Date: April 18, 2007 12:48 pm Title: Percussive maintenance
The M&Ms line is *so* Jim. Continuing to love this story.
Author's Response: Hee. I thought so, too. :)
Date: April 18, 2007 04:10 am Title: Percussive maintenance
Really liking this so far. One question (purely out of curiosity): do they call it "pop" in Pennsylvania? I have only heard it called that in the Pacific NW, but I have never lived in the NE. Kind of random but this inquiring mind wants to know.
Author's Response: That is an excellent question, and I knew when I was typing it I should probably have said "soda," because I think that's what they say there. I have relatives on the East coast, and I sort of think that's the term they use there. I grew up in the Midwest, where they say pop, and I now live in the Pacific NW, where they say pop. And I believe in the South they call everything coke, even if it's Pepsi or root beer or 7-Up. Regional differences are interesting, huh?
Date: April 15, 2007 07:41 pm Title: Percussive maintenance
You pretty much rock. First off, the dialogue in the first chapter was really funny and very in character. I love that you're giving Karen a fair deal here. Yeah, she's a littly pissy, but I would be too in her situation. She's still fun.
Now in this chapter you've got great Jim/Pam dialogue. It's got a different tone from the Jim/Karen stuff, more nervous, which is great. And Pam sliding the Snickers into his pocket? Fantastic. (Is that a candy bar in your pocket or are you just... nah. I won't go there.)
Author's Response: Wow, thanks! What a great review. I'm glad the dialogue rings true for you. I'll post the next chapter soon. :)
Date: April 15, 2007 07:32 pm Title: Percussive maintenance
I like the balance you've struck with Karen. She's perfect amounts upset, frustrated, and witchy. :) And I love Pam! I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying it. And who doesn't love Pam? She's too cute not to love. :)
Date: April 15, 2007 01:10 pm Title: Percussive maintenance
Haha I loved the bit at the end about the personnel complaint that was the icing on the cake and definitely unexpected (I thought perhaps Karen had already thrown in the towel)
Way too short, but a great way to introduce Pam to the story
Great job
Author's Response: I have a background in poetry, so I actually find it difficult to write longer fiction, because it goes against everything I've learned about economy of words. I'll try to be a little more long-winded in the next few chapters, though. :) And don't worry, there will definitely be a chapter involving Karen and the towel. ;)
Date: April 15, 2007 12:38 pm Title: Percussive maintenance
Hey, Lisahoo, you beat me - I was going to use that line!! I really like both chapters so far, you have the gift of putting so much emotion into only a few words. Can't wait to see what happens next...
Author's Response: Thank you! That's so nice of you to say.
Date: April 15, 2007 12:25 pm Title: Percussive maintenance
Uh, is that a Snickers bar, or is Jim just happy to see Pam? (Sorry, couldn't resist!)
Author's Response: BWAH HA HA HA HA HA! I almost put something at the end of the chapter about the Snickers bar, but I just couldn't do it.
Date: April 15, 2007 12:17 pm Title: Percussive maintenance
She slid the candy bar into his pants pocket and took a step back, quirking an eyebrow as she watched his eyes widen in surprise.
Oh my! I was excited about this story before but now I CAN'T WAIT to see where you're going with it!
Author's Response: Hee! Don't pressure me! ;)