervousness swelling up inside of her.

—————

Walking down the hall to Larissa’s room at the hospital, Jim let out a yawn.

“I concur,” Pam smirked.

“Sorry, not much sleep last night.” His eyes darted around. “Karen called back.”

“Oh?”

But before he could continue, they arrived at the room and were greeted warmly by Jim’s family. His mom gave him a hug and as his dad stood up to greet him, Pam saw exactly what Jim would look like in 35 years. Jim walked over to the hospital bed and playfully ruffled his sister’s hair.

“Hey, Ris. Brought someone with me. Not like you gave me a choice.”

Pam held up her hand in a meager wave. “Hi! Jim told me so much about you. I’m Pam.”

Larissa smiled a grin that was almost identical to Jim’s. “Oh, I know. I would stand up and hug you, but...the whole getting hit with a car thing.” The room chuckled, and Pam instantly relaxed. She could tell Larissa had that effect on people.

“You should know I’m on a lot of drugs,” Larissa continued, ”so I’m not responsible for any truths I might reveal about my brother while you’re here.” She glanced at Jim. “Just so we’re clear.”

“Wonderful!” Jim replied sarcastically with a smile. He turned and introduced Pam to his parents, who both refused her handshakes and pulled her into hugs instead.

“Thank you for driving Jim all this way,” Jim’s mom, Betsy spoke. “The two of them have always been so close and we all knew she needed to have him here.”

“It really was no problem. I was more than happy to.” She looked at Jim who was busy talking to Larissa. “You raised a good one there, you know.”

“Hey Pam!” Larissa called from her bed. “Did you know Jim had to go to sleep with his teddy bear George until he was 17?”

Jim threw up his hands. “Seriously?”

“What?! It’s the drugs,” she shrugged.

It was Jim’s turn. “Okay…well, Pam, did you know Larissa dated a guy in high school and called him by the wrong name for the first two weeks they were dating and he was afraid to tell her?”

“Really, J?”

“Hey, you brought George into this.”

“Fair enough.” She turned to Pam again, this time a tone of seriousness in her voice. “But really, Pam. Thanks for bringing him. Means a lot. And I’m glad he listened to me and brought you with him today because I’ve been wanting to meet you for a while.”

Pam playfully glanced at Jim. “Oh, really?”

Jim rubbed the back of his head and quickly changed the subject. “Alright, so...who wants coffee?”

Pam chimed in. “Why don’t you let me go get it? Stay here with your family.”

She walked out the door of the hospital room to locate some coffee for the Halperts, who she was already completely enamored with. They barely knew her and had still made her feel so comfortable. Larissa was amazing and Pam couldn’t believe the happiness she seemed to exude after such a traumatic accident. But despite the warm welcome, Pam hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Jim and Karen and what was going on between them.

After getting coffee and walking up the hallway back to the room, she heard voices through Larissa’s door, which had been left open. She heard two new voices, who she assumed were Jim’s brothers, and she slowly approached the door, listening closely. One of them spoke.

“So, Jimbo, is this elusive girlfriend Larissa tells us about ever going to make an appearance?”

“Who, Karen?” Jim asked.

“Yeah, the one you met in Stamford and never, ever talk about.”

“Uh, well, actually...as of last night there IS no Karen.”

Pam nearly dropped the coffee.

Larissa spoke up sarcastically. “You killed her?! Jim...there are other ways to break up…”

“No, dummy, we broke up over the phone last night.”

“Woof, that’s almost worse,” piped Tom.

“Yeah...but, I don’t know. We got into an argument last night and I ended calling the whole thing off. We hadn’t been dating very long and I just don’t really see it going anywhere anyway. She seemed to agree but still wasn’t very happy.”

“Does Pam know?” Larissa asked.

“No. She knows we had an argument last night, but not that we broke up. I don’t know why she would care.”

“Oh, J. You’re cute, but sometimes you’re not as smart as everyone thinks you are.”

Pam decided to interrupt them despite wanting nothing more than to listen in on this conversation, but she would hate to deliver cold coffee.

“Hi,” she waved at the two Halperts she hadn’t met yet. “You must be Tom? And Pete?” She shook the hands of Jim’s brothers. “I’m Jim’s friend Pam.”

“Impossible. Jim doesn’t have friends,” smirked Pete.

“Ha-ha,” Jim rolled his eyes.

Tom gave Jim a playful punch in the arm and then turned to Pam. “Pete and I actually can’t stay. We just came to check on our baby sis, bring her some breakfast, and say hi. I have a few work calls I need to be on today and Pete needs to head back home to Boston.” He faced Larissa. “Love you, Ris. I’ll be back tonight with Marcie and Vanessa, if you’re up for it.”

Pete and Tom each hugged their sister and headed out the door.

Pam handed the coffee to everyone and took a seat next to Jim. His parents and Larissa asked her questions about herself, about her family and her hobbies. Pam took the chance to ask her own questions about their family. Knowing Jim so well, she wasn’t surprised that he came from incredible parents. Pam already adored them.

Larissa loudly interrupted them.

“UH. GUYS.”

They all swiveled their heads to look at her.

“LOOK AT MY FEET.”

It was almost too hard to see but sure enough, under her blanket, Larissa’s left foot was moving. They all stood up, grins and relief spread on their faces.

“Ris, you’re moving your foot!” Jim exclaimed.

“I KNOW!”

Jim ran over to the bed and gave her a hug. His mom called the nurse in the room and from there, the next several minutes were a blur as nurses and the doctor filed in the room, testing Larissa’s reflexes, figuring out the sensations she could or couldn’t feel, and all kinds of other medical things Pam didn’t quite understand. As they all watched the doctors talk to Larissa, Jim put one arm around Pam’s shoulders, his eyes still fixed on his sister. She figured he was probably just caught up in the moment, but she took the opportunity to snake her arm around his waist, basking in the collective hope filling the room. The doctor turned to Jim’s mom.

“We will probably have to run a few more tests but it seems like Larissa is slowly regaining feeling and movement in her legs, which is amazing and pretty remarkable. Most cases I see like this, it takes longer. Now, she’ll still need a fair amount of physical therapy and she probably won’t be able to walk unassisted for quite some time, but this is a huge step in the right direction.”

They thanked the doctor and once again it was just the Halperts and Pam in the room. Jim couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off his face. He grinned at Larissa.

“Competitive as always, huh Larissa? Showing off to all the doctors.”
Larissa just shrugged with a smile.

“You know what this calls for,” Jim said. “Cotton candy ice cream with gummy bears.”

Pam frowned and then squinted. “Does it call for that?”
Jim laughed. “It was always our favorite as kids and it kind of became our way of celebrating things.”

Gerald Halpert spoke up. “Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, Pam.”
She shrugged. “Bring it on, then!”

------------------

At the grocery store, Jim and Pam walked the aisles together.

“Jackpot!” Jim announced, holding a carton of cotton candy ice cream.

“I honestly didn’t even know that existed until today.”

“Well, prepare yourself for a Halpert delicacy, Pam. All we need are the gummy bears.”

“Between the grape soda and this ‘delicacy’,” she said with finger quotes, “I’m amazed you still have any teeth.”

“Oh, these?” He pointed to his mouth. “These are dentures.” Jim smiled.

After locating the gummy bears and checking out at the grocery store, they headed back to Pam’s car. Pam grew quiet as they drove back to the hospital and Jim seemed to notice the shift in her demeanor.

“Hey Beesly, what’s on your mind?”

“What? Oh, I’m fine.”

“C’mon, Pam. What’s going on?”

Pam sighed. “I kind of heard you talking to your brothers before I came back with the coffee earlier this morning.” She glanced over. “I know you and Karen broke up. And I kind of feel responsible for that.”

Jim’s voice softened. “Pam--”

“It should have been her to come with you, Jim. Not me. I mean, I’m glad you invited me to come and I’ve really, really enjoyed spending time with you the last couple days and meeting your awesome family, but...shouldn’t it have been her?”

Jim stared at her for what felt like an eternity before he lowered his voice and his eyes simultaneously.

“It’s never been her.”

“What?”

Now Jim sighed. “She was...a bandaid. I was broken and she made me forget about the pain for a little while. Pam, I forgot to call her. My sister was hit by a car and temporarily paralyzed and I forgot to fill her in. I think that should tell you that I wasn’t ever really in it, not fully. And Karen picked up on that and we argued about it and decided we should just end it before more feelings got caught up in everything.”

“Oh.” She tried to process everything he had just told her.

“Oh?”

“I just…” she shrugged. “I guess it just sucks that I almost lost my best friend over a bandaid.”

“Yeah,” Jim breathed, “I know. I didn’t handle everything very gracefully. But…” he hesitated, “I was a mess when I left, Pam.”

Her heart clenched with regret as she listened to him.

“I wasn’t sure how I would ever be able to come back. To be feet away from you again. To walk through that stupid parking lot every single day. So, I used Karen as a crutch because I was terrified of feeling all those feelings again. Which wasn’t fair to anybody.”

Pam found herself speechless again. It hadn’t exactly been a declaration of love from Jim, but it was an admittance that he hadn’t completely moved on like she thought he had. His words bounced through her head and all she could feel was remorse for causing him pain.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Really, I am.”

“For what?”

She took a jagged breath. “Giving you a reason to need a bandaid.”

He gave her a half-smile as they pulled into the hospital parking lot.

“I’m okay now, Beesly.”

He wiped a tear off of Pam’s face that she hadn’t even realized had fallen. “Now let's get this ice cream to my sister before it melts.”

“So?” Jim asked, between bites of ice cream. “What do you think?”

Pam tapped the plastic spoon against her lips. “Very...sweet? But oddly delicious.”

“Knew it. Such a doubter.”

Pam popped a gummy bear into her mouth. “How are you feeling, Larissa?”

Larissa closed her eyes. “Tired. Moving one of your feet a couple inches is terribly exhausting.” She opened her eyes and smiled at Pam. “But I’m doing well, considering. Thanks.”

After finishing their ice cream, Jim’s parents left for their hotel to shower and nap since they had been at the hospital overnight with Larissa.

Larissa looked at her brother.

“Hey, J? Can you give me and Pam a minute to talk?”

“What, why?” Jim asked incredulously through a mouth full of gummy bears.

“Girl talk. I have three brothers. I deserve girl talk.”

Jim squinted toward her. “This feels like a trap.”

“You’re probably right. But remember how I’m paralyzed?”

“Temporarily. And now only partially. You moved your left foot today!”

“But my right one is still sleeping on the job! C’mon. Go buy me a candy bar. Or something. I just want to get to know your friend a little better.”

“So help me if you talk about George again…” he raised his eyebrows.

“Just go. George’s legacy is safe with me.”

Jim stared at his little sister, his expression almost pleading.

“Fine,” he lowered his voice. “Go easy on me, please?” he said in a near whisper.

“Relax, Jim. Love you. Now get me a Twix. I hear the ones in the vending machine on the very top floor of the hospital are the best,” she smirked. “They also taste better when you take the stairs.”

Jim huffed out a sigh, turned on his heels, and walked out the door.

Pam felt her chest tighten as Jim left, unsure what Larissa wanted to talk to her about. It seemed as if things were going really well with Jim’s family, but she wasn’t naive enough to think his sister didn’t have some underlying questions and thoughts regarding her.

“Alright, Pam,” Larissa started. “Jim and I are really close. So, as you can probably guess, I know...things.”

Pam’s face fell. “Yeah…”

“And I love my brother. He’s my best friend.”

Pam mustered a slight nod, preparing for the blow. Larissa dipped her head, attempting to make eye contact with Pam, who had dropped her gaze.

“But I also understand that I only have his side of the story. And I would like to know yours.”

Pam lifted her head. “About when he left for Stamford?”

“About all of it.”

Pam couldn’t believe the family resemblance as she watched Larissa look at her with a softness she’d seen Jim offer her before. A shiver trailed down her spine as she remembered the night they had gone on the company “team building” Booze Cruise. She had stood on the deck of that boat with her best friend, nothing but cold air and silence between them, and she recalled the fleeting thought of how she wanted to lean in and put her lips to his, feel his warmth, give in—-but quickly reminded herself she was engaged and wasn’t allowed those thoughts.

Her heart ached with the could-have-beens if she hadn’t been so preoccupied with trying to convince herself she was already happy.

Pam shifted in her seat.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Pam shrugged. “I think I always knew he had feelings for me but was scared to admit it to myself.”

“Why?”

“Jim was my best friend and seriously the ONLY thing keeping me sane at work. I think subconsciously I was afraid of that changing,” Pam contemplated. “But actually, now I think I realize it wasn’t only that. If I admitted that I knew he had feelings for me, I would have to ask myself if I had the same feelings for him too, and that was complicated.”

“You were engaged.”

“Exactly. Not only that, but had been in a relationship with my fiance for 10 years. That’s not easy to uproot. It was all I had known. I was blindsided when Jim told me how he felt and autopilot kicked in and I didn’t know how to react. Then he was gone before I could even recover from the whiplash of it all. I felt like I screwed everything up.”

“But...you didn’t marry him, right? Your fiancé?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

Pam felt her eyes burn. The lump forming in her throat prevented her from uttering the words she had denied and suppressed for so many years. With her eyes brimming, she looked at Larissa and silently raised a shoulder.

“Do you love my brother?” Larissa asked quietly.

Pam sniffed and offered a tiny nod. “I think so.”

“Even after learning about George?”

A loud laugh escaped Pam’s lungs. “Somehow.”

Larissa opened her arms and welcomed Pam into them, then took her by the shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes.

“Don’t wait as long as he did, Pam,” she begged.

“But, what if he doesn’t—“

A deep voice came from the doorway.

“He does.”

The two girls snapped their heads toward the door to see Jim, Twix-less, leaning against the door frame. Pam felt her breath catch and her jaw drop. Jim cocked his head and gave Pam a look that made her want to completely dissolve into him.

“What, you think you’re the only one who can eavesdrop, Beesly?”

She wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve and walked over to him. She buried her head in his chest as he wrapped one hand around her waist and placed the other delicately behind her head.

Larissa cleared her throat. “Uh, you’re welcome.”

They broke apart and turned to Larissa as she dramatically bowed in her hospital bed.

“I mean, I would have preferred to not get hit with a car to get you two together, but I’ll take what I can get, I guess.”

They shared laughter together and Larissa waved her hand at them, as if to shoo them away.

“Go, go...I’m fine here. Even if Jim forgot my Twix,” she scoffed sarcastically.

Jim walked over to Larissa and hugged her. “I love you, punk.”

“I know.”

———

The two of them basically jogged out of the hospital together. The brisk air hit their faces as they made their way outside and Pam stopped, fumbling with her purse to locate her keys. Looking up, she locked eyes with Jim, a smile plastered on his face. He stuck out his hand for her and she laced her fingers through his. They made their way to Pam’s car, hand in hand, silent but beaming.

Once inside the car, Jim turned to Pam.

“So, now what?”

Well, that’s a loaded question, Pam thought to herself.

As if reading her thoughts he responded. “I mean, like, where do you want to go?”

“Oh, I didn’t get that far. There was the talking, and the eavesdropping, and the lack of candy, and the…” She peered at Jim, a slight urgency in her voice. “Did you really mean it? Because all of this feels a little too good to be true and I just want to make sure I’m not imagining it. It feels like I’m in a romantic comedy or something”

He leaned over the center console of the car and slid his hand behind Pam’s ear and through her hair. Slowly, he brought his mouth to hers and she felt as if she might ignite as she rediscovered his taste and the way his lips felt against hers, soft but deliberate. She snaked her fingers through his hair and grasped it, as if it was tethering her back down to earth. Much too soon, he pulled away and looked into her eyes.

“Oh, it’s very, very real.”

She closed her eyes and put her forehead on his, Jim’s hands still tangled in her hair.

“You’re pretty good at this, Halpert.”

“Larissa made me watch a lot of chick flicks,” he said with a wink, then placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He squinted. “Maybe we really should thank her.”


--------------


They settled on watching a movie back at the hotel, stealing kisses and glances the whole drive. Pam still couldn’t quite wrap her brain around the fact that any of this was actually happening. Every little peck he gave her sent a current through her bones and she was amazed at how perfectly her hand fit in his. He was back to full Scranton Jim and then some, and she had just missed him so damn much.

Back at the hotel, they kicked off their shoes and jumped onto the bed like 6-year-olds at a slumber party. Pam shimmied her way under his arm and settled her head on his chest, breathing him in. They made it all of four minutes into the movie before either of them could delay the inevitable.

Pam shifted her focus to Jim’s face and was met with his lips on hers. His hand ran up through the back of her hair and his lips slowly parted, intensifying the kiss. His tongue met hers as she instinctively grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and threaded one of her legs between his. She felt his hand trace her thigh from her knee up to her hips, and from there his fingers slid under the hem of her blouse, setting her skin on fire. She took his lower lip gently between her teeth and he let out a deep moan in the back of his throat.

He quickly turned his body over and was now on top of her, the weight of his body setting her free rather than pinning her down. He began a trail with his mouth from her jaw, down her neck, and settling at the base of her collarbone. His hands explored her skin on her torso as he placed deliberate kisses over her chest and beneath the neckline of her shirt. Pam threw her head back in the pillows, not sure she would be able to stay in her own skin with what his lips were doing to her.

He whispered her name against her neck, and she grabbed his face to meet her lips again, needing to feel his tongue against hers once more. She threaded a hand under his shirt, along his back, feeling the ripples of his lean, built frame under her fingers, both savoring it and needing to feel everything all at once.

Jim’s intensity slowed, pulling her into deeper, longer kisses, as they were completely entwined around one another. She could feel everything he had held back in the last three years being poured out into every kiss and wasn’t sure she had ever felt this kind of love, so complete and pure.

He slowly pulled away from her lips and placed one more light kiss on her cheek. Brushing a stray curl away from her face, he looked at her, beaming.

“You are…” he shook his head with a grin, “incredible.”

She leaned forward to kiss him softly. Jim shifted and laid his head on the pillow next to her, his hand resting on her hip.

“And believe me when I say I want nothing more than to learn every part of you I don’t know, Beesly,” he said gruffly, moving his hand to her lower back. “But I want to do this right. I want to buy you dinner. I want to kiss you goodnight on your doorstep and promise to call you. I want to bring you flowers and open your door for you. And if somewhere in there we end up jumping each other’s bones, so be it.”

She laughed into his chest and then looked at him, a hand on his cheek. “I would love that.”

“Okay,” he grinned. “Then it’s a date.”

“You’ve done enough driving, let me take the rest of the way,” Jim offered as they came out of the gas station, arms full of caloric goodness.

She smiled, handed him the keys, and tiptoed to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“How dare you,” he joked and they both giggled.

She took great delight in watching Jim squeeze into the driver seat of her little car, his knees basically touching the steering wheel until he could locate the lever to move his seat back. And even though he was much too tall, she couldn’t help but feel like he fit just perfectly. She put her fingers through the back of his hair and sighed with content remembering waking up with his arms around her that morning. They had fallen asleep watching the movie and he just decided to stay after that. She had to admit that it wasn’t exactly how she had imagined waking up to Jim Halpert in her bed (fully dressed) but she wasn’t complaining.

Jim cracked open another grape soda and the sound made her think about their drive to New York, just a few days prior. In a matter of days they had gone from barely talking to barely being able to keep their hands off each other. She was amazed at how familiar it all felt and how comforting it was, just like seeing that purple can sitting in Jim’s hand. He caught her staring at him and he shifted his eyes around, smiling.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she replied. “Just happy.”

She tasted the grape soda on his lips as he leaned in to kiss her.

As they drove past the Pennsylvania state line, Pam looked down at Jim’s thumb tracing circles on her hand and wondered how she had ever let him walk out that door all those months ago—how she had allowed herself to deny how she felt. She promised herself she would never let him go again.

——————

They arrived at Jim’s apartment and Pam turned to him.

“How about we make an amendment to our plan.”

“What do you mean?”

“How about I say goodnight to youon your doorstep.”

Jim jokingly put a finger to his chin in thought. “I’m good with that.”

He walked around the car and opened her door. He took her hand and walked to his apartment. At the door he wrapped his arms around her waist and threw her into a deep kiss.

He trailed his lips down her neck. “I...have...another amendment,” he said between each kiss.

“Hmmm?” She could barely think coherent thoughts, let alone speak them.

“We count our crappy gas station snacks as me buying you dinner.”

“Yup,” she breathed as he brushed his hand under her blouse along the small of the back. “And,” she squeezed her eyes shut as he slid just the tip of his fingers past the top of her jeans, “flowers make me sneeze, so we can just skip that part.”

“Deal,” he said against her lips. “And I promise I’ll call you. All the time.”

She broke away and gave him a suggestive look. “What a great date. I guess that just leaves one more thing.”

Jim’s face lit up with a grin and he grabbed her behind the back of the thighs and lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his hips. He put his lips to hers again and he scrambled behind him to find the door knob. Finding it, he opened the door and they backed inside.

“Thanks for the ride, Beesly.”

She smiled against his lips as he turned around and pushed her against the door to close it.

“Anytime, Halpert.”