1.

            He didn’t know how she found out, if Toby told her, or if she’d overheard, but she came up to him at the end of the day with a handmade birthday card and slipped it discreetly onto his desk.

            The picture on the front is a basset hound in a teal striped tie. It looked like him.

            “How’d you know I liked basset hounds,” he cocked an eyebrow at her. 

            “You told us, a couple weeks ago. Your dog Barney, from when you were a kid.” She looked worried for a minute, like she remembered wrong.

            “Yeah, oh. Yeah. I forgot about that.” He opened it up. The inside was fairly plain; simply ‘Happy Birthday’ in her neat script. But she was the only one who’d signed it.

            “Thanks, Pam,” he said it, and meant it. She smiled at him and nodded shyly before slinking back to her desk. He watched her walk away. It was the first time that he realized she probably wasn’t much older than he was.

            He slipped the drawing into the top drawer of his desk. For the next few months, it was the only thing there, and during the week that he thought he might quit, he made sure to take it home with him, so he didn’t accidentally leave it behind.

            His roommate, Greg claims he’s the one responsible for talking Ryan out of quitting.

            He’s wrong. But Ryan never corrects him.

2.

            Ryan was pretty sure he wasn’t being an ass by not getting Kelly something for Valentine’s Day. They’d only just hooked up the day before, for God’s sake!

            But, she didn’t feel quite the same way. She sulked a bit, ignored him a bit, but by the end of the day, she’d almost completely forgotten about it.

            “This will be one of those times that we’ll look back on in 5 years and laugh!” She’d told him, and actually said 5 years. His friends tell him he was truly fucked, but she was sweet and cute and he’d had a great time last night, so he left an hour early without being noticed and bought a bag of candy hearts and a pink rose, though he’d had to drive practically 20 minutes out of the city to find a flower shop with any roses at all.

            He pulled back into the Dunder Mifflin parking lot at 5:15. Most of the cars were already gone, including hers, so he decided to just leave the presents on her desk for her to find the next morning.

            The elevator doors opened and he stepped out, small sounds suddenly audible when the doors’ gears stopped.

            He opened the door to the stairwell, and saw her sitting there, tissue in hand. She wasn’t crying anymore, but her breathing was erratic and her eyes puffy.

            “Pam?”

            “Oh, hey, Ryan. Hi.” She was clearly embarrassed, wiping her nose quickly and climbing to her feet.

            Before he realized what he was doing, his hand was outstretched with the candy and the rose. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he smiled weakly.

            She looked at him a moment before taking them, a small smile growing wider on her face. Ryan swayed on his feet when her body met his unexpectedly. Her arms were around his, pressing his hands to his sides, and her head rested on his shoulder.

            “Thank you,” she sniffled. Her arms fell and she left the stairwell quickly, a swirl of something floral and fruity following her.

            It wasn’t until he got back to his car that he remembered the presents were supposed to be for Kelly.      

3.

            Jim’s been gone for a two weeks, and Ryan knows that something is up. He hasn’t gotten his messages from yesterday yet.

            Pam is sitting at her desk, staring at the door of Michael’s office.

            His tapping on the desk snaps her out of it. “Are there… any messages?” He smiled at her.

            “Oh, yeah there’s, oh my. I guess I forgot to hand these out from before.” She looked like she was going to cry.

            “It’s okay, I’ll do it,” he held out his hands for them and she looked go grateful he was still worried she might cry.

            He finally got to the back half of the office and handed Kelly a handful of messages. “You should talk to Pam,” he said. “Something is up with her.” He knew what it was, (or thought he did), but didn’t tell Kelly.

            “Oh my God, you’re right. She has been acting totally weird lately. I think she misses being engaged. We should take her out for drinks or something!”

            “Are you sure that I should be there?”

            “You’re right, it’s definitely a girl’s night out kinda thing. Oh! I have to go tell Phyllis!”

            Ryan ran into Pam at the vending machines later that day. She was standing in front of the snacks when he went to buy a soda.

            “Girls Night Out?” She elbowed him, but even that seemed sad.

            “How’d you know that was me?” He smirked at her.

            “I don’t know.” She punched the button for something and Ryan heard the spiral move, and the snack drop with a heavy clunk into the tray.

            “Well, you probably should go out. Help take your mind off…. things.”

            Before he knew it, his back was against the soda machine and her lips were on his, soft and a little sad. She pulled away slowly and stared at him.

            “Thank you so much.” Her hands were on his cheeks and she shook his head a little bit at the end of the sentence.

            She didn’t look him in the eyes for the next two weeks, but Kelly told him that Girl’s Night Out went well. He was glad, and a little sad.

4.

            She emerged from the break room, leaning slowly away from the door. It clicked shut almost inaudibly.

            Her hair was curled in that new way that he really liked and she’d been leaving an extra top button undone, lately. Sometimes he caught himself staring. Sometimes she caught him.

            A few steps away from him, her left foot twisted oddly and she toppled forward into her desk with a breathy ‘Oh.’

            “Y’okay?” His mouth had gone a little dry, but he tried to sound casual. She nodded without looking at him; her face was a furious pink, but his probably was too.

            Ryan spent the rest of the work day wondering what it would be like to bend her over the desk like that. Hear that ‘Oh’ again.

5.

Kevin elbowed him hard. “Dude, you should go check on her.”

“Me?” There weren’t many people left at the bar. Kelly had left an hour earlier to watch America’s Next Top Model, Angela and Dwight had left separately, 5 minutes apart, and no one else really seemed to even have seen her slip away. They were watching Kenny and Roy tear the place apart.

“Yeah, I’ll stay here and keep an eye on Roy,” Kevin nodded in the direction of the rampage and Ryan nodded. This was his out. As shocking as it was, Roy’s behavior, he really didn’t want to stick around to see the aftermath.

Five minutes after looking around the parking lot, he was convinced that she’d already left, and then he saw her car in the parking lot of the grocery store across the street.

            Ten minutes after that, he was sitting in her passenger’s seat, and she was on his lap, kissing his neck, whispering ‘please please please’ into his skin, and he wanted (really wanted) to say ‘okay.’

But he didn’t, because Kelly would call him soon and tell him who was kicked off Top Model, and he would know whom she’s talking about.  And because Pam wouldn’t look him in the eyes until the next of never. And because Roy (and Jim [and Kelly]) could kick his ass.

            And because he didn’t need it to be more than a crush, anyway.