Date: October 23, 2006 09:14 pm Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
Cotton, not aluminum. Like he’s speaking under bed sheets, his hand pulling them up over their heads, making their own fortress. The sunlight seeps through the thin layer of fabric and everything glows. It makes it easy to forget all the things that are broken now, all the things they haven’t talked about.
All the things hovering outside the sheet. Brilliant image right there.
What they fill in for Jim to say versus what he says (Kelly? ouch, and so realistic) - fantastic.
So glad you updated!
10 [Report This]Date: October 23, 2006 10:53 am Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
I was so excited to see you had updated this. The language you use is just beautiful and I love how you're able to capture their awkwardness and familiarty all at once. I feel like this conversation was the happiest we've seen Pam and Jim in awhile and it made me happy to read it, so thank you for that :)
8 [Report This]Date: October 22, 2006 04:58 pm Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
That was good.
10 [Report This]Date: October 22, 2006 04:56 pm Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
This line was so sweet - "She’s talking about something, what she ate for dinner last night maybe, but what he hears is that she misses him."
10 [Report This]Date: October 22, 2006 10:18 am Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
The lonelyness and the missing him. Definitely. Your use of Kelly to alleviate the tension was well-placed.
10 [Report This]Date: October 22, 2006 06:09 am Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
Lovely as usual. Like so much about these two it's bittersweet - but IMO that's the best kind of chocolate.
10 [Report This]Date: October 22, 2006 04:12 am Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
This is exquisite. Start to finish.
Even their final words - 'um' and 'yeah' are eloquent and speak volumes the way you've used them. This just summed up so much, so succinctly.
10 [Report This]Date: October 21, 2006 09:26 pm Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
Silence then, but they both know what silences like this mean.
Your stories make it hard to breathe. Heartbreakingly beautiful, as usual.
10 [Report This]Date: October 21, 2006 08:35 pm Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
"Like he’s speaking under bed sheets, his hand pulling them up over their heads, making their own fortress. The sunlight seeps through the thin layer of fabric and everything glows. It makes it easy to forget all the things that are broken now, all the things they haven’t talked about. "
Gah. Beautiful. Words cannot describe how excited I was to see this updated. You have captured the heartache and the awkwardness and the love of this conversation so perfectly. Love.
10 [Report This]Date: October 21, 2006 08:34 pm Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
One nitpick: from land, it is impossible to see the sun sink into Long Island Sound. The sun sets in the WEST, and Long Island Sound is EAST of Connecticut. So maybe he's watching it sink behind some buildings?
Author's Response: I hadn't even thought about that, but...let's just say in my fictional universe here the sun sets in the east. :)
10 [Report This]Date: October 21, 2006 08:29 pm Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
I can certainly imagine that as being a part of their conversation. Loved it! :)
10 [Report This]Date: October 21, 2006 07:16 pm Title: The Initiation: Tin Cans, Bed Sheets
Like he’s speaking under bed sheets, his hand pulling them up over their heads, making their own fortress. The sunlight seeps through the thin layer of fabric and everything glows. It makes it easy to forget all the things that are broken now, all the things they haven’t talked about.
Que linda! Muy bien, unfold. Muy bien.