August 11, 2006, 10: 23 pm

Jim stared at the ceiling, silently counting down the seconds and feeling incredibly sorry for himself.

He was a single, twenty-seven year old, it was Friday night and he was lying at home, on his bed, wearing only his faded jeans, staring at the ceiling and counting down the seconds.

Pathetic.

The sounds of his friends playing poker drifted up from the living room but he couldn’t muster up the energy to join them.

He tried to convince himself that it was jetlag. But he knew the truth.

He was tired. The kind of tired that has nothing to do with jumping across time zones and only sleeping a few hours a night.

The desire to go back to work had slowly seeped away during the week and he was left with the overwhelming need to get back on a plane and not come back this time.

But he couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. Choosing instead to wallow in his patheticness.

He had finally come to two conclusions.

One. He was in love with Pam.

It was laughable really. She was gone and it was the first time that he had been able to admit, even to himself, that he was in love with her.

Turns out she was part of the reason that he had wanted to come back. Part of the reason he had stayed for so long. And of course, the feelings hadn’t remained behind in Australia. A person doesn’t just get over something as gut wrenching as love in a matter of two months.

Nevertheless, she was gone. Her cell phone wasn’t working and he wasn’t about to go and see if Roy had her new number. She had cut all ties.

It was what she needed to do.

But he missed her. More than he thought was possible. And every time he looked up at her old desk to see a stranger, his heart broke all over again.

He couldn’t stop looking though.

Hence the need for conclusion number two.

It was time to leave. Really leave this time. Cut his own ties.

Ten minutes earlier he had posted his resume on every job search website he could think of. It was time to get out, leave Dunder Mifflin, leave Scranton.

Leave.

Only, for some unexplainable reason, conclusion number two was a lot harder to deal with.

Change did not come easy.

Jim knew that come Monday, he would show up dutifully to work, ignore the e-mails of interest regarding his resume and continue making sales calls to customers.

He had made the decision to quit a thousand times before. Had changed his mind every single time.

It was easier to stay. Even if it was slowly killing him.

It was easier to just admit that the conclusions were worthless.

He was in love with Pam but she was gone.

He needed to leave but he wouldn’t.

Instead he continued to lay, single and alone, on his bed on a Friday night.

The clock changed to 10:25 and Jim groaned. He knew that he should really pull himself out of his funk and go downstairs to beat his friends at a friendly game of poker.

But getting up took too much effort.

There was a knock on the door.

“Yeah?”

Mark popped his head in, “Are you sure you don’t want to play? Jason’s kicking our assess down there and he’s getting a little too cocky about it.”

“No thanks man. I think I’m just going to go to sleep. I’m too tired.”

“Whatever. Oh, by the way, you have a visitor.”

Jim propped himself up on his elbows and stared at his roommate curiously, “Who?”

The door opened wider and his mouth fell open.

It was Pam. Standing in his doorway, biting her lip and looking nervous as hell. He scrambled to his feet to grab a tee shirt off the floor, blushing as he yanked it over his head.

She was walking into his room, hardly seeming to notice that he was only half dressed. He stared at her in amazement.

“Pam?”

“Hey.”

Mark quietly slipped away unnoticed.

Jim shook his head, “I though you were in New York.”

“I was. I am. I just wanted to see how your trip was. I knew you got back last week so…”

He grinned, “You drove two and a half hours to ask me how my trip was?”

She shrugged, “More like four. There was an accident. Lots of traffic.” She looked up at him expectantly, “So… how was it?”

“It was… good. Great. It was great.” He watched her as she walked around the room.

“Just great? Come on, what did you do? Where did you stay? I want details.” She plopped onto his bed, one foot tucked underneath her. Jim was reminded of the night of his party. He perched himself on the edge of his desk chair and recounted the details of his trip. Pam listened attentively.

“You actually went bungee jumping?”

“Yes I did.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Thanks.”

They sat together in awkward silence for a moment.

“I’m glad you had a good time. Bet you didn’t want to come back.”

Jim swallowed hard and licked his lips, “Not really.” He shrugged, “But I had to at some point. Right?”

“I don’t know. I kinda wondered if you would. It’s not like there’s anything really keeping you here.”

Jim’s smile disappeared and he looked down, “I’m starting to figure that out.” He took a deep breath and looked up at her, a million unasked questions in his eyes. They stared at each other.

Jim shook his head, “What happened?”

Pam closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath, “Oh you know…”

He stared at her expectantly, “No I don’t.”

She bit her lip and looked down at her hands, “You were right. I wasn’t happy.”

“Pam…”

“No.” She shook her head at him, “It wasn’t working. And I should have figured it out a long time ago.”

“Oh.”

Pam stared at the opposite wall and tried to wipe her eyes discretely. “God, I feel so stupid. It was two months ago and I can’t stop crying.”

“I don’t think anyone would fault you for that.”

She blushed, “The funny thing is that Roy didn’t seem to be all that upset about it. I mean, he was… but he understood. He got it. I think a part of him was waiting for me to call it all off.”

Jim rubbed the back of his neck and leaned forward in the chair, “He loves you though.” He tried to bite back the words, unsure of why he said them.

“Yeah, I know.” Her voice lowered to a whisper, “I love him too.”

“Yeah.” Jim swallowed and continued watching her profile.

They were quiet again and he could tell that she was done talking about this particular subject.

“So you quit huh?”

Pam laughed, “Yeah. Michael wasn’t too happy about that. But I couldn’t stay. So I left. Moved in with a friend. Took that internship. Still working reception though so in some ways, nothing’s changed.”

He smiled, “A lot’s changed.”

She shrugged, “Maybe.” Suddenly her eyes lit up, “But hey, I finally saw the Pacific Ocean.”

Jim raised an eyebrow, “You went to California?”

“Yeah. I had a friend who was there. Right after we called of the wedding I just hopped on a plane.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Didn’t think I had it in me did you?”

He laughed at her in amusement, “No. I knew you did… So, did you meet anyone famous?”

“No. But Jenny dragged me up and down to every tourist trap in the state. Two weeks of non-stop souvenirs and cheesy photos. She’s kinda high on energy like that. You’ll have to meet her sometime.”

“I’d like that.”

Pam nodded, “But yeah, California was great. I guess for the first time I really understood why you left.”

“Sometimes, you just have to leave?”

“Yeah.” Pam watched the red blobs in his lava lamp move up and down and Jim stared intently at the floor. Tried to think of something to say. Anything.

“So Michael thinks that Jan stole you away from the Scranton office to get back at him.”

“For what? Denying her a little Michael Scott lovin’?”

Jim grimaced, “Yech. Pam. Never, ever say that again.”

She giggled, “So, how’s my replacement?”

He shook his head, “Oh… not good. She’s bad. Really, really bad. She spends the whole day reading magazines and filing her nails. The only good thing about it is that Michael’s scared of her and spends a lot more time in his office.”

“Hmm, so you’re spending a little less time at the reception desk.”

Jim blushed slightly, “Well, Janice doesn’t have jelly beans.”

She smiled, “Good.”

“Yeah, now I just hang out with Dwight. We play FreeCell together and make up new words, eat lunch in the back and talk about our weekends.”

“I always knew you two could get along if you just put your differences aside.”

“Yeah, he’s my new BFF.”

Pam laughed, “That’s a little frightening.”

“Tell me about it.”

The room went silent again as they each tried to think of something to say. Pam picked at a spot on his bed until Jim cleared his throat.

Ask her.

“Pam… Are you happy now?”

She continued staring at the comforter and shrugged, “I’m trying to be.” A small grin began to play on her lips, “I’m getting there. It’s not easy.”

“Yeah.”

They smiled at each other until Pam pulled her gaze away. “I’ve still got a long way to go Jim. I need… I need time.”

He nodded as he realized what she was telling him in so few words.

“I think I need to be alone for awhile. See if I can do this thing.”

“You can.”

She turned back to him, “The weird thing is that I’m starting to believe that too.”

“Good.”

Pam sighed and looked down at her watch, “I’ve got to go. I have to get up early tomorrow.”

Jim stood up as she did, “You drove two hours to talk to me for ten minutes? You could have called.”

Stupid. Stupid.

“I know. I just thought…” She looked up at him and cocked her head, then reached into her purse to grab a piece of paper. “Anyway, here’s my new number and address. Call me whenever.”

He took the paper from her and gave it a cursory glance, “I might just have to do that.”

Pam started and then leaned forward on her toes to kiss his cheek, “Please.” She lingered for a moment and then pulled away and quickly walked out the door without looking back.

Jim sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at the piece of paper. He shook his head, laughing at himself.

“Dammit Halpert. You are pathetic.”