Pam sits there, stiff as a ramrod. They haven’t spoken, haven’t even looked at each other since That day, that day when Roy had nearly destroyed both Jim’s face and their relationship. She still remembers how Jim had told her “Don’t. Don’t come over here.” She remembers the look on his face, the betrayal in his eyes. In that moment she had loathed herself- not that things hadn’t just gotten progressively worse since then.

Rumor has it that the ‘incident’ has only served to bring Jim and Karen closer. She’s overheard snatches of a conversation that have involved them moving in together. Jim, who has been previously so circumspect about his relationship with Karen, now openly flaunts it in her face. There are more stolen kisses in the break room; more holding of hands as they walk in, they prank together and even mock Michael together (a little more mean spiritedly than Pam is used to). More than once, Pam has been forced to deliver flowers to Karen’s desk- sometimes roses, sometimes exotic bouquets, but the time it was white orchids (her favorite) Pam had barely made it to Karen’s desk before collapsing in tears.

Not that she hadn’t cried. She cries at home, in the office, outside her car, inside her car, at the grocery store. She thanks God that her parents live two hours away. They would have probably have had her committed by now if they knew. Unlike before, she is no longer afraid to show her emotions; the entire office knows she is an emotional basket case. The results of which are surprisingly sweet, Michael has toned down his sexual harassment, Kevin has left her some M&Ms on her desk, Creed left her note that said ‘Paula, don’t worry. This too shall pass,’ Kelley tries to brighten her day with celebrity gossip, Dwight brings her a box of tissues when she runs out and Angela even goes so far as to bring one of her kittens over to Pam’s house to cheer her up. Pam is shocked to realize that all this actually helps. Even Karen has stopped shooting her death glares; now her looks are more laced with something Pam has refused to recognize until now- Pity.

Now thanks to Michael’s ‘match making’ skills they have been sent ‘on assignment’ to go get supplies for Kevin’s surprise in office bachelor party. Kevin and Stacey have finally set a date and Michael has decided that such a momentous occasion needs to be marked with streamers and strippers, Pam and Jim are in charge of the streamers.

When Pam had privately appealed to Michael to not force her and Jim together for what was sure to be the world’s most awkward car ride, Michael had given her one of those rare insightful pieces of advice, “You can’t run from him forever.”

So now she is sitting next to a man who has told her not three weeks ago that he never wanted to speak to her again.

He clears his throat, “Look, I can’t do this Ok, I’m getting more and more upset just being in this car with you. Can I drop you at home and pick you up on the way back? I’ll just tell Michael we did this together.”

It was the single most awful thing she has ever heard. The relationship they had once has had now disintegrated to the point where he can’t even stand to breathe the same air as her for a protracted period of time.

She nods, not trusting herself to speak.

“Where do you live?” he asks his voice utterly devoid of emotion.

“3230 Ashton Way, near Ashton and Heights,” she replies her voice quivering.

He turns towards her, suddenly upset, “Look you don’t get to do that Ok,” he says his voice now full of steel, “You don’t get to cry and make me feel sorry for you. You don’t get to cry and make me hate you even a little bit less.”

That word. Hate. She has felt it but she hasn’t heard him say it yet. And suddenly she is almost numb, tears run down her face but she doesn’t wipe them away, she doesn’t sob, she just listens.

“Do you see this Pam,” he says as he turns his face towards her, the stitches in his cheek having just fallen out, the bruise around his eye, fading to a faint yellow, “This is what the man you chose did to me.” He shakes his head and laughs a laugh so bitter that she could never have thought that it would have come from Jim, “You’re fine with your choices right Pam- including when you choose to stay and better yet go back to drunken sociopaths.”

“Stop it,” she says suddenly, “I told you how sorry I was. I told you a thousand times, and if I could do it over I would have rather gotten hit by a bus than tell him the truth about us.  But I did it, I thought it would help us get a fresh start no secrets, I mean it worked so well for you and Karen.”

“Don’t, don’t you dare bring her into this.” He says angrily.

“Fuck you and your fucking girlfriend Jim Halpert.” She replies forcefully. “I realize Roy is a violent asshole sometimes but he was also the only thing I had ever known, I had loved him before I was old enough to drive, before I was old enough to vote,” her voice cracks a little, “And you know what, you think you’re so much better than he is. Well, when I broke off our ten year, TEN YEAR, relationship with him, he didn’t give up on me, he just kept trying to win me back. You on the other hand, when I didn’t give you the answer you wanted, bolted. And then came back like three months later with someone else, completely over me. So fuck you. Roy may be a dumbass but at least he knows what love is.”

“I can’t believe I’m wasting my time with this,” Jim says as he runs his hand through his hair, “I don’t fucking need this. I don’t know what love is? Roy does? He ignored you and berated you and belittled you for years. All I did since the day I met you was love you, every fucking little thing I did was to make you smile. Sometimes I think that there is nothing you can say or do to make me more angry at you and then you do it.” He shakes his head, eyes ablaze, “How dare you tell me I didn’t love you. How dare you.”

“You don’t now, and it’s been what 6 months? 8 months? Congratu-fuckinglations on moving on.”

“Thanks and you know what I AM happy. Karen is beautiful and motivated, and brilliant and brave.”

“I get it now, she’s everything I’m not.” She says as a few tears slip out from beneath her lashes.

His subconscious realizes at this moment that she’s unconsciously mimicking a line from the Royal Tenenbaums, one of their joint favorite films. When he replays this conversation in his mind later, this will break his heart.

“Yeah maybe she is, but all I know is that she loves me. Really, truly loves me. And I deserve that Ok, so please just stop this.” It’s a plea now and Pam understands this. They can’t just keep on hurting each other forever, it’s got to stop sometime, and maybe it’s now.

They stop at a red light and even though it’s in the teens and she left her hat at the office, Pam opens the door and gets out.

“Pam?” Jim cries out as he opens the window, “Pam stop being ridiculous get in the car,”

“Go away,” she says as the tears keep coming, she starts to walk until she comes to nearest bench and collapses onto it, unmindful of the snow that still covers it.

“Pam, just get in the car. This is idiotic, it’s freezing outside.”

“Why do you care?” she screams, and she knows this is stupid but she can’t get back in there with him, she can’t deal with his rage and his anger and his pain anymore. She can’t deal with the fact that he just wants her out of his life.

“I don’t.” he replies angrily, “but I’m not going to let you freeze out here either.”

“Look, this is our opportunity to never see one another again Ok?” she says, she’s being really irrational now but she’s not sure where these emotions are coming from but she can’t even control the words coming out of her mouth.

“What are you saying?” he asks and his voice for a moment at least has lost it’s edge.