Pam smiles as she lets the memories of the day flow over her. Her eyes are closed and she feels the cool, smooth glass of the passenger-side window against her cheek as she rests her head on it. Images flash through her mind, snatches of conversations drift in and out, as she relives the day.

***

Ben and Maddie grin and clap wildly as the Philly Phanatic dances across the field before them. 

*** 

Jim and Ben leave on a hunt for hot dogs and Jim steps easily over the seats in front of them on his way to the stairs. Ben’s laughter rings in Pam’s ears as Jim grasps him firmly by the hands and lifts him up, swinging him gently through the air, over the seats, and into his arms.

*** 

Maddie’s eyes are glued to the game playing out before her. She is oblivious to the bright green relish dripping off the end of her hot dog bun and into a puddle on her knee.

*** 

Ben struggles to fit a bite of hot dog into his small mouth. He grips the bun tightly and ketchup oozes through the gaps in his fingers. 

*** 

She grins as she relives these precious memories, happy she has something to remember. Something she knows actually happened. She loves that she has these images to pull into her mind and relive.

And then there’s the kiss. Of all the great memories she’s made today, the kiss is the one that stands out the most clearly. The one makes her heart pound and her lips curve into a smile. It had happened during a pause in the game. There were people smoothing out the sand in the in field and the jumbo screen showed shots of different kissing couples, framed by cheesy hearts and little cupids. They’d been having fun laughing at the couples and how the stadium would erupt into cheers whenever there was a particularly good kiss or adorable couple, when they suddenly spotted themselves on the screen. They’d looked like the perfect family, complete with a crazy-haired little girl struggling with a dripping popsicle and a rosy-cheeked baby boy who was (literally) bouncing on his father’s knee.

Heart thumping, fear and doubt filling her mind, Pam had turned to Jim, her smile faltering. But one look at him, with his wide grin and shining eyes, and she’d immediately felt at ease.

They’d leaned toward each other and when their lips met, Pam had felt like the overwhelming sensation of comfort and coming home. At that moment, all of the doubt and confusion she’d been feeling since she’d woken up melted away.

But a new kind of had doubt crept in. She’d begun to doubt that she would go back to what she was sure of, what she knew to be her life until this morning, even if she could. Because she knew that having Jim in her life, even if she was unsure of everything else, was far better than being without him, knowing exactly what her life was. She’d realized that she couldn’t go back to the way it was before – Jim in Stamford, her in Scranton, each of them broken-hearted and unable or unwilling to speak to one another.

She sighs and opens her eyes, turning her head slightly to watch Jim as he navigates the car down the highway. Her eyes drift over his features, shining a golden red in the rapidly fading sunlight.

She watches his eyes as they flicker to the rearview mirror. She knows he’s looking at the children, making sure they’re still there and asleep, safely strapped into their car seats. His gaze lingers on the sight in the mirror and as he smiles softly to himself, Pam knows, without a doubt, that she loves him. She’s sure this is where she’s supposed to be.

She sighs contentedly and closes her eyes again. The memories of the baseball game aren’t the only ones that have been running through her mind on the trip home. There are others – ones that are as vivid as the ones she’s created today, but which she has no real memory of ever having lived.

***

 She’s in Jim’s old apartment, the one he’d shared with Mark. There are takeout containers scattered across the coffee table and a movie playing on the television. She and Jim are on the couch, half lying, half sitting and she’s resting her head on his chest, their arms wrapped around each other, laughing at the movie.  

Still grinning, she looks up at Jim to find him gazing back at her, eyes shining and a hint of a smile on an otherwise serious expression. 

His eyes roam slowly over her face as her laughter dies out but her smile remains. She watches him, watching her. His eyes reach hers again and he takes a deep, calming breath. 

“I love you, Pam.”  

It’s not the confession of a moonlit parking lot, not an impossible request, but a statement of fact, the verbal expression of something they both already know but which has never before been spoken out loud. Of that, Pam is sure.  

Her smile widens and she tilts her head, gazing openly up at him for a second before responding.  

“I love you, too, Jim." 

Like his statement, hers is already a known fact, spoken aloud for the first time. His smile reaches his eyes and his arms tighten around her. He softly presses his lips to her forehead before she settles back into his chest and their eyes return to the movie. 

***

They’re on the beach, her at the end of a short aisle, a white dress swishing around her legs as she forces herself to walk slowly and calmly, when all she wants to do is run towards him.  

He’s standing at the other end, looking happier than she’s ever seen him, the breeze gently blowing through his hair. He’s watching her as she comes closer and closer, oblivious to the people surrounding them, the eyes that are watching what unfolds. All he can see is her, them, the future. She thinks she can see his eyes shimmering with barely contained tears and she wonders how she could ever have thought there was someone else out there for her.  

*** 

They’re sitting on the couch in their new house, her feet propped in his lap as Maddie toddles around the boxes waiting to be unpacked. Pam feels her stomach flutter and rubs a hand absently over the slight bump there, wondering whether it will be a boy or a girl, whether it will have her hair and Jim’s eyes.  

*** 

Pam is holding a video camera as Ben takes his first few tentative steps. Jim is standing a few feet in front of him, his arms out and a grin on his face, as Maddie cheers from the sidelines.  

*** 

She’d been startled at the first few of these images as they’d flashed through her mind in rapid succession, like a flashflood of memories. They felt unfamiliar, as though she’d never lived through them, yet, at the same time, they’d felt distinctly hers, a part of her past and her being.

Even more startling had been the realization that she’d forgotten things. Not things about Jim or Ben or Maddie. Not things about her life with them – those were the things that stood out the most vividly in her mind. She’d realized she she’d forgotten things about Roy and her life with him.

She can no longer remember what she and Roy had fought. The fight that she’d thought had only been the night before now seems a distant memory, almost as if she’d been thinking of a dream she’d once had but barely remembers. She can’t remember why they lived in the tiny, cramped apartment she’d hated, or why they drove that huge car she never liked. She’s not even sure when he proposed or whether they’d ever gotten around to setting a date.

She’d also realized that she doesn’t mind that she’s forgotten those things. Of everything she no longer remembers, the only thing that truly bothers her is that she can’t remember what finally gave her the courage to break things off, to admit to both him and herself that things weren’t working.

Her eyes fly open and she sits up, her mouth curved into a slight frown, her brows knitted together.

She turns, leaning her back against the door, and looks at Jim. She studies him, wondering.

“Jim…” She starts tentatively, unsure she’s really going to ask. “Do you remember our first date?”

He turns to her in surprise, a chuckle dying on his lips when he sees the expression on her face and realizes she’s serious.

His eyes return to the road, but he gives her another curious glance before responding.

“Of course I do. We went to Cugino’s for lunch. Your first day at Dunder Mifflin.”

She doesn’t speak and he takes it as a sign that he should continue.

“I mean, I know we didn’t officially get together for another couple of weeks, but I still like to think of that lunch as our first date.”

A slow, nostalgic smile crosses his face and he sighs, remembering it.

“It was a great first date.” He chuckles. “Until Roy showed up.”

She frowns, struggling to remember what had happened next. She knows the day he’s talking about – it’s one of the few memories she’s a hundred percent sure she actually lived through.

She remembers Jim shyly asking her if she wanted to grab some lunch, accepting because he’d seemed nice and she’d had no one to eat with – Roy’d had a weekly lunch thing set up with some warehouse guys and hadn’t wanted to cancel.

She’d let Jim choose where they would go and had immediately loved the place he’d chosen. She had been enjoying herself, laughing at Jim’s jokes and stories, glad she’d already found a friend.

Jim had been paying the bill and she’d just stepped out of the restroom and was waiting for him near the door when Roy entered, trailed by the guys he worked with.

***

 “Hey, babe!” Roy exclaims, just as startled to see her as she is to see him. “You here for lunch?” 

“Oh…um..” Pam stammers, trying to choose her words carefully. “Actually, we just finished. We need to get back.”  

She smiles at him, hoping he won’t ask questions, hoping he’ll walk away before Jim shows up.  

“’We?’” He smiles quizzically, scanning the restaurant, looking for one of her friends or someone he knows.  

Trying to come up with an answer that will satisfy him yet be vague enough that he won’t ask questions or grow suspicious, she doesn’t see Jim walk up. Pam knows that Roy can be jealous sometimes, and had wanted to get rid of him before he could see whom she’d eaten with.

Busy shoving his change into his wallet, Jim doesn’t see Pam talking to Roy until he’s come to a stop next to her.  

“Ready to go?” He smiles down at her, oblivious to the tightness of her forced smile and Roy standing in front of him, looking angrily back and forth between them. 

“What the hell, Pam!” Roy’s shout is loud enough to gain the attention of the entire restaurant, and startles Jim. He instinctively moves closer to Pam and has to stop himself from resting his hand on her back.  

“Is everything okay?” he asks, concerned etched on his face.  

Pam ignores his question, choosing instead to calm Roy.  “Roy, it’s nothing. We were just having lunch. Jim was just being nice.” She turns to Jim and explains that Roy is her fiancé, immediately regretting not mentioning it sooner.  

The shocked, hurt expression that flickers across his face tears at her heart a little, though she doesn’t know why.  

***

She bites her lip, remembering what had happened next. She’d turned back to Roy, annoyed at his anger and jealousy, annoyed that he’d shown up and ruined the best time she’d had in a while. Not wanting to make a scene, she’d told him they would talk about it later and his angry response had rung in her ears the whole trip back to the office, but what had concerned her more was the awkward silence that had filled the car. She remembers being inexplicably sad at the idea that she’d missed out on a great friendship.

She smiles now, remembering how her fears had been put to rest as Jim stopped by her desk on his way out for the day to tell her he’d enjoyed getting to know her. It was the first time he’d called her ‘Beesly,’ and she’d smiled for the first time since lunch. She’d liked how easily it had rolled off his tongue, how he smiled as he’d formed the word.

Her smile at the memory falters as she realizes that they couldn’t possibly have begun dating a few weeks later. She’d stayed with Roy for at least of few years after that. Hadn’t she?

“Then what?”

Jim turns to her, a confused look on his face, unsure of what she means.

“What?”

“What happened after that? After we ran into Roy at Cugino’s?”

After one more perplexed sidelong glance and a deep breath, Jim explains that she’d come to work the next day looking very tired but weirdly relieved, and without her engagement ring. He says that he’d wanted to ask her if she was okay, but before he could, she’d come up to him and apologized for what happened at lunch the day before and had told him that she and Roy were no longer together. He tells her that while he’d been thrilled to hear the news, he’d wanted to give her a little bit of space and time before asking her out, which he ended up doing a few weeks later.

Pam lets her eyes fall from Jim’s face, her face set in an expressionless look. She loses herself in her mind, wondering how this can be so clearly right, so perfectly laid out, while she’s sure that none of has happened to her. How can she be living one life now, when yesterday she was living a completely different one?

Concerned at her silence, her expression and the questions she’s been asking, Jim glances at her.

“You okay?”

Pam raises her eyes at the question. Am I okay? It’s a simple question and should have a simple answer. She should know whether she is okay, at the very least.

She lets her eyes meet Jim’s and suddenly she does know the answer.

“Yes.” She smiles, touched at his concern.

“Are you sure?”

She takes in the worried look on his face, the seriousness of his tone of voice and his convinced.

“Yeah. I’m perfect.”

She reaches over and grabs his hand where it rests on the divider between them. It feels warm and familiar and comforting as he squeezes her hand in response. She lets her eyes drift closed again, the smile still on her lips.

Pam wakes up as they pull into their driveway. She smiles up at the house, sure no other place has ever felt this much like home.

Stretching, she looks toward Jim.

“You want to grab Maddie and I’ll get Ben and the bag?”

“Oh sure. Make me carry the big one.” He grins as he says this, already out of the car and unbuckling the sleeping girl.

They carry the children to their respective bedrooms and Pam readies Ben for bed, smiling when he doesn’t wake up, even as she changes his diaper and puts him into his pajamas.

She settles him into his bed and lets her gaze linger over his sleeping face as she brushes aside the soft hair covering his forehead. She sighs happily before leaning down and giving him a goodnight kiss on his pink, chubby cheek.

“Goodnight, Ben,” she whispers. “Love you.”

She and Jim pass in the hallway as he moves to Ben’s room and she goes towards Maddie’s.

Jim has already changed her into her pajamas and Pam watches her as she sleeps, breathing evenly in and out, clutching a bear in one arm.

Pam brushed the hair out of the little girl’s eyes and she stirs.

“Mommy? Is it bedtime?”

Pam chuckles before responding.

“Yes, baby.”

The little girl snuggles into her pillow. “Okay.” She lifts her arms, a signal for Pam to give her a hug.

Pam leans down, kissing her forehead as Maddie’s arms wrap around her neck. When the little girl gives her a peck on the cheek, she squeezes her once more before straightening up.

“Night, mommy.”

Pam smiles.

“Good night, sweetie. Love you.”

“Love you, too, mommy,” Maddie mutters, already almost sleeping again.

Pam smiles and leaves the room, gently closing the door behind her.

She makes her way towards her bedroom and when she gets there, she finds Jim already in bed, sleeping. She changes into an oversized t-shirt and her favorite pair of Jim’s old boxers and crawls into bed.

As she snuggles under the covers, Jim’s arms snake around her from behind and she feels him press a kiss into her shoulder.

Running her fingertips over his hand and forearm, she whispers her love into the dark.

He snuggles closer. “I love you, too,” he murmurs into her hair.