The View from 10th Grade

by Andrew Bernard

Hey, all you 9th graders! I'm Andy Bernard, and we're going to be good friends this year. Mrs. Greene chose me to help you through 9th grade, because I lived through it, amigos. At times I wasn't sure I would, because for some stupid reason, kids thought it was okay to pick on me last year. Well, it wasn't. I got into a lot of fights, but they weren't my fault, and I came out on top every time. I'm no girly-man! Believe me now and hear me later! Ha Ha! You guys should watch Saturday Night Live so we can talk about it on Mondays. Or maybe Sundays -- maybe we should have sleepovers and watch together. Just the guys, though. No sleepovers with girls -- my mom said that. Plus, the girls' moms and the girls said it, too, so I guess that's a negatory, good buddy!

Anyway, my first column is about all the stuff to do here. Once you find the right things to be involved in, you can make lots of friends. I tried a bunch of activities last year, so I'm definitely the right person to tell you. I tried almost the whole smorgasbord of clubs - I am so full. (Ha Ha.)

Choir: Come and try out for choir! There are a lot more girls in choir than guys, but we all have a heck of a good time. If you're a guy, don't worry if your voice hasn't changed yet. We could really use help in the soprano section, anyway - some of the girls last year couldn't hold on to the gosh-darned melody, and I won't be a soprano this year to help them find it! I'll be in the tenor section, homeboys. Some of the Juniors called me Andrea last year, but there's nothing wrong with needing to sing a girl's part, guys. (GIRLS SKIP AHEAD TO THE NEXT SECTION!!) For guys only: did you see that I said there are more girls? I like those odds! I'm sure things will work out for me this year -- fingers crossed, guys!

SubVocals a cappella group: Some people think a cappella is for nerds, but it's actually very cool. It means music without instruments, just singing, and thumping on your chest, and anything that makes noise that sounds good together. I learned about it a few years ago from a teacher (hey, Mrs. Scott from 7th grade, you rid-dit-dit-dit-rock!) There are a lot of great groups out there, and last year, with the help of Mr. Finetti, we started a group right here. We could use a high soprano, now that my voice has changed. Try out, even if you don't know what your range is. If you can carry a tune, we'll have you wee-mo-wayin' all over the hallways. Don't wee-mo-way near the gym, though. I learned that the hard way -- ask me later in private if you want.

Sailing Club: Sailing is a pretty cool thing to do. Me and my dad started the Sailing Club last year, and we have a couple other guys and dads who joined now, too. I think we'd have a lot more people, but not everyone has something to sail. But me and Dad have room for at least one more on our boat-like vehicle, especially if you're a girl (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more)! Do you guys watch Monty Python? You should, because then we'll have even more to talk about. Maybe one of my upcoming columns could be a Monty Python review, so you'll know the ones to rent first. Monty Python doesn't have anything to do with sailing, but some of the Monty Python guys are in A Fish Called Wanda, and there's water in that one.

Anyway, check out the Sailing Club, and it'll be anchors aweigh for you! It's not "anchors away," you know -- that's a landlubber's mistake. My dad says "You can tell a landlubber, because he'll never need a rubber." Mom told him to shush, so I guess she didn't like him making fun of people who don't need waterproof footwear. Moms are a little odd, anyway, but don't worry -- there are no moms in the Sailing Club. (If any girls want to join and bring your moms though, that's cool. We'll ‘sail' through any problems. Ha Ha.)

Newspaper Club: This is where all the cool kids hang, such as yours truly. If you're asked to help write a column, take photos, proofread, edit, or do set-up, say "Affirmative!" (That's like ‘yes,' don't worry, you'll figure out the high school lingo!) Actually, you probably don't want to edit. The editing guys and girls are kind of like nerdy, super control-freakazoids. Butt doen't tell hum eye sayed that. I heard that Mrs. Greene sometimes asks problem-kids who don't ‘fit in' anywhere else to work on the newspaper, but there are no losers like that this year, so it's probably not true. I'll ask her this week. I have a little weekly meeting with her to talk about things. It's how she stays plugged in with what's going on here at school -- she talks with us cool kids to find out.

Audio-Visual Club: I don't know anything about this club, except none of them ever tried to beat me up last year, so I think they're probably good guys. They are pretty much all guys, as near as I can tell. Some of them wear baggy overalls; I guess those could be girls. Anyway, they film stuff, and help the teachers who are showing movies in the classroom, and maybe it's something you'd like. Tell them Andy Bernard sent you, and he says "Thanks for not being bullies!"

Sports: Don't miss out on sports! I tried out for all of the team sports last year -- basketball, football, baseball, soccer, and lacrosse. No luck yet! I'm trying to find just the right sports ‘nitch'. (I don't know why I can't find that word in the dictionary. I know it's a word, because my mom says all the time that I need to find mine.) This year I'm going to try out for track, cross country, wrestling, and swimming. My dad said an individual sport can be really great, especially for people who have trouble playing on a team. I don't know -- it's going to be hard to be on a team with people who can't get along with anybody, but I guess I can be an example for them of how to fit in. I'll let you guys know how it goes, as the year goes on.

Showing school spirit: Remember, you can watch the sports even if you don't play! There's always room to squeeze in at the end of a bleacher. Come cheer our guys and gals on! Goooooo, Warriors!

Yearbook: I don't know too much about yearbook, although I guess it's a lot like the newspaper, but instead of weekly, they publish it at the end of the year. A lot of the newspaper people are in the yearbook club, too, but they didn't need me, I guess. Hey, I'm a weekly columnist, right? Can't do a weekly column for something that only comes out once a year! They have their yearbook meetings the time of the week that I meet with Mrs. Greene -- otherwise, I'd try to help them out anyway by taking some different job. Sail a V, right? Believe me, there's so much to do in high school, you can't fit it all in. That's why I'm telling you what's out there, so you can pick and choose.

Cheerleading: The cheer squad isn't just for girls -- some guys do it, too. It's a lot of fun for everyone, so try out for the team next Monday! I'm not doing it this year, because I gained weight over the summer and now I'm too heavy to be a flier. But it's definitely worth doing! I want to say ‘hey' to my friends on the squad -- Hey, girls! Don't forget your Andy-Bear! I'll be watching from the bleachers. Listen for me cheering along! You girls rock! GUYS ONLY AGAIN (no peeking girls): good odds again on the oys-bay ooh-tay irls-gay! (I knew they'd peek.)

Drama: I haven't done any of this yet, but it looks like fun. There are at least a couple of plays in the fall and spring, and the musical is usually in April. This year's musical is "Guys and Dolls." I'm going to try out for a ‘Guy' part -- I hope they typecast! (Ha Ha.)

Karate Club: The first meeting of the Karate Club is next Tuesday -- you get to break boards! I talked to Mr. Stull, who heads it up, and he said that it's great for kids who are insecure or have lots of anger. It sounds fun for us normal kids, too, though. And don't worry, you don't have to wear the white outfit all day, you can change into it after school. Maybe I'll see you there!

Anyway, that's a lot of things to get you started. Plus, there's a bulletin board near Mrs. Greene's office where all the clubs post their stuff. Check it out!

If there's anything you want me to talk about in my column, drop a note in the Editor's Box in Room 324 -- they'll pass it on to me. Plus, talk to me anytime, although Lunch C is kind of my ‘office hours'. I'm at the table near the west end of the lunch line, ready to talk to anybody who needs me. Don't be shy -- I'll probably be waiting just for you! If you don't have Lunch C, just ask around -- everybody knows me.

And remember, 9th graders, I'm like your high school trainer. I'm here to pump (clap) you up! We'll have a great year! I'm so psyched!!!