7 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2006 03:55 pm Title: Year One
You've really created a realistic story for them. Roy is exactly the same, and Pam isn't- and that's why the "present" Pam and Roy don't work anymore. Very nice job with this (I noticed the verb tense thing, too- the biggest problem is that it distracts from an otherwise nicely constructed story). The last line is especially poignant.
9 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2006 06:14 am Title: Year One
This is such a realistic back story. And you've done a good job of making Roy sensitive enough so that Pam would love him but with enough of the big dumb jock persona so that we groan and wonder why she's attracted to him! There are a couple of present verb tenses amongst all the past tenses. Nice job!
Author's Response: I need to go back in and fix the inconsistent tenses. I was going for one and then somewhere in there switched, then switched back. I guess I didn't fix all of them. Thanks for the feedback!