Pam got home on Sunday night after spending the weekend at Jim’s.  She walked into her dark apartment, threw her keys and bags on the dining room table and flopped on her sofa.  She and Jim had an amazing weekend together and she could hardly believe all that had happened.

Engaged.  I’m engaged.  Jim and I are getting married.

It didn’t seem that long ago that she was staring at the back of Jim’s head wondering what he was thinking.  But, after this weekend, she knew everything he was thinking and more.  They were going to spend the rest of their lives together.  They had already talked about her moving in to Jim’s apartment at the end of the month.  Jim’s apartment was bigger than Pam’s and he had a spare room that he had already dubbed “Artist’s Corner”, so it was perfect.

Pam was smiling at the memories of the weekend, but her smile stretched into a yawn.  She was exhausted and tomorrow was another exciting day at Dunder Mifflin, so she figured it was time to turn in.  

After preparing for bed, Pam padded into her room and sat in front of her vanity dresser.  She took out her hair clip and small hoop earrings and held them in her hands.  Her hair fell all around her face and she stared at her reflection in the mirror.  The vanity was a very old piece of furniture and it used to belong to her grandmother.  Pam often sat in front of the mirror and thought of her grandmother and all of the other ladies who had stared at their own reflections.  She sometimes wondered who owned the vanity before her grandmother.  It was at least 100 years old, so generations of women probably sat in the very same spot fixing their hair, applying makeup, or thinking about their lives.  She thought of her grandmother, all alone and raising her aunt while her grandfather was off at war.  Pam was not a vain person who loved to stare at her own reflection, she just felt a connection to the vanity and liked to use it as a spot to think. 

She opened her jewelry box and placed her earrings inside.  A flash of diamond and gold caught her eye.  Laying underneath her earrings was her engagement ring from Roy.  She picked it up, held it in the flat of her palm and a flood of memories washed over her.  She recalled another time and another proposal.

~*~*~*~ 

It was about 5 years ago.  She and Roy were up at the lake and they were having a really good time.  This was probably due to the fact that it was the only time that summer that Kenny wasn’t with them.  They spent the afternoon swimming and later, Pam did some sketches while Roy slept on the beach.  As darkness fell, Roy built a fire on the beach and they cooked hotdogs, roasted marshmallows and sat in silence.  Roy wasn’t a big talker, but he was unusually quiet that night. 

“Pammie?”

“Mmmm?” Pam said staring into the fire.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

Pam lifted her gaze from the fire and looked at Roy.  He seemed really nervous and was sweating, even though it was a cool night.

“Roy, are you okay?”

“Yah, babe, I’m fine.  Look, we’ve been together for a long time now and I was thinking, well…”  He stopped to mop his brow with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Yah?”

“Well, I just think…” he let out a big breath.  “Let’s get married.”

“Are you…are you asking me to marry you?”

“Yah, uh...yah...so...what do you think?”  He reached into his pocket, pulled out a black box and opened it.  The small diamond in the engagement ring reflected the campfire and sparkled.

Pam remembered staring at those tiny spots of light on the ring and feeling thrilled to be proposed to but paralyzed to respond.  There was a little voice in the back of her mind screaming, “Is he what you want for the rest of your life?  Does he even know you?  This is forever.  Forever!”

But Pam ignored that voice and did what many 23 year olds did when they were proposed to by their boyfriends.  She said yes.

 ~*~*~*~ 

Pam shook her head and stared again at her reflection.  She spent years and years after that proposal waiting to get married, constantly trying to quiet that screaming voice in her head.  When Jim came into her life, the voice became more challenging, but she was very skilled at muffling the screams.  Planning her wedding kept her busy.  It distracted her from the fact that she was making the biggest mistake of her life.  She spent years looking at dresses and flowers and cakes, planning everything down to the napkin ring holders all to have it end.

This time was different. 

She knew Jim wouldn’t use their wedding money to buy Wave Runners.  He would not go out and get drunk with his friends every Saturday night and leave her alone.  Jim would not change the wedding date because it fell during hunting season. 

Jim was going to give her love and attention and encourage her art.  He would help make dinner and share doing the laundry.  He was going to give her children and laughter and tears and everything that life had to offer.

The hairs on the back of Pam’s neck stood on end and everything became clear to her.

We are not going to wait 4 years to get married and we are not having the reception at the V.A. and Kevin and his drums will be nowhere near our day.

Pam sprang from her seat and rushed to her phone.  It was 10:20.  She dialed Jim’s number and hoped he wasn’t asleep.

“Heeello?” Jim answered sleepily.

“Hey, Jim?  It’s me.” Pam said excitedly.

“Heeeey you, what’s up?”

“Well, I was just thinking about the wedding.”

“Wedding?  Hmmm…is someone getting married?”

“Ha ha.  No, seriously.  Our wedding.  Look, can I come over?”

“Now?”

“Yah, I… I’ve just got to talk to you about some things.”

“Okay, sure.  Just remember, if it has anything to do with the tablecloth colours, I have complete control over that.  I won’t back down on that one.”

“Obviously. Okay.  I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”