1 [Report This]Date: May 30, 2020 03:37 am Title: Chapter 1
aw i love it
1 [Report This]Date: May 29, 2020 04:38 pm Title: Chapter 1
First off the technical side of my review. It would be easier to read if every time you have a new person speak, to make it a new paragraph. The double spacing does help, but it's still a block of text that can be a little hard on the eyes of the reader.
Other than that, I loved this. As others have said you did a great job of getting into the character's heads so we see what they're thinking. Jim's vision of his life in 10 years was adorable.
Pam's frustration at missing her shot with Jim was bittersweet. Bitter because in the moment Pam doesn't know he's almost outside the door. Sweet because as a reader we know what's coming so the anticipation is exciting.
Then their return to banter at her desk. Just a lovely image.
Welcome to MTT. Great job for posting your first fic. Looking forward to what else you come up with.
Author's Response: Thanks for the advice and I appreciate the feedback. Excited to continue writing on MTT
1 [Report This]Date: May 29, 2020 04:00 pm Title: Chapter 1
Yeay! A first date story. My fave
I love this chapter, I like that we get to see both view points. Can’t wait to read more.
1 [Report This]Date: May 29, 2020 02:46 pm Title: Chapter 1
So cute! I love that you got into their heads in all of the little places that we didn't get to see. Jim looking in the mirror and not liking what he sees was so powerful. Welcome!
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. The main reason I did that scene was because I always wondered Jim’s thought process when he decided to grow back his hair in between 3 and 4. Thanks for the feedback on that scene.
1 [Report This]Date: May 29, 2020 02:42 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh this is just lovely! I love everything Jim pictures when asked about his future.
“I turn around to the bustling streets of New York City and walk away from the past 6 months to ask out my future to a date.” This line is so great - a perfect way to wrap up Jim’s time with Karen.
Poor Pam. You write her sorrow about losing Jim to New York and Karen so well.
“But before they burst out of my beating heart that he can certainly hear, I respond with a “yes”. The imagery in this line is great. I always love a different take on their thoughts in this iconic scene and I feel like you did them justice.
The ending was super sweet. A truly lovely start to your first fic. Thanks for sharing it with us. Welcome to MTT!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for all the feedback. I am very happy to join MTT. One of the reasons I believe Season 3 is such a well written season is how Jenna Fischer portrays Pam. The looks of longing and sadness make it so powerful, and I really wanted to include that in this fic. Thanks for the feedback on that.