Date: March 29, 2022 03:12 pm Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
Really liked this chapter! My poor heart got a rest and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now!
Great conversations with Helene and Penny there. Also really liked the doubt coming into Jim’s mind about Karen around not wanting kids, it’s not completely about Pam, they’re really just not meant to be together.
But oh my god, he was going to shred the teapot note?!? Noooo!!!!
Author's Response: Okay, it was hard to even fathom that shredder scene (which is why I had to do it, muahahaha!) And apologies to your poor heart, I feel like chapter 7 was the release valve for them post-Phyllis’ Wedding and this one was a sort of a regroup. But yes, the light is for sure at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for sticking with it! 💕
Date: March 29, 2022 08:56 am Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
Bringing in the moms! Moms ways know. I absolutely love the conversation Pam has with Helene.
And here you go again, creating insanely realistic scenes, like Delilah warning Jim to tell Pam how he feels and Jim realizing they must all know. And that she inspired the card!
I loved the card just as much the second time. Beautiful.
Author's Response: Thanks so much, WW!
Date: March 29, 2022 04:06 am Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
**she is relieved that she will never again have to wonder whether or not she did the right thing last June.**
Through all this longing and hurting for Jim - there is also her mindset about all that happened with Roy and I like that you bring that up. I have to imagine she had her bouts of feeling bad she let not one but two relationships go after what happened at Casino Night and thoughts of regret were a small bit of what pushed her back his way...at least now she has peace of mind that even if she didn't have Jim, that was the best thing for her.
I also really enjoyed the conversation with Helene. For a woman who isn't in the healthiest relationship herself, she has a lot of good insights. Maybe that is why. - I loved that she differentiates between supposed to feel and actually feel...wonder if she is comparing Pam's situation to her own.
Everything about this conversation was so layered but so good - but this line - you know I feel this so strongly....Even now, she wonders if she’d have ever realized she and Roy were wrong for each other if Jim hadn’t been there to show her what right could look like.
PS - I love the little note about him wordlessly giving her the last coke - sweet - but that machine runs out of coke a lot, doesn't it.
After spending a weekend with my own sister, I can really appreciate the part with Penny too. Sisters often have a way of seeing through you and understanding without judging.
I love that Jim doesn't hide his crush from his mom. I so see this as their relationship - love too that her idea to put her favorite tea in it sparks the idea for what he ultimately does.
Yikes- he almost shredded the card.
And he's still trying to fool himself with Karen. Don't know if you intended this but I feel like the way you start the chapter with Pam talking to her mom who's dad never felt that intense love (that P&J have) for her and end it with Jim trying to convince himself that he can find love with Karen (perhaps the Helene to his William) says a whole lot.
Great Job as usual on this chapter.
I'm excited to see how you approach Beach Games.
Author's Response:
I definitely tried to approach Helene as a woman encountering similar issues about love, but I didn't actually intend the parallel with Jim/Karen. It's so true though, so I'm glad you found it.
Fancy New Beesly is a'comin'...
1 [Report This]Date: March 28, 2022 06:48 am Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
So, as we're getting closer to the end of the year of angst, I really like what you're doing here. Both Jim and Pam have had time to get some perspective on things. How they royally messed everything up with what they did and didn't say on Casino Night. They've had to deal with the ramifications of everything. There's still tension and a little pain for sure, but it doesn't feel angry anymore. I think Jim's apology last chapter and him saying "everything's going to be okay," had a big part in that. Same with Pam's earlier apology in the breakroom. They're both smart enough and know each other well enough that they could understand the context of those apologies. So, in this chapter it feels like we're building on that.
The conversation Pam has with Helene goes to show this progress is still going on. Pam was with Roy for a long time, but Helene has known her even longer. I think Helene was able to give Pam some really good insight and clarification. Which highlights the flashback nicely too. Basically Pam's had the blinders pulled off and now that her eyes are open and she's had some needed perspective come into her life, she can see just how strong her feelings for Jim have been all this time. That last line there, "It's time to be brave." Love it. Can't wait to see how you'll treat her bravery coming up.
I get the feeling that the flashback was something that was going through Jim's mind even as he sat across the table from Karen there on their date. Then all of a sudden he pulls up sharp when she offers her toast. Like when he pulled it out of the trash it was now stuck in his mind, almost as if that little act was the first real shot of meaningful life support his heart has had since those few brief seconds on Casino Night where Pam had kissed him back, said "me too," but before he asked if she was still going to marry Roy.
So here's Jim thinking about his own words about Pam. How he admitted, at least to himself, that he would love Pam forever. Yet he's sitting across the table from Karen who just told him that kids are not the priority in her life. You can see the red flag being run up the proverbial flag pole in Jim's mind. Yes, kids are important to him, but it's just so telling that even still when he thinks about his kids, they have Pam's eyes. But then at the end he still hedges. He may have made progress, but there's still a lot of hurt there, and to be fair prior to Pam's speech it did seem like Jim and Karen were in a good place. So while he still has images and feelings of Pam bouncing around in his head, feelings for Karen are growing. Had Pam not spoked up after her coal walk or put her note in his papers, it would be very easy to see this Jim would have let his feelings for Karen grow and his feelings for Pam would have faded. Of course we all know how it all turns out (which has been one of the biggest reasons I'm so invested in such a fic of this level of angst, the other bigger reason is your great writing).
There's two ways I feel about this chapter all together. First it feels like a great set up for Beach Day. Second this feels like the first blow of a hammer on a piece of raw iron ore resting on an anvil. The smith has put the ore into the fire and let it soak in some heat. The ore is then set on the anvil and the first blow lands. It's not a very hot heating nor is it a very strong blow. Instead, the smith heated the ore only enough to see where the cracks are. The hammer strike did remove some slag, but it was more of an exploration. A way to find out where's the junk and where's the good metal. This is in preparation for hotter flames from the forge and the intense hammer strikes that will once and for all remove any impurities and forge something indestructible. Can't wait to see that.
Author's Response: thanks warrior, your reviews are always so thoughtful and I appreciate each and every one. Excited to see what you think of Beach Games!
Date: March 27, 2022 02:53 am Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
Still arguably the best Christmas card contents on this site. This one totally got me *feels*
Author's Response: Thank you so much. That card still means as much to me as it did in terrace, so I appreciate you saying that!
1 [Report This]Date: March 27, 2022 01:28 am Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
”We change each other all the time, Pam.”
Dammmmm this line hit me like a load of bricks. Well done. Looking forward to the next update.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! The next one will be a biggie...
Date: March 26, 2022 09:38 pm Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
“Better or worse than last time?” HELENE. "I didn't mean it like that." YES YOU DID.
"Every single moment of that night is carved into her memory like an epitaph: her dearly departed chance with Jim Halpert. Rest in peace."
I think I've come around to the idea that it's kind of appropriate that Pam comes from a family of people who just... wouldn't follow up on the Casino Night call. As you know, I maintain the Beesly parent marriage is key to understanding Pam and Roy, and this is the choice of a mom who is maybe too used to not speaking up (or has her own expectations for what constitutes happiness). It's not exactly A+ mothering, but Helene's not exactly a 4.0 mother, is she, MICHAEL. And that vibe does hang over this whole conversation.
“One day he was getting a Coke out of the vending machine and it was the last one. It's so silly, but he just turned around and handed it to me without a second thought.” I love this detail and that this stuck with her.
“We change each other all the time, Pam... Love… real love, it sort of sits with you. Forever. You can’t just forget about it. It changes you, and I guess you just have to be careful not to lose yourself.” I LOVE THIS LINE.
Ah, Penny, you drama llama. You and Delilah might get along.
The note remains beautiful. And this scene with him holding it over the shredder is STRESSFUL, even knowing this is canon compliant. Good bit I think! Very symbolic of where Jim is in this journey. He's really trying, Karen... but he's not going to succeed.
“Yeah, and he’s clearly not meeting the dress code. Slob.” I'm sorry, Karen, but if you can't laugh at that, you and Jim are not meant to be Pam or no Pam. Same with this conversation about kids. The both of you need to start remembering what a red flag signals... and should maybe consider why it is you're just getting to this question now.
Date: March 26, 2022 08:22 pm Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
Jim is really trying to hard to be in a
relationship with Karen(and her with Jim).
They simply aren’t compatible. So even if there
was no Pam, they aren’t right for each other.
Their complete lack of chemistry is a big sign of that.
So like I said before, Karen is Jim’s own Roy.
Pam’s mom is right in that Pam should tell Jim how she truly feels, and if he doesn’t reciprocate,
which we know he will, at least Pam will know the truth, instead of wondering about what could have been. That way Pam would also be able to move on.
1 [Report This]Date: March 25, 2022 07:35 pm Title: "All it really means is that we're friends."
I'm currently rewatching The Office (it's my partner's first time seeing it in full). We just finished season 3 a few days ago. Reading this story + watching some episodes I haven't seen in a while made me forget how intense some of season 3 is.
I loved the conversation of Pam talking with her mom and finally admitting what happened on Casino Night. I also enjoyed the restaurant conversation between Jim and Karen. I like Karen as a character, but I am obviously a big shipper of J+P so I never really thought much about the inside of Jim and Karen's relationship, other than what the show gave us (late night talks is about all I can think of). Definitely liked seeing what you envisioned for them only starting to think of their future this far in.
I imagine the story is getting close to completion based on the timeline, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up with for the final few episodes of season 3. Would love to see another fic based on a different season, such as 4 (l so wish we could've had the full season they had planned!) or maybe 5 or 9. Looking forward to the next chapter! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much! We are getting close to completion, four more chapters to go. I like your S4/S5 idea, I'll consider that. Gonna need a fluff cleanse after this one. Happy to see you here, I hope you enjoy the rest!
Date: March 24, 2022 11:59 pm Title: "I have no future here."
OMG. I just want to cry. That was so emotional to read! Nice work on the writing again.
Date: March 24, 2022 12:25 pm Title: "I have no future here."
Shout out to the Reno 911 reference. Gosh it takes me back. I love this update. Great work!
Author's Response: Thanks! Appreciate a fellow Reno 911! fan :)
1 [Report This]Date: March 22, 2022 04:16 am Title: "I have no future here."
Before I even began reading, the title of this chapter let me know to brace myself.
For Jim, Pam going back to Roy, well I could understand him needing to go numb to it - it was more than just jealousy, it was his pain seeing her with a person like him, who's anger issues put her potentially in harm's way, that she could want a person like him over himself, that he just hated the guy. So I could understand his attitude in the breakroom, it was cruel but maybe the only way he could deal with it - especially after that violence turned towards him and now put even Karen in harm's way (but still it was all about Pam).
***The weekends have become a sort of reprieve for him lately; two precious days where Pam does not have to exist. This weekend, it’s two precious days Pam and Roy don’t have to exist.***
Um Yeah this.
***They say your life flashes before your eyes when you think you’re about to die, but for some reason when Jim sees Roy’s fist headed for his face all he can think about are Dwight’s warnings about bear attacks: how they always come when you least expect them.
At this point, however, he’d prefer the bear.***
This though was a great bit and felt very JIm.
No one of the things you do so well is take a line and give it a whole other dimension - you did it with Don't forget us in your other fic and here the added sting when Jim snaps back with - I’m sure you guys will find your way back to each other someday. - using her own words this time to hurt her. That's what makes these so good.
Another thing your fics do so well is fill in the blank spaces between the show and the rest of what happened - events and what's in their heads...JIm's coming back after his interview to see what he sees puts his confession in a whole other light.
THe circularity of his grabbing her hand in the flashback and then in the end scene - caught that. Oh and that she doesn't want him to drive her home - to where the world with ROy - oooh lady.
But getting to the end - Filling in the space with that car scene was - well I'm kind of speechless - all so well written - so in character...
I'm taking it back - (thank you JIm) - him straight out telling her he doesn't understand what she sees/saw in him and her offering back her plea of insanity - the long coming acknowledgment of their night but the halting stop to the conversation. It all felt so real.
***Tears well in her eyes again, but for the first time in a long time, it’s not because Jim is dating someone else, or because she’s missed her chance with him. It’s because she misses him — this — so much. She can barely remember what it felt like to have someone in her life who cared about her the way he did. The way he always has.***
THIS.
And how this seems to be a small crack in his armor, big enough for her to get in just a bit, a small turning point that aligns with the next episode (where they have fun with the gambling games and join forces to save Michael from almost certain death). But knowing they are not out of the woods yet looking forward to the what you will do to us next.
Magnificent job on this weighty chapter.
Date: March 21, 2022 07:41 pm Title: "I have no future here."
You broke me, girl. You literally broke me. I’m speechless… this CAR SCENE.
Ugh, I felt for Pam earlier when Jim lowkey just snapped on her, but I know it was needed. UGH JUST THIS FUCKING CAR SCENE.
TD, TINYDUNDIE, OUCH TIMES A THOUSAND GIRL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Date: March 21, 2022 07:40 pm Title: "I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle"
I will start off with something that I have mentioned numerous times before: I hate Jewel. I hate her voice, that fucking song, the fact that I had to hear her sing over and over again on a CD at my previous job. Therefore, I will never like that *that* was Pam and Roy’s song.
Now that that’s out of the way…
TD MY HEART!!! Ugh, I wish I could just shake Pam and be like “GIRL DON’T LEAVE WITH ROY. PLEASE DON’T!” Poor Jim, to have to witness her make that choice a SECOND TIME?!
I also really LOVED how you handled his DUI and everything. It was beautiful.
And that flashback to the convention OUCH MY HEART.
BEAUTIFUL, TD! I loved this!
Date: March 21, 2022 04:04 pm Title: "I have no future here."
The opening here I think captures quite well how unpleasant and exhausting this moving on process is for Jim, and how frustrating it is for him to have it interrupted, how embarrassing it is. You're in my humble opinion spot on with why Jim reacts the way he does during the Heartbreak in the Breakroom... he just sees this as Pam forcing him right back into the same old role, and he's beyond done with it.
This glimpse into the past is terrific and wildly painful. Pam being mostly sure that Roy would never hurt her but not *quite* being able to resist the thought that he could... ow. And the way it's normalized for her and remains horrifying and infuriating for Jim, the way Pam justifies it to herself and how Jim has to face that... chills, man.
AND YOU WORKED IN THE THING STUCK IN HER SHOE.
100% buy that Jim not knowing about the scene at Poor Richard's makes a huge difference in how he reacts here.
"Tears well in her eyes again, but for the first time in a long time, it’s not because Jim is dating someone else, or because she’s missed her chance with him. It’s because she misses him — this — so much. She can barely remember what it felt like to have someone in her life who cared about her the way he did. The way he always has." DEAD.
Date: March 21, 2022 01:53 pm Title: "I have no future here."
The attack scene was well written. It was like
it was happening in slow motion. Jim can be cruel,
but at least he had the decency to apologize.
Plus,I have to give him credit for admitting that
he deserved to get punched by Roy.
Unfortunately, Pam didn’t speak up for herself
and was honest about the real reason she
got back with Roy, because it was Jim’s fault.
Karen is predictable and territorial.
She is Jim’s Roy. Except with violence, Karen uses
words.
1 [Report This]Date: March 21, 2022 10:17 am Title: "I have no future here."
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
That's the feeling I got at the end of this chapter. Just a mind blank what the hell just happened moment. Here I am emotionally ready to be destroyed by what I feel IS the lowest point of Jim and Pam's relationship and it hit as hard as I figured it would. Jim's words in the break room are just harsh. He's intentionally being dismissive to her. He knows better than anyone what would drive a knife in even deeper. And he says it. It's already hard enough.
Then that flashback. Oh, holy crap that flashback. When we got to Pam's portion of it and it was her that said that line first? I literally stopped reading for about a minute to try and process it. Jim's line to Pam in canon was bad enough. Now he's throwing one of her own lines, from the freaking parking lot of doom no less, back at her! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Now I get why Jim is pissed and why Pam is so upset. It all fits of course. But then the ending scene. THIS FRICKIN' ENDING SCENE IN PAM'S CAR!!!!
How do you do it? I honestly want to know! How do you go from the worst moment of their relationship, to finally breathing a bit of oxygen back into their lives? I mean good on Jim for coming back to apologize. He needed to of course because he was a complete ass to her in the break room. But that here when it all seems like there's nothing but darkness, there's still one small ember left glowing. It's not a flame, it's not even a spark. It's an ember buried under a deep laying of ash. Ash that's been drowned in a flood of tears, stirred up and left to die, but deep down, there's still one ember of the
Jim and Pam we know that remains. One small area no tear could extinguish. It's barely there, but it's enough. Considering your skill as a wordsmith, I'm really looking forward to seeing how that ember starts to glow brighter from here on out.
Bravo on a chapter that tore me up and still gave me hope in the course of the reading. Just superb.
Date: March 20, 2022 11:12 am Title: "Secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets hurt someone."
"She wishes she had an Excel spreadsheet open to follow this conversation." LOL
I love all the "behind the scenes" you give us, like Karen and Jim after he admits he still has feelings for Pam. It makes so much sense, and I love that you mentioned how Jim is aware of how tightly Karen is clinging to their relationship and how badly he wants to move forward. And their texts when we wakes up after Diwali! Somehow heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once.
1 [Report This]Date: March 20, 2022 10:50 am Title: "Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground."
"He smiles, and his cheeks hurt. He supposes that's what happens to muscles you don't really use anymore."
OUCH.
You're so good at subtle one-liners that shatter me. Still loving this so much!
Date: March 18, 2022 05:19 pm Title: "You're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart."
What the Dundie give us in JAM tidbits the Dundie taketh away in angst. And yet, here I am reading it anyway because this is so fricking good.
1 [Report This]Date: March 18, 2022 05:17 pm Title: "That was what today was supposed to be. The loving union between people."
Here’s the thing. I struggle with angst at times because I so want them together (I’ll admit it, I’d be happy if this site was just full of post S3 summer fics) but this is so well written I enjoyed it anyway, despite the angst. The power of JAM compels us!
Date: March 17, 2022 09:20 am Title: "I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle"
Not going to lie, I was getting worried when we got to this point of S3. We're really getting into what I've always considered the lowest point of the JAM relationship. As always you wrote it really well.
With everything Pam's going through you really get the real sense of why she'd get back with Roy. She's hurting, lonely, feeling unseen, and even a bit betrayed. Despite everything, Roy was a steady and constant part of her life for years. I fully get why she'd be so drawn back to that sort of comfort zone. Though I'm very glad she stood up for herself and told him no to sex. I could see why she might go that route, but the way you describe her feelings here, it makes complete sense that that kind of physical contact isn't what she really needs.
Pam's flashback to where Roy asked her to bail him out was a great counterpoint. How she was starting to really be honest and stand up for herself. Yet she still can't quite tell the whole truth.
Jim's flashback stung too. To hear Pam is out on a date I'm sure would have hit his heart hard. After the two rejections on Casino Night and then being lost in all this thoughts over the summer, yeah I don't blame him for needing a moment.
Then at the wedding, you really paint the picture as to why he's so upset. He'd been trying to just stay friendly with Pam, even though he knows it's never just friendly with her. Then to see her walk out with Roy, yeah makes sense he'd throw up the walls and get kind of defensive.
Date: March 16, 2022 09:04 pm Title: "I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle"
This notion of Pam feeling worse due to the little hints of hope she's getting feels spot on. I'd imagine Jim of all people can probably relate well to it. If it weren't for that, maybe she (or he in earlier seasons) could just move on and start to heal. But it really tears the scab right off.
I continue to love this notion of Roy capturing her, intentionally or unintentionally, at vulnerable moments and her just kind of rolling with it. Feels important and fitting to their story. There's a good mix of genuine happiness and also glaring red flags that this relationship should not have survived high school graduation in your take on their history.
"But his attention makes her weak. Attention of any kind has always made her weak." OW. Oh, this Roy... like, he's clearly doing his best and his best is just... still not at all good.
"It’s more than drunk, it’s quite clearly disorderly." Too true. Ugh. Again. Roy showing a lot of signs of not taking Pam's no seriously here. And him taking her bailing him out of jail as a sign she's prepared for a come-on is too Roy for his own good. Him needing to be reminded that there was a long time for things to change between him asking her to marry him and her breaking it off is ALSO very Roy.
The transition between Pam and Jim's past POVs STINGS. And I think you did well capturing the devastation of Jim realizing that she's left Roy and STILL doesn't want him.
"It’s amazing what being fought for can do for one’s self-esteem." Yeppers. I think this is a good insight.
Oh, Delilah. She must just be clamping a hand over her mouth some days.
Yikes. The ending. Ow. OW.
Author's Response: Thanks as always for your review and your help. Writing Roy is more fun than I thought it would be, heh.
Date: March 16, 2022 05:02 am Title: "I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle"
Arggh- I just wrote a whole review and then going back to check something I lost it --man I hate that- anyway I'll start again.
You really got at the loneliness, jealously and regret that was going on inside Pam at that wedding.
I'm also fascinated to see the takes on how Pam and Roy got together. Yours with the history of the song sheds new light on her choice to leave with him. His showing up again, while the song played, while she was at her weakest - I could see how she would need the comfort of something familiar even if was something she knew was still not right, but there was hope it could be.
--He doesn’t tell her that, however, and she falls asleep with “Fields of Gold” still echoing inside her head as she lay in Roy’s arms. She can’t help but feel like she’s gone home with silver.--
This to me what the golden line of this chapter. There definitely is a intentional use of symbolic gold throughout this show and I just love when it is featured in fics and I love how you point out the contrast here.
So it is Pam that he calls to bail him out when he gets the DUI? But it makes sense - they may not have been right but that history doesn't go away in an instance and yeah, who else would he call? That it presents him with the opportunity to ask her why, I'll take that too.
I did notice how she even sort of blames herself for not telling him sooner how she felt (sign it is still that just post season 2 Pam who is still growing) but glad she stood her ground even if it still hurt her to see him that way.
What worked so well was the juxtapositioning of those last lines of this flashback with the opening ones Jim's - nicely done. How he hears about the date and his musings over why she hasn't told him:
--There’s only one answer, really, and he hates it: it’s because it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter. What happened with Pam and Roy has nothing to do with him, and that much is obvious from her clear intention to move on from all of it.--
Oh poor Jim here.
And poor Karen at the end- she's just the bandaid (He won't kid himself - oh but you are Jim) - right now Jim's like a child thinking its the bandaid that makes the boo-boo not hurt.
Another well done chapter. So much so I wrote my review twice.
Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to let me know what you think, I truly appreciate it!
Date: March 15, 2022 12:19 pm Title: "I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle"
The wedding is the episode I hate the most because it really feels between Jim’s ‘hypothetical’ and Pam staring at Jim and Karen all night, there was a glimmer of hope for them, which just got trampled all over.
Having said that, this chapter as much as I didn’t want to read it (not your writing, the content!), was really well done. I ached for Pam just wanting to be held, and Jim’s flashback piecing together about the wedding being called off was really great.
Author's Response: Thanks for powering through... things will get better soon. :)