Summary: Set in early 4th season, the office is abuzz with an impending visit that might have major ramifications for the future of Dunder Mifflin. But it's the arrival of two unexpected visitors that makes Jim and Pam's day crazy. Meanwhile, Dwight deals with guests of a more... supernatural background.
Categories: Jim and Pam,
Alternate Universe Characters: Ensemble
Genres: Humor
Warnings: No Warnings Apply
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3
Completed: Yes
Word count: 9063
Read: 6199
Published: June 04, 2008
Updated: June 06, 2008
Story Notes:
I wrote this script a year ago, intending this to sort of be a second or third episode type scenario. Looking back on it, I see things I would definitely do differently (like cutting back on the emotion a bit) but this is what it is. Of course, I was completely wrong with what I thought would be the direction the season would take... so this is DEFINITELY AU...lol.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
1. Cold Open and Act I by kgreene
2. ACT II by kgreene
3. ACT III by kgreene
Cold Open and Act I by kgreene
Author's Notes:
Well, here we go.. hope you folks like.. even though it was a complete whiff on my part.
Don't own NOTHIN'.
COLD OPEN
INT. THE OFFICE-KITCHEN
Pam is staring into the soda-vending machine, seemingly unable to make up her mind. Jim looks thru the kitchen door, then comes in tentatively. He seems a little hesitant to approach, but does. The camera stays outside and we see them through the door.
JIM
Hey.
PAM(somehow knowing Jim was there)
Hey… you.
(They both are sort of nervous, sort
of peeking at each other)
PAM(continued)
So… um… how was… um… the drive… over?
JIM(chuckling)
Uh… it was… uneventful… um…
(moves closer)
JIM(continued)
Listen… um… I really hope I didn’t
freak you out last night.
PAM
No, no…
JIM
That was some heavy stuff I laid on
you… and I probably should’ve… kept
that to myself…
PAM
No, Jim… you… you were just telling
me how you felt. I just… I… no one has
ever said things like that to me before.
(she comes closer and takes his hands)
PAM(continued)
EVER. And it just… wow.
JIM
I meant it. You… God… I’ve never felt like
this before… (laughs, shakes head) I’m sorry…
I’m going right down that road again.
PAM(laughing softly)
It’s alright… I just…
Just then Michael enters the kitchen.
The camera follows him in.
MICHAEL(smiling)
There they are! My two favorite lovebirds!
Didn’t you two get enough of each last night?
JIM
Michael…
MICHAEL
Oh, I’m sorry… (looks at the camera)
Are we still keeping the whole gettin’
busy thing on the D.L.? (pause) Hughley.
(laughs) Funny Bro-THA.
PAM
So, Michael…(smiles at Jim evilly)
how’s Jan?
Michael’s shoulders visibly sag and
he saddens instantly.
MICHAEL(shaking head)
STILL job hunting… supposedly. And she
can be such a… last night I got the movie
300 on Netflix. And she refused to watch it!
Refused!(pause)Alright, it’s not a chick
flick. Probably not your speed either, Pam.
You should avoid it, too.
PAM
Thanks, Michael. You saved me.
JIM
So, uh… You didn’t watch it, huh?
MICHAEL(quietly)
No… it’s not fair. Seriously, how can anyone
not want to see that? Three hundred sweaty
Romans fighting millions of… who are they
fighting? Africans?
JIM
Persians.
MICHAEL
Wait… they’re fighting cats?!? No way!!
Jim and Pam glance at each other, ready
to jump on this opportunity.
PAM
Yes, they are fighting millions and
millions of trained killer cats.
MICHAEL
But… I thought I saw them fighting men in
the trailer…
JIM
Well, the cats are just the first wave.
PAM
Then comes the monkeys…
JIM
Then the red fire ants…
PAM
Then the… uh… rabid female dingoes.
(looks at Jim)
The bitch is the more dangerous
of the breed.
This almost kills Jim. He turns his back to Michael
and pretends to look into the refrigerator.
PAM
And THEN the men show up.
MICHAEL
HOLY CRAP. I have GOT to see this movie! Wow!
Michael leaves the kitchen. Jim refuses to come out of
the fridge but you see his body convulsing in laughter.
Pam leans on him and covers her face, laughing as well.
END COLD OPEN
ACT ONE
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT’S AREA
Jim and Dwight are silently working at their desks
when Dwight’s monitor suddenly lets out a squeal
of static. Dwight leaps up from his chair.
DWIGHT
It’s happening again, Jim! It’s happening!
JIM(fumbling through his bag)
Hold on! I’m coming!
DWIGHT(arms waving)
HURRY!
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
Um… a couple of weeks ago I found this old
transistor radio in my desk. Actually, it was
there when I first got this job. I just left it
there and I guess Ryan never threw it out.
Anyway, I, uh… (laughs) I turned it on…
You know, just to see if it still worked… and
it really freaked Dwight’s computer out.
I don’t know why. So Dwight instantly gets
paranoid, like this meant that someone was…
monitoring him or something. Now… I was gonna
do the whole Big Brother watching you bit but
I decided to go in a… different direction. (smiles)
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT’S AREA
Jim leaps up with a digital camera and steps back a bit.
He focuses a shot from just beyond his desk and snaps
it. Then he gets a few steps back from Dwight’s desk,
focusing again.
JIM
Duck, Pam!
Pam drops below the reception area and Jim snaps
another shot. Jim runs back to his desk.
JIM
I’ll hook up the camera.
He bends down to get stuff out of his bag as the
static suddenly stops.
DWIGHT
Come on, Jim!
JIM
Alright, hang on!
Jim hooks his camera up to his keyboard and switches buttons on the camera. Using the mouse he doubleclicks
on a file on his desktop. Suddenly, a picture appears on the monitor.
DWIGHT
Oh. My. God.
Pam comes over and puts her hand to her mouth.
PAM
What..? How…?
We see Jim’s monitor clearly. It’s a picture of Dwight’s work area but we also see two ghostly images standing in front of the desk, one short, one tall. There are also sprites floating in and above the figures.
JIM
Wow… ok, that’s the first pic.
Let’s see the second.
Jim clicks again and we see the second shot he took facing Pam’s desk. The figures are there again, but bigger.
DWIGHT(fanning his arms around his desk.
You were right, Jim! There ARE ghosts here!
Hello?(irritated) Hello! (To Jim) This may
be some sort of incursion into the realm of
the living by vengeful spirits.(leans over
to Jim and lowers his voice) We must prepare ourselves, Jim.
JIM
Oh… absolutely.
Pam, openmouthed, looks at Jim who casually winks back.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM(laughing)
Yeah… I, uh… came in early one morning
and took those pics. Then a buddy of mine
who knows Photoshop really well did them
up and I just put them back on the memory card.
I just had to make sure that I stood in the same
spot when I took them again and not show the
second… wait. (smiles) I’m kinda ruining
the magic, here. (laughs)
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM(shaking head)
Wow. He must’ve… taken the shots before…
and then touched them up… and then put them
back…(laughs) WOW. I… He is amazing.
(stares off) God, he is so amazing…
(she becomes very serious, shakes her
head and looks almost sad)
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK
Pam is still looking at Jim with a big open-mouthed
smile. Jim is covering up a laugh as Dwight quickly
taps his keyboard and leaps back. The main phone
at reception rings. Pam goes to answer as the camera
follows.
PAM
Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam… Oh, hi mom!
Jim walks over and leans on the reception counter.
PAM
It’s early for you to be calling… Oh really,
where are you going?… Oh, that’s nice!
(To Jim) Daddy’s taking her to Reading!
That’s sweet! Yeah, he’s right here!
(To Jim) She says hi! (Jim waves)
He says “Hi, mom!” (Her face falls as
Jim’s eyebrows shoot up. He is amused)
Uh… not mom, like… I mean, he says…
hi… Pam’s mom… Mother… Uh, Mrs.
Beesly… (puts head in hand) Ok…
Yes, I’m rambling, mom, thank you…
Jim laughs and gets down lower to look in Pam’s
face but she is mortified and keeps her head down.
PAM(continued)
Yes, mom… (laughs) ok… Have a good
time! (hangs up but doesn’t look up
at Jim) Oh my God. I am SO sorry, Jim.
JIM(laughing)
About what? It’s ok…
PAM
No… I didn’t mean to make
you feel… like…
JIM(taking Pam’s hands)
Pam… look at me.
Pam looks up at Jim tentatively.
JIM
I didn’t mind. In fact…
(smiles) I… like the idea.
Jim rubs Pams hands, taps on the counter and strolls
back to his desk. Pam stares in open-mouthed shock.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
I… probably shouldn’t have said
that. Lately Pam has been a little…
withdrawn. And I have been all full
throttle, like a dope, telling her
all I’m feeling. Which is… a lot.
(pause) I hope I’m not scaring her.
I just want to make sure… she feels
the same way. (looks down) I hope
she does.
INT. THE OFFICE – JIM AND DWIGHT’S DESK
JIM
You’re gonna try to take care of our
ghost problem? Dwight, you get wigged
out watching Medium. How are you gonna
deal with real ghosts?
DWIGHT(leaning forward, practically
hissing at Jim)
I do NOT get wigged out by Medium!
(sits back and collects himself,
but speaks quietly)
DWIGHT(continued)
My issues with Medium are less ghost
related and more…
Angela walks by looking at Dwight.
DWIGHT(continued but even quieter)
Patricia… Arquette related.
Angela stops and stares an absolute hole
through Dwight. Dwight looks sheepishly
at her and then at the camera.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
No, I am not wigged out by Patricia Arquette.
In fact, I think she is VERY attractive… AH…
not… any more attractive than… any other woman
in this office. Which… I might’ve accidentally
implied… one night. (shakes head, sighs)
It is a dangerous, estrogen-loaded minefield
I navigate sometimes.
INT. THE OFFICE RECEPTION AREA
Pam and Jim are having a quiet, smiling
conversation when the phone rings. Pam
answers.
PAM
Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam.(smiles)
Hey Ryan, how are…(pause) Oh.
(looks at Jim)
Yeah, he’s in… Um, ok… Hold on. Let
me find him.(puts phone on hold)
PAM(To Jim)
Ryan said “It’s an emergency.
Please tell me Jim is in today.”
and I said “Yeah.” and he said
“Oh, thank God.”
JIM
Yikes.
PAM
Yeah. He wants me to send you to
Michael’s office and then transfer
him to Michael’s phone.
JIM
Damn. Sounds like work. Doesn’t
Ryan know that all I planned to
do was make kissy faces at
you all day?
PAM(smiling)
Nice. But no, you have to save
the world again.
JIM
Again?(sighs) Ah, lemme get my cape.
As Pam laughs Jim walks to Michael’s
office.
PAM(on phone)
Ryan? I sent Jim into Michael’s office.
Ok, hold on.
Pam transfers the call as Kelly comes
thru the kitchen and walks over to Pam.
KELLY
Did you say Ryan was on the phone?
PAM(confused)
How… how did you even hear me?
KELLY
Did he ask about me?
PAM
Uh… well…
KELLY
That bastard. I hope he wrecks his
shiny new car and burns up in it.
PAM
That’s terrible, Kelly.
You don’t mean that.
KELLY(looking down)
You’re right. I hope he
wrecks his new car but only
burns his legs up until
they’re little brown stumps.
PAM
Better.
KELLY TALKING HEAD
KELLY(sad)
I don’t really mean that either.
I just wish he would crash and then
have amnesia and then walk all the way to
Scranton and then I’ll find him and
take care of him and convince him
that we’re married and that we’re
so happy together. I saw Kurt Russell
do that to Goldie Hawn in a movie.
(starts to cry) And if it can work on
Goldie Hawn, it can work on Ryan Bailey
Howard!(gets up and runs out)
INT. THE OFFICE-MICHAEL’S OFFICE
Michael is seated at his desk while
Jim sits opposite him. Jim is leaning
towards Michael’s phone but Michael
is back in his seat, looking very
arrogant.
MICHAEL
Ryan, Ryan, Ryan…
RYAN(through phone speaker)
Michael.
MICHAEL
So the Prodigal Son returns.
RYAN
Um… I haven’t returned, Michael,
I’m… talking to you from New York…
on the phone.
MICHAEL
The, uh… Prodigal Son returns…
my phone call.(looks at the
camera, proud of himself.)
RYAN
You… never called me. I called you.
MICHAEL(thinking hard)
Ok… the, uh… the Prodigal Son… um…
RYAN
Is Jim there?
JIM
I’m… here, Ryan.
RYAN
Ok. Good. Alright, this is… something
we need to keep amongst just the three
of us… Michael.
Michael shrugs at Jim, like, what’s that
all about? Jim peeks at the camera.
RYAN(continued)
There have been some rumors… just rumors,
nothing official… that Neenah Paper may be
interested in acquiring Dunder-Mifflin.
Michael and Jim straighten up at this.
MICHAEL
O… k…
RYAN
Yeah. Neenah Paper is the biggest paper
company in the country. And they’ve
acquired at least 4 different companies
in the last ten years to make them so.
If true, this could be huge.
JIM
What does that mean for the individual
branches and workers?
MICHAEL(trying to piggyback on Jim’s
good question) YES, what does that…
mean?
RYAN
Not sure. Part of the rumor is that we
would keep our name and our full branch
complement and operate under the
Neenah umbrella. But I don’t know
how true that is.
JIM(nodding)
Ok… so what’s the rest of it?
MICHAEL
There’s more? Oh, man…
RYAN
Well… JIM… we got a phone call this
morning from the mill over in Tyrone.
The CEO of Neenah is there today.
Something went down there… he was
there sorting whatever it was out.
And he mentioned to the shift super-
visor that he was going to visit
the Scranton branch today, since he
was nearby. Just to get a look see.
So they gave us a heads up. And the mill
promised to call and tell me when he
would be heading over to you guys. Now…
David is overseas and I’ve got
three critical meetings that I
can’t get out of. You guys are gonna
have to show this guy around and
impress the hell out of him.
MICHAEL
Ryan… do NOT worry your pretty little
head about this. Jim and I have this
HANDLED. That guy will leave here
saying that the Scranton branch has
definitely got their shiznit together,
yo. Representin’ D-Miff… son!(Flashes Jim
a gang sign, or at least his version of one)
JIM
Have… you been listening to that XM Rap
station again?
MICHAEL(after a pause)
Maybe.
RYAN
Michael… could you possibly give me
some time with Jim… in private?
MICHAEL(reaching for phone)
Sure. I’ll just transfer the call to
the conference room… Head on out,
Jimbalaya…
RYAN
Uh… Michael. I was thinking that
maybe YOU could… step out for
a moment.
MICHAEL
Step out… of MY office.
Jim looks down, really wishing
he were anywhere but here.
RYAN
Yeah.
MICHAEL
Um… ok… fine. (gets up)I’ll just
leave and… go someplace else.
Thank YOU, Ryan.
RYAN
Um… thanks, Michael.
Michael leaves his office, obviously hurt.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
We see Michael in the kitchen, still upset.
MICHAEL
Alright… FIRST he stabs me in the
back and interviews for that job…
AND GETS IT! Then he lords it all
over me… and now he has me leave
MY OWN OFFICE to talk to Jim, my
FORMER trusted worker. (pause)
Kelly is right… Ryan is a (bleep
bleep bleep).(pause) I don’t care
how hot he is.
INT. THE OFFICE-MICHAEL’S OFFICE
RYAN
Jim… I know all you probably wanted to
do today was make smoochy faces at Pam…
(Jim looks at camera with a shocked smile)
RYAN(continued)
BUT… I’m really gonna need you to
run interference and try… TRY… to not
let Michael or Dwight or anybody mess
this up. Ok?
JIM
I understand, Ryan. I will… keep it all
together. Somehow.(pause) And, oh, by
the way, it’s kissy faces, not smoochy
faces. Pam likes my kissy face better.
RYAN(with a bit of an edge)
Oh, ok. Which one did Karen like better?
Jim’s eyebrows shoot up. He leans
closer to the phone.
JIM
Not sure… I think she told Kelly,
though. I can have Kelly call you
and tell you which one she preferred.
There is a moment of silence.
RYAN
Sorry… I’m not sure where that came from.
JIM
Ok.
RYAN
Jim… seriously. This is could a be major,
major thing for us. The fate of this
company could very well rest on your
shoulders.
JIM(after a pause)
Wow. Soooo… should you give me a code name
or should we just synchronize our watches?
RYAN
(sighs) Yeah… I’m sorry, that was a bit…
JIM
That was from The Spy Who Loved Me, right?
No, Moonraker.
RYAN
Ok. Goodbye, Jim.
Ryan hangs up and Jim shrugs at the camera, smiling.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
THAT was a little strange. Verbally
sparring with my superior is probably
not a good thing… (smiles) But why
stop now?
INT. THE OFFICE-OUTSIDE OF MICHAEL’S OFFICE
Jim exits Michael’s office and Michael is
standing right outside the door with his arms
crossed. He gives Jim a dirty look.
MICHAEL
Are you two done talking behind my back?
JIM
Michael…
MICHAEL
(feigning cough, hand over mouth) Traitor!
Jim rolls his eyes.
JIM
Listen, Michael…
MICHAEL(to office)
Everyone into the conference room!
Come on… important stuff, here. Pam,
can you get Toby and Kelly over here?
Dwight comes over to Michael.
DWIGHT
What’s happening?
MICHAEL(childishly)
I don’t know. Ask Jim.
DWIGHT(quietly)
Don’t make me ask Jim.
MICHAEL(annoyed)
Just go sit down, Dwight.
You’ll find out.
DWIGHT
Even all the secret stuff?
Or the “Just for peons” version?
MICHAEL(really annoyed)
Dwight! Oh, for… just go
sit down!
A morose Dwight enters the conference room
with the others as Pam walks up to Jim.
PAM(to Jim)
What’s going on?
JIM
Well…
MICHAEL
Hold on a second. I am STILL the
manager of this branch and I will
be the one to dole out all pert-
inent info to ALL the subordinates…
JIM. Just because you two are
LOV-AHS that doesn’t mean you can
steal my thunder, NUMBER TWO.
Jim holds up his hands and gives Pam a look.
JIM(to Michael)
Sorry.
Michael walks into the conference room.
PAM(smiling)
Was that number two, like…?
(makes nasty face)
JIM(feigning being hurt)
Come on… that’s not right.
Kevin comes over to Jim and Pam.
He has a silent jowly laugh going on.
KEVIN
You guys… are lov-ahs.(snickers)
Pam and Jim look at each other and then walk into the conference room while Kevin smiles nastily to the camera.
INT. THE OFFICE-CONFERENCE ROOM
The rest of the staff shuffle into the
conference room looking for seats. Andy
has his arm around one chair, obviously
guarding it. Kelly enters the room.
ANDY
Kelly… over here! I saved you a seat.
KELLY
Oh… thank you, Andy. That was… so
nice of you.
Kelly sits next to Andy and they look at
each other, Andy trying to be smooth and
Kelly a bit uncomfortable. She looks away.
ANDY(voiceover)
Yes… I’ve taken a little interest in
our little Kelly Kapoor…
ANDY TALKING HEAD
ANDY(continued)
I think she may be ready… to love again.
(smiles arrogantly) But I have to step
up my game. Ever since Big Moptop has
been all Wham Bam Thank you Pam, every-
body thinks he’s the greatest boyfriend
since… they… first made boyfriends.
(shakes head) So… I have to show Kelly
“Saint Bernard” before I can show her
”Cornell WILD“ (Laughs then pauses and
stares at the camera crew)
That was a school joke… (pause) See,
there was this actor named Cornell Wilde…
ah, never mind.
KELLY TALKING HEAD
KELLY
Yeah, I think Andy may be interested
in me… He’s nice and all… and he’s been
VERY polite. But… I’m still afraid that
he’ll freak out one day and punch a hole
in my face, you know?
INT. THE OFFICE-CONFERENCE ROOM
Everyone is looking at Michael,
wondering what’s happening now.
OSCAR
Michael, what’s going on?
KEVIN
Yeah.
MICHAEL
I am not at liberty to ah… discuss
what is going on… ah… all I can
say is that… we will be having a
very important visitor today…
That’s all I will say.
STANLEY
Who is this visitor?
MICHAEL(leaning in)
Well… he is the CEO… that’s Chief…
Engineering?… Officer, I think… some
kind of technical position…
Jim looks at Pam and then the
camera, amused.
MICHAEL(continued)
Ah… over at Neenah Paper. He…
Stanley! I just said I can’t tell
you any more! You won’t get any info
out of me.
STANLEY
I just did.
MICHAEL(annoyed)
Well… that’s it. No more.
PHYLLIS
So why is this man going to be here?
MICHAEL(leaning in again, almost whispering)
Apparently… Neenah is interested
in acquiring Dunder-Mifflin… (groans)
What did I just say? Stop asking me!
I can’t tell you!
The room is abuzz with talk now,
everyone suddenly worried.
PAM
What about our jobs? What does that
mean for us?
MICHAEL
AH! THAT question I will NOT be
answering! You can’t drag that out
of me!
JIM
Because… you don’t really know
the answer?
MICHAEL(quietly)
Yes.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
I, for one, am excited about this.
The combined might of Dunder-Mifflin
and Neenah will bring our enemies
to their knees. We will be like the
Galactica and the Pegasus… waging war
against the evil Cylons! (Fistpump and
then a pause) Hopefully… Neenah won’t
be destroyed after a suicide run into
a Base Star… (pause) That would be kind
of depressing…
INT. THE OFFICE-CONFERENCE ROOM
Everyone is filing out of the conference room.
MICHAEL
Ok, so when the big, powerful, head
honcho guy shows up… act casual!
Just another day at the beach! (pause)
Wow. I better brush up on my Neenah
knowledge! Gots to be true to da game,
beeyotch! Belee dat!
Michael scoots into his office and closes
the door. Pam looks over at Jim.
PAM
No pressure.
Jim shakes his head and heads out,
followed by Pam.
INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA
Andy saunters over to reception. Pam looks
almost afraid of what he might want.
ANDY
Pamtastic… I was wondering if you
could give me a little advice…
from a chick’s perspective.
PAM
O… k…
ANDY(looks around, then lowers voice)
I am… interested in Kelly. And I thought
you might tell me how I should approach.
Not that I don’t know how… thinking that
would be… ridiculous, frankly. (laughs)
But… ah… you might have some insight…
PAM
Well… you could just tell her that you
like her and ask if she might want to
go on a date.
ANDY
Hmmm… direct. Bold. (pause) Crazy.
Let’s try another tactic.
PAM
Andy…
Just then the main door opens and Pam’s
mother walks through, a huge smile on her
face.
PAM(stunned)
Mom?
Pam’s dad walks in, right behind her.
PAM(even more stunned)
DAD?!? What… what are you doing here?!?
I thought you were going to Reading?
MRS. BEESLY(hugging Pam)
We wanted to surprise you!
(leans in) Your father’s idea.
MR. BEESLY
Oh sure! Sell me out!
Pam hugs her dad and kisses him.
PAM
Daddy! I can’t believe you snuck
up on us like this!
MR. BEESLY
What? A man can’t take his daughter
and her new guy out to lunch?
So… where is this Jim fella?
Andy walks up to Mr. Beesly.
ANDY
Well! Mr. And Mrs. Beesly! It
is TRULY an honor!
Andy sticks his hand out and Mr. Beesly
shakes it. He looks at Pam, somewhat
critically. Pam looks at her dad, then Andy,
then back to her dad. Realization dawns on
her face and her eyes goes wide. She shakes
her head vigorously and starts to speak.
PAM
NO…
END ACT ONE
Author's Notes:
So the Beesly's have popped in for a surprise visit. We see everyone's reactions... but honestly. Would you want your parents meeting Michael Scott? Yikes.
ACT TWO
INT. THE OFFICE-KITCHEN
Jim is drinking a grape soda as Dwight stands
near him, arms crossed. We see them through the
the windows of the kitchen.
DWIGHT(irritated)
I just don’t understand why we
have to talk to Toby about this.
JIM
I see we’ve forgotten the Andy mace
incident. You now have to register
all weapons with Toby. New office
policy.
DWIGHT
But I’m not using it on people!
JIM
Doesn’t matter… come on, you can’t
be in violation of office policy,
can you? Letter of the law, and all
that. Let’s just go back there, get
it done… ok?
They both walk towards Toby’s area. Jim
looks at the camera as he passes, amused.
INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA
Andy is walking away from Pam and her
parents, obviously annoyed. Pam follows.
PAM
I’m… I’m sorry, Andy. I didn’t mean…
ANDY
Well, THANKS, Pam! It’s not a complete…
impossibility that you and I could be
dating, you know!
PAM
I know… you’re right…and I’m sorry.
You’re absolutely right. It’s NOT
an impossibility.
ANDY
Thank you! (He stalks off)
Pam turns back to her parents and lowers her voice.
PAM
It’s an impossibility.
INT. THE OFFICE-TOBY’S DESK
Toby is turned in his chair facing a standing
Dwight. Jim is crouched in Kelly’s cubicle.
He motions for Kelly to be quiet.
TOBY(confused)
You need a… what? A Pro… what?
DWIGHT(rolling his eyes)
A Proton Accelerator.
TOBY
What does it do?
DWIGHT(more irritated)
A Proton Accelerator fires a stream
of charged particles that will
immobilize any ectoplasmic entity,
enabling them to be captured
and placed in a ghost trap.
Jim hunches over more, trying not to laugh.
Kelly shakes her head and keeps working.
TOBY
Ghost? (pause) Where is Jim?
Do I hear you over there, Jim?
Jim covers his mouth and looks at the camera,
trying to keep the laughter in. Kelly starts
to silently laugh, too.
INT. THE OFFICE-DWIGHT AND JIM’S DESKS
Pam is kind of herding her parents over
to Jim’s desk.
PAM(uneasy)
This is Jim’s desk. I, uh… I don’t
know where Jim has gotten to… I still
can’t believe you came to my job with-
out telling me first…
MR. BEESLY
Well, my father used to always say “You
can learn a lot about a man by the work
he does.”
PAM(squinting at her father)
Grandpa never said that!
Mr. Beesly(laughing)
Well… still.
Pam and her parents stand in front of Dwight’s
desk, Pam looking a little stressed.
PAM
Ok, uh… Just… stay right there and I’ll…
I’ll go find Jim. (to herself) Where are
you, Jim?
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM(annoyed)
So we’re expecting the CEO of a major
company today… and then my PARENTS show
up unexpectedly. So let me check my re-
vised itinerary for today…(pantomimes
looking thru a datebook) Oh, great! God
will be here at 3:30!(stares at camera)
INT. THE OFFICE-DWIGHT AND JIM’S DESKS
Pam is about to walk towards the
kitchen when the phone rings.
PAM
Oh! Um… let me get that first. It might
be important… (her parents start to follow)
Um… stay there, I’ll…
Pam heads to reception. Over her shoulder
we see into the kitchen. Jim and Dwight
have just entered, back from seeing Toby.
INT. THE OFFICE-THE KITCHEN
Dwight is annoyed, standing by the sink
as Jim smiles at the camera in the
kitchen with them.
DWIGHT
Toby… is an idiot!!
JIM
Whoa, easy, there, ghostbuster.
He has to think about the well
being of the office.
DWIGHT
Why did you have to tell him it
was nuclear? If he won’t let me
have nun chucks he CERTAINLY won’t
let me have a nuclear proton
accelerator!
JIM
I’m sorry… full disclosure. Would
you want me to lie to him?
DWIGHT(reluctantly)
No…
JIM
So we’ll find another way. It might
require a few overnights, though…
DWIGHT
Whatever. We have to stop…
Dwight looks out towards reception.
His mouth falls open.
DWIGHT
Jim! JIM!
JIM
What’s wrong? What are you looking…
Over their shoulders we see through the window.
Pam’s parents are standing exactly where Jim’s
photos had the ghosts standing. Jim fights back a
laugh. He pulls himself together.
JIM
…at? What’s the problem?
DWIGHT
Oh my God. They’ve come thru. They’re
fully visible!(looks at Jim, back out,
then at Jim again. Jim is looking back
and forth, confused.)
DWIGHT(continued)
Don’t you see them?!?
JIM
See who? What are you talking about?
Dwight looks at Jim. His face is almost
demented looking.
DWIGHT(whispering)
The invasion has begun. And I’m our
only hope.
JIM
Dwight, buddy… maybe you should
take a nap or something…
DWIGHT
No! I have… to confront them…
To defeat them!
Dwight comes out of the kitchen and approaches
Pam’s parents. He is obviously terrified.
INT. THE OFFICE- DWIGHT’S DESK
Dwight stops a good distance away from Pam’s
parents and stares at them. They look back puzzled.
DWIGHT(scared)
This… this office is protected by me.
I will find a way… to stop you!
Pam’s parents look at each other and then back
to Dwight.
MRS. BEESLY
You… must be Dwight.
Dwight’s eyes practically bulge out of his head.
He dashes past The Beeslys and out of the office.
MR. BEESLY
That’s the… dorky, crazy one, right?
MRS. BEESLY
Uh… yes.
Jim comes out of the kitchen, laughing. He
approaches the Beeslys.
JIM
Oh, my God… Pam is a GENIUS! Where
did she find you guys…?
MRS. BEESLY(smiling)
Jim?
JIM(leaning forward)
Mrs… Beesly?
Just then Pam comes over and practically
latches onto Jim.
PAM(forced)
There you are!(laughs)My mom and dad
are here! To see us!
JIM(nervous)
I… wow… Hi!
Jim shakes Mr. Beesly’s hand and is taken aback.
Mr. Beesly is as tall as Jim and broader than him.
JIM
Whoa. Um… It’s really great to finally
meet you two…(shakes Mrs. Beesly’s hand,
and starts to nervously roll down his
sleeves. He leans over to Pam)
JIM(continued, but lower)
Did I… know… about this? I don’t…
PAM
No… it’s… a surprise!
JIM(smiling)
Oh.(pause)Awesome.
MR. BEESLY
Yeah… I kinda like to see people in
their… natural habitat. You know?
Pam’s mom smiles and shrugs and Jim and Pam
look at each other. They force a smile and
look back at Pam’s parents.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
So now… I feel like I’m in a big game
preserve like in Kenya or something…
and Pam’s parents are watching us
through binoculars. I guess mating is
out of the question.(shakes head) Maybe
I should hunt something down and kill it,
like a good provider would. Y’know, like…
chase Dwight around the office and bite
his neck until he’s dead… and then drag
him back to Pam so we can both eat him.
(pause) Wow. That’s… that’s one the strangest
things I’ve ever said…
INT. THE OFFICE-DWIGHT’S DESK
Phyllis comes over to Jim and Pam.
PHYLLIS
Pam… are these your parents?
PAM
Oh! Yes… um, mom, dad. This is Phyllis.
MRS. BEESLY
It’s nice to meet you.
MR. BEESLY
Hello.
PHYLLIS(excited)
It is SO nice to meet you!(shaking hands)
We love your daughter!(leans in) I’ve been
rooting for these two for a long time!
Stanley, Oscar, Kevin, Angela come over. There is
mass handshaking and greeting. Meredith stands next
to Pam, who has stood off to the side.
MEREDITH
That’s your DAD, Pam? Wow, what a stud.
PAM(turns to her, shocked)
What?
MEREDITH
I know he’s your father and
all… but I would totally do him.
PAM
Meredith! The… the woman standing
right next to him… MY MOTHER… is
the ONLY woman that gets to do him!
(pause) I CAN’T believe… I just
said that.
Pam walks away and Meredith turns her head
to the side, checking Pam’s dad out. Pam
stands by the conference room. Angela comes
over to her.
ANGELA
Your parents are very nice, Pam.
Respectful. God fearing.
PAM
Um… thanks.
ANGELA
So… they are here to evaluate Jim.
PAM
No. No, they’re… taking us to lunch.
ANGELA
A lunch evaluation. Hm. Jim could’ve at
least gotten another haircut.
PAM
Um, thank you, Angela…
Pam walks over to the kitchen, shaking her head.
She is standing near the door when Kelly steps
through.
KELLY
OhmiGod, Pam, I just heard that your
parents are here! That is so nice!
They are gonna love, Jim!
PAM(arms crossed, obviously nervous)
I hope so…
KELLY
How could they not? Jim is SO awesome,
and SO good to you! They’ll love him!
(pause) Not like my parents… they hated
Ryan! Stupid “I’m saving for an Xbox”
Ryan! Bastard! I hate him! I hope he
wrecks his shiny new…
PAM(about to lose it)
Kelly! I can’t… excuse me, I have to…
Pam practically runs over to Jim who is also
standing back from the meeting frenzy.
PAM(head in hands)
Oh my GOD, Jim. This is SO not how I
pictured you meeting my parents!
JIM
Yeah… The office was number forty-seven
on my list of places to meet them… right
after Guantanamo Bay.
Pam laughs.
JIM
But before hell… so… there’s that.
Jim gets close and looks into Pam’s eyes. You can completely see the love he has for her.
JIM
It’ll be ok, Beesly. Don’t let it
stress you. By tomorrow we’ll be
laughing about this. Ok?
PAM(smiling)
Ok…
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM
Yeah, I felt a lot better when Jim
said that. He’s really good at that…
making you feel better. I’m… really
lucky to have him…(She pauses and looks
somewhat wistful)Um… so yeah, I feel
better. I… still want to murder my
parents… but… at least I feel better
about it.
INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK
Michael exits his office, puzzled as
to all the hubbub. Pam comes over.
MICHAEL
Who…?
PAM
Um… Michael… um… my parents dropped in!
But… I can tell them that this… isn’t
a good…
MICHAEL
Wow, really? The Bees knees are here?
That’s great! Let me, um, go meet them!
I gotta tell them how much we love our
darling Pam-entine!
PAM
Oh, God.
MICHAEL
Hello! Michael Scott, manager of Dunder-
Mifflin, Scranton… and Pam’s boss.
They all shake hands.
MRS. BEESLY
Hello!
MR. BEESLY
Nice to meet you. I hope we’re not
getting in the way. We came to take
these two to lunch… but (looks at watch)
we’re a little early.
MRS. BEESLY(smiling)
He was SO anxious to get here…
MR. BEESLY(rolls eyes, smiles)
So if you need us to leave…
MICHAEL
No, no, no, no, no, don’t be silly!
Please stay! Hang out! Mi casa es
su casa!(sweeps hands dramatically)
Or.. um… (turns to Jim) how do you
say office in Spanish?
JIM
Um… Officia.
MICHAEL(laughing)
That’s OFFICER, Jim. Heh. Great
salesman, sucks at Spanish. (laughs)
So, um… I just wanted to tell you.
You have a great daughter and…
(stands closer to Mr. Beesly)
Whoa. I just noticed how, uh…
tall you are. Wow. How did you
have a midget like Pam?
Mr. And Mrs. Beesly both frown at him.
MICHAEL
Uh… not midget… little person, right?
That’s how you’re supposed to… Um, SO,
is this your first time meeting Jim?
MRS. BEESLY
Um… yes.
MICHAEL
Jim… is a great guy. Great co-worker,
very trust-worthy. Except for earlier
today… when he was conspiring with
my boss behind my back.(laughs nervously)
Still a… good guy though…
The Beeslys look at Jim somewhat suspiciously.
A wide-eyed Jim shakes his head at them.
MICHAEL(continued)
I gotta tell ya, Jim has been into Pam
for so long… UH, not, you know, literally
into… (laughs) That’s… just a y’know… a
saying. I’m… I’m sure they only recently
starting having sex… (pause) I mean… Not
that your sweet… uh… VERY innocent Pam
is having sex… Uh, if she is she’s… uh,
probably only done it once or twice…
PAM(covering face)
Michael…
MICHAEL
BUT, uh, I am the reason that they are
together. I told Jim to not give up.
“Never give up, never surrender!”(laughs)
Galaxy Trek.(pause) So, uh… he just busted
that wedding up, you know?(pauses, looks
back and forth at the Beeslys, who are really
staring at him)
MICHAEL(continued)
I mean, he didn’t break it up… Well… he did,
that’s… that’s what Pam said.(points at Pam)
PAM(almost pleading)
Michael…
MICHAEL
But I mean… who wouldn’t? Your daughter is
pretty hot… I mean, she doesn’t show a lot, but…
Michael motions around his chest area.
Mr. Beesly steps towards him.
MR. BEESLY
Is there something… wrong with you?!?
PAM
Michael, Toby needs you in the back! GO!!
MICHAEL
Uh, ok.
Michael hurriedly heads towards the kitchen.
The Beeslys look at Pam and Jim, stunned.
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM(hand over face)
OhmiGod, ohmiGod, OH. MY. GOD. I… I think
I cringed SO much that I pulled something.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
Wow…(shakes head) You know… (laughs) Pam
never thought that this was a good idea
but… I’ve always said that there should
be a thing at Great Adventure or something
called the Michael Scott Experience. You
know, just have people come into a tent and
meet Michael for the first time. By the end
they’ll look like they were on Rolling Thunder
or something… (makes a shaky, stunned face,
then laughs again) Wow.
THE OFFICE INT. DWIGHT’S DESK
Everyone is still sort of recovering from Michael.
Mr. Beesly tries to break the ice.
MR. BEESLY
So Jim… um… what… were you saying
when you walked up to us earlier?
JIM
Oh! Um… I was… um… (laughs) sort of
having fun with Dwight and I thought
Pam had, um… kinda added to the prank.
MR. BEESLY
Prank. Ok… so you do that sort of
thing at work often?
JIM
No! I, uh… hardly ever…
Kevin pipes up from behind Mr. Beesly.
KEVIN
You kidding? Jim is the prank-
MASTER. He’s CONSTANTLY getting
Dwight… (laughs) It’s great.(nods)
Jim laughs nervously and looks at
Kevin like ‘Thanks a LOT, dude.”
JIM(to Mr. Beesly)
Um… By then I’m… usually done with
my work… all caught up… y’know?
MR. BEESLY
Uh-huh.
Jim gives the camera an “oh, man” look.
INT. THE OFFICE-CREED AND MEREDITH’S AREA
Jim, Pam and her parents are standing right
behind Creed as he taps away on his keyboard.
JIM(To the Beeslys)
Um… you may not want to…
MR. BEESLY
No, really. We want to meet all
of your co-workers…
JIM(apprehensive)
Ok… um… Hey, Creed.
(Creed turns in his chair)
Um… I wanted to introduce you…
CREED
Hey. Are these your parents, um…?
JIM
Jim. And no, these aren’t my parents. They…
CREED
Oh… I see… these are the parents of
that chick you’re seeing.
JIM(laughing, embarrassed)
That chick… yeah…
CREED
What’s her name…
(snaps fingers)
Karen!
JIM
No…
MR. BEESLY
Karen? (To Pam)I thought they were…
(To Jim) You’re still seeing her?
JIM
No! Of course not!
CREED
Wait… you’re not seeing Karen anymore?
Why would you bring her parents here, then?
JIM
They aren’t… Jesus, Creed…
PAM(pushing everyone along)
Um… alright. Thanks, Creed!
The group goes past Creed’s desk
and then past Meredith.
PAM
And that’s Meredith! Say hi, Meredith.
MEREDITH
Hey… (checks out at Pam’s dad)
MR. BEESLY
Nice to meet…
PAM(pushing everyone)
Moving along!
They all leave.
CREED(to Meredith)
Can you explain to me why Karen’s parents
are here? I still don’t get that.
Meredith rolls her eyes and watches them go.
THE OFFICE-INT. TOBY’S DESK
Pam, Jim and the Beesly’s are all crowded
into Toby’s area.
PAM
And this is Toby. Human Resources.
Toby… my parents.
TOBY(standing)
Oh, hello! It’s a pleasure to meet you!
We love your daughter here, she brightens
up the whole office.
MR. BEESLY
See? THAT’S how you introduce
yourself to an employees’ parents!
TOBY(to Pam)
Michael?
Pam nods, eyes closed.
TOBY(to the Beeslys)
I’m sorry.
Pam’s parents continue to talk to Toby
as Pam pulls Jim aside.
PAM
What are you doing with the whole
Dwight/ghost thing? I have GOT to
take this out on somebody.
JIM
Pam… I’m not sure your dad approves
of pranks during work hours…
PAM
I approve. He’ll get over it.
They smile at each other.
PAM(playfully)
Besides… who said anything about
it being during work hours?
Jim’s eyebrows shoot up.
INT. THE OFFICE-KEVIN, OSCAR AND ANGELA’S AREA
The three are sitting at their desks talking quietly.
OSCAR
So, wow… meeting Pam’s parents… that’s
a big step.
ANGELA
Oh, yes it is.
KEVIN
Yeah. Hey, have you ever met Gil’s parents?
OSCAR(shaking head)
His parents are dead.
KEVIN
What, from the shock?
Oscar gives Kevin a smiling “Oh, you got me” look.
Angela lets out a little laugh and covers her mouth.
Oscar and Kevin look at her in shock.
OSCAR(smiling)
Angela!
ANGELA(still trying to cover up)
I’m sorry…
OSCAR(to Kevin)
Have you met Stacy’s parents?
KEVIN
Um… I think her parents are dead,
too… (pause) or in Florida. One
or the other.
OSCAR(looks at Angela, then back
to Kevin) Dude, seriously…(starts
laughing) How do you not know that?
Both Oscar and Angela are laughing now.
KEVIN
What?
THE OFFICE-INT. RECEPTION
Dwights peeks his head through the main doors
and continues in, cautiously. Kelly is heading
back towards the kitchen.
DWIGHT
Kelly! Kelly! (he motions her over)
Are they… gone? Well, you wouldn’t
know, you can’t see them…
KELLY
See who? Oh, you mean Pam’s parents?
They’re still here… there they are!
Kelly points towards the kitchen. We
see Pam, Jim and the Beeslys entering the
kitchen, back from visiting Toby.
KELLY
They are so awesome!
DWIGHT(through clenched teeth)
Halpert!
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
So… AS USUAL… I am the victim of another
sophomoric, juvenile Halpert joke! Having
me think that Pam’s parents are, in fact,
the unrestful dead? Very funny, Jim. You
can believe that I will have my revenge on
you, Halpert…(leans forward) just as soon
as I handle the REAL ghost problem we
have here! (Nods)
THE OFFICE-INT. RECEPTION AREA
Pam is seated behind her desk while Jim leans on
the counter. Her parents are seated on the couch
next to them.
JIM
I think we can sneak away
with your parents…
PAM
I don’t know…
JIM
The Mill supervisor said that they
would call when the Neenah guy
was on his way. And then it would
take awhile to get here. Kelly can
call us when the call comes in.
Plenty of time for lunch.
PAM
Well… ok…
Just then a tall, important looking individual
enters the office and approaches reception.
PAM
Um, may I help you?
MAN
Hello. Um… let’s start this off formally.
My name is Peter Loughridge and I am the
CEO of Neenah Paper.
Pam’s eyes widen and she looks at Jim. Jim’s stands straight up and sort of fixes his tie.
JIM
Oh… Hi.
END ACT TWO
Author's Notes:
Well, this is it. Hope ya likes!
ACT THREE
INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA
Jim and Pam are still staring at Peter Loughridge.
Pam’s parents look at each other uncomfortably.
JIM
We were… uh… expecting you a little…
later, Mr. Loughridge…
MR. LOUGHRIDGE(smiling)
Yes, well… I uh… discouraged the mill
from calling you once I found out that
was the plan. I like to see people act
as they… naturally do.
Pam’s dad gives Pam’s mom a “See?” look.
She rolls her eyes and pats his hand.
PETER
But let’s get past that. I’m just
here for the simple five cent tour.
JIM
Oh… well… this(he motions to the reception
area) IS the five cent tour. Although I think
that seeing our lovely receptionist, Pamela
Beesly, is worth considerably more than five
cents, Mr. Loughridge.
PETER(smiling)
Yes, it is.
JIM(grabbing a sheet from the counter)
Now, let’s see what the entire office
tour is… hmmmm… ok… that’s $1.50, Mr.
Loughridge, payable by cash or check,
if you’re not carrying that kind of
money around. Miss Beesly can take that
from you.
PAM(with hand out) We also accept
Platinum cards, Mr. Loughridge.
Loughridge laughs and the sticks his
right hand out to Jim.
LOUGHRIDGE
You must be Jim Halpert.
JIM(taken aback but shaking his hand)
And… you must be either psychic or well-
informed.
LOUGHRIDGE(smiling)
Not psychic, I’m afraid. I just… know
someone who knows someone who knows
someone who put me in touch with some-
one… that gave me some background into
this branch. I like to know exactly what
I’m walking into.
JIM
Well, I hope you heard good things.
LOUGHRIDGE
Well… I was told you are a “smart, very
good young salesman with a great
sense of humor and a disarming,
extremely likable style.”
JIM(smiling)
Wow… you ARE well-informed, Mr. Loughridge.
LOUGHRIDGE(laughing)
Peter… and yes, I am… Miss Fillipelli thinks
VERY highly of you.
Jim eyes widen and he looks momentarily stunned.
JIM
Uh… likewise.
Loughridge picks up on the sudden shift in the conversation, the odd looks between Jim and Pam.
He moves to bring the conversation back on track.
LOUGHRIDGE
So… uh, Mr. Halpert, if we can take that tour…
Jim, now recovered, looks behind him and all around.
He looks puzzled.
JIM(smiling)
Oh! I’m sorry, I thought my father
was here, Peter.
PETER(smiling)
Alright… Jim.
(he turns to Pam and then
her parents and nods)
PETER(Continued)
Disarming.(pause) And you are?
The Beesly’s stand.
MR. BEESLY
Uh… we’re um… Pam’s parents. We
came to uh… take these two to lunch…
MRS. BEESLY(cutting him off)
BUT, ah… We’re sorry we’re in the way…
(turns to Pam)We should go…
PETER
No, no, that’s completely unnecessary!
I don’t want to change your plans. Give
me a little time to look around and then
you four can go.(smiles) That’s wonderful
that you all do that.
MRS. BEESLY
Well… this is actually the first time. We’ve…
never met Jim before.
PETER
Oh! Well…(pause) interesting day.
JIM AND PAM
Yeah.
There is a awkward silence.
JIM
Um… well… let me take you to
meet Michael Scott, the manager.
PETER
Alright.
They start to walk forward.
PETER(pointing at camera)
Don’t you, uh… get tired of that?
JIM
Yes.
Dwight approaches from the back. He crosses his
arms and eyes Peter suspiciously.
DWIGHT
Another apparition, Halpert?
Honestly, when will you grow up?
JIM
Um… probably when this gentleman,
who happens to be the CEO of Neenah
Paper, becomes our boss. I’ll
probably straighten up then.
DWIGHT(startled)
Wha? I didn’t… (shoots Jim a dirty look).
I’m sorry, sir, I had no idea that someone
IMPORTANT was here. Dwight K. Schrute, sir,
third in command of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton.
PETER(shaking hands)
Peter.
DWIGHT(confused by the informality)
Peter… Uh… yes, well, Peter, I am
very excited at the notion of Neenah
Paper owning Dunder-Mifflin. We would
be a formidable foe to our common
enemies. We can crush the opposition!
PETER(laughing)
Well, uh… yes. This isn’t Iraq, Dwight.
We’re just selling paper. But I certainly
appreciate your enthusiasm.
Peter turns to go to Michael’s office as Dwight
looks at the camera with disappointment.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
“We’re just selling paper.”?(shakes head)
Just how this man attained his lofty title
is BEYOND me. To run a business, ANY business,
is to do battle with those who compete with
you. To learn their ways and then to destroy
them is your driving goal. Sun Tzu said ”Know
thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles,
a thousand victories”. If Sun Tzu ran this
company, that man would be jobless. (pause)
And headless.(nods)
INT. THE OFFICE-DWIGHT’S DESK
Jim excuses himself from Peter and sidles up to
a seated Dwight.
JIM(lower)
Hey, listen, Dwight. I’m sorry about
the Pam’s parents prank, that was…
childish and irresponsible of me.
I definitely think we need to really
formulate a war plan against these
ghosts. Talk later?
Dwight nods at Jim, happy at the prospect of this.
Jim pats him on the shoulder, too hard, smiles
slyly at the camera and goes back to Peter.
INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA
Pam parent’s and Pam are all standing at the front desk.
MRS. BEESLY(to Mr. Beesly)
I’m gonna steal Pam for a minute. Girl talk.
MR. BEESLY
Oh, boy.
PAM
We can talk in the parking lot. I don’t think
Anyone will miss us.
Pam and her mom leave the office. Mr. Beesly peers
around the office, looking for something to occupy him.
He sees Meredith at her desk and she gives him a very
coy wave and a smile. She wiggles her eyebrows. Mr.
Beesly shyly waves back and then sort of slinks back
to the couch.
INT. THE OFFICE-MICHAEL’S OFFICE DOOR
Peter and Jim are standing in front of
the door, Jim obviously nervous.
JIM
So… um… Peter. Before you meet
Michael, I uh… wanted to tell you.
He’s um… a little different than…
PETER(smiling)
Jim. You forget. I am VERY well
informed. Remember?
JIM
Oh. Yeah, I forgot. Miss Fillipelli.
PETER
Ah… I hope I didn’t cause you any problems…
back there.(points at reception)
JIM(chuckling)
No, no… you threw me for a second, that’s
all. Everything is just as it should be.
Thank you.
PETER(smiling)
Good. Now, let’s meet Michael.
Jim knocks on Michael’s door as the camera spots
Michael through the blinds. Jim opens the door.
JIM(sticking his head in)
Um, Michael… Peter Loughridge, The CEO
of Neeneh Paper, is here.
MICHAEL(leaping up)
What?!? He’s here? Now?!? Ryan was
supposed to… Ugh!! I don’t believe
this!(looking around) Um… Grab a broom!
Tell Dwight to check the toilets! Where
Are my mints? Jesus!(lower) Is this guy
cool, or a real jackass? What’s your read?
JIM(loudly, trying to drown Michael out)
AH… He’s right here!
Jim swings the door open wide and Peter peeks in.
MICHAEL(coming around desk)OH! God, I…
hello! I’m Michael Scott, manager of the
Scranton branch! Come in, Come in!
Peter enters Michael’s office with Jim in tow.
The camera comes in right behind them.
MICHAEL(continued)
Good to meet you uh… Peter, uh…
PETER(shaking hands)
Peter is fine, Michael.
MICHAEL(confused)
Peter… Isfine? I thought… Jim said a
different last name…
JIM
No…
PETER
He did. It’s Peter Lou… you know,
Peter is fi…(shakes head)
Peter will do. Just… Peter. Peter.
MICHAEL
Ok… Peter… Um… welcome to our little
world. Our… efficient, well-run little
world. Gee, what brings the CEO of one
of the uh…(leans back to peek at a paper
on his desk) largest paper producers in
the country with over 800 million dollars
in assets and shares currently valued at
forty-one dollars…(looks back at Peter)
here?
Jim looks mortified but Peter is strangely amused.
PETER
Um… well… it’s a sort of fact
finding tour, if you will.
MICHAEL(laughing)
What? Wow… Being a company big shot
definitely has it privileges, huh?
If I said that I would be in so much
trouble!
PETER(confused)
I… don’t understand what you mean.
MICHAEL
Hey, more power to you!(laughs) That’s
great, I’m not judging you! Alright, um…
let’s go meet him! His name is Oscar.(lower)
Do you want me to hook you up or…
Michael starts to lead Peter out of his office.
JIM(realizing just what Michael means)
Michael! No!
Jim grabs Michael and whispers in his ear.
MICHAEL
Oh! I thought he said… alright.
Um… nevermind.
A beyond confused Peter stares at Jim who shakes
his head and waves his hand like “You do NOT want
to know.”
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
I could’ve sworn he said… did that sound
like “fact” to you? This guy needs to
pronounce his C’s and T’s better.
(shakes head) I thought he was doing some
sort of… gay head count.(giggles) Gay head
count. I kill me.
EXT. THE OFFICE-PARKING LOT
Pam and her mother stroll slowly along through
the parking lot. The camera watches them from a distance, unseen.
MRS. BEESLY(smiling)
Sooooo…
PAM(smiling back shyly)
So?
MRS. BEESLY(happy)
I like him! And you look happy… happier
than I’ve seen in a long time.
PAM(with a sarcastic smile)
I was until you guys came barging in.
Mrs. Beesly and Pam laugh.
MRS. BEESLY
I’m sorry. But you sound so… content when
we speak to you on the phone. Your father
just HAD to meet Jim.
PAM(almost pleadingly)
Oh, I hope Dad likes him! Today is just
a bad…
MRS. BEESLY
It’s ok, Pam. He understands…
(takes Pam’s hands excitedly)
Jim is so CUTE, Pam! And I can
tell he REALLY loves you!
PAM(solemn)
Yeah… he does.
MRS. BEESLY(frowning)
What’s wrong? That’s a good thing.
PAM
Oh, I know, mom. He does… really, REALLY
love me. He told me… he told me how much
I mean to him. God, mom. It was so… intense.
Roy NEVER said the things he said. And he
meant it. It was… kinda scary, mom. To have
those… feelings for someone.
MRS. BEESLY
Pam… Are you scared of what he’s
feeling… or of what you’re feeling?
Pam blinks at her mother, mouth slightly open,
her breath shallow. She looks terrified. She
starts to speak, stops and starts again.
PAM
Mom… (swallows) I… I feel like I’m going
insane. I’ve never… felt like this
before. Jim is so…(shakes head repeatedly)
I never thought anyone could make me feel…
like this. I’m estatic… and… sick and…
SO scared, mom.(pause) I feel so open…
so… exposed. How can I love this
feeling and hate it at the same time?
MRS. BEESLY(hugging Pam)
Oh Pam… you’ve never liked being…
vulnerable. Your feelings being so
known and so… easy to hurt. You
protect yourself… like your father.
PAM(crying softly)
I love Jim, mom… I never knew what it
REALLY felt like. It’s so STRONG…
And I’m too afraid to tell him.
MRS. BEESLY
Sweetheart… I’m sure Jim knows. And when
you feel like you can tell him… you will.
But Pam… being in love… really in love…
it’s the greatest feeling in the world.
Please, Pam… don’t be scared. Enjoy it.
Pam looks at her mother thoughtfully and then
goes back to hugging her.
INT. THE OFFICE-THE BREAKROOM
Mr. Beesly walks into the breakroom as Stanley
peers at the vending machine. Stanley looks back
at Mr. Beesly, who has taken a seat.
STANLEY
Hello.
MR. BEESLY
Hey…
STANLEY
So… came to check the boy out, huh?
MR. BEESLY(laughing)
Yeah… yeah. I’m beginning to be
sorry that I did.
STANLEY
Well… If you want my opinion, and even if
you don’t, Jim is a good man. I don’t say
that too often.
This gets Mr. Beesly’s attention.
STANLEY
He’s smart… he’s going places… and he will
do absolutely anything for that daughter of
yours. That’s a helluva lot more than I
can say for the last jackass she was with.
Stanley gets a soda out of the vending machine
and heads to the door.
STANLEY
So… give that a thought…
Stanley starts to open the door and turns back to Mr. Beesly.
STANLEY
Oh… and don’t tell anyone I said something nice.
I have a reputation to keep up.
MR. BEESLY(laughing)
Thanks, Stanley.
Just then Angela enters the kitchen.
ANGELA
Stanley.
STANLEY
Mmm-hmm.
Stanley leaves. Angela shakes her head and looks at
Mr. Beesly.
ANGELA
Don’t mind him. He doesn’t care about anything.
Mr. Beesly smiles to himself.
INT. THE OFFICE-PHYLLIS’ DESK
Jim and Peter stand and watch Michael
as he motions around the general area.
MICHAEL
This, Peter, is sales. Where all the
magic happens.(To Jim, lower) I have
this, Jimbo. Or did Ryan tell you to
babysit me? Isn’t that what you two
talked about?
JIM(leaning into Michael)
No… actually, he, uh… told me to watch
your style here. He said you were the
king of talking to a prospective client.
Y’know… learn from the best.
MICHAEL(smiling)
Really? Wow… (nods)
MICHAEL (VOICE OVER)
That was kind of… surprising.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
I didn’t know Ryan was so up on my skills…
that pay the bills. Nice to finally get the
respect I deserve. And… maybe I under-
estimated Ryan. But like they say in the
hood… (pause) “Game recognizes game”.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
(sighs)
Michael is like a… big ol’ dopey puppy
that everybody keep kicking. And I don’t
want to do that… I mean, why? So I try to
toss him a bone now and then… y’know?(pause)
Boy, I am really out there with the analogies
today.
INT. THE OFFICE-PHYLLIS’ DESK
Andy approaches Peter looking very cocky.
ANDY(sticking a hand out)
Hello, sir. My name is Andy Bernard.
I understand you are a graduate of
Cornell. That’s my alma-mater.
PETER(shaking)
Um… no, actually I… graduated from
Colgate.
MICHAEL
Colgate? Wow, I didn’t know…
Jim grabs Michael and whispers in his ear.
Michael looks disappointed as Jim pulls back.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
I don’t understand that. How can
a school named Colgate have
absolutely nothing to do
with toothpaste?(shakes head)
INT. THE OFFICE-PHYLLIS’ DESK
Andy continues to speak to Peter.
ANDY
Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I heard you went
to Cornell. That’s where I graduated from…
Cornell. (smiles cockily)
PETER
Yes, you… mentioned that.
ANDY TALKING HEAD
ANDY(smiling)
Always works. Get their attention with the
Ivy League mention… let them know that you
are of high-grade material…(pause) and then,
um… go… back to your desk.(looks dejected)
INT. THE OFFICE-OSCAR, ANGELA AND KEVIN’S DESK
Michael, Peter and Jim are standing near Oscar’s desk.
MICHAEL
And this is OSCAR. Oscar, this is Peter.
You know… just in case you wanted to know
him… personally…
OSCAR TALKING HEAD
OSCAR
Experience tells me that Michael said or
did something stupid regarding my homo-
sexuality. But experience also tells me
that judging by the look on Jim’s face…
I really don’t want to know what it was.
INT. THE OFFICE-OSCAR, ANGELA AND KEVIN’S DESK
A series of shots. Peter is shaking Angela’s hand.
Then Kevin’s. Saying hello to Creed and Meredith.
Creed pointing to Peter and then Jim and asking Jim
a question. Jim sighing and then shaking his head no.
Michael introducing him to Kelly but completely
blowing off Toby.
ANGELA(VOICE-OVER)
I was impressed by Mr. Loughridge, today.
He was very professional, very business-
like. Maybe he can instill those qualities
into the people here.
ANGELA TALKING HEAD
ANGELA
Maybe we can have a manager that knows how
to run an office. Maybe we’ll have workers
that actually follow the rules and are quiet
and respectful.(pause) And maybe I’ll win a
billion dollars and buy my own country.(frowns)
INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA
Peter stands facing Jim and Michael at the reception
desk. Pam sits in her seat, her mother and father
standing behind her chair.
PETER
Well… Thank you very much, Michael…
Jim. That was… very informative.
MICHAEL
Well, we look forward to hopefully
working under you… ah, beneath you…
ah, for you. For you.(nods)
PETER
Ok… um, well. Um… You know that companies
don’t necessarily acquire other companies
just because the CEO comes in and kicks the
tires. You know that.
Jim and Peter nod.
PETER
But I want you to know that you, this branch, acquitted yourself very well. I like what I’ve
seen. It gives me perspective on the larger
picture.
Everyone smiles.
PETER
So, thank you! And… we’ll see what happens.
Michael and Jim shake Peter’s hand. Peter shakes
Pam’s hand and then Mr. and Mrs. Beesly’s hands.
He leans closer to them.
PETER
Pam and Jim make a nice couple.
You should be very proud.
MRS. BEESLY
We are.
PETER(quieter)
And keep an eye on Jim… He’ll be running
this company one day.
Peter heads to the main door as Mr. Beesly leaves
reception and heads towards the back.
JIM
Take care, Peter!
MICHAEL
Yeah! Uh… go, Colgate!
Jim looks at the camera while Peter leaves.
JIM
Excuse me a second…
(makes a beeline towards the bathroom)
INT. THE OFFICE-MEN’S BATHROOM
Jim is about to enter the bathroom when Mr.
Beesly comes out.
JIM
Oh, Mr. Beesly… Hi, um… I know it’s
kinda late… but maybe…
MR. BEESLY
We’re… gonna go home. We’ve been in
the way long enough.
JIM
Oh. I… hoped we could…
MR. BEESLY
Well… another day maybe. We’ve got
a kinda long drive.
JIM(Hangs head)
Ok. A… nother day, then.
Mr. Beesly walks past Jim. He pauses and then looks back.
MR. BEESLY
We’ll… talk football or something.
(squints at Jim) You’re an Eagles
fan, right?
JIM(smiling)
Oh, yes sir!
MR. BEESLY
Thank God.
Mr. Beesly laughs and leaves. Jim enters the bathroom.
INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA
Mr. Beesly walks over to reception where Pam and her
mother are standing.
MR. BEESLY
We’re gonna go. Shouldn’t be hanging around
your job like this.
PAM
Oh… ok… um…
(looks at her mother, trying to get a
read on her dad)
MR. BEESLY
Hey, um… why don’t you… why don’t
you bring Jim by for dinner one
Saturday… let your mother fatten
him up a little. Ok?
PAM(smiling)
Ok.
MR. BEESLY
Alright.
Mr. Beesly hugs Pam and kisses her on the forehead.
MR. BEESLY
See ya, shorty.
Pam hits her dad and smiles. Mrs. Beesly gives
Pam a “See! Jim is IN!” look and hugs Pam. Jim
comes from the bathroom and Mrs. Beesly hugs him
too. Mr. Beesly shakes Jim’s hand.
MR. BEESLY
You two take care. And we
expect you at the house soon.
Jim and Pam give smiling ok’s and such. They all
walk out to the elevator and say goodbye when the
Beeslys get on. The doors close and Jim and Pam
stand with their arms around one another.
JIM
Wow. No, offense, Beesly, but… I am REALLY
glad that’s over with.
PAM
But you handled it, as usual. Peter loves
you, my parents love you…
JIM
Not so sure about that…
PAM
They do. And… and I love you.
JIM(smiling)
I love you too.
PAM
No… you don’t understand, Jim. I…
the way I feel… I can’t…
(shakes head in frustration)
You’re so… important to me. SO
important. And I don’t know how…
to say it.
JIM(touching Pam’s face)
You just did. (hugs her)
You said all you have to say.
PAM
Jim… (pause) Um… do we have time
to run over to Babies R Us?
JIM(stunned)
WHAT? What are you…
PAM(laughing)
No, no, no, no.. sorry! This is
strictly for fun! It will be TOTALLY
worth it. Trust me.
JIM
I… do. Ok, let’s do it!
Let me grab my keys…
Jim runs back into the office. Pam waits excitedly.
He comes back and a laughing Jim and Pam ring for the
elevator.
MICHAEL(voice over)
It’s been a good day. A very good day.
D-Miff Scrant came up large.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
I just hope Jim was paying attention. Taking
notes on my style. I am… very honest and up-
front with people. And people really respond
to that. When people like you… and trust you…
they’ll tell you just about anything. And they
just can’t live without having you be their
supplier or whatever. It becomes a great relationship.(pause)Yeah, hopefully, Jim saw
that. How to pull these people in. You gots to
keep it real.(pauses and then does a “raising
the roof” thing with his hands) Holla!
END ACT THREE
EPILOGUE
INT. THE OFFICE-KITCHEN AREA-NIGHT
We see Dwight huddled in the kitchen peeking out
towards his desk holding a flashlight. He also has
night vision goggles on. It is almost completely
dark in the office except for lights from computers
and the outside.
DWIGHT(to camera quietly)
So of course Jim was supposed to do this with me tonight but suddenly something “comes up” and he can’t. Probably making a Jello mold out of Pam or something… So that leaves me to protect us. And I will! No ghosts will harm…
Suddenly we hear a low moaning emanating from over by Dwight’s desk. He stares out at it and then back at the camera.
DWIGHT(whispering)
Do you hear that? They’re coming!
The moans get louder. Dwight creeps out of the kitchen
and towards his computer, carrying what appears to be a cattle prod. The camera follows. The moans stay about
the same volume until Dwight is right at his desk. Suddenly a piercing scream erupts from his desk. Dwight runs into the camera and they all scurry back to the kitchen.
DWIGHT(puffing hard, wide-eyed)
I think… I think I should contact
the Ghost Hunters in the morning…
The camera looks past Dwight and focuses on a small
box with a red light sitting right below Dwight’s
monitor, almost hidden.
EXT. PARKING LOT-
INT. JIM’S CAR
Through the dashboard cam we see Jim and Pam laughing hysterically as they sit in the front seat of Jim’s car.
JIM
WOW! Genius, Bees, pure genius.
PAM(wiping eyes)
Oh my God, this is better than I
thought it would be.(laughs)
JIM(lifting the monitor, which has a
screen that shows Dwight peeking at
the desk from the kitchen)
The video baby monitor? Worth
every penny…
PAM(shyly)
And who knows… One day we may need it…
A huge smile appears on Jim’s face.
JIM
C’mere.
The two engage in a very slow, passionate kiss. Then
Pam pulls back and points at the dashboard cam.
PAM
Jim…
JIM
Hm.
Jim leans into the back seat and pulls a jacket out.
He tosses it over the camera and Pam laughs. We hear
them start kissing again.
END EPILOGUE
End Notes:
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it. And please, if so inclined, leave a review. I'm so lonely... sob...
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.