It had been nearly two weeks since Jim’s departure from Scranton. Ever since the night he bared his soul to her, everything had changed. Her thoughts were constantly wondering about the ‘what if’s’ and any moment alone was spent mourning.

In one of those times she’d spent reflecting on what her next step in life should be, Pam came to a conclusion. It was either time for her to live a life that she was sure would be mediocre or take a chance on love and possibly lose everything. She didn’t want to think that it all was Jim’s confession that made her realize that she should move on, she hoped that she was doing it for her sake. But, Jim of course, was the catalyst to set her world into motion.

Late that night, she made her final decision, preparing herself mentally for the battle ahead. It was probably the hardest thing she’d ever had to prepare for. Even her father’s death was a stroll in the park compared to letting someone know that you didn’t see a future with them, and that your ten year relationship was for nothing. Before she fell asleep that night, she said a prayer as she turned over and felt him next to her.

As her eyes fluttered open, she didn’t feel tired, scared, weak, or uncourageous. It was like her prayers were answered that this day would go easy. It was like she had grown in the middle of the night, ready for the departure of her comfortable love. She didn’t have to fear what he’d say, she knew her mind was made up and there was no way he could change it.

She found him sitting on the couch, with a bowl of cereal on his lap and watching the morning news. It was his ritual. She’d always join him and they’d sit there until the afternoon watching the melancholy news scroll across the bottom of the screen. As she made her way to his side, he looked up at her, smiled and stuck a spoonful of cornflakes into his mouth.

“Mornin’,” he said, his mouth full.

She replied, looking at him as she spoke, noting that this would be the last time that they’d ever wake up together, sit side by side and watch the news in their living room together. She did feel a bit of sadness and familiarity slip away from her as she thought about the days events she had planned. It was only just the beginning of her lonely days. This will only take a few painful minutes, she told herself, trying to keep herself assured that it was for the best to let Roy go. Then she realized that no matter how short of time it took her to break the news to him, it would take forever to heal. She wanted to let him move on from something that was already lost. And, she wanted to move on too.

“Hey…Roy?” she asked, turning towards him and grabbing the remote and flicking the television off.

“Huh?” he asked, looking at her as she hit the power button on the remote.

“Can we talk?” she asked, feeling her face and neck redden.

“What about?” he asked, looking back at the blank television screen.

“The wedding…” she said, glancing down at her hands in her lap. Her fingers were wrapped tightly together, holding on to one another.

“We can’t afford the extra appetizers that you want. It’s just not in the budget, Pam,” he said, sighing.

“It’s not about the food, Roy,” she said, looking up at him with her eyes shining. He furrowed his brow at the sight of her.

“Roy…”

He placed his cereal bowl on the coffee table and rubbed his hands across his face, sighing again. “What now?” he asked.

A tear streamed down her cheek as she became angry with him. “Excuse me?” she said, catching her breath.

“What’s the matter?”

“I just….I need to talk to you…” she said, softly.

“You already said that, Pam. What about?” he said, getting defensive.

“Our wedding is in like two weeks…and…”

Roy sat there, staring at her, his face a blank canvass.

“Roy…” she said, another tear coming down her cheek. As it fell, Roy placed his hand on her arm and she jumped at his touch.

“What’s the matter, Pammy?” he asked. “Are you….are you have second thoughts?”

Again, she glanced down at her hands and up at him. She nodded.

He didn’t speak at first, just stared at her, waiting for a verbal confirmation. Then he said, “I’m sorry…I don’t know why…what did I do?”

“Roy, I just think that I’ve had a change of heart…I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to say it…”

Roy stood and paced towards the kitchen and stopped. “Is there someone else?”

She shook her head no. She momentarily thought of Jim, living in Stamford, a million miles away, no longer in her life. Roy’s words brought her back to reality.

“Do you want to postpone it? What? Tell me.” he asked, his hands on his hips and his head low, like he was speaking to the floor.

“No,” she said, shaking her head as she sat still on the couch.

He nodded. “So, this is it? What happened?”

“It’s a lot of things.”

“That’s the excuse I get for you breaking off our nine year relationship, Pam? That’s not good enough.”

“Ten years, Roy.”

He swallowed hard and their eyes connected as he understood. “I love you, Pam,” he said, the sound of desperation rattling his voice.

Her eyes welled up again. “I love you too, Roy. But….”

He interrupted her. “That’s the thing….but…what?”

“It’s hard to explain. I think both of us will be happier….this way.”

“You do?” Roy said, getting a bit of anger in his voice. “Our wedding is not even two weeks away…and now…you tell me that you don’t want to get married. Do you realize how much money we just wasted?” he said, furious.

“The money doesn’t matter anymore, Roy,” she said standing, trying to keep her cool. “I’d rather waste the money than stay in a relationship that doesn’t make me happy. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry…” he mumbled, going into their bedroom and grabbing a few belongings. She made her way across the living room with all the strength she had left in her.

“Don’t,” she said, standing at the bedroom door.

He stopped rifling through his drawers. “You changed your mind?” he asked, not looking at her.

“No. I’ll leave. This was my decision after all,” she said, crossing her arms as she leaned against the door jamb.

He let his head drop lower as he grabbed his keys. He passed her as he walked towards the front door. “I’ll be at Kenny’s.”

“Okay,” she said, turning slowly.

“Let me know when it’s safe for me to come back,” he said, opening the door.

“Okay,” she said again, shaking as his hand grasped the door knob.

“Bye,” he said, looking at the floor.

She uncrossed her arms, “Bye,” she said. Before he shut the door completely she managed to get one last thing out. “Roy, I’m so sorry…” she said, stopping his movements.

He finally looked up at her. “Yeah…you already said that…a few times. Goodbye Pam,” he said, shutting the door. Once he did, her heart broke and the tears started pouring.

Pam finally felt a release from the life she feared she’d be in forever, and now, she had no clue where her life was taking her.