Date: April 19, 2007 08:08 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
Can you tell your mom I have a girlcrush on her? Seriously.
Author's Response: My Mom says, "Doesn't everybody?" Seriously. She said that. It's worrisome.
Date: April 19, 2007 07:58 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
Dark but funny, you made me laugh.
Michael can't resist playing with the baler and Karen is passed out drunk nearby after an office party.
Dwight is determined to show Toby that throwing stars are not a danger and shouldn't be confiscated, so he flings one randomly across the room which hits Karen between the eyes.
Pam tells Jim she loves him. Karen overhears and steps between them trying to stop Jim from going nearer to Pam. Karen dies from a grape soda bottle to the head.
Karen's foot gets stuck in a deep puddle. She asks Pam for help. Pam gets an extension cord and a toaster instead.
Author's Response: Swedge, I think you have a second career ahead of you. Call Greg Daniels and tell him you're available for writing plot points!
Date: April 19, 2007 07:15 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
These are so funny. And, if your mom truly wrote these (Not your dog? Doesn't your dog sometimes write?), then she has an amazing grasp on the Office gossip and goings-on.
I can't even pick a "best". I also like the categories. Too, too funny, Muggins. I had to favorite it, because how could I not have this handy to look back on? I hope "Karen" never sees this; we'd be on her hit list. By "we", I mean you, your mom, and every one of us who goes on record as finding it hilarious.
Author's Response:
No way would my dog write this stuff! My dog LOOOOVES Karen! Remember he wrote that she had pouty lips and sultry eyes or something like that? He's kind of a horndog about her.
I had to "translate" my Mom's list because it was just a leetle too gory and violent for my tastes. I tried to match every death up with something mentioned or said in an Office episode so that was definitely my doing. I haven't shown her my re-writes because I think she'd be upset by my changing a few... like changing a "big boulder falls on her and crushes her flat, blood oozes everywhere" to "Bono falls off the stage". But luckily she doesn't know I post these here, I just forward her stuff....late, late at night when she can't call me and harangue me for being so nice to Karen.
Seriously. Based on the fact that the most expressive face we've ever seen from "Karen" was when she was playing Call of Duty... I'm kinda scared myself. I think my Mom can take her though. She's pretty handy with a shovel.
Date: April 19, 2007 07:12 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
Pam is shredding documents and trips Karen as she walks by the machine. Karen's pretty straight hair gets caught. Angela forms the funeral planning committee.
Author's Response: A Funeral Planning Committee!!!! Brilliant!!!
Date: April 19, 2007 07:11 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
Your mom rules.
Author's Response: Luckily she doesn't or poor Karen would be no more.... Also Jim Halpert would be co-ruler and Scranton would be the Capitol of the United States. She's power mad, my Mom is.
10 [Report This]Date: April 19, 2007 06:54 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
how did this suddenly go from 5 stars to 1? ratings are being wierd here today. and why can't i backspace?
Author's Response: I checked with MTT and they said not to worry about it. Only one person left a 10 and then someone put a 1 and then someone else put a 1 and that'll do it. I knew that this wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea with the violence and the anti-Karen tone. So, ok... it still makes me laugh and I had fun reading my Mom's list and then transcribing it to Office episodes.
Date: April 19, 2007 06:44 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
34. Karen finds out she has an inverted penis. One day she gets excited watching Jim and Dwight wrestling, gets a hard-on, pierces an organ, and dies.
This is too funny.
Thank your Mom for me. Expect a can of delicious goose grease in the mail. Because I tossed out the tuna oil.
Author's Response: Talk to you in three years, my friend /shun!
Date: April 19, 2007 06:41 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
Herr's Strychnine & Vinegar Potato Chips. Yes.
Author's Response: Hilarious! That is tied for first place with the Turned to a Pillar of Salt one by Too Late Kev. I ♥ ♥ ♥ the ones that reference back to the Office! You are so damn cool!
Date: April 19, 2007 06:36 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
yay! I'm in a fic! I don't know if I have a favorite there are all so good, I'm going to have to go with the catapult and the Jim picnic.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the catapult. That was literally the hardest one for me to translate from my Mom's list. Her list was much gorier than what I posted. I tried to link all her stuff to episodes of the office. For instance she had "pulled apart by wild horses" which I changed to the Mr. Bill reference from "Office Olympics". But the trebuchet? Who mentions a freakin' trebuchet ever? Phew. Glad you liked it.
Date: April 19, 2007 06:10 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
THIS IS AWESOME!!! I've been planning a fanfic featuring Karen getting hit by a bus, but it would be meaningless now. I'm favoriting this story; I think I'm going to need it as the season goes on.
Clever and hilarious; well done!!! -CH
Author's Response: Are you kidding! My Mom would LOVE YOU FOREVER if you wrote that! Especially if it were (ironically) a bus heading to Stamford! Do it! Do it!
Date: April 19, 2007 06:07 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
Karen wakes up and finds she’s switched bodies with Michael ala Freaky Friday.
Question: Does this mean that Michael, who'se now in Karen's body, starves to death because he's too busy standing in front of the mirror playing with his own boobs to find time to eat?
Author's Response: Most excellent question - Because of your review I dreamt last night what the Freaky Friday day would be like. I sooooo want to write it but I promised myself no more WIP's.... it would be awesome though!!! awesome!!! I need more time! More fingers! More typewriters!!!!
Date: April 19, 2007 06:04 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
This is so wrong! And SO RIGHT!
My favs- 6, 28, 29, and 45.
You win at life, for a very, very, very long time. :)
Author's Response: My Mom thanks you and says may you have a long and fruitful life. Not sure why she wants you to have a lot of fruit... hope you like apples and whatnot.
10 [Report This]Date: April 19, 2007 05:50 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
I have three words for you: win win win.
Author's Response: My Mom loves you and says let her know if you're ever put up for adoption, cause she'll take ya.
Date: April 19, 2007 05:48 pm Title: Poor Karen, we knew you so little....
How exactly is one bobbled to death?
Aww, but 28.... that would mean Pam is dead also!
various Packer related diseases
Those are so odd and funny... and apparently I am not normal, since I don't imagine ways for people to die.
Author's Response:
Well, since it is the first reported death by bobbling, the experts are still debating the point. However, I do know that all weeble wobbles have been recalled.