Date: May 07, 2007 11:16 pm Title: Chapter 1
Her finger snakes out and traces one of the veins that pulsed on his manhood and he fought to keep from spilling himself into her hand. " I can see what i do to you. " she whispered as she leaned up. He could feel her breath against his straining head and he tried to jerk away from her, but she grabbed his hips in her hands, holding him steady.
" Please, Pam. " he whines desperately. " I can't stop it. "
SHe looked up at him with hooded eyes. " I don't want you to. " She said before etaking him deeply into her mouth.
" But, " it was all he managed to say.
She had barely touched him yet he felt himself clutching at her as he exploded with a deep strangled cry that sounded close to her name.
His body jerked and convulsed as she milked him completely dry, hungrily draining him of every drop.
When his knees would no longer hold him, he collapsed beside her in a shaking heap.
Wow really hott. Keep up the good work!
Date: May 07, 2007 10:14 am Title: Chapter 1
I agree with what everyone said - this was really hot, and a good story, but there were just so many errors that it was a bit hard to read. Great try, though!
Date: May 07, 2007 09:18 am Title: Chapter 1
i agree ... it was a nice story, but the spelling and grammatical errors, as well as the strange punctuation formatting, really distracted from the story.
Date: May 07, 2007 04:14 am Title: Chapter 1
I think you had something here, but there are a ton of mistakes in here, spelling errors, poor grammar, and typos. I really suggest using a beta for your next story.