I. The Diwali festival is the first time Ryan meets Kelly's parents. He tells himself that it's not a big deal, not really, because he knows he won't be sticking around Scranton forever anyway and as long as he's polite to Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor and speaks slowly and clearly, there won't be any misinterpretations of what his intentions are towards their daughter. Or something.

He's two seconds from telling her that he's ready to leave, because he's starting to get chilly under his kurta, and tonight's wing night and dollar drafts at O'Malley's. But before he has a chance to say anything, Kelly grabs him by the hand and pulls him down an empty hallway, trying all of the doorknobs until she finds a classroom that's unlocked. She shoves him against the teacher's desk, making papers fly everywhere, her hands unbuttoning his pants. He feels her tongue push between his teeth and she tastes like mango lassi.

He smiles under her lips, his kurta bunched up around his waist, and he thinks Zach Braff only wishes things like this happen to him.

II. Ryan lets Kelly talk him into taking her to see Christina Aguilera at the Wachovia Center, even though it's two hours away and he's got better things to do than watch some slutty chick gyrate on stage in front of thousands of screaming teenaged girls. But he had blown her off last weekend to go to Atlantic City with his friends, so he figures maybe he owes it to her.

He sits during the entire concert, only getting up every so often to buy them eight-dollar beers. Kelly drinks three of them and starts shrieking and clapping and generally acting like she's twelve, which makes him sink farther and farther down into his seat. She passes out in the car on the way home and he's relieved that he can finally take Christina's CD out of his stereo.

He drives them back to his place, and he thinks maybe she'll go right to bed when they get inside. But when he gets out of the shower, she pulls the towel from around his waist and sits him on the edge of his bed with her hands on his shoulders. She puts Ain't No Other Man at full volume on his CD player and she strips for him, throws her bra in his face and shakes her hips with the music.

As she kneels on the floor between his legs, her head pressing into his stomach and her mouth all over him, he's suddenly really, really glad he'd decided to go to Atlantic City last weekend.

III. The second time Ryan meets Kelly's family is at her parents house when they go over there for dinner on Kelly's birthday. He really doesn't mind going, because it means he will not have to get dressed up and take her someplace expensive.

It turns out that her family has a lot of money (both her parents are doctors) and they have a huge house in a really nice area of Mount Pocono, and he finds out that besides her three sisters, Kelly's also got an older brother who owns a software consulting firm in Boston. After dinner, Ryan spends an hour talking to him, and he's actually pretty cool and has a lot of helpful advice about business.

Kelly interrupts them, sliding her arm through his, and tells him that she wants to give him a tour of the house. He doesn't have time to say no before she's leading him up the stairs and down the hall of the second floor. She peeks into one of the dark bedrooms before pulling him into it, closing and locking the door behind them.

Soon he's underneath her on someone's king sized bed, her hair brushing against his face, and it smells like a mix of curry (from being in the kitchen) and Keihl's Silk Groom (he hates himself for knowing what that is). As she moves over him, her pink fingernails leaving matching pink lines on his shoulders, he tries really hard not to wonder whose room they're having sex in.

IV. Kelly has this opal ring that her mom gave to her when she graduated college, and she calls Ryan in tears one Sunday, and tells him that she can't find it anywhere, and can he please come over and help her look for it? He tries to appease her by asking her if she checked under the couch cushions, because he really doesn't want to go over there in the middle of his MLB 2K7 game (her parents had given him an Xbox for Christmas). But when she sniffles and says, "Please, Ryan?" he sighs, throws on a pair of pants, and drives over to her place.

Her apartment is turned upside-down, and when he goes inside her bedroom, he almost trips over a huge pile of clothes in the middle of the floor and Kelly's on her hands and knees digging through her closet, checking all of the pockets of her pants. He goes through all of her laundry, he checks the bathroom, the kitchen counter, and he even helps her look under the seats in her car. No ring, anywhere.

They go back inside, and she throws herself down onto the couch, sobbing, and he sits next to her. He honestly hates watching her cry so he pulls her into his lap, holding her head against his chest. He closes his eyes and laments over his abandoned baseball game and his unfinished six-pack of MGD.

When he opens his eyes, he looks down and sees something shiny and silver underneath the coffee table next to a stack of In Touch and Us Weekly magazines, and he jumps up, making Kelly slide off of him. He bends down and picks up the ring, and Kelly squeals, throwing her arms around his neck.

He closes his eyes again while she straddles him on the couch, her hands pulling at his hair. This time he doesn't think about Xbox or beer.

V. Ryan and Kelly get into a huge fight at work one day, and it all starts when Ryan says something to Jim that Kelly thinks is so mean, because Jim's her friend and Ryan just shouldn't say stuff like that to him because obviously it hurt Jim's feelings. Ryan tells her that he seriously doubts Jim's feelings were hurt, and all he said was that Jim should spend more time on the phone with clients and less time gluing quarters to Dwight's desk.

She ignores him for the rest of the day, and it really doesn't bother him so much, because he gets a lot of work done when her ass isn't firmly attached to his desk. But by five o'clock, when he sees her rush past him to leave, he feels kind of bad so he calls her on his way home and asks her if she wants to go out to dinner to (sigh) talk about it.

Over Thai food, he tells her that he's sorry and with his fingers crossed, he promises that he'll apologize to Jim tomorrow. She smiles and her eyes are bright when she says, "Of course I forgive you, Ryan!"

They go back to his apartment, and they barely make it through the door before Kelly rips off Ryan's coat. She pulls him towards his bedroom by his tie, and when they get there she takes it off and unbuttons his shirt, her lips moving farther down his chest as she undoes each button. When she gets to the last button, she runs her fingers lightly over his lower stomach which he knows she knows gets him hard every time.

As her fingers get lower and lower, Ryan thinks maybe he should be mean to Jim more often.