It had been on their third date that they had their first argument. Fight is too strong a word but to her then increasingly smitten self it was a major setback. It flawed him.
Over dinner they had somehow ended up playing a game of desert island and although she had thought they were past the point of needing ice breakers as conversation pieces she also thought it was kind of adorable the way he squinted while he concentrated, as if he didn’t already have his top five movies picked out from the last ten times he played the game.
The fight had started after her number 4.
1. Clue –the version with the alternate endings, of course. “Tim Curry, always respectable.”
2. The Big Lebowski – “Ooh very nice. Good selection”
3. Y tu mama tambien – “Wow Fillipelli. Wow.”
4. Bridget Jones' Diary…
Granted she had been a little embarrassed about it to begin with but honestly every deserted island needs one romantic comedy and what better than a movie that offered two hours of Colin Firth AND the opportunity to endlessly mock Renee Zellweger. Win-win.
He had been shocked and disgusted, immediately insisting that she wasn’t playing by the rules, didn’t she know the rules?
“This is Desert Island Movies, not guilty pleasure movies. What are you doing? You are making a mockery of the game. Don’t you know how to play? You can’t do that, you just can’t.”
What she hadn’t understood was why one of her desert island movies couldn’t be a guilty pleasure movie. She hadn’t realized her island already came with laws.
“Ha, well thanks for lecturing me but until you get appointed dictator for life of my desert island, something that will never happen because I happen to have already mobilized the coconut army, I will show whatever movies I please. Actually forget my original 5th choice, even though it happens to be my favorite movie, I now might go instead with Legally Blonde or something equally offensive to the man who hasn’t even seen something so lowbrow as Ferris Bueller.”
Fear of the coconut army had shut him up, the game abandoned, but the conversation never fully recovered. She later thinks she probably should have just let it go, taken it back and played his way but she had been disappointed in him for being kind of an asshole about it and letting things go has never been her strong point. So she instead tried to ignore it because she hadn’t wanted to find him patronizing. Maybe he just really likes his ice breakers. Maybe he's just really attached to them, his way.
It had helped when he showed up at her door two nights later with Bridget Jones' Diary, particularly because he had accidentally rented the sequel, which they both safely and thoroughly agreed was the worst movie ever made. He had also conceded that mocking Renee Zellweger was highly underrated.
He later said she could have six movies on her island, as long as Bridget Jones was number six. She had known it was only so he could pretend it wasn’t really on her list but she said it was a fair compromise. When she said her number 5 was Love Actually he pretended to jump out her window.
***
“Karen.”
The silence in the car grows longer and longer and she’s not sure what made her remember desert island to begin with. It’s a dumb analogy but she wonders if maybe like then they might be playing at something with completely different sets of rules.
“Jim, I need to know what you want from me. I don’t want this to be about her but somehow I always feel like it is. I don’t want to guess anymore and I don’t want to have to figure it out. I don’t want to be judged when I get things wrong. Because sometimes I think I’m operating at a disadvantage and I don’t think you mind. And this isn’t what I thought it would be. We aren’t what I thought we’d be. Maybe I’m not what I thought I was either. ”
“Karen, it wasn’t just a kiss.”
“Yeah. I know.
She lets the car lapse into silence again, both surprised by her own admission. She’s always known but somehow she thought by pretending, by letting him pretend, she could legitimize whatever it was they were trying to do.
“The first guy at the party? I really did date him, while he was separated.”
“I was kind of wondering about that. His wife really was shooting daggers at you.”
“You just didn’t care?”
“I don’t know. It was before I met you. Karen can I ask you a simple question? Just, why are you with me?”
“To be honest? You are probably the best guy I’ve ever liked. If I can’t make it work with you I’m not sure what to go back to. Why are you with me?”
“You’re beautiful, and smart, and funny. You are probably the perfect woman for me on so many levels. If I can’t make it work with you then I’m the most fucked up man on the planet.”
“But…I’m not her.”
“I don’t know. It wasn’t just a kiss.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Still Karen POV post cocktails. There will probably be two more chapters after this one. The comment about Ferris Bueller is taken from a deleted scene pre-merger. I can't remember what episode and I'm too lazy (aka its 5am) right now to go back and check. Also, there is some (minimal) cursing in this so if that offends you, heads up. Lastly, if there are any glaring errors please let me know. It's what I get for posting at this ridiculous hour.
Disclaimer: Standard stuff. Not mine. *le sigh.
Chapter End Notes:
Criticism and encouragement is always welcome, per usual. Particularly if in haiku form. Or not.
