1. Chapter 1 by Snoznoodle
2. Chapter 2 by Snoznoodle
3. Chapter 3 by Snoznoodle
4. Chapter 4 by Snoznoodle
5. Chapter 5 by Snoznoodle
A/N: These are just stupid little moments that would NEVER happen in the show. I know a lot of it isn’t very descriptive. The idea is they are just short little scenes. Please note that NONE of this is realistic and I wasn’t trying to make it like that. I felt like a change. Hope you enjoy! It was a lot of fun writing.
Subtitle: Michael stands up to the scary men in the warehouse with the truth.
Michael is running hastily down the stairs to the warehouse. "Can I have everyone’s attention please?" he calls as he reaches the bottom. He pauses for a moment, looks at the heavily built workers and goes back up a couple of stairs.
"Hey Mike. What’s up?" Roy says loudly. His voice attracts the other worker’s attentions and they look at him expectantly.
Michael takes a deep breath and pulls himself together. "Effective immediately," he begins quietly, his voice shaking the slightest bit. "You are all fired." He stares at them, eyes widening in realisation of what he had just said. And suddenly, like an army of angry workers is chasing him, he runs back up the stairs, his head down in case they throw something at him. He is about to open the door when Darryl calls him back.
"Wait. Michael! You can’t fire us just like that! We have to know why!"
He stops; he looks down at his trembling hands clasped firmly around the doorknob, takes another deep breath and turns around again. "You wanna know why Darryl? You really do?" He says, trying to sound tough and giving them an angry glare.
"Yes Michael, we do. Give us three good reasons." He replies a little exasperated.
"You want three? Fine I’ll give you three!" He says, sounding more confidant. "A:" He begins, marking them off on his finger, "You don’t laugh at my jokes."
The workers begin to protest. "Maybe because they’re ridiculous!" Roy yells.
"Wait, wait! I’m not finished!" He shouts over their raised voices. "B: Your all bigger than me and…" he gulps, "scary looking. And C:" his face suddenly turns slightly pink and he sounds like he is about to cry. "Your mean." He says in a tiny voice.
Ignoring the raised voices of the scary warehouse workers, he runs back up the stares and slams the door behind him, just as an empty cardboard box hits it lightly and falls back on the steel stairs.
Jim is in the kitchen with Dwight. Making out.
Ryan: Kelly?
Kelly: Mmm?
Ryan: I love you.
Kelly: Oh my God! What a loser! Well I hate you Ryan Howard!
Pam and Roy are leaning on the side of a deserted desk, eating a sandwich and talking happily.
Out of nowhere, Jim appears and immediately slams his fist into Roy’s jaw, causing him to fall back, legs first, behind the desk and land unconsciously on the floor.
Pam watches unemotionally before finally saying, "about time!" and jumping into Jim’s arms.
Pam is in the kitchen with Michael. Making out.
Ryan: Kelly talks non-stop. I love it!
Pam and Karen are leaning casually on the wall next to the door to the kitchen.
Jim walks by and fails to note that they had both stuck out their left feet. He trips and falls heavily to the ground.
Pam and Karen immediately break into fits of hysterical laughter and high-five each other, yelling "WOOO!"
Michael is in the kitchen with Toby. Making out.
Andy: Oh I love Dwight. He really is a great guy. And you know what? I would never EVER try to steal his job. Who would want it? Michael really scares me.
Pam (to the camera): You no what? Screw Roy! Screw Jim too! I’m in love with Andy!
Michael makes a joke that everyone loves. I can’t for the love of me think what it could be.
Angela stands in front of Pam’s desk and clears her throat loudly. "Can I have everyone’s attention please? I just want you all to know, that I love you so much and you are the best coworkers an uptight, judgemental Christian woman could hope for."
Pam watches her go in disbelief and scowls. "What – a – bitch!"
Pam and Karen are leaning casually on the wall next to the door to the kitchen.
Jim walks by and opens the door. A bucket of bright red paint falls on Jim’s head.
Pam and Karen burst out laughing and clutch their stomachs. Their hands meet weakly as they attempt to manage a high-five but find themselves sore from laughing.
(A/N: I love Jim by the way so don’t take it personally buddy!)
Pam and Jim are laughing by the water cooler. Michael notices and walks awkwardly towards them. However, his voice is surprisingly firm as he shouts: "What do you think your doing? Why aren’t you working? Go! Go! Pam you probably missed 15 calls while you were standing around there flirting!"
Jim immediately looks at Pam, who blushes and races to get the phone.
(A/N: This is hopefully a little more realistic. Just ending on a happy note)
Jim and Pam are in the kitchen. Making out.
Hope you liked it! Just thought we needed something a little sillier!
A/N: That’s right I don’t own anything. Disappointing hey.
A/N: Thanks sooo much for the reviews in the last chapter. It was surprisingly easy to come up with these stupid scenarios so I just decided to keep going. Hope you enjoy!
Jim enters Michael’s office, carrying a white box in his arms. "Hey Michael. You still use your George Foreman grill don’t you?" He says, setting his box down in front of Michael’s things and plugging it in under the desk.
Michael snorts. "I certainly do," he says smiling stupidly at the camera.
Jim frowns quickly. "Wow, even after burning your dirty foot on it," he says quietly, looking down at the box. Before Michael can reply, he continues. "But that’s not my point," he says a lot louder, "umm… there’s some sort of problem with mine… I’m not quite sure what… but I was wondering if you could look at it for me. Since your sort of an expert and everything."
"Oh sure," he says, immediately brightening and looking pointedly at the camera. "Yes, you are correct, I definitely am an expert with the ol’ George. It’s nice to see… workers still come to me for… help."
Jim stares at him for a second and then continues. "Great. Well I think there might be something wrong with the connection up the back but I’m not quite sure." He says pointing at the back of the clamp. "So you might just need to get you head in there."
"O okay sure," replies Michael, immediately bringing his head in stupidly so that his face is only inches from the hot metal plates. When his nose is just about to touch the middle of the grill, Jim’s hand lightly pokes the top plate, causing it to fall on the top of his boss’ head. Jim immediately turns and bolts out of the office, ignoring the sudden yells of horror coming from Michael’s lightly grilled face.
INTERVIEW WITH JIM: "What can I say?" he says, grinning widely in amusement and holding a hand over his mouth to stop himself from cracking. "It’s something I’ve always wanted to do." He blinks. "Sorry," he says holding up a hand in apology. Suddenly it becomes too much. His fingers form a pyramid over his nose to calm himself. It doesn’t work. He closes his eyes and starts to shake uncontrollably with silent laughter.
~~
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Pam and Jim are standing alone in the office at night once again, looking deep into each other’s eyes. Pam brings a shaking hand to Jim’s cheek and sniffs emotionally. "I love you." She says, blinking hard to keep back tears. "And I always will."
Jim sighs, unable to believe this is happening (and so are we. Am I right or am I right?). This is the only thing he ever wanted. Before he can stop himself, he kisses her. And she kisses back. It lasts a lifetime.
His eyes still closed and kissing passionately, he brings his hand down to the back of Pam’s knee and whisks her into his arms, making them both giggle. He starts to walk clumsily towards the exit with Pam’s arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He walks straight into a desk and groans. "Watch it." Pam says between kisses.
"I am," he says, making them both smile. He changes his route and continues walking before hitting another desk and groaning again.
"Pay attention Halpert." Pam says sarcastically.
"You – are – not – helping." He says, unable to stop the kisses. He walks bravely forward and immediately hits a wandering chair, sending them both tumbling to the ground.
Jim starts laughing and decides to stay on the floor. Pam however sits up, suddenly very annoyed and slaps him on the arm. "You jerk." She says crossly, all previous sense of humour lost. She gets up and storms out before Jim realises what happened.
(A/N: Wow its kind of a pity I ruined that. It wasn’t a bad Jam moment!)
~~
INTERVIEW WITH RYAN: "Yeah. I would have to say that Michael is an inspiration… that sounds a bit cheesy right?" he says, grinning. He shrugs. "Well it’s true. In five years time, I would like to be just like Michael." he continues, nodding. His eyes suddenly drift off in thought. "Except probably with a girlfriend…" He looks back at the camera.
~~
INTERVIEW WITH JIM: He has his hand over his mouth still and it looks like he’s calming down. He looks out away from the camera and suddenly snorts and buries his face in his hands with fresh bouts of laughter.
~~
Pam and Karen are leaning against the wall next to the kitchen door, talking casually. Dwight walks past them and opens the door to the kitchen. Suddenly a cartoonish looking boxing glove springs from nowhere and hits him squarely in the face, sending him sprawling to the floor.
Pam and Karen shriek in horror and rush to his side. "Dwight! We’re so sorry!" Pam says, genuinely upset as Karen kneels on his other side, cupping his face in her hands and checking for bruises. "Are you ok? We meant to get Jim," she added in almost a whisper for explanation.
~~
Andy is in the kitchen with Dwight. Making out.
~~
Stanley: Michael cracks me up. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go home. Damn children.
~~
"You grilled his face?" Pam repeats in amazement. Jim is leaning on her desk with his head buried in arms, shaking with laughter. Pam however, does not find this amusing, she looks incredulously at the camera, aghast. "Jim, he could be seriously hurt."
"Oh come on. As if you haven’t ever wanted to do it before." He says looking back at her and wiping a tear from his eye.
~~
Pam and Karen are leaning against the wall next to the kitchen door, talking casually. Jim walks past them and opens the door to the kitchen. Suddenly a cartoonish looking boxing glove springs from nowhere and hits him squarely in the face, sending him sprawling to the floor.
Pam and Karen immediately burst out laughing, clutching their stomachs. After hearing their cries of laughter, Dwight races over, delighted. "YES!" He yells and gives them both high-fives. He turns to Jim, who is rubbing his face on the floor and he holds out his hand to help him up. Jim takes it but half way through, Dwight lets go, sending him straight back to the ground. Pam and Karen both lose their balance and fall to the ground crying.
~~
Michael walks out of his office soberly. As soon as Jim sees him, he bursts out laughing and buries his face in his hands. Michael’s whole head is bandaged comically, making him look like an unwrapped mummy. Michael looks like he is about to cry, sniffs and runs into the kitchen.
Pam stares open-mouthed at Jim, still unable to believe he found this funny.
~~
(A/N: This is actually from the show but I found it hilarious so I put it in anyway. It is a bit crazy)
Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations universe. You win.
~~
Phyllis is in the kitchen. She has about five mugs of coffee in front of her and she is leaning over them secretively. She looks slyly out the window as she pulls a small glass vial from her pocket and drops a tiny sample in each cup, causing a tiny puff of smoke to burst from each cup. She smiles, picks up two of the cups and heads for Michael’s office.
~~
Ryan and Stanley are in the kitchen. Making out.
~~
Hope you liked it. I had so much fun writing the last chapter, I had to do another one. If I think of any more, look out for another chapter! Review review review! Someone mentioned on another site that this would be great special features on the season 3 DVD. Dont take any of it seriously! Its supposed to be ridiculous.
A/N: I don’t own anything. Just in case you forgot from the other chapters.
A/N: Well here’s another chapter. This seriously is a lot of fun to write and I LOVE all your reviews! Thanks especially to Cousin Mose for the long review, it really would be great if they had these on the DVD’s. And to make sure ya’ll review, I’ve got a deal for you down at the bottom of the page. Don’t worry it’s not blackmail. It might be blackmail… Enjoy!
~~
(A/N: What if Andy did what we all thought he would do?)
Jim: Jim Halpert.
Andy: I am so horny.
Jim: … I can’t help you with that.
Andy: Oh I think you can Big Tuna. How about a date. 8 sharp. Meet me at Hooters.
Jim: (looks at the camera genuinely scared) … okay, I can find so many things that are wrong with what you just said.
~~
Pam is sitting in a hallway crying, her head in her hands and her feet facing inward. Dwight walks in and immediately stops. "Who did this to you?"
Pam looks up, a little surprised. "What? No it’s nothing." She says, just wishing he would go away and save them both major embarrassment.
Dwight suddenly takes off his brown jacket and ties it slowly around his waist, his eyes never leaving an obviously disconcerted Pam. "It’s hot in here, isn’t it." He says quietly.
"Yeah I… guess," Pam says uncomfortably, now feeling slightly scared. But he sits down next to her and places his hand carefully on her back. Pam can feel her eyes beginning to water again from his kindness. But then…
Dwight lets out a long sigh and says with his usual confidant voice, "Fact, Pam: I like you. I like you a lot."
Pam’s eyes widen and she says, "Umm… that’s nice… Dwight… but…"
"What? Is it my hair? My glasses? I can get contacts!" Dwight says, starting to panic.
Pam can only sit there, mouth hanging open, scared out of her wits.
~~
Dwight and Angela are in the kitchen. Making out.
Jim walks towards the door and immediately turns around, letting out a small "woah". He turns to the camera, pointing behind him and says, "Do not go in there," his eyes are wide and very serious. "For you own safety. Seriously. Do not go in there."
~~
Jim is standing by the water cooler. Karen walks towards him from the break room and Pam suddenly appears at her shoulder. They exchange not-so-genuine smiles and continue walking towards Jim. Suddenly Pam sticks her foot out in front of Karen, making her fall heavily to the ground. She continues and meets Jim at the water cooler. "Nice," Jim says to her, smiling broadly and they promptly begin to make out.
~~
Michael: (Staring at nothing in particular) … I think my employees hate me…
~~
Michael: Jan?
Jan: Yes Michael?
Michael: Do you want kids?
Jan: Michael, I’m not sure we should be discussing this in front of the head of the company.
The Big Boss: Oh why is that? Do you not want kids with Michael?
~~
There is a large group of Dunder Mifflin employees, crowding around Michael’s office, trying to get inside and see him. Many are pushing each other competitively. Not for any particular reason. They just really love their boss. At the back of the queue, Pam and Phyllis get into a catfight and fall to the ground screaming at each other.
~~
I’m in the kitchen with Jim. Making out. (A/N: sorry couldn’t resist)
~~
Everyone is sitting at their respective desks, ‘working’ silently. A duck appears behind Jim’s desk and lets out a small "quack". Jim hears it and looks distractedly behind his shoulder and turns back to the computer. Then gives a double-take and turns his chair around to watch it walk by slowly.
Michael suddenly appears behind the duck. His hands spread out in front of him trying to reach it, like a kid trying to coax an animal into letting them pet it. "Here ducky." He says in a childish voice. The duck jumps when it sees the tall man behind him and waddles faster towards the exit, his wings flapping in alarm. "No, no came back!" Michael calls after him in dismay. Jim gives the camera a ‘ah-children-are-gorgeous’ look and then turns back to his computer.
~~
Jan: No, no, no. Michael, I’m not saying I don’t want kids with you b-
The Big Boss: So you do?
Jan: … No I didn’t say that.
Michael: So you don’t?
Jan: (closes eyes and asks for patience) No, I’m just saying that right here probably isn’t the best environ-
The Big Boss: Oh no, go ahead. I haven’t actual prepared my presentation anyway. (He looks at her expectantly).
~~
Andy and Angela are in the kitchen. Making out.
~~
Pam and Karen are leaning against the wall by the kitchen, talking casually. Jim walks past them and reaches out to turn the doorknob, but stops when he notices that both ladies had stopped talking and are trying to suppress obvious giggles. He turns to them, sick of their pranks. "What?" he says, with not a hint of humour.
"What?" Pam replies, looking at him innocently. Karen looks at the ground with her hand over her mouth, trying to hide her mischievous grin.
"Your going to do something to me, aren’t you?"
Pam frowns and looks confused. "No. What gave you that idea? Shh…" she adds to Karen who is starting to lose her grip.
"Yes. Okay it’s funny. ‘Let’s all pick on Jim since he does it to everyone else.’ " He says, starting to get angry.
"I have no idea what your talking about," Pam tells him, smirking.
"Yeah right." He says angrily, glaring at her. He pulls the door open and takes a step inside. But he is thrown back by a huge gush of water erupting from inside the kitchen, hitting him in the stomach and sending him flying to the floor.
Pam and Karen immediately fall to the ground clutching each other, both hysterical.
~~
Pam and Roy are in a cathedral. The are holding each others hands and looking deep into each others eyes. A crowd of about two-hundred is piled into the seats, well-dressed and looking fondly at the couple standing in front of the priest. "If anyone should think of a reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." The priest’s voice echoes through the ancient building.
Suddenly the large wooden doors burst open and Jim appears, standing courageously at the entrance. Several audience members gasp. He walks purposefully down the aisle towards Pam and Roy. "What the hell Halp…" Roy begins angrily, but before he can finish, Jim slams his fist into his enemies jaw and sends him crashing to the ground. Several people scream.
Jim ignores them and fishes through Roy’s jacket pocket for the ring. "Your late," Pam says, sounding annoyed.
Jim finds the ring and straightens to face her. "Sorry, traffic." He says casually. He takes Pam’s hands, and the priest continues.
INTERVIEW WITH PAM: Oh. Yeah it was just cheaper to do it that way. Rather than cancelling everything and then having to send out new invitations and everything. Yeah, money-saver.
~~
Kelly and Creed are in the kitchen. Making out.
~~
Jim: I’m still in love with you.
Pam: oh.
Jim: And I don’t know what to do about it.
Pam: Umm… Jim?
Jim: No matter how much I try to forget you, I just can’t.
Pam: Jim, I’m in love with Dwight.
Jim:…
Pam: You see, he asked me out not long ago and, well, you seemed to be over me, so I thought I’d go out with him. You know, one date.
Jim:…
Pam: And it turns out we have a lot in common. We both love our jobs, and think Michael’s great. He really is a good person.
Jim:…
Dwight: Hey honey, ready to go?
Pam: Sure! You up for cookie tonight?
Dwight: (snorts) When could I not be up for cookie?
Jim: Okay. Yep that worked. Totally over you now.
~~
Andy is in the kitchen with himself. Making out.
~~
A/N: Lol hope you guys like it as much as I do! It’s so easy to write! So here’s the deal. Write a good review, and I might just put you in, making out with whoever you want. Coz lets face it, people in the office are hot; Jim, Pam, Karen, Stanley = hhhhhooooootttt. Lol in short… review, review, review!!! (not blackmail… is it?).
The lucky winners of the ‘Making-out-in-the-kitchen-with-someone-from-the-office’ have been revealed! I posted it on 2 different sites so if one of the winners doesn’t make sense; they’re from the other site.
(A/N: this is taken pretty much word for word from the British show because, well, Tim was just hilarious and I needed to share.)
Jim and Dwight are sitting at their desks. Dwight is (of course) annoying Jim to the point of offensive name calling. “I am officially unable to hear you, Jim,” says Dwight, not looking up from his computer.
“You’re a cock, Dwight. Just one big c-” Jim begins.
“Well I can’t hear you so...” replies Dwight, being his usual smart-assish self.
“Oh good then you can’t hear this: you’re a cock, you’re a cock, you’re a cock.” Jim says adopting a high-pitched sing-song voice.
Xxxxxxxxx
Pam: Okay, don’t tell anyone, but I think Michael’s kinda cute.
Xxxxxxxxx
Pam: You were recording that? Seriously?
Xxxxxxxxx
(A/N: Yep it does NOT make sense but I liked your enthusiasm… and imagination)
Pink the Color and Kevin are in the kitchen. Making out. (niiiiiiiice)
Xxxxxxxxx
Dwight: Jim is awesome! He’s my best friend!
Xxxxxxxxx
Jim: He seriously said that? Wow… I think I need to make sure that he understands what ‘cock’ means.
Xxxxxxxxx
Pam and Karen are leaning casually against the wall to the kitchen.
Jim walks past them, opens the door and steps inside. He immediately starts to slide from the large pool of dishwashing detergent that was sloshed all over the floor. But this time Jim seems prepared. He twists around awkwardly and grabs at the doorknob with all his strength to stop him from falling over. He hangs there for a moment, his legs slowly sliding underneath him. Finally he flings the door open again and lands on the ground.
Pam and Karen are watching him in awe as he lifts himself up with dignity and straightens his shirt and tie, ignoring the large patch of green liquid on his shirt. He turns to the girls, still breathing rather heavily and winks at them before turning back to his desk like nothing happened. The two young women immediately begin whispering to each other, they are obviously very annoyed.
Xxxxxxxxx
A/N: I think you deserve this! Thanks heaps! Plus it fits so well – so there’s a little extra. :)
Cousin Mose and Pam are in the kitchen. Making out. Dwight goes to enter the kitchen but gets distracted when he sees his cousin. He walks straight into the door.
Xxxxxxxxx
Ryan: I love Michael.
Phyllis: I love Michael.
Kevin: I love Michael.
Stanley: I love Michael.
Kelly: Oh my God. Who doesn’t love Michael?
Dwight: I don’t love Michael.
Xxxxxxxxx
Pam and Karen are leaning casually by the wall next to the kitchen. Their hair is down and they are both wearing rather seductive clothes.
Jim heads towards the kitchen, but is caught off guard when Pam blows him a kiss and Karen flutters her eyelashes at him. He grins stupidly and walks straight into the door.
Pam and Karen start giggling and high-five each other.
Xxxxxxxx
Kevin and Angela are in the kitchen. Making out.
Xxxxxxxxx
Jim picks up his phone. Dwight’s phone rings across the table. “Dwight Shrute.” He answers.
Jim is heard saying: “Cock.” before hanging up.
Xxxxxxxxx
Michael: Employee’s are supposed to be our friends?? Are you kidding me? I hate those people!
Xxxxxxx
Darryl: Michael’s the man.
Xxxxxxxxx
Darryl: Hey Michael, nice wig what’s it made of?
Michael: Your mom’s chest hair!
Xxxxxxxxx
Jim and Dwight are sitting at their desks. Jim stares at Dwight for a moment and then seems to decide to speak. “Dwight, can I ask you something?”
“No.” He says with out looking away from his computer.
“What would you do,” continues Jim, ignoring him. “If you really liked someone… but you didn't know how to tell them?
“Well that’s obvious, Jim.” Dwight replies, finally looking up. “Tell them and stop acting like a frightened little girl.” He smiles to himself, obviously thinking he was incredibly smart.
“Wow… Thank you. That’s inspirational. Really.”
When Jim doesn’t move, Dwight says impatiently, “Well what are you waiting for Halpert?”
“Oh okay…” Jim says, waking up and clearing his throat. “Dwight, I love you. I’ve been denying my feelings for so long and I think it’s time you knew the truth.”
Dwight’s face slowly changes to a sly smile.
Jim and Dwight are in the kitchen.
Dwight is chasing him around a table with a love-struck look upon his face; Jim looks terrified and throws a chair in between them to keep a distance.
Xxxxxxxxx
Jim: Dwight’s a cock.
Dwight: Your FACE is a cock.
Pam: Ooooh you got served Jim.
(A/N: ‘So is your face’ is my latest catch phrase by the way... so you might need to get used to it.)
Xxxxxxxxx
A/N: Another one from the British show – one of my favorite Gareth/Tim discussions. You can guess who they’re supposed to be I bet.
Gareth and Tim are put together to solve a problem for team building. The problem: a farmer needs to get a fox, a chicken, and a bag of grain across a river however; his boat can only take one at a time. He can’t take the grain because the fox will eat the chicken and he can’t take the fox because the chicken will eat the grain. Here’s their discussion:
Gareth: How big is this chicken, that it’s the same size as a bag of grain?
Tim: I dunno... big chicken.
Gareth: Well how big?
Tim: Big. It’s a super chicken.
Gareth: What's a farmer doing with a fox? A fox is a farmer's worst enemy he should just drown the fox in the river-
Tim: Gareth it’s a puzzle. You know it’s just a puzzle.
Gareth: yeah well it’s stupid. It doesn't mean anything. What are we learning from this?
Tim: It's not about learning it’s just a problem to be solved.
Gareth: Put the grain on the wall.
Tim: There's not a wall!
Gareth: There's always walls.
Tim: Not here there isn't.
Gareth: What its just nothing? It’s just a farm and a river?
Tim: (gives him a ‘Crazy, right?’ look)
Gareth: ...Get his wife to help.
Tim: He doesn't have a wife.
Gareth: All farmers have wives.
Tim: Not this one. He's gay.
Gareth: Well then he shouldn't be allowed near animals then should he?
Xxxxxxxx
Amy and Jim are in the kitchen. Making out. (A/N: I like your taste Amy)
Xxxxxxxx
Jim: Guess what.
Pam: What?
Jim: I’m in love with you.
Roy: Oh man… you serious?
Pam: Really?
Jim: Yeah.
Roy: I thought we were over this.
Pam: Well… I love you too.
Roy: Come on guys. Can’t it wait till, you know, I’ve finished eating?
Jim: Awesome…
Roy: I think I’m gonna chuck.
Pam: Yeah…
Jim: You wanna make out?
Roy: Oh hell no!
Pam: Sure.
Roy: Hey, Karen! Wait up!
Xxxxxxxxx
Roy and Karen are in the kitchen. Making out.
Xxxxxxxxx
Michael walks out of his to talk to Dwight. “Hey, it’s 10.30 where the hell is Jim?” He asks Dwight.
“I don’t know but it’s definitely a firable offence,” Dwight replies immediately.
Suddenly the door to the office bursts open and Jim comes running in. Everyone stares at him as he bends over to catch his breath. “It’s snowing!” He yells excitedly. The whole office cheers and Dwight punches the air. Everyone races out the door, Stanley and Creed pushing to get through first.
Xxxxxxxx
Pam and Karen are leaning casually against the door to the kitchen.
Jim approaches them and leans against the wall next to Karen. Karen finds herself suddenly lost is his (very cute) eyes and Pam is poking her to wake her up. “Hey ladies, does either of you want to join me in the kitchen?” he says, putting on as much charm as possible.
“Definitely,” Karen says immediately, not noticing Pam’s mouth dropping behind her.
“Okay,” Jim whispers, winking at her and taking her hand, smiling sweetly. Karen follows his lead, unable to keep a stupid grin off her face. He opens the door for her and says, “After you.”
“Uh… Karen?” Pam says. But she ignores her. She walks inside the kitchen of doom. Roy suddenly jumps out from the men’s bathroom and shoves a pie in her face. Pam squeals and runs in after her, pushing past Jim who is crying from laughter. As soon as she reaches her friend, Kevin jumps out from the men’s and smears a pie in Pam’s face as well, making sure it covers her entire face and then trying to smear a little more underneath her neck but Pam slaps him away.
Jim collapses onto the floor. “You got two! TWO!” He yells, hysterically, showing two fingers and wiping his eyes.
Xxxxxxxxx
Jim has locked Dwight in the conference room and Dwight calls him to let him out.
Jim: Hello?
Dwight: Unlock this door right now!
Jim: Sorry, who is this?
Dwight: It’s Santa Claus. Who dyou think it is??
Jim: Umm… I don’t believe in you (hangs up).
Xxxxxxxxx
A/N: Okay like I said before, sorry this has taken so long. I’ve been busy and most of this has actually been sitting here waiting for me to post it. SOOORRRY! But like always, make sure you review! I’ll adore anything you write. Even if you say it’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever read (please note that if you say this is stupid, you should be prepared for a reply saying ‘So is your face’. It’s just how it works). REVIEW!! I’ll keep the ‘Making-out-in-the-kitchen-with-someone-from-the-office’ contest going so expect your name if your lucky.
A/N: Once again – sorry for the long wait! I haven’t had the time! But anyway thanks heaps for all your reviews! I loved them as usual. Decided to put footnotes at the bottom instead of interrupting the text every time I have a thought lol. So if you see a number next to something, have a look down the bottom and see what it says. Also - didn't realise how short this chapter is so... sorry!
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
~~
Roy has annoyed Pam again. She’s leaning on her desk and Roy is trying to convince her to talk to him. “Come on,” he says, his hands creeping to her stomach again. She starts giggling as he tickles her and starts whining.
“Roy, stop it! Stop it ha ha ROY! Roy I swear I’ll hit you! Stop it! ROY!” She manages to say through the giggles. Suddenly she hits him as hard as she can with a fry pan she had been hiding under her desk. Roy falls to the ground immediately unconscious. “I said stop it ass!” she yells.
~~
Pam and Jim are in the kitchen having a serious conversation. “Do you love Karen?” Pam asks quietly, dreading the answer.
Not looking at her, he slowly nods. “Yeah…” he says quietly. He moves to meet Pam’s eye. There is a moment of horrified silence… and they both snort and burst out laughing. Pam holds up her hand and Jim gives her a high-five.
“Nice one!” Pam says giggling. She turns to the camera which is hiding behind the blinds over the window. “Man that’s gonna piss you guys off sooo much!”
~~
Subtitle: Pam and Jim finally tell the truth…Jim approaches Pam’s desk and leans on his elbows as usual. “Hey Pam,” he says with that formality which has been growing more and more whenever he spoke to her in the past few months.
“Hey,” she replies in that casual (but actually not casual) voice.
“So… I’ve worked it out in my head aaaand… I’m thinking we schedule an argument. What do you say?” he asks.
“You want to… schedule an argument?” Pam asks a little confused. Jim simply nods. After a moment of silence: “Sure. What time? About one?”
“Oo ones no good for me. I promised Dwight I’d argue with him about putting his glasses in the freezer… and then accidentally dropping them…” Jim replies. What a nuisance! “But I’m free for 1.30… as long as it doesn’t go past two… Karen wants to yell at me a little bit as well.”
“Won’t it be better for 2.30 then? Because I’m pretty sure it’d go on a little more then ha-
But Jim cuts her off. “No, no, no. We’re not supposed to get it all out of the way in one go – NBC would hate us.”
“Oo right. Okay sure. 1.30 sounds great.” She smiles at him reassuringly.
“Great!” Jim says happily. “Looking forward to it,” he says as he returns to his desk.
~~~~
(1)
Pam and Jim are sitting in the conference room. “Okay so… did you want to start or…” Jim asks politely.
“Umm… okay then… well I’m mad at you for ignoring me now because you have a girlfriend.” Pam begins, in an almost casual tone.
“Okay…” Jim begins slowly. “Well I’m mad at you for being mad at me because… I really have no idea what that means.” Jim replies, smiling.
“It means you have a girlfriend now so there’s really nothing wrong with talking to me because you’re over me so… be my friend.” Pam says, a little bit of her frustration showing now.
“Okay… well have you ever thought that the reason I haven’t been talking to you is because I’m not over you?” Jim asks reasonably.
“That’s an even better reason to come talk to me ‘cos you might just find out that I’m into you too.”
“Well… I know that your not so…”
“Well… I kinda am so…” After this remark, they stare at each other.
“Okay… this is getting a bit off topic,” Jim says. “Alright let me start now. You rejected me umm… twice? Yeah twice that’s right.” He takes a deep breath. “Aaaaand when I moved, you dropped Roy. The way I found out about it was Michael telling you to ‘have fun on your date tonight’ on the phone…” He squints in a Jim-ish way. “Not sure but I thhhhink that’s a tiny little bit… what’s the word… umm… bitchy.”
“Oh sure I’m bitchy.” Pam scoffs.
“Yeah you kinda are.” Jim replies.
“Okay put yourself in my shoes. I was getting married in a month. I’d been with Roy ten years. Do you seriously think that I could even consider dropping everything for a guy I only thought of as my best friend? No matter how wrong Roy was for me, and how right you were for me, I couldn’t just go home with you Jim! And then by the time I realized how I felt – you’d moved!” In a little bit more of a sarcastic tone she adds: “Are you starting to see the flaws in your thinking Jim? I dunno, just tiny little cracks?” Jim starts to speak but stops at this remark, his mouth still hanging half open. His eyes drift away in realization. Yes, dear audience. He looks like an idiot.
Suddenly Jim’s watch beeps and he checks the time. “Oh look it’s two already,” he says, a little surprised and with no indication that what Pam had just revealed bothered him.
“Oh really?” Pam asks, a little disappointed and standing up. “Too bad I was kind of looking forward to where this was going.”
“Yeah me too actually. Well… guess we’ll have to do this again some time.” He says smiling at her. In unison, they turn to the camera and say: “Don’t miss us! We’ll be back in six weeks so you can continue to see us avoiding each other! Here on NBC.” They wave happily and then an advertisement about Dwight’s new shatter-proof glasses replaces their image.
~~
Michael and Catherine Zeta-Jones are in the kitchen. Making out. (2)
~~
Dwight: Andy and I are GETTING MARRIED!! Omigosh omigosh omigosh! I’m SOO excited!
~~
Subtitle: How everyone wants to treat each other in the office.Karen and Pam are in a cat-fight.
Jim is half-heartedly trying to break it up but is unable to keep a smile off his face.
Karen and Pam are best friends.
Jim is leaning on Pam’s desk and has his head in his hands. He shakes his head slowly and says, “Gosh you’re amazing.”
Michael is just the way he is.
Roy and Jim are in a constant fight.
Jim has managed to finally kill Dwight with the help of the rest of the office.
~~
Roy does something mean to Pam again. Jim taps him in on the shoulder and as soon as he turns around, he gets knocked over by a punch. Pam stares at him with a dreamy expression. “My hero!” They make out.
~~
There is a line that extends past the exit door of people lining up to slap Michael. When it comes to Dwight he stares at his boss for a moment and shakes his head slowly as if disgraced. Then he slaps him as hard as he can and cries out “WHY?” He turns and runs straight toward the bathroom. Jim runs after to him to make sure he’s okay.
~~
There is a line up to slap Angela.
There is a line up to make out with Angela.
~~
There is a line up to slap Jim. Pam and Karen are at the head of the line. Pam steps forward and then turns to Karen behind her and says formally, “Karen, after you,” she gestures towards Jim a lot like offering a friend to go throw a door before her.
Karen inclines her head and says just as formally, “Thank you Pam.” She brings her hand back and slaps Jim as hard as possible.
Pam gets excited and starts clapping and jumping up and down. “Ok, ok my turn now! My turn,” she says excitedly.
~~
You guessed it, there is a line up to make out with him too.
~~
Karen and Pam are leaning against the wall next to the kitchen. Jim walks by and opens the door. (INSERT PRANK HERE)
Karen and Pam collapse on each other and fall down to the ground.
~~
Subtitle: What Kevin’s always wanted. (3)
Kevin has brand new glasses. But they aren’t just any sort of glasses, yes friends, they have the ability to do what every guy has always wanted them to do and only what Superman has been able to accomplish: see through women’s clothing.
These days, it is a rare event to see Kevin around the office, by the reception desk or at his own work desk, not giggling uncontrollably, and he is the only one who really knows why.
Kevin: They’re spy glasses. I got them off e-bay. (Turns to interviewer and nods slowly) Niiiiiiiiiiiiice.
~~
Jim: Hey Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight: Your mother, Jim. Your Mother.
INTERVIEW WITH JIM: Yeah I never thought I’d see the day when I’d want to steal a joke from Dwight but… somehow… it’s happened.
~~
Pam: I’m in love with you Jim.
Jim: Ha ha! Good luck with that.
~~
Jan is in Michael’s office with him, and they are having a conversation. Kevin knocks on the door and walks in and then stops when he sees Jan. “Yeah Kevin, what’s up?” Michael asks wearily. However, Kevin does not reply. He adjusts his new glasses on his head and starts giggling, unable to keep his eyes off of Jan.
~~
Subtitle: Jim and Dwight’s argument (4)They settle down in the conference room.
Dwight: You broke my glasses.
Jim: No I didn’t.
Dwight: Yes you did.
Jim: No I didn’t.
Dwight: Yes you did!
Dwight: … wait a second. This isn’t an argument.
Jim: Yes it is.
Dwight: No it isn’t.
Jim: Yes it is.
Dwight: No it isn’t. It’s just contradictions.
Jim: No it’s not.
Dwight: Yes it is.
Jim: No it’s not.
Dwight: Yes it is! You just contradicted me.
Jim: No I didn’t.
Dwight: Yes you did! An argument’s not a contradiction.
Jim: … it can be.
Dwight: No it can’t.
Jim: Yes it can.
Dwight: No it can’t.
Jim: Yes it can.
Dwight: No it c-
Jim: Oh! Look at that! Times up.
Dwight: That was NOT half an hour.
Jim: …
Dwight: It wasn’t.
Jim: Sorry times up I can’t argue anymore.
Dwight: But it wasn’t an argument!
Jim: … (Shakes head)
Dwight: It wasn’t!
Jim: (continues shaking head)
Dwight: How can I get more time then?
Jim: You could pay me.
Dwight: It wasn’t even an argument!
Jim: … (Shakes head and remains silent)
Dwight: Fine (pays him) well?
Jim: Well what?
Dwight: I just paid you!
Jim: No you didn’t.
Dwight: Yes I did!
Jim: No you didn’t.
Dwight: HA! Then why are you arguing with me?
Jim: It’s not an argument.
Dwight: Yes it is!
Jim: No it isn’t. It’s just contradictions.
Dwight: You just said it isn’t!
Jim: No I didn’t.
Dwight: Yes you did!
Jim: No I didn’t
Dwight: I’ve had enough of this.
Jim: No you haven’t.
Dwight: Oh shut up! (Leaves)
(1) (A/N: I'm sort of venting my frustrations on Jam's lack of communication in this one... because... well there's no easy way to say it - they're pissing me off! [Excuse the French])
(2) Thanks to Aracalien for this one - genius.
(3) Thought of this one at 12.30 at night... not bad huh.
(4) Sort of based this on Monty Python's Argument Clinic. Because it's one of the funniest skits I've seen. That can seriously go on forever if I wanted it to.
Hope you guys liked it! As usual review review review!