1. Chapter 1 by cheapcolouredlights
2. Chapter 2 by cheapcolouredlights
3. Chapter 3 by cheapcolouredlights
In script-ish format, but it got a bit messed up in the copy/paste so I had to reformat it, hopefully it works okay as is.
Couldn't shake this story out of my head after someone mentioned the idea of a Pregnant!Pam on TWOP. Should be about 3 chapters.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.Reception desk. Jim is easing Pam into her chair.
JIM: You okay?
PAM: Yup, I’m good.
TALKING HEAD— PAM
Today is my last day before maternity leave. So… well, I guess it’s pretty much like any other day here. But I get to look forward to a bit of a break. That is, before I go into the mind numbing pain of labour and delivery. (Half smile) But yeah… non-deductible vacation days are always fun.
Reception desk. The phone rings.
JIM: You need me to get that?
Pam gives him a look and reaches for the phone.
PAM: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
TALKING HEAD---- JIM
Yeah. I’m definitely excited for the baby, um… we don’t know yet if it’s a boy or a girl. (grins) So we’ve invested in a lot of yellow onesies, to be on the safe side. And, we’ve pretty much baby-proofed the apartment, and I’ve picked up a few things… um, Pam doesn’t think it’s all necessary.
CUT TO: Pam in the parking lot, at her car door. She pulls a newly-purchased bumper sticker out of the shopping bag that reads "BABY ON BOARD". She glares blankly at the camera.
TALKING HEAD--- JIM
But at least now we’re ready for pretty much everything. Even an office birth, because Dwight claims he has experience in delivering babies, so… we’ve definitely got it all covered.
Jim is at his desk, on a sales call. He looks over at Pam, who has fallen asleep at her desk, and smiles slowly.
Michael and Dwight emerge from his office.
Michael: Jim! Hang up the phone, please? I need to talk to you about something--- it’s important.
JIM (to customer): I’ll get back to you in five minutes. Yeah. Okay, thanks. (hangs up) What? (his eyes flicker towards Pam at her desk, and Micheal notices.)
MICHEAL: Pam? Pam!
She wakes up with a start, blinking.
MICHEAL: No sleeping on the job, Pam. Come on, get with it. I mean--
Jim stares angrily at his desk, shaking his head.
DWIGHT: --That’s right. Parasite growing within you or not, we’re still paying you company money to sit there.
MICHEAL: Still got one more day left, alright? (sarcastically) Try to hang in there, answering the phones. Very strenuous work…
PHYLLIS: Micheal, she’s pregnant, it’s really tiring—
MICHEAL: Yeah, well, it’s tiring for all of us, Phyllis. And I think we’ve all been accommodating and understanding of Pam’s pregnancy—
Jim is still shaking his head.
JIM: Yesterday you asked her to help carry a heavy box out to your car because your hands were full.
MICHEAL: That was—who told you that? Pam? Why would you spread rumours…
PAM: Well, he’s my husband--
MICHEAL: (mimicking) Well, he’s my husband.’ Y’know what? This is exactly why office relationships don’t work out, because they get in everyone’s way.
TALKING HEAD—ANGELA
Personally? I think Micheal’s right. I mean, it’s enough that Pam walks in here everyday in those new maternity clothes, flaunting her… condition. But to fall asleep on the job? (Pause) She’ll probably bring the baby into work. And then there will be breastfeeding. (Another pause). That’s probably when I’d take it to court.
JIM: Did you interrupt my sales call for a reason?
MICHEAL: Ah. Yes. Right. Well, today we'll be dropping in on one of our newest customers, to give them a quick review of our quarterly sales. And I’ve been asked to bring one of my salesmen with me for the presentation. And that person will be... you. So, It’s about an hour away, and we’ll be driving in my Sebring, so it’ll be a bit of a treat for you, also.
JIM: Isn’t this kind of last minute? I didn’t prepare anything.
MICHEAL: Uh, this is the paper industry, Jim. Moves fast, you gotta move fast with it. Alright? Just be ready to go in ten minutes. Don’t worry about the presentation, I’ve got it covered. (Under breath) As usual.
JIM: Well, when will we be back? Because—
MICHEAL: Three o’clock.
JIM:Okay.
MICHEAL: Or… maybe later. Maybe tomorrow. Who knows? (Backs towards his office, grins at the camera.) We’re unpredictable here at Dunder Mifflin. That’s right.
Jim sighs, looks towards Pam. She’s asleep, again.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The office women are decorating the conference room. Angela is putting up pink streamers. Phyllis' is sticking small cut-outs of baby chicks on the wall.
ANGELA (passing by)
Ducks? Really?
Phyllis glares at her.
RECEPTION
Jim taps the desk lightly.
JIM
So... Michael says we'll be back by 3. But putting that in his time zone...
PAM
You won't be back till later tonight?
JIM
Here are the car keys.
PAM
Thanks.
Michael leaves his office and walks over.
MICHAEL
Alright! Are we ready to depart?
JIM
Yes.
Michael's car. Michael is driving while Jim stares absently out the window.
MICHAEL
So. Just a couple of weeks.
JIM
What's that?
MICHAEL
Doomsday is looming!
JIM
Sorry, I--
MICHAEL
She looks ready to burst! Just... huge. God, when is that thing gonna come out?
JIM
Oh, you mean the baby.
MICHAEL
I-- yes.
JIM
Yeah, shouldn't be too long now. So, is this meeting in the--
MICHAEL
Bet you're freaking out. Man, things aren't gonna be the same again, huh? You being a freakin' father.
Jim looks serious for a moment, his lips twitching into a sort of half-smile.
JIM
Yeah.
MICHAEL
I mean, you're hardly ever gonna get sex anymore. Have you talked about that, you and Pam? Worked out a... a schedule?
Jim throws a 'help me' look into the camera.
OFFICE. Pam is led into the conference room by the other women.
PAM
Wow, this looks great, you guys. Thanks.
Kelly watches Pam sit, hand on her stomach, with a look of pure envy.
TALKING HEAD-- KELLY
I swear, whenever I look at Pam I just want to die. Like, seriously, if I'm not pregnant in the next two years I will kill myself. ... Or adopt.
Pam is opening presents. She opens a bag from Phyllis, pulling out a bunch of knitted items.
PAM
These are adorable, thank you!
PHYLLIS
I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl.
Pam rubs her stomach.
PAM
I don't know, I'm kinda thinking boy...
DWIGHT (from doorway)
That's impossible. Unless this has been confirmed from an ultrasound--
KELLY
Dwight, this is a girls only party, get out.
DWIGHT
But I--
Angela walks over and shuts the door in his face.
Dunder Mifflin Branch. Michael parks the Sebring, the pair exit.
MICHAEL
Okay... so... you have the bi-annual finance report, then?
Jim stares at him.
JIM
Michael, you said you had it covered. I thought you'd brought--
MICHAEL
I... yes. Well, it doesn't matter. Let's just... c'mon, let's go.
JIM
Oh my God...
OFFICE.
PAM opens the shiny pink parcel in her hand. She smiles and nods.
PAM
Of course.
She holds up a small white book that reads Baby's First Bible.
PAM
Thank you, Angela, this is great. We... didn't have one of these yet.
ANGELA
No, I didn't think so.
KELLY
Okay, me next!
She passes Pam the present. She opens it to reveal a set of Baby Einstein movies.
KELLY
I saw these on Oprah, it'll make your baby like, a total genius.
PAM
Right, yeah, thank you!
MEREDITH
My sister got those for her kid. You can just turn them on and leave them in front of it. They'll stare at it for hours, you can even leave the house, go out... It's like free babysitting.
PHYLLIS
Pam? Are you okay?
Pam has her hands on her abdomen. Her face has gone pale.
WAITING ROOM of Dunder Mifflin branch.
RECEPTIONIST
Alright, you two can go right in.
JIM
Thank you.
He reaches into his pocket and turns off his cell phone.
CONFERENCE ROOM
PAM
MICHAEL
Good morning! I'm Michael Scott--
EXEC #1
Nice to meet you.
MICHAEL
This is Jim Halpert.
JIM
Hi.
EXEC #2
Alright! So, what do you have for us today?
Michael and Jim both look at each other.
MICHAEL
Well, I was actually hoping we could have a bit of a chat.
EXEC #2
A chat... while you show us your finance reports?
MICHAEL
Oh, y'know, just man to man... to man, to man. Since there are four of us. But yeah, just relax, talk a bit, let you know a bit about us. About Scranton.
TALKING HEAD-- MICHAEL
Y'know, in this day and age, it's always just like business, business, business. Man, it's such a drag. But I do not work that way. I like to get to know people. I look past their accounting records and their financial reports and I get to know the real person behind that suit. Or skirt. (looks proud of himself). That's how Michael Scott does business.
JIM
(under his breath)
Um, Michael, I... I think they want to see--
MICHAEL
Jim here is about to have a baby!
JIM
Oh...
EXEC #2
Wow, congratulations.
JIM
(smiling genuinely)
Yeah, my wife and I are really excited.
MICHAEL
We were shocked, man. Pam told us Jim knocked her up, and we were like, What?
JIM
Well, we'd been married for two years, so...
EXEC #1
God, isn't that a bitch?
JIM
Um... excuse me?
EXEC#1
I mean, my wife just had the third one a few months ago. She told me she was pregnant, and I was like (expletive bleeped)! Y'know?
MICHAEL
(chuckling but looking wary)
Wow...
EXEC #1
I mean, I had to actually watch her take those birth control pills for weeks after the thing came out, just to make sure she doesn't screw us over again.
Jim and Michael both steal a look at the camera, eyes wide.
***
The office. The camera slowly pans down the stairwell, where Pam is leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. The door opens and the camera slowly gets closer. Pam appears to be in considerable pain. Suddenly, she snaps her head up and spots the camera. Her eyes look dangerous. Quickly, the camera spins and appears to be hurrying away.
***
TALKING HEAD-- PAM.
(face pale, breathing erratic)
No, I'm not in labour, um,I still have a few weeks left in my pregnancy and...(beat) It's just... so, if your water breaks, that definately means you're in labour?
***
RECEPTION. Pam dials Jim's cell, but there is no answer. She hangs up, a worried look on her face.