When he calls her a whore, Jim almost loses it. 

He wants to brush past Pam and just barrel into Roy, no plan on how to hurt him or what to aim for.  He just wants to throw himself at the idiot and use whatever seems right at the moment—fists, elbows, knees—to cause him as much pain as possible. 

Pam has a clearer head than him.  She doesn’t even acknowledge the insult.  She tells Roy he’s just drunk.  But when Roy responds with, “Doesn’t mean you’re not a whore,” Jim starts strategizing.

He thinks he’d aim for the mouth first, because that’s the body part that’s causing Pam pain, but targeting Roy’s hand is sure to inflict the most pain on Roy, so it’s really a toss up at the moment.

But he doesn’t lunge at Roy, because the conversation has moved on and Roy is now proving just how stupid he really is.  He’s spewing desperate insults at Pam, each one worse than the last.

Jim glances up and sees Karen, still on the stoop, scowling at him.  He defiantly meets her gaze and holds it.  He knows that it’s his fault for only telling Karen about the one kiss, but he’s finding it hard to feel contrite when Karen is just dumping more fuel on the fire at every turn.  Yes, he has some explaining to do, but is it so hard to understand that maybe now isn’t the best time?

Jim hears his own name and breaks eye contact with Karen.

“I want you to tell little Jimmy Halpert here exactly what you told me, because he seems a little confused.  He seems to think that it was just a kiss—oh, wait, I’m sorry—kisses,” Roy sneers at Pam.

Jim finds himself frowning and looking questioningly at Pam.  He knows that he shouldn’t go along with Roy here.  He should interject and say that Pam doesn’t have to tell him anything, but curiosity stills his tongue.  And then Roy continues.

“Why don’t you tell him what you told me, huh?  I want him to know what a whore you are.  Tell him that you had feelings for him while we were together.”

And the earth stops spinning.

Jim is positive that must be what just happened, because he feels an actual jolt, like the ground just jerked to a sudden halt beneath his feet, and he actually pitches forward an inch or two before he regains his balance.  In what feels like slow motion, he turns his face away from Roy and toward her, but she’s looking straight ahead.

He knows that she must be able to see him in her periphery, staring at her, but her eyes remain steadfastly locked on Roy.  She looks paralyzed.  A stunned expression is frozen on her face.  She doesn’t even seem to be breathing.  Jim isn’t entirely convinced that she hasn’t been replaced with an incredibly life-like plastic replica when he wasn’t looking.

He can’t figure out if she looks surprised because it’s true and she didn’t think that Roy would tell him, or if she looks surprised because it isn’t true and Roy is just messing with all of them. 

But if it is true, then why wouldn’t she have told him in the first place?  Why does he have to find out from Roy, of all people? 

And when Roy said that she “had” feelings for him, did that mean that it was over?  Or did Roy get it wrong, and did she actually say that she “has” feelings for him?  Or did she say “had” but really mean “has”? 

And if it is true, and she did mean “has,” then what does that mean for him?  What would he do with that information?  He thinks vaguely of Karen, but can’t bring himself to look up at her.

He can’t figure out how long it’s been since someone spoke.  His head has been so full of relentless waves of questions, and questions about questions, that he’s lost all sense of time.  It feels like several minutes, but he knows it can’t have been more than ten seconds.

And then Pam’s expression unfreezes abruptly, like she’s just been jerked awake.  She frowns and narrows her eyes at Roy, and Jim can’t tell whether that’s good or bad.  She parts her lips and inhales a little and Jim holds his breath.

“If you won’t let me take you to the hospital, then I’m going to have to call an ambulance,” she says calmly, carefully pronouncing each word.  She sounds perfectly composed, as if Roy didn’t just say something life-altering.

Jim feels like he’s been pricked by a needle and all of the air is slowly deflating from his body.  He looks away sharply.  It’s a hasty motion, full of agitation and disappointment.  He can’t look at her. 

She did it again. 

She responded to a desperate situation, something full of significance and possibility, with a non sequitur, a non-answer.

It’s like saying, “I’m like two minutes away” when someone asks you how close your boyfriend has come to hitting you, or saying “I can’t” when someone tells you they’re in love with you.  Responses that don’t address the issue.  Responses that change the subject and shut down the possibility for further discussion. 

And Jim realizes that all of the questions invading his mind are pointless.  Because it doesn’t really matter whether or not Pam said that she had feelings for him, and it doesn’t matter if she meant “had” or “has.”  None of it matters at all if Pam refuses to acknowledge it. 

The realization makes Jim feel grim and exasperated and hopeless.

“You asked me what I wanted, and I told you.  Don’t change the subject,” Roy says coldly.

It’s the first time in… well, ever, that Jim has been one hundred percent in agreement with Roy.  He knows it’s twisted for him to be on Roy’s side tonight, but he’s not thinking clearly and he just wants something from Pam.  Something real.  Something honest.

But Pam ignores Roy and continues her relentless pursuit of logic.

“If an ambulance arrives and you’re still acting like this, then they’re gonna have to call the cops, and I know that you and Kenny can’t post bail.”

She has her hands on her hips, and she’s looking at him sternly, like she’s completely forgotten what Roy just said.  Like it didn’t even register on her radar, while Jim doesn’t think that he can ever forget it.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Roy growls.

“Well, you can’t drive with your hand like that.  Not to mention the fact that you’re drunk.  You can’t afford to get another DUI.”

Her logical tone is driving Jim insane.  How can she be so unaffected?  How can she plow ahead and not betray any hint of a reaction to Roy’s accusation?  Apparently it’s getting to Roy too.

“Stop changing the subject!” Roy shouts.

“If you—” she starts.

“No!  I want you to deny it, Pam!” Roy interrupts.  “Turn to Halpert right now and tell him that you didn’t have feelings for him when we were together.”

“Just drop it, Roy!” Pam snaps. 

Jim feels a flash of satisfaction at just seeing Pam give a reaction, finally.  But he’s still afraid that this will all get swept under the carpet.  He can’t let her get away with non-answers anymore.  He’s so sick of the miscommunication and the uncertainty.

“Pam.  What’s he talking about?” Jim says, trying to sound as gentle and casual as possible.

She whirls on him, eyes wild and angry.

“No!” she hisses.  “No, I am not doing this right now!”

And just like that Jim is tired of being gentle and casual about this.  He’s waited long enough.

“Then when?” he demands, abandoning all pretense of composure.

“Just—don’t encourage him!  I don’t need this right now!” Pam berates Jim.  Her voice is harsh, but soft enough that only he hears.

Jim knows that he should stop.  After all, isn’t what Pam is saying to him exactly what he’s been telling Karen?  She’s already getting grief from Roy and she doesn’t need it from him too.  But his mouth is open again before he can stop himself.

“Why can’t you just answer the question?” he demands.

She just stares at him for a second.  Then her lips are pursed and her eyebrows draw together, and he’s certain that he’s never seen her this angry at him before. 

“Of course.  Because you always need an answer right away, don’t you Jim?” she says.  Her question comes out curt and heated, and it’s clear that it’s not a question so much as an accusation.

Jim has no idea what she’s suggesting.  Hasn’t he been the one doing all the waiting?  Since the day he met her he’s been waiting.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, and he wants to kick himself because he sounds like a petulant teenager.

“Oh come on,” she says irritably.  “You just spit out life-changing announcements and if you don’t get the answer you want within thirty seconds you’re gone.  Isn’t that the way it works?”

Jim is stunned.  He wants to defend himself, but he doesn’t know how to respond.  So he doesn’t respond at all.  He stands there like an idiot, mouth opening and closing a few times as he searches for something, anything, to say.  But Roy fills the silence for him.

“I swear to God, Pam.  If you don’t tell him, I’m gonna tell the world!  I’m gonna tell everyone what a slut you are!” Roy bellows theatrically.  He sounds so melodramatic that it would be funny if the situation wasn’t so completely messed up.

Pam looks back at Roy like she can’t even recognize him.  She’s frowning and shaking her head in disgust.

“Okay.  I’m going to call 911,” she says, reaching into her pocket, presumably for her cell phone.

“No, you know what you can do for me, Pammy?  You can take your slutty little mouth and keep it shut,” Roy shouts venomously.

Jim feels anger surge through him.  His blood is pumping so quickly that it’s all he can hear.  He’s clenching his fists so hard that he’s sure that his knuckles must be white. 

He wants so badly just to hit Roy.  He’s itching to do it.  He’s angry at everyone.  At Pam and at Karen and at himself, but mainly he’s mad at Roy.  And Roy’s the one that he can actually hit, so Jim is considering this a win-win situation. 

He’s ready and he starts to move forward when Pam completely surprises him.

“Screw you, Roy,” she says aggressively.

Jim has never heard that voice come from her before.  She’s losing her cool.  The calm, collected Pam that arrived at his house to resolve this mess has been replaced by someone entirely new.  This Pam is flushed and edgy and dangerous. 

“Apparently not,” Roy retorts.  “Bet you screwed Halpert though, right?  I mean, if you lied about a kiss, what else did you lie about?”

Jim feels his stomach jump at the thought that Roy presents, the thought of he and Pam doing more than kissing.

“Stop it.  You can’t talk to me like this anymore.  Don’t call me a slut,” Pam says in the same warning tone.

“Why not?  It’s true,” Roy says cruelly.  He’s just taunting her now.

“You like to think that you’re such a victim, don’t you?” she explodes.  “You were never there for me!  I was getting nothing from you!  Jim was—”

“Jim was what?” Roy interjects.  He doesn’t shout, but his voice is deadly.

Jim can’t help the thrill that floods his body at the mention of his name.  He ignores the fact that Roy’s is once again staring daggers at him, and waits with bated breath for Pam’s response.

“He was the only person in my life who I could talk to besides my mom.  Okay?  He was my best friend.  He knew me.”

And just like that, the rush of excitement is gone. 

Past tense. 

She was talking about him in the past tense.  And she wasn’t looking at him.  It was like the person she was talking about wasn’t him at all.  Like he was some stranger that just happened to be overhearing her argument.

And all Jim can think is, she must have said “had.”

“Knew you?  Is that some kind of code for sex?” Roy asks.  “You really are a slut.”

“Shut up!” Pam yells. 

The situation is escalating out of control.  Jim regrets any feelings of triumph that came over him when Pam first lost her cool, because it’s gone too far.  Roy is getting her worked up to the point that she’s starting to crack.

“Did you love him, Pam?  What were the feelings that you had?” Roy asks in a mocking tone.  “Was it love?  Or did you just want a fuck buddy?” he continues mercilessly.

“Stop it,” Jim hears himself say.  His voice is rigid and resolute, but neither Roy nor Pam seems to hear him.

“I am not talking to you about this,” Pam says.  She’s shaking. Her eyes are glassy and wide.

But Roy shows no sign of letting up.

“Did you love him?!” he hollers.

“Just stop!” Pam shouts.  A few tears have escaped the corners of her eyes and begun the slow descent down her cheeks.

“No, Pam!  I deserve to know!”

Roy closes the space between them in two large steps and grabs hold of Pam’s arm. 

And that’s it.

Everything that happens next is a blur for Jim, but he feels the crunch of bones under his fist, and he feels something wet spatter across face.  He hears everyone shouting—Roy and Karen and Pam and himself.  And then he feels someone pushing firmly on his chest.  It takes him a second to realize that it’s Pam, and only then does he take stock of what’s going on around him.

Roy is doubled over, nursing a broken nose, and Pam is holding Jim back.  And Jim realizes that he just punched Roy.

Jim takes a deep, ragged breath and glances down at Pam.  She’s not crying anymore, but the tear tracks stand out clearly on her cheeks.  His face softens.  He nods at her, and she relaxes her hands. 

“I’m not sorry,” he says gruffly.

“Okay,” she says quietly.

They stand like that for a moment, her hands loosely resting on his chest, looking at each other but not saying anything.  It distantly occurs to Jim that he shouldn’t be standing like this with her when his girlfriend is standing five yards away and her violent ex is standing even closer.  It probably occurs to her too.

But neither of them moves.  Neither of them tries to speak.  They just look straight at each other and don’t do a thing.  He feels like all of the nerve endings in his body have been relocated to the two spots on his chest where her hands are resting.  It feels like her palms are searing his skin through his shirt.  The sensation makes his breathing ragged and shaky. 

He reaches out with one hand to touch her arm where Roy had grabbed it.  His fingers tease lightly over the skin, stroking it up and down, and her breath hitches.

Out of nowhere comes a loud mechanic screeching and they break apart.

Without either of them noticing, Roy has stumbled over to his truck and managed to start it up.

“Roy, no!” Pam shouts.

Roy is fumbling with the gear shift and cursing because he’s jarring his injured hand.  He’s actually going to try to drive home.

Pam starts to move toward the truck, but Jim gently grasps her forearm.  She looks up at him.

“Don’t.  Just call the police,” he says.  It’s not a command.  It’s a plea.

Pam looks away and nods faintly.  They hear Roy curse loudly at both of them.  He peels out of the driveway in reverse, and then guns it forward, taking a detour across Jim’s front yard so that he leaves deep tire tracks in the grass.

There is a pause during which neither of them look at each other, or at Karen, whom Jim isn’t entirely sure is even standing with them anymore.  Then Jim breaks the silence.

“He left his brother on my car.”

Pam’s eyes widen and she whips around to look at Jim’s car.  Sure enough, Kenny’s body is strewn across the hood of Jim’s car.  He’s drooling slightly.

“Oh crap,” Pam says.

“I mean, forgetting your jacket or your phone I can understand, but your brother?”

This is safe.  Jim can do this, make light of the situation.  There is too much that needs to be said and it’s terrifying.  This he can handle.

“When I call the cops I’ll tell them.  Maybe they can send someone to get him,” Pam says.  She’s back in logic mode.

“It’s just not good etiquette,” Jim continues, shaking his head disapprovingly. 

He sees Pam’s expression change.  She looks at him seriously.  It’s a look that suggests compassion and regret and trepidation all at once.

“Jim,” she says. 

That’s it.  It’s a request.  It’s her way of saying ‘we need to talk’ without actually saying it.  But Jim can’t let go of the façade just yet. 

“He should tie a string around his finger or something so this doesn’t happen again,” he says, but it lacks the playful tone of his previous statements.  He can’t quite pull it off.

“Jim,” she repeats. 

This time it sounds pleading.  Jim realizes that he’s not about to get any non-answers.  This is real.  This is happening right now.  They’re really going to talk about this, about everything.  He stops acting and looks apprehensively at her.  He feels his heart rate increase again.

“What is going on here?”

The voice sounds raw and desperate and wounded.

It takes Jim a second to realize that the question hasn’t come from either himself or from Pam. 

It takes him another second to realize that it came from Karen.