I’d like to begin this letter by sharing a question I received from a viewer of the documentary that’s currently airing on television. I get a lot like this delivered to my in-box.
“Dear God—Why did you let Jim move to Stamford?!?!?!”—Abby in St. Paul, Minnesota.
[Dear Abby (hee)—Because I felt like it. – God, in ah…heaven]
Actually, that’s not correct. In a way I wish I could take credit for Jim’s relocation and promotion because then there would be a discernable reason behind his drastic actions…something I could explain to all of you…something that would make you all feel better.
But the way I set things up back when I started all of this..um..people stuff…the way things have always been is that everyone (including Jim, Pam and scarily enough, Michael) has free will. I can set something up, bring someone into your life or whisper in your ear to give you some direction, but ultimately, I leave the actual decision up to you…as I left it up to Jim…and to Pam.
To be honest, things would have been easier for me had Jim never made the choice to leave Scranton. Ever since he packed his things and left, I’ve gotten a lot of messages from northeastern Pennsylvania (…and to answer the plot-points that the show never aired, Jim never came back to work after the kiss with Pam. He came by on Sunday, packed up the few things he wanted to keep as well as a few client files and just left. He thought about writing an email or leaving a post-it note on the reception desk, but couldn’t bring himself to do so…even though I was strongly suggesting that he should. He took 3 weeks off…had a miserable time in Australia…and started in Stamford the 2nd week in June…I am omniscient, you know).
As I said, my job would have been much easier if Jim had stayed. Here’s just a sampling of what I’ve been hearing the last couple of months. Put yourself in my shoes…would you have wished this on yourself?
“Ohmygod!!!!!!! Jim left?!?!?!? God, don’t let Ryan leave!!! Ever!!!!”
“Lord, I want to thank you for removing Jim Halpert from our office environment. Now that he is gone he and his flirtatious hussy, Pam, won’t be causing distractions that keep us from our work.”
“Dear Angela’s Lord and Master, Sir. I would like to formally thank you for whatever you did for Angela. She told me that her prayers had been answered and she’s smiling a lot more lately, so thank you, Sir. Thank you for that. Sincerely, Dwight K. Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Branch”.
“Goddammit, Pam! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know what you are doing? What you are throwing away here?”
“Hey, God! GodGodGod! The Big Guy! My Main Man in the Sky! I know I haven’t talked to you a lot since um….the Jeff thing went down….but my best friend, Jim Halpert, confided in me that he’s been unlucky in love. I don’t think you know about this (because as far as I know, Jim has ONLY confided in me) but maybe you could help him out.
“God, I hope I made the right choice.”
“God, I hope I made the right choice.”
“God, the new guy is cute. Do you think he’s into me?”
“Jumping Jehovah! When I go, I want to go like Ed Truck…decapitated….whohee!!!”
[Creed, I get the feeling that you are never going to die]
“Lastly, Lord, we can’t help but notice that he was by himself when he died. But of course, we all know that doesn’t mean he was alone. Because I’m sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten.”
“God, wouldn’t it be, like, awwwwe--some, if Pam started dressing a little more sexy now that she’s single?”
“Oh. My. God. Dwight is even crazier than I thought he was. What in the hell is wrong with that dude? Beet seeds? Coffins? Eff! Mose seems nice, though.”
“Uh, hey!”
“Oh, my God!
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“How far away did you think we were?”
“I don’t know….it felt far.”
“Yeah.”
[It isn’t that far and both of you know it. You’ve just chosen the long way…and who knows (well, I guess I do…) you both might be better off for it.]
“God, that was awkward…but good….very good.”
“God, that was awkward…but good….very good.”
[It will get easier…I promise]
Then came a day in November when these people WOULD NOT leave me alone.
“God damn! Why do I have to be the one to tell Michael that he’s fired? It will crush him. It will absolutely destroy him. And then he won’t want to, um, you know?”
“Thank you, Lord! This news is better than Pretzel Day!”
“Alright! Somebody up there likes us! STAM-FORD. STAM-FORD. STAM-FORD”
“Who, in heaven’s name, did I make that sex deal with?”
“I’d like to thank whoever is responsible for this amazing turn of events. I am out of here! You don’t think they’d transfer a new junior sales associate to Stamford, do you? What? Stamford is the one closing? Oh, crap!”
“God, if you can do something about the new personnel arrangements, could you maybe return Jim Halpert to Scranton? Pam’s been so miserable since he’s been gone. You were so good to bring me Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration …she deserves a little happiness.”
“Dwight! God was with us today in our vigil in front of the CEO’s house. Right here! We did it my friend!”
“God, please let him come back to Scranton.”
“God, please don’t let me go back to Scranton.”
And so there you have it. That’s what I’ve been up to the last couple of months. I know you still have questions and after you see what unfolds after the merger, you will definitely have more. I’ll be here, though. I’m always here.
