Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a fateful trip.
That started from this Scranton port,
aboard this party ship.
The mate was a mighty sales man,
the manager brave and sure.
Drunk passengers set sail that day,
for a three hour tour, a three hour tour………
The weather started getting rough,
the party ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
the Boozers would be lost; the Boozers would be lost.
The ship took ground on the shore of this uncharted wooded isle,
with Angela, her salesman too,
the Manager, and his temp,
the Warehouse Guy, the Prankster, and Pam-a-lam,
here on Angela's Isle.     

1:15 a.m. somewhere in the middle of Lake Wallenpaupack on a small island. 

Dwight watched the searchlights of the rescue helicopter crisscross the lake far to the south. It was only a matter of time before it started making larger circles around the wreckage and found their island. Dwight was preparing himself mentally for that moment. He was saving all his energy to lift and swing a log in circles so they would have no doubt that he was there, the leader of the castaways. He was like Jack on “Lost” but more prepared and better trained to face danger. In his mind, Dwight was writing the answers to questions newspaper reporters would ask when they were rescued. He had decided that Michael would say Dwight was like all the cast members of "Lost" rolled into one. Except for the women, of course, who all had to die... even the bad-ass cop. Jim would describe Dwight's Jack-like leadership skills,  his survival training ala Locke, his Sawyerish wiliness, and his Sayid toughness. "Dwight is, in essence, the ultimate survivor" the newspapers would say.

Meanwhile, Angela rolled over again. She changed sides frequently to move the coldest part of her body into the small, warm hollow she had made in the sand. She hissed at Dwight again, “Start the fire,” but he ignored her. She was facing the water now and noticed something bobbing in the water. When she realized it might be a lifeboat, Angela crawled to her knees. From her new position, she could see that it wasn’t a boat at all; it was a large rectangular box. “Dwight,” she ordered in a fierce voice, “get that box out of the water!” She pointed to the drifting object. “Get it! Get it! Get it! Michael! Get up and help him! It may have food inside!”

 Wearily, Michael stumbled to his feet. He would have said something about “who was in charge” and “who should be giving orders” but he was too busy spitting out all the sand that had congealed with his saliva. When Dwight saw Michael stumbling towards the water, he immediately followed. There was a reason the Lenape Indians called it Wallenpaupack, the current was swift and slow. If Michael got caught up in the wrong current, he could be carried miles away before he’d even realize he was in trouble. Dwight knew they weren’t in trouble here. They were safe on an island with a rescue helicopter five miles away…they’d be home for breakfast. He'd bet his Purple Belt on it.

Jim’s light breathing and lighter snoring filled Pam’s world. She concentrated on them and tried to make herself forget the events that led up to being in his arms. But she could not forget. She relived those fatal moments on the Booze Cruise over and over.

She was standing on the bridge with Jim, looking into his eyes. That moment lasted forever.  Then there was the sudden listing of the boat. Jim had grabbed her, steadied her against his side so that he was the one who was rammed into the side of the boat. She was so unaware that they were sinking that she had been more concerned about the fact that he would have a horrible bruise in the morning. The bruise was quickly forgotten though when Captain Jack came on the loudspeaker. “All crew to life stations. All passengers don life-jackets and move to the back of the boat. Prepare to abandon ship.”
That’s when everyone on board panicked.... except for Jim. He held her tightly, protectively, she couldn’t even move as she watched the drama unfold before her. She’d stared in shock as a drunk Darryl grabbed Phyllis and dragged her screaming across the dance floor. She’d watched Roy (who should have been looking for her, his fiancee!) lift Katy off her feet and carry her over his shoulder through the crowd and away to safety. She’d seen passengers push each other down, ignoring life jackets, ignoring cries of distress, doing everything they could to be the first ones out of the cabin. Within seconds, apart from the never-ending screams and the sound of wood splintering, there was no proof to Pam that anyone else existed on the boat except her and Jim. They were all gone. They were all on the other side of the boat. Safe as kittens in lifeboats….
Pam had looked up at Jim and he’d looked down at her and  said “Well, um…I think Dwight has run us aground.” And she had laughed.  She had laughed. Until the boat tilted even more and she realized there was no way they could make it all the way through the cabin to the safety of the lifeboats. That’s when Jim had very carefully taken off his coat and said “I’ll go in first, ok?  I’ll be there when you jump and we’ll swim away from the ship until we’re far enough away. Once it’s safe, we’ll swim to the lifeboats. Okay?” He had clutched her chin and she had nodded. And then he kissed her. She thinks that is what had saved her life. That kiss kept her warm for those dreadful minutes in the ice-strewn water.

Now, with shivering lips, Pam kissed Jim’s sleeping face to thank him again and again for saving her life. 

The water was less cold for Michael and Dwight. Their body temperatures were so low that it was almost warm for them. That was a bad sign since in January ice could be seen floating in the water.  Dwight knew they were close to going in to hypothermic shock. They stumbled out until the water was waist high and grabbed the box. Michael’s spirits lifted, “Hey,” he yelped, “It’s my trunk! All my magic stuff and costumes are safe!”
“Great!” Dwight said, “Do you have any matches inside? Or a fishing pole?”
“Don’t be silly, Dwight. What would I need those for? No! Now when we get rescued, I can finish up the presentation!” He was tugging on the box while Dwight pushed it from behind.

When they got it to shore, Angela stumbled over to the two men who had fallen prone on either side of the box. She tried to open it but it was locked. “Dwight, open this! It’s locked.”
“Michael’s got the key,” Dwight didn’t even lift his head to speak.
Michael swore, “Stupid Captain Jack and his….took my keys when he… he’s got them.”
Angela groaned and pointed at a rock. “Dwight break it open with that rock. Now! Do it! I’m starving and I’m cold. DWIGHT! Pick up the rock.”

Ryan awoke when cold fingers brushed across his cheek. He opened his eyes to see the dim figure of Michael placing a soft, filmy blanket on top of him. Ah, Ryan realized, he must be in Heaven because Michael was dressed in Angel’s robes. Saint Michael. Startled, Ryan watched as Michael placed a frilly ballgown on top of Roy’s prone body. Maybe I’m dreaming, Ryan thought. That’s right, I’m dreaming, he decided. But just then, Michael sneezed and Ryan knew it was even worse than he had imagined. He was alone on a deserted island with a drunk, foul shmuck and a boss who had finally gone off the deep end and was dressing them all up like little girls. He could not believe he had thought this night from hell couldn't get any worse.

Jim woke to the sound of Pam’s voice in his ears, “Jim…darling….Jim…. sweetie…Jim…” He didn’t want to open his eyes because he knew if he did he would wake up and find out it was just Mark pulling his leg…but he had to because.... if it was her, well, he had to do whatever she said. So he opened his eyes.

So this is the tale of our castaways,
they're here for a long, long time.
They'll have to make the best of things,
it's an uphill climb.
The first mate and his girlfriend too,
will do their very best,
to make the others comfortable,
in the frozen island nest.
No phones, no lights, no motor cars,
not a single luxury.
Like Robinson Crusoe,
it's primitive as can be.
So join us here each week my friend,
you're sure to get a smile.
From seven stranded office mates,
Here on Angela's Isle.