"I need you to know something."
Her words seemed to hang in the air visibly, like a Renaissance Annunciation painting where calligraphy text literally flowed from the mouths of the Virgin Mary and Angel Gabriel.
Jim shifted nervously on his feet, his eyes darting around the room, trying to find rest on anything except Pam's face. For all his interior complaining about Pam's lack of communication, he found himself mortally terrified now that she was, in fact, going to speak.
"Last Spring." She started slowly, but firmly. There was no lilt of a question in her tone. "I know that I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I'm sure that other people would have handled that whole situation a lot better." And, of course, by "other people," she meant "Karen." Always Karen. Sleek, stylish, focused. Karen knows where she's going. Karen speaks her mind. Karen....Forget it. Keep moving.
"I know I'm not in any position to ask anything of you. But I do want you to know what it's like from my perspective." Jim just looked confused.
"Jim, I have kissed exactly two men in my entire life. Roy, and you. You both faced my rejection last spring. Roy stuck it out and tried to do whatever it took to win me back. After ten years together, we had a lot of shared history, and it meant a lot that he loved me enough to fight for me like that. I will never apologize for giving him another chance."
"You, on the other hand, took rejection, and left without saying goodbye. The next time I saw you, you wouldn't even go out for coffee with me because you had your FABULOUS new girlfriend and God forbid you even acknowledge someone who used to be your best friend." The shock on his face was obvious, and Pam had a moment of sudden satisfaction. In his way, he could be selfish, too. He had been so absorbed in his own pain, that he hadn't even thought that he had hurt her, too.
"I asked you out for coffee that day because I really wanted to see if we could have something....you know." She blushed and looked down at her feet. "Honestly, it's been killing me to see you and Karen together. She is everything I'm not. She's a WAY better catch than I am. I always thought you deserved better than me, and now you've got it....and I'm still not satisfied. I still want to be with you. I always have."
Jim looked up, his eyes shining. He shook his head with a look of utter confusion. "Pam.....I....I can't......"
Pam placed a single finger on his lips and smiled ruefully. "Don't say anything. I know more than anyone that this isn't the type of revelation that you can respond to right away. I'm not asking you to make any decisions or to give me any answers. But...I just needed you to know. And, I know that I'm not very good at explaining my feelings, so I hope you understand in some way."
Jim just shook his head.
It was like someone else had control of her body. Pam grabbed his tie, and pulled. Her lips were on his, and she kissed him as softly and passionately as she knew how. She tried to put every ounce of what was left unspoken into that kiss. When she finally came up for air, she opened her eyes and rasped, "Do you understand?"
"I don't think I do," he smiled wryly. "Perhaps you could repeat yourself?"
Author's Chapter Notes:
There is more to come...but I want to get my "Fantasy Business School" stuff out before the episode airs and it all becomes AU.
Oh, yeah. I own a car. I own two computers. I own a cat, a fish, and a gecko. Sadly, I do not own the Office or anything connected to it. I can't even get a Dwight bobblehead.
