1 [Report This]Date: April 06, 2021 10:58 am Title: Noon on Tuesday
Some interesting details here... Jim at Athlead without Pam isn't quite the salesman he is with her. Maybe he really did learn a lot from selling Cece that baby food. Or maybe he needed the confidence of having her behind him.
I like the doses of prickliness/fire you gave Pam here, the spirit - there's some quality banter. It sounds natural, like two people who are clicking but don't really know each other.
Creed getting the food from KFC is hilarious and very Creed, and the joke about that being the better food option is perfect.
But I think my favorite part was this:
"There’s something unnerving about the sun still being out, something that makes it all seem a little more serious. Something about seeing the dust in the corner, the sources of shadows, the scuffs on the floor all illumined by the warm light streaming through the windows.
"It’s less like magic.
"It’s more like real life."
That's poetry.
Author's Response: Banter is not my strong suit, so your compliment on that makes me extra happy. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
1 [Report This]Date: April 02, 2021 10:04 pm Title: Noon on Tuesday
This is all sorts of banter-y, and playful, and fun, turning into melt-y. Really liked bringing in Grass Roots. Wonderful touch there.
Jim and Pam swaying like that was just a treat to imagine. Despite a lot less like magic and a lot more like real life, it really did feel like they were in their own little world.
Lots of fun with this one. So where do we go from here now that the bar is closed? Looking forward to finding out.
Author's Response: Aww thank you, warrior! I had a lot of fun having them dance here. Glad you're enjoying the story!
1 [Report This]Date: April 02, 2021 09:59 pm Title: Noon on Tuesday
"I slide off the barstool and join him in the middle of the empty floor. “You’re hard to say no to,” I tell him, extending my hand as a peace offering." YEAH he is.
"There’s something unnerving about the sun still being out, something that makes it all seem a little more serious. Something about seeing the dust in the corner, the sources of shadows, the scuffs on the floor all illumined by the warm light streaming through the windows.
It’s less like magic.
It’s more like real life."
You already know I love this, but like. I really love it.
More more more! I need it.
Author's Response: Thank you WW! I clearly love that line too haha. Glad to know it's not just me patting myself on the back.
1 [Report This]Date: April 02, 2021 09:44 pm Title: Noon on Tuesday
Love love love. Creed is my favorite bar owner. Getting the wings from KFC. Only playing The grass Roots. Kicking everyone out for a "smoke break." I love him. I also love Jim and Pam's conversations. How they joke with one another and how seamlessly it transitioned into dancing. The dancing was just perfection. "It's less like magic. It's more like real life." Ugh. So good.
Author's Response: I haven't been to many (actually any) bars, but I think Creed would be my favorite bartender, too. Thanks for reading!