Casino night was supposed to be May 11, but an "emergency" of Michael's lead to him to postpone it-leading theories include his inability to get a date, and trying to convince Darryl to allow the fire eaters into the warehouse.

So he held it on June 2 instead-about a week before Pam's wedding.  I had managed to delay the inevitable long enough.  When Roy left, it was just she and I standing in the parking lot.  She was wearing that periwinkle dress, and swaying nervously as we stood there.  I asked her to talk-our mics were off, and the cameras were long gone.  She had said something about needing to talk to me too.  But I was going to lose nerve if I didn't start right then and there.

"I'm in love with you."

I burst out, completely going off what I had spent the entire year planning.  She had that shocked look on her face-one I'd learned quite well. 

All the times I had planned on telling her, it certainly wasn't like this.  We weren't in the parking lot of Dunder Mifflin, half drunk.  And I certainly didn't just come out with it.

"Please say something."

I said out of anxiety.  The silence had been killing me slowly.  Watching her eyes dart around, pacing nervously, her eyes filling with tears-it was all enough to strike me dead, right there in the parking lot.

I just needed her to say something.

"What are you doing?  What do you expect me to say to that?"

Every switch in my brain was going off, and I had no idea what to do next.  I wasn't prepared for this scenario.  I was ready for the, "Okay Jim, I love you.  Let's do this thing now, forgetting about my oafish fiancé."  The silent Pam, then the angry Pam-these were things I was unprepared for.

"I just needed you to know."

She stands silent, all the color drained from her face.

"You're my best friend, Jim.  But I can't...  I love my fiancé."

I nodded slowly, knowing where this conversation was going.  I wiped away one tear from my eye.

"You have no idea..."

I tried to stop her.  I didn't want this sentence finished.  But she bull-headedly interrupts with,

"What your friendship means to me."

I looked at her with sympathetic eyes.  Like staring at her with tear-filled eyes would have changed the way it worked.

"I don't want to do that.  I want to be more than that."

I felt like I was going to die.  Right there, in that damn parking lot.  Just drop dead, at her feet.  But I didn't.  I just stood there, dazed.

"I can't."

She said, all the breath escaping from her in those two little words.  I was expecting an apology, or some kind of a plea to remain friends.  Instead, she burst in with,

"I can't..."

Her mumbles made it seem like she was actually contemplating this.  I didn't need that pushed into my face.  Like if I had done this earlier, things would have been different.

"I'm sorry if I misinterpreted our friendship."

I walked off, my hands buried in my pockets.  Because if I left them at my sides, I would run back and either grab her and take her away, or choke myself to end this misery right then and there.

I didn't look back to see what she was doing.  It didn't matter.  Her use of the word "can't" just said that she was not interested.

===

I don't even remember walking back into that office.  I remember seeing her walk in, sit down at my desk, pick up my phone.  After that, the nerves just took over.

"Mom, I have to go."

She said, in a hurry to hang up the phone.  I wondered what she was talking about, but I had an inkling.  She looked up at me, and began with,

"Jim..."

Before she could even finish her thought, I grabbed the small of her back and pulled her towards me.  Her abdomen pressed against mine, and I pressed my lips to hers.

At first, her body was tense against mine.  She was fighting this.  But after a second, her grip on me tightened. She was sinking into it. Her hands went up my chest, along my neck.

It was the most perfect thing I had ever done before.  Sparks went from my feet to my neck, and I just wanted to scream I was so happy.  I had fantasized about this moment for so long, and it was finally here.

Then she pulled away.

"I can't do this."

She walked away, and I followed her.  We stood at the door of the elevator.

"You're just going to walk away?  After... that?"

I shrieked, sounding suspiciously like Kelly.  She nods.

"Jim, you're a great guy.  But..."

She bit her lip, and looked on the brink of tears.  Which seemed to be impossible, seeing how the entire night had gone.

"What?  What is it?  Tell me that kiss meant nothing, and I will walk out of here right now."

She stood in silence.  I followed suit.

"Then what is it?"

Before my brain can process the interchange, she bursts out in a voice louder than I'd ever heard before,

"I'm pregnant, okay?  I can't leave him now."

She fell on the floor in tears.  I sat down next to her, despite my best wishes not to.  I put my hand on my shoulder, despite how much it hurt.  She rested her cheek on my hand, and I could still feel her warmth.  It was a feeling at that time I never wanted to be rid of.

"I haven't even told him. I just need a friend right now."

And there was the secret buzz word-friend.  I was just a friend.  I wasn't something more, I wasn't something admirable.  I was just a friend.  I muttered softly,

"I'm sorry."

I pulled my hand away softly, and she looked up at me like a deer in the headlights.

"I can't do that."

I said, tearing away what was left of my heart.  She pressed out a wrinkle in her periwinkle dress, and just let out one sad sob.

"What are we going to do now?"

I shook my head, and pressed the button for the elevator.

"I don't know."

She didn't stand up to stop me.  She had that look in her eye that she wanted to, but she couldn't find the strength to.  I wanted her to find that strength, to fight for this.

But I knew when the elevator door shut that it wasn't going to happen.