I own nothing and profit in no way from this story.
III.
Pam’s eyes widened at Starbuck’s attack. She nodded a bit, licking her lips as she turned her head to look at the floor. To Kara’s surprise, though, Pam looked right back in her eyes and gave a half smile.
“I thought of all of that. Of course I did. That the only reason he was in my bed was because she was gone. That I was the consolation prize, the last resort. I was afraid he’d start to resent me for…for being alive when Karen was dead. Or, I thought maybe he would start to doubt how much I loved him because he’d think I was just clinging to the only person I still knew. I worried that once the trauma wore off that he’d leave me.” Pam heaved herself up out of the chair. She began to pace around the small room, rubbing her lower back.
“You know what, though? He didn’t leave”. Pam paused at the foot of Kara’s bed and rested her hands on the railing. “I caught him crying one night, and I was sure that he was crying for her. And he was- but he was crying because he felt guilty…guilty for being so glad that I was the one who had made it onto that flight with him instead of her.”
“Yeah, right. That’s easy to say when the choice is made for you.” Kara was suddenly aware that she sounded like a sulky teenager.
The look on Pam’s face reinforced the notion. She looked strong, patient…mature. She even rolled her eyes a bit before she spoke again. “The Cylons didn’t make the choice for either of us. I was only on that flight because I loved him. And even then, I wouldn’t have ever, ever taken that risk if I hadn’t been absolutely sure that part of him still loved me.”
Pam had a gentle, melodic voice, but there was steel in it now. Kara saw something in her eyes that was unfamiliar to her- total confidence in someone’s love. “We might have gone on hurting each other for the rest of our lives. We might have let fear and pride and misunderstandings keep us apart. It’s possible. But we didn’t get together because of what happened- we had chosen each other long, long before the Cylons came.”
Just then the lights flickered and the room became dark. “Oh!” Pam said quietly.
“Pam?” The sudden plunge into blackness had taken the fight out of Kara and she felt afraid and tired in an instant. “Are you OK, Pam?”
“Yeah. Um, yeah, I’m fine.” Pam’s voice was closer now; she’d made her way back to the chair by the bed and was settling herself into it. Her breathing was heavy with tension, but Kara was instantly comforted by her presence.
To cover her shame at such weakness, Kara mustered some bravado. “The Toasters have probably scored a hit on a power center. Good thing there’s no one in surgery or something down here. Hey- don’t you need to get back to your bed or something? What are you doing in here anyway?” It had just occurred to her that she’d never seen a pregnant woman in Cottle’s infirmary before.
“I’m fine here. I don’t think I want to go stumbling around in the dark.” Pam’s voice had lost the confident edge it had had before the lights went out, but she chuckled a little anyway. “I’m pretty clumsy these days as it is.” She paused, and then began again. “I’m on Galactica because little Jimmy Jr. here is already giving his mom problems. The midwife on the Persephone was concerned ...Dr. Cottle is the best doctor in the fleet, so my husband pulled some strings. I was supposed to go home today, but I guess something…else…is going on.”
“I guess so.” Kara thought about the word Pam had used. Home. Could a spaceship on an endless flight really be home? The question made her feel hollow, and she deliberately focused on Pam’s other statement. “I’m sure the Old Man will have things under control in a little while and you can get back to the Persephone. Doc doesn’t usually do babies. Your guy must be some kind of a big shot to get you over here.”
Pam laughed. Her laughter was musical and alive in the pitch blackness. “He actually is, I guess. It’s funny to think about it. I mean, we worked for a paper company. We sold paper. I was the receptionist and he was a totally bored salesman. He was good at it- people liked him and everything- but he hated it. He just didn’t know what he wanted to do, and he…well, I mean, I was there and we were all caught up in our little drama and we both just stayed, but he really needed a challenge. The trip to Caprica was about the biggest thing either one of us ever expected to do, and it was for a paper convention.” She laughed again.
“After the attack…I mean, everybody was a mess. Obviously, right? But Jim just kinda…gained focus? He was always really creative, and good at getting people involved when he was having fun…he’s totally a people person. He started to make friends. He started organizing games and activities for the people on the ship to keep them from going stir-crazy. He ran interference with the Captain. He had great ideas for keeping things organized and running smoothly. He just… he thrived, actually. He got elected Legate of the Persephone by an almost three-to-one margin. And after…I mean, when we got back to the ship from New Caprica, he was almost unanimously re-elected.” Pam’s voice was warm with pride, but the irritation was starting to well up in Starbuck again.
