1 [Report This]Date: August 24, 2020 09:03 pm Title: New Guys
"Oh, the difference six months will make." Well now that's just ominous. I can't tell if that's foreshadowing or retrospective, but some of the tags you tacked on this story have me leaning towards the former.
Overall I feel like it's pretty canon compliant right now, although the flashback Jim has the convinces him not to go all in was a nice touch, it really showed how conflicted he was with the decision. I'm glad Jim didn't go for it without talking to Pam again.
I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this, hopefully nothing too scary or scarring, in all aboard for fluff so we'll see if I need to jump off the ride at some point in the future.
Again though, you set the tone really well and maintain a cohesive narrative even with all of the perspective changes, well done!
Author's Response:
Yeah, Pam was quite the risk-taker and far more assertive during Seasons 3-5, and a little during 6 ("Your mom came onto me." *SMACK!*), but it goes to show how quickly her perspective has changed after S6. I've noticed this with her hair too; most of the time during 7-9 it's in a similar style as S1-3, before Fancy New Beesly. I want to explore that and see if she eventually makes more difficult decisions
And, yeah, Jim taking that call... it annoyed me, even though I completely understand the motivation. Both him and Pam made mistakes during that period, but it seemed like he didn't even consider what dropping everything and going for a new job did last time, bolstered by the fact he has so much more to lose.
And, knowing your writing, I understand your concern. Don't worry, the Halperts will be more happy and fulfilled this time around. There will be hurdles, *big* ones, but at the very least they'll better communicate, despite their insecurities.
Thanks for the review!
Date: August 22, 2020 12:54 am Title: New Guys
Like you said it was a decent summary of the episode. So in that regard, not bad. There were some things that threw me off though. Switching from present to past tense got a little confusing. Usually it's best to stay with one as much as possible. Helps keep things more consistent.
Likewise switching to script format for their talking heads is another thing that pulled me out of the story. It's still possible to give the talking head lines, but just using regular quotations. So that's the critical part of the review.
I did like how you got more into Pete and Clark's mindsets. Nice to see what their motivations are for everything. I also really liked the thoughts running through Jim's mind as he almost calls Mark. That felt very real. I'm really looking forward to seeing where we go from here. How will the dynamic change with Jim not running off to Philly? Should be really interesting to see where this goes.
Author's Response:
Appreciate the response as always!
Tense has always been a difficult thing for me to keep consistent. And the "talking head" thing is something I thought would work, but I need to go back to the drawing board with that.
Like I said, this is my least favorite passage and it will definitely be getting a rewrite and repost.
Thanks for the review!