I still own nothing associated with The Office or Battlestar Galactica. No infringement or disrespect of any kind is intended. Love these shows! Love these women!
II.
In answer to Kara’s questioning look, Pam settled herself into the chair next to the hospital bed. Kara thought, fleetingly, of Sam sitting in that chair talking to her, of Lee sitting there crying. She wondered if either of them had held her hand. Probably both. Her thoughts were broken by Pam’s voice.
“I was engaged, back before the attacks. I called off the wedding a week before it was supposed to happen. A week. I just- I couldn’t marry him. A part of me was in love with someone else.” Her hand moved back up across the swollen belly, caressing the new life within.
“I didn’t tell either of them, though. Roy – my fiancé- he wouldn’t have understood. And Jim had moved away. He was too angry and too hurt to stay and watch me marry someone else. I ruined everything.” Pam’s voice was wistful. Kara wasn’t sure Pam even remembered she was there. “And then he came back. He was transferred back to our office- where we all worked. Except he brought his new girlfriend with him. It was horrible. Part of me still loved Roy- would always love Roy. But most of me was just waiting for Jim and watching him with her. It hurt so much I actually went back to Roy for a while.” Pam’s wistful tone turned darker, colored by regret. Her brow contracted slightly. “It was wrong. It hurt Roy, and it hurt Jim. He always wanted what was best for me, and he knew Roy wasn’t what was best. Ever. So he threw himself into his relationship with the new girlfriend, and even when Roy and I broke up again he seemed…determined to be happy with her.”
Kara was surprised by how interested she was in this stranger’s story. She wondered if this Jim, who had loved Pam and wanted what was best for her, who had thrown himself into a relationship with someone else just to stop the pain of loving her…Kara wondered what he looked like. She didn’t dare ask. Instead, in a voice that sounded different from the one she usually used, she asked, “Did it ever get easier to watch him with someone else?”
Pam shook her head slightly and continued. “We worked for a paper company. All four of us- Roy, me, Jim, Karen. In the northern continent of Picon. We, um, we won an award. We had the top-performing branch in the continent for the year, so our Branch Manager and the Assistant Manager won tickets to Caprica City for a conference. Jim was the Assistant Manager, so he was going. Our boss, Michael, was…wow. Um, it’s hard to describe Michael.” Pam laughed a bit. “He was crazy, but he was a good guy. He found out his girlfriend was pregnant just before they were supposed to leave for Caprica. Like, just two or three days. He decided he didn’t want to leave Jan behind. And he was…he was a good guy. He, um, he really thought that Jim and I should be together, so he gave me his ticket. It was a secret. The top salesman in the branch really should have been the one to go, you know? But Michael was a big romantic and he…he gave me his ticket.” Pam’s voice had gotten tight, but Kara barely noticed. This story seemed to be going in a direction she hadn’t expected, and it was irritating in a way she couldn’t put her finger on.
Pam continued, “Our ship, the Persephone, is – was- a passenger liner. I mean, we both had cabins. His was aft somewhere. The trip was supposed to take two nights- no FTL between the colonies for that class of ship. The flight was part of the prize, anyway. I didn’t see Jim for the whole first day, and when I bumped into him the second day in the dining room it was really awkward. I mean, it was pretty obvious that I had basically followed him onto this space flight for a chance to stalk him and steal him from his girlfriend. Yeah, no discomfort there.” She snorted a little laugh, then took a breath as though to prepare for what came next.
“We were almost to Caprica when the Captain came on the PA…and told us that there were Cylons in orbit and we…we couldn’t go home.” Pam stopped, silent and still. Kara had never really thought about what that moment must have been like for the civilians. Starbuck had been able to fight, to fly, to act. Her fear had fueled her and made her angry and strong.
Pam was still sitting entirely still, and Kara realized that she was reliving those feelings of helplessness, of being petrified, that came from the civilians who couldn’t do anything but wait for Galactica to save them. “You OK?” she finally said, more sharply than she’d intended, just to break the silence. Pam jumped a bit.
“Yeah, sorry. Um…Yeah, so the Captain came on the PA and made the announcement, and I could hear people screaming in the hallways. I got up to go find Jim, but when I opened the door he was already there. He was in shock, I think. He looked sick- everybody looked sick for those first couple of days. Weeks, maybe.” She shook her head a bit. “ I let him in…and none of the rest of it mattered anymore. Not Karen or Roy or how much we’d hurt each other. It just didn’t matter. It’s been hard, but we’ve been together ever since.” Pam smiled down at herself and again rubbed the belly that protected her unborn child. With a soft sigh she looked up at Kara. Tears in her eyes reflected the harsh lights of the infirmary, but they didn’t spill onto her cheeks.
Kara felt betrayed. The compassion in Pam’s eyes had fooled her, making her think there was an answer to the puzzle of having a heart in too many pieces. Pam’s solution was no answer at all. Weak and sick as she was, Kara still managed to infuse coldness in her voice. “Is that supposed to be romantic? You didn’t find your way back to each other. You didn’t have to choose between the men in your life. He didn’t choose you. They died. Your fiancé and his girlfriend and every other person and thing that could have kept you apart were dead. That’s no answer. Luck and the Cylons and happily-ever-after? That’s just…frakked.”
