May 17, 2006, 3:34 pm

Pam snorted and then clasped her hand over her mouth. Jim spun around and pushed her back against the wall out of Dwight and Angela’s sight. He waited to hear them disappear back up the stairs and sighed in relief. Looked down…

She was pressed against the wall and his hands were resting on either side of her head. Their bodies were pressed so close together that he could feel the rise and fall of her chest with each breath she took. The way her heart started beating faster when she looked up at him.

Or maybe that was his.

He tried to look away. Tried to push away that nagging voice in his head. Pulled his hand away from the wall, prepared to take a step back. But she was still looking up at him.

Her eyes weren’t telling him to leave.

And his hand was in her hair. Pulling gently on one little curl and watching the way it sprang back. It mesmerized him.

Until he felt her move. Knew that she was going to push him away. Yell at him like she had done before.

Then her hand was on the knot of his tie and he felt like he was choking.He swallowed. Hard. She bit her lip and stared at the pulse in his throat as if she was contemplating what to do next.

I love you.

Her hand moved down, tugging on the tie and Jim leaned forward with the sudden motion. A groan rose in his chest and he felt something like butterflies low in his stomach, the same burning he felt every time she smiled back at him. Only this time she was pressed against him and pulling on his tie and looking at him like she might die too.

His eyes darted to her lips which parted slightly at his gaze.

Oh God.

It was real.

He moved closer and her eyes began to flutter closed.

She wants this too.

Needs it.

Not yet.

He moved his head until his mouth was right next to her ear. She still didn’t move away and he was breathing like he had just run a mile.

Lower.

Praying with each movement, he moved lower until his lips just brushed the soft skin on her neck. He heard the soft noise she made and felt the way she yanked harder on his tie and he wondered how much longer his legs were going to hold. Something in the back of his head told him that he was doing something wrong but he had forgotten that there was a man out there named Roy and a place called Dunder- Mifflin and that there was existence outside the stairwell.

All that mattered was that Pam was holding onto him for dear life and making noises he hadn’t even dared to dream about and letting him, dear God, letting him kiss a trail down her neck and over her shoulder.

She tasted like summer.

He was lost.

Leave us here.

…Breathing into her, afraid to look up, lips pressed into her shoulder, her heart pounding into his, unsure of where she left off and he began…

Looking up, he sought her eyes, searching them… finding need, warmth…and something else.

He saw himself. And he saw fear.

And he hesitated…

Then she really was moving away and burying her face in his shirt.

It was over and he wasn’t even sure if he knew how to comfort her anymore.

She looked back up at him and he could see the tears pooling in her eyes. Her eyes frantically searched him, asking him a silent question. He tried to answer. Tried to give her something.

Say it.

The words never came.

“Jim. I… um…”

How much of their relationship had been defined by fragmented sentences and heavy silence?

Jim pushed himself away from the wall, away from her. She was still holding onto his tie and he was surprised to find her hand in his.

He shrugged, “I’m sorry. I better get back. I’m waiting on a call.”

She dropped the tie and he let go of her hand and turned to jog up the stairs. He walked quickly through the fire door at the top. When the door shut behind him he stopped for a moment. Needed to regain his breath.

Needed to regain some semblance of reality.

The tightness in his chest increased and he clenched his fists. How could she do this to him?

How could he do this to himself?

Why did he have to hesitate?

“Shit!”

He slammed his hand into the wall and than grimaced at the pain that shot up his arm. Tears sprang to his eyes but he shook his head and swallowed hard.

It was over.

Rubbing his arm he walked back into the office, ignoring the glare from Dwight. A few minutes later Pam walked in. He didn’t look up. He didn’t say another word the rest of the day.

At 5:00 he grabbed his bag and walked out the door. No word goodbye, no tap on her desk, no smile.

Nothing.