- Track Three -

The windows in the apartment had been the selling point.  Those big windows that let light in all day, and overlooked one of the few green spaces left in Scranton.

Tonight she sat in the armchair in front of one of those big windows, and looked at the rain as it hit the panes.  She sipped a cup of tea, too tired and wrapped up in thought to bother with dinner.  It had taken all of her energy to put the light green teapot – of course the light green one - in the microwave to boil the water.  She had a Matt Nathanson CD on repeat in the player, the volume low enough that the words came through the speaker as a whisper.

You sounded so good on the phone

All moved up and all moved on

Me and gravity, we never could agree

But I can almost see the sky

When I need to, I close me eyes

You're the only thing that's worth holding on to 

She had thought about not even picking up the phone, just letting the call go to voicemail.  Instead, she had stayed in the office until almost 7:00 talking to Jim about nothing in particular. 

Those were the times she missed the most during the day – the times where she had much more productive things she could be doing.  She could be delivering messages, organizing supplies.  Instead, she would be huddled over a bag of Sun Chips in the break room, or leaning on his desk laughing as she told him about something Michael had said in his meeting with Jan.

She finished her tea, and set the mug in the sink.  She changed in to her pajamas and climbed in to bed, thinking about their conversation tonight.  It had ended so abruptly, she didn’t know where they stood.  Pam knew she would never find the answer in her own thoughts, but how could she not replay their words over and over in her mind until she drifted off to sleep? 

Angel you sing about beautiful things

And all I want to do is believe

But I traded my dreams for this mess of memories

And they just stopped working for me