May 17, 2006, 3:30 pm

“I can’t believe we’re subjecting ourselves to this.”

“Shh. They’ll hear us. Dwight would have to put his ninja skills to the test."

Pam giggled silently, her hand pressed against her mouth. She leaned against Jim’s back, peering around him to look up the stair well.

Dwight and Angela had been snippy with each other throughout the entire day. To the point where even Jim was afraid of Dwight’s wrath. The two had been seen arguing quietly at the copier until Angela had given Dwight a death stare and marched out of the office with him at her heels. The whole office had been silent until Kelly had squealed, “Oh my God, they are so having sex.”

After recovering from that image Jim and Pam had seen it as their duty to find out what was going on. They had taken the elevator down to the first floor and then snuck into the stairwell where Dwight and Angela were yelling at each other on the second landing.

“This is important to me.”

“Yeah, well, my job is important to me too.”

“More important than me?”

Dwight stuttered, “I am the assistant to the regional manager. He needs me here.”

“That doesn't even mean anything! Michael doesn’t even respect you.”

“He needs me!”

Jim turned and rolled his eyes at Pam. They both struggled to keep from laughing.

“No he doesn’t! You could leave and he wouldn’t care.”

“Oh he would care. He’s my friend.”

“Michael is not a nice person. He’s a horrible manager and he tells inappropriate jokes. Why do you care what he thinks?”

“Don’t say those things about him.”

“You can take one day off of work.”

“No.”

“Fine. But you’re not getting any cookie for an entire month.”

Jim and Pam looked at each other, their faces drawn up in identical horror.

Dwight looked startled for a moment, “You can’t do that.”

“Really? Because I think I can. And I will.”

“But what if you get hungry?”

“I’m never that hungry.”

Pam snorted. A little too loudly. Her eyes went wide and she clapped her hand over her mouth. On instinct Jim spun around and pushed her back against the wall as Dwight and Angela peered over the railing.

“Who’s there?”

“Dwight! You’re so paranoid. No one’s there.” They could hear Angela stomp back up the stairs and slam the door behind her. It opened and shut again as Dwight followed her out, mumbling something about asking for the time off.

Pam let out a sigh of relief and giggled, “Thank God.” She looked up at Jim and froze as she realized the position they were in against the wall.

In pulling her out of Dwight’s sight, Jim had pushed her against the wall where she now stood looking up at him in a sort of fright. His whole body was pressed lightly against hers, his hands pressed against the wall on either side of her head. He was looking down at her with that look. The one she had seen on the booze cruise.

Suddenly she couldn’t breathe.

Every coherent thought flew from her head...rationality, reason, practicality…all she knew was him and the way he would looking down at her like he could get lost in her eyes.

Move.

She should move. But he kept looking down at her, his eyes darkening, his lips parting slightly.

Her heart began to beat faster. So fast that she wasn’t even sure it was beating anymore, just making this hard whirring sound in her ears.

Or, oh God. Maybe it was his.

He didn’t say a word and her eyes didn’t leave his but she could feel the way his hand moved to her hair, his fingers trailing through the curls. He pulled gently on one piece and watched it spring back up. Pam thought her entire stomach was going to turn inside out.

A heat was spreading from her forehead to her toes, like her entire body was blushing, inside and out.

Move.

Her eyes lowered to his tie. She loved his ties. This one was brown…and soft. Her fingers moved from the knot at his neck to the middle of his chest, the way she had seen Katy do once. But she wasn’t thinking about Katy. And he wasn’t thinking about Roy. And she was fingering his tie and tugging on it gently.

Jim groaned softly and Pam was so close that she could feel it rumble deep in his chest.

Her heart stopped.

She looked back up at him and noticed the way his eyes darted from hers to the trace of her mouth. The way his tongue darted out to wet his lips. He tipped his head down.

Closer.

The world went foggy.

Jim’s mouth was only inches from her ear. She could feel his breath on the side of her face.

Warmth.

He smelled like soap and fabric softener.

She breathed him in and his head ducked lower.

Lower.

Lips grazed her neck.

And everything exploded.

Pam moaned, her knees buckling. She tightened the grasp on his tie, her head falling back.

Needing more.

Jim’s hand moved from her hair, down her arm.

Their fingers intertwined.

She really was dying.

Slowly.

His lips moved further down her neck.

Tasting her.

He kissed her shoulder, brushed his thumb over the inside of her wrist, pressed closer when she moved against him.

Time stopped.

Leave us here.

They stood there together like that, holding each other until he moved away slightly, bringing his eyes up to hers.

All she could see was green. He blinked.

Then a rush… time, reason, practicality... all came pouring back down on them.

She moved away, her head falling down, her forehead pressing against his chest. He went rigid as the tears began to form in her eyes. She swallowed hard and looked back up at him, her eyes pleading.

“Jim.”

Say it.

“I…um.” The silence was deafening. How long had they been standing there?”

He was pulling away. The look in his eyes had changed. Now it was just sadness. Sadness and fear. He gave her a bit of a shrug and spoke for the first time.

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracked and he took a step back, “I better get back. I’m waiting on a call.”

He turned and Pam let go of his tie, his hand, letting her hands fall to her sides, her chin dropping to her chest. She didn’t watch as he jogged up the stairs.

Her body jumped at the slamming door above her and she put her hand to her mouth, trying to choke back the sobs that were threatening to consume her body.

It wasn’t supposed to come to this. They had been doing so well. Finally gotten back to the humor that defined them. It was comfortable.

Too close. Too much.

Leaning against the wall, the emotion built in her chest. She needed to scream. Her head was going to explode. With a shaky hand she touched her neck. Where his lips had been. Where they shouldn’t have been.

“Shit.” The word was quiet as she said it. As she said it over and over and over until it echoed around the stairwell.

This couldn’t happen. She couldn’t do it to Roy. To Jim… To herself.

No.

She took a deep breath and pulled herself away from the wall, wiped her eyes and let her mind go blank.

The walk back up to the office seemed like an eternity. Jim was already at his desk when she walked back in. He didn’t look up. He didn’t look up for the rest of the day. At 5:00 he walked out the door without a single word.

Pam watched him leave. Felt something slip away in that moment and knew that nothing would ever be the same.