September 8, 2006, 8: 34 pm

Not only was he pathetic. He was an idiot too.

She had shown up at his door, given him her number, kissed his cheek…And what did he do?

Nothing. As per usual he stood by and said and did nothing.

Over two weeks went by and he couldn’t bring himself to pick up that damn phone.

At first it was self preservation. Better not to call the next day and freak her out with his desperation. After a week it was out of the fear that she hadn’t really meant that he should call. Not that soon anyway. After two weeks it was a matter of complete uncertainty.

Why didn’t he call her back?

Hell, if he knew…

Four years of being her friend. Four years of watching her be engaged to another man and suddenly she wasn’t and she was showing up in his room and kissing his cheek and yet… still telling him that she needed to be alone.

Jim didn’t know what to make of it. Didn’t know what to expect. Every time he picked up the phone he would imagine the awkward conversation that would ensue and decide it would be best to just wait.

It was avoidance, plain and simple.

Although, they had always done awkward and avoidance so well.

These thoughts went round in his head for two weeks until the day of the epiphany.

It was three-thirty on September the 1st when it happened. He was on the phone, talking to a customer when Michael emerged from his office with a wide grin on his face, practically bouncing with excitement.

“So, Jim, any big plans for the weekend?”

Jim pointed at the phone and mouthed that he was busy but Michael shook his head, “This is important.”

With a sigh Jim asked the customer if he could call back.

“What’s up Michael?”

“You got any big plans this weekend Big Jim?”

“Nope.”

“Sounds exciting.” Michael’s voice rose with each syllable and he began rocking back and forth on his heels. Jim shook his head and looked into the camera.

“Do you have any exciting plans this weekend?

“Ha! Funny you should ask. Because, I have a date this weekend.”

“Good for you.”

“I just got off the phone with her. She was thrilled!”

“I bet she was.”

“Yeah, she sold me my condo. I sold her on some Michael Scott moves. And now I’m back in the game!”

Jim turned his head to the right, remembered that Pam wasn’t there anymore and exhaled loudly.

“That’s great Michael.”

“That’s what sheee said!” Michael began to laugh excitedly as he walked away to share his news with the rest of the office.

“Hey, Ryan! You doing anything this weekend?”

Ryan’s face filled with apprehension but Jim didn’t notice. He had turned back toward his computer screen with a blank stare. The numbers on the spreadsheet he was working on wouldn’t focus. Something had finally clicked in his brain and once again it was all thanks to Michael.

It was time to do something.

Screw the fear. Screw four years of inaction. Screw the fact that he was too damn scared to make that phone call.

If Michael could do it…

It was now or never and he was tired of missing her smile and her laugh and everything about her. Never wasn’t really an option.

He quickly shut down his computer and turned his desk light off.

“Where are you going?” Dwight glared at him and raised his eyes in question.

“I’m sick. I’m going home.”

“What kind of sick? What…? Jim!”

But Jim had already walked out of the office, his bag slung over his shoulder, his cell phone tight in his hand. This wasn’t the kind of phone call he wanted to make with Dwight hovering nearby.

As he walked through the parking lot he thought about what he would say, what he could say. He needed her in his life. Needed her smile. Beyond that…

He was so engrossed that he didn’t notice Roy jumping into his truck and pealing out of the parking lot.

There was a phone call to make and nothing else really registered.

Of course, by the time he made it home something inside him wavered and he spent the next hour and a half staring at his cell phone, tempted to be a coward once again.

But cowardice be damned. At six o’clock he finally dialed the number, listening as it continued to ring until her voicemail switched on.

“Hey, it’s Pam. I can’t get to the phone right now. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you.”

The soft sound of her voice made him smile.

“Hey Pam, it’s Jim. Um, sorry that it took me so long to call. I… uh, well… anyway, I’m having some friends over next Friday night. To play poker and stuff. I just wanted to invite you. You could bring your roommate if you want. It’s not going to be anything exciting… just… well, you know me. So, yeah… give me a call…”

After hanging up the phone he resisted to the urge to bang his head against the wall… then spent the next week waiting.

For absolutely nothing.

Friday rolled around once again, she had still never called and he was a pathetic idiot once again playing poker with his friends.

But at least he was winning.

“Full house.” He laid his cards down to the groans of his friends. Mark scowled and threw his cards on the table.

“How do you do that?”

“It’s a gift.” Jim smirked as he gathered his winnings, “Who’s up for another hand?”

“What’s the point man? It’s the same every time.”

“And yet you’re stupid enough to play every time.”

Mark leaned forward, “You know, you could at least let me win once in front of my girlfriend.

Tracy laughed loudly, “What’s the point in that? I already know you’re an idiot.”

Jim shrugged, “The girl’s got a point. Besides, if I’m gonna make you look good, I’m gonna expect some sort of compensation. Either way, I’m taking your money.”

Mark leaned back in his chair and frowned, “Yeah, but at least I look good.”

“Well, I’m up for some more. Someone’s got to beat this guy.” Jason beckoned for the cards, “Deal ‘em.”

It was too easy. Jim grinned and watched Tracey shuffle and deal the cards. The doorbell rang then and he looked up and laughed, “I bet that’s Brian.” He shoved his chair back to answer it.

“Tell him we don’t want him. Anyone that’s going to chose his girlfriend over us… Ow, what was that for?”

“You’d chose me over your friends right?”

“Sure. Uh-huh. Hey! Quit hitting me.”

“Quit being an ass.”

Jim ignored the squabbling couple and flung open the door, “See, I knew you’d… Pam?” His mouth fell open in surprise.

Yes. It really was her, standing there on his front porch, biting her lip and smiling tentatively.

“Hey.”

“I didn’t think you were coming.”

“Yeah, I know… I’m sorry.”

“Hey, you think we could speed the reunion along here? I gotta pee.”

Jim pulled his eyes away from Pam and noticed the tall blond bouncing in place behind her.

“You must be Jenny?”

“Yeah, uh-huh. Listen, I got her here. Now could you do me a huge favor and show me the way to your bathroom?”

Jim pointed with his thumb down the hall, “Bathroom’s to your right.”

“Thanks.” Jenny shoved past him and darted down the hall. Before she shut the door to the bathroom, she stuck her head back out, “Oh, yeah, nice to meet you too.”

Jim pursed his lips in amusement as the door slammed and looked back at Pam who was shaking her head, “That’s Jenny. She’s special…”

“She seems fun.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah.”

Jim cocked his head to the side and opened the door wider, “You know, you don’t have to stand out there all night.”

“Oh. Yeah. Actually, do you think we can talk? Outside?”

“Sure.” He looked back toward the kitchen but Pam waved him off, “Don’t worry about Jenny. By the time we get back in there she’ll know the darkest secret of each person in there and she’ll have won all their money in poker.”

Jim shrugged and stepped out into the night air, “I like her already.”

Pam nodded and turned to walk down the walkway from his door toward the driveway. He followed her curiously, noticing for the first time that she was wearing jeans and a large gray sweatshirt and instead of the normal barrette, her hair hung loosely around her face. It was then that he realized that he really only knew Pam through work or work related events. The Pam he knew was hindered by faxes and memos and barrettes and work clothes.

This person standing in front of him was almost a stranger.

Jim scratched his face and averted his eyes, waiting for her to say something. A car drove slowly down the street, headlights illuminating the night for a moment and then disappearing into the darkness around the corner. A dog barked somewhere nearby and the sound of clattering trashcans from his neighbor’s backyard startled the night’s quiet. But she still didn’t say anything. Jim leaned against the side of the house and watched as she paced up and down the driveway along the grass line. Her eyes remained focused on the ground.

Finally he cleared his throat, to fill the silence.

“Pam, I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier. I just…”

“No, it’s okay.” She shrugged, “It was probably a good thing you didn’t.”

“Oh.”

It fell silent again. For too long. He was about to ask her if she had come over to talk or to inspect his grass when she finally spoke.

“Roy came to visit me.”

Jim swallowed but didn’t say anything.

“He asked me to come back.”

“Oh.”

She finally stopped pacing but still wouldn’t look in his direction.

“I almost said yes. Can you believe that?” She turned to face him, “After all that… I was just ready to give it all up. And how sad is that? Here I was thinking that I was being all strong and independent for the first time but then Roy shows up and…it turns out I was still looking for someone to save me. Which of course, you probably knew when I showed up here before… I had managed to convince myself that it really was to see how your trip was but obviously it wasn’t and you knew that and it was so stupid…

“Pam.”

“No. It’s true. That’s why I came here. But then you didn’t call and...”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Will you let me finish?”

He smiled and nodded.

“You didn’t call and then Roy was there and I realized that it would be so much easier to just go back. Forget about this stupid idea of art and a new life.”

She bit her lip and paused then and Jim wondered if she was done.

“So what changed your mind?”

“He loves me. He does. Despite what anyone might think it’s something that I know is true. But the thing is… he never once offered to come to me, to New York. He wasn’t willing to give up his life. It was just kinda assumed that I would go to him. Come back to Scranton. And then I knew. I knew I had made the right decision.”

“So you’re going to stay in New York?”

“Yeah. For now. I don’t know. It’s not perfect but it’s different. And I’m beginning to not hate it.”

Jim laughed, “That’s always the first step.”

“Yeah.” She looked up at him and bit her lip, “I did a lot of thinking over the past week. About everything. And the reason I didn’t call was because…”

“Hey, it’s fine. Really. I don’t mind having you show up here out of the blue.”

“At least you were fully dressed this time, right?”

Jim blushed and looked away, “Yeah.”

Pam’s smile dropped and she looked to the ground, “I do have to explain why though. Why I didn’t call. Because, I might not hate my life right now but things still aren’t perfect. I’m starting to figure out that they never will be but there are going to be times when that’s not okay. Chances are that I’m going to want to turn it all back a million times over the next few months. And I didn’t call because I don’t want you to be the person that I run to when I feel like I need to be saved. You can’t be the one that saves me.”

He opened his mouth, then shut it again.

“It’s this thing you do and it’s… nice. But you can’t save me and I can’t expect you to. And…” Her voice cracked and she pursed her lips, trying to contain the emotion that was threatening to break free, “I don’t want to need you.”

Jim shoved his hands into his pockets and swallowed, “Okay.”

She shook her head, “And don’t take that the wrong way. It’s just that I spent so much time depending on Roy and needing him and I don’t… I can’t do that anymore. I can’t run to you whenever I have a problem.”

Pam continued pacing again and Jim took a step forward, away from the house, closer to her. There was a finality in her words and he was scared at what that meant.

“So… then why did you come?”

She stopped at the bottom of the driveway and said something quietly, her eyes downcast. Jim was far enough away that he couldn’t hear her so he moved until he was standing right in front of her, stooping down to look in her face.

Pam shrugged, “I don’t want to need you to save me. But I can’t really help the fact that I do need you as a friend.”

Jim grinned widely and let out a breath of relief, “I think that can be arranged.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They smiled at each other and Pam tried to laugh through her tears but it just came out as a messy sob. He shook his head at her and reached out to wipe his thumbs under her eyes. She leaned her cheek into the palm of his hand and sniffed.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying anymore.”

Jim just smiled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. His eyes closed with satisfaction when she relaxed into his body and buried her face against his chest.

The desire to save her would probably always be there but he didn’t doubt the fact that she was strong enough to survive on her own. And for now it was enough that he could be her friend and hold her close and at least know that she was safe.

She didn’t make any move to pull out of his arms and he rested his chin lightly on the top of her head, rubbing her back gently.

Pam inhaled the scent of his tee-shirt and closed her eyes, “When did this happen?”

“Hmm?”

She pulled away slightly so she could look up at him, “This. You and me. When did this happen?

You and me.

“I don’t really know.” Jim dropped his arms and let her step away, “But you know how paper brings people together."

“Right.” Her face was thoughtful as she fiddled with her necklace, “You know, I still remember the day of my interview.”

He laughed, “Yeah. It would be hard to forget someone asking you if you would date a man with hair plugs.”

“Oh God I almost forgot about that! I’m glad he got rid of those.” A strange looked crossed her face, “Actually, the thing I remember the most is how comfortable you made me feel. It’s actually why I took the job.” She blushed as she said this and looked away, “I don’t know… I guess I figured that with you only a few feet away, things couldn’t be so bad.”

Jim pursed his lips, “I didn’t want you to take that job.”

“See? Looking out for me from the beginning.”

He looked upwards and sighed, “Actually, I think I was looking out for myself.”

Pam nodded and looked away, “Well, somehow you ended up becoming my best friend and not just in the office but… well….

“You’re gettin' sappy on me Beesly. I hope you don’t expect me to sit around and braid friendships with you or anything like that. Besides, I already have a BFF and Dwight might get jealous.”

“Okay, I would so be a better best friend than Dwight.”

“I don’t know Pam. He does give me free self defense tips and everything. What do you have?”

“Umm.” Pam thought for a moment and then smiled, “I have jelly beans.”

Jim shook his head, “Damn. You know all my weaknesses.”

She laughed excitedly, “So, do I get to be your new BFF now?”

“Yeah, why not?... So, what do we do now? Take an oath and become blood brothers?”

“Hmmm, not a big fan of the whole blood thing. Why don’t we just shake on it?”

“Works for me.”

She held her hand out and Jim hesitated for a moment before sliding his palm against hers, curling his fingers lightly against her wrist. He met her gaze with a grin and she smiled so widely that Jim could feel its warmth spread through his body. An instant blush appeared on her cheeks as his eyes darkened and she ducked her head and looked away.

Taking a deep breath, Jim tried to relax his nerves but when Pam smiled like that he became a teenager again and there was something in that feeling that he wanted to hold onto.

As if she could read his mind, Pam’s smile dropped and a look of sadness washed over her face, “We’re probably going to have to grow up one of these days aren’t we?”

Jim thought about it and then shook his head, “I’ve been there and done that. It’s overrated.”

She sighed and let go of his hand, looking back up toward the house, “So, poker night huh?”

“Yeah. Cheap beer, idiot friends who keep insisting on losing to me… should be fun.”

“You have food?”

“That’s questionable. Mark and I haven’t been shopping in awhile and I’m pretty sure all we have is cereal and Easy Mac. We can always order pizza though. Mushroom and pepperoni right?”

“Yeah.” Pam drew the word out slowly and looked at him strangely.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just… you’re full of contradictions Halpert, you know that?”

“Am I?”

“You admit to using fabric softener and yet you live off Easy Mac? I didn’t realize you were such a guy.”

Jim shrugged and cocked an eyebrow, “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Pam flushed, then collected herself and nodded. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips as she looked him up and down, “We’ll see about that.” And with that she moved past him and walked into the house.

The smile on Jim’s face couldn’t possibly have gotten any larger. He looked around for a minute, rubbing the back of his neck.

Life was weird.

A few months ago he had been in agony over what he was about to lose. And now…

She was at his house and telling him that she needed him in her life, letting him hold her in his arms and flirting with him.

There was promise in that and as he walked back into the house he could hear Pam’s laugh coming from the kitchen.

Nothing had ever sounded so much like home before.