The Job

It was after six o’clock on that fateful Thursday. They sat in Cugino’s awkwardly making their way through the menu and waiting for their drinks. He couldn’t deny it; he was nervous as hell. It had all happened so sudden.

He drove back to Scranton in record breaking time with only a few scares from passing police cars. His foot was glued to the gas pedal and it just so happened to be flat on the floorboard. He made it back in just enough time to catch her sitting in the conference room with her hands folded in her lap, talking intently to the camera man. A rush of adrenaline, or was it longing, ran through his body as he turned the door handle and rudely interrupted her interview. The smile on her face assured him that it was fine that he forgot his manners for a brief moment.

She quietly made her way from the conference room, beaming as she hid behind her huge reception counter. He couldn’t help but smile at her excitement. Even though his rash decision was something he had wanted to do for a long time, he knew he needed to have a plan when they finalized their plans for dinner. Think this through, Halpert, he told himself. So he did. Thinking through when to bring up Karen, when the perfect time to reach for her hand would be, how late they should stay out, and where the best jokes would fit in. After all, this was serious business. You gotta have a plan when your dealing with this love business, he thought again.

As they sat in Cugino’s waiting for their drinks, it seemed like Jim’s plan had failed. Everything that he had mentally prepared and planned went out the window. At first it felt natural and easy being with Pam. But then his mind reminded him about their past, how the last year had went with her, and his ex-girlfriend in New York City probably drinking her cares away. He didn’t mean for it to be blurted out so soon in the evening, but it did.

“I broke up with Karen today…” he said, looking up from his menu.

Pam’s eyes shot upward at his statement. There was almost a twinge of pain in her face and a slight smile. He couldn’t make it out but he wanted to kick himself once he said it. Too soon, he chastised himself mentally.

“Oh,” was all she could say, so he decided to continue.

“I told her that the circumstances that were there before we started dating had changed and that I couldn’t ignore them anymore….” he mumbled, thanking God for the waitress bringing their drinks to the table. Pam awkwardly glanced her eyes in the waitresses direction and hurriedly sipped her water.

“I just thought I would get that out now instead of later….you know, clear the air…” he finished, hoping she would respond.

“Well….” she started, then seemed to lose her words. “…anyway…”

At that moment his heart fell from its perch high in his chest. It was sinking lower and lower with each uninterested response from her. Again, he began mentally kicking himself in the head. If he wasn’t in public, he knew he would have already kicked himself in more places than just his forehead.


Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Pam began to express how happy she was that he was here and not in New York. He couldn’t help but feel the same way. He was pleased that by the grace of God he made the decision to hustle back to Pennsylvania and try to fix things. Even though he could feel the night growing awkward, he knew that this wasn’t going to be the only night with Pam. He had other plans in mind but the real question was, were they going to go accordingly?


We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly, An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good, what just slipped out and what went wrong

They both nervously sat in the quaint diner and shared some of the normal date conversation.

“How was the weather in the city?” she asked, looking up from the shredded napkin in her hand.

To avoid seeming to nervous and upset that they had resorted to the forecast, he grabbed the salt and pepper shakers and slid them back and forth to occupy his hands. She noticed, of course.

“It was nice. Sunny….” he finished. Jim saw her smile and then once her head was bowed, it disappeared. His thoughts went quickly to her and how her announcement at the beach was probably just a confession-a freedom speech-so she could get over the fact that he had ruined her life; so he thought.


Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now

That was it, he wasn’t going to bring up anything else that could potentially put a damper on this supposedly ‘lovely’ evening. It was the best day of his life and it was getting a little dimmer with every phrase that slurred out of his mouth. From this moment on, I’m done talking, he said clearly in his mind. Well, he heard it loud and clear. He’d spent the last year silent, why change that now?

After they started eating on their Italian delicacies, Pam’s shaking hand set her fork down and for what seemed to be the first time in the night, looked directly into his eyes.

“Thank you for inviting me out. It’s been a long time…you know, since we’ve been able to catch up. So, thanks…” she said, making sure he saw her eyes staring into his and then picked up her fork again.

“Oh…no problem. I just thought…it would be a good way to start fresh…new…”he rambled on, hoping that nothing else that popped out of his mouth would cause grief. He really did want to start fresh and new with Pam but it was getting over their past that would allow them to do that. He willed his mouth to open and speak again, thinking his next sentence through before allowing the words to take form.

“I’m sorry this is awkward,” he admitted, repeating it back in his head to make sure it didn’t sound wrong.

Pam nodded and let out a little smile. “Oh….you think it’s awkward? It’s probably my fault.”

Jim bounced his right leg under the table. “No, definitely not your fault at all…” he said, looking over out the window and then back to her.

“I’m having a great time…the best in a long time actually,” she said, placing her fork back down on her plate.

“It hasn’t been a little bit awkward to you though?” he asked, preparing for the worst. When her answer came, he wasn’t upset at all. He was relieved.

She let out a deep breath and a chuckle. “God, yes,” she said, smiling. From that moment on, he let out a deep sigh himself and enjoyed their moment of realization. Now that they both got passed the newness of it all and the preconceived notions, it was time to begin their first, real date.

I'm never speaking up again
it only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
than she desert me

oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now, starting now...

It had been almost year since that night outside in the parking lot. He hadn’t intended his words to come out the way they did when he saw her standing there in her blue dress, but now that he thinks back, he’s glad he said it. He’s glad he let his heart speak instead of taking his mother’s advice and thinking before speaking. It was one thing in his life that seemed to turn out all wrong in the beginning but now, it seemed to be going just fine. Jim knew he never has to convince her that he loves her, he’s already said that and put it all on the line. Now, he gets to declare it, and that’s one thing he won’t remain silent about.