Part IV: The Unknown

"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein 

 August 26, 2007 9:30 am

“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”

He stared at the tall man seated at the reception desk, “Abraham Lincoln didn’t say that. It was JFK.”

Abraham Lincoln laughed loudly, “Haha, so it was…. Oh, I’ve got a phone call. I love this part of the job.” He picked up the phone, “Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam.”

“Wait… this is wrong.” Jim looked around in confusion.

He was back at Dunder-Mifflin. Back in Scranton. Everything was just the way he remembered it except that the lights were off and the whole office was lit by the eerie blue glow of computer screens.

“Why am I here?”

“Hey Jim! Remember this?”

He looked around to see Dwight sitting calmly at his desk.

“Remember what Dwight?”

Kevin started the fire.”

That was wrong.

“No he didn’t. Ryan started the fire.”

Dwight looked up from his computer, “Who’s Ryan?”

“He’s the…” Jim looked over at where Ryan’s desk used to be but that entire side of the office had disappeared and he suddenly found himself staring into an audience of faceless people. He turned back to Dwight, “Have they always been there?”

“Who?”

“Those people. Can’t you see those people?”

Dwight shrugged, “They’re waiting for you.”

“To do what?”

“Haven’t I taught you anything James?”

Jim looked away from Dwight to see Michael standing at the kitchen over a George Forman grill.

“What are you making?”

Michael held up his foot to show him the grill lines running across the bottom, “Bacon.”

“That doesn’t look like bacon.”

“It’s bacon!” Michael was getting whinier and whinier and Jim rubbed his forehead, “Michael, what’s going on here? I thought I quit.”

“Quit! Of course not. We promoted you. You’re the new regional manager of the Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch.”

Jim’s heart filled with panic, “I don’t want to be the manager. I don’t even work here anymore.”

“Not my problem Jimboroonie.”

“But I…”

“Jim.”

He looked up. Pam was leaning against his desk, dressed in the same pink shirt she was wearing on the day they met.

She smiled, “Why are you still here?”

He walked toward her but she didn’t get any closer, “I forget.” It seemed the harder he tried to walk toward her the further away she got.

She held out her hand, “I’m Pam Beesely. What’s your name?”

He was confused. They already did this. This already happened. But he was sitting at his desk again and she was up at reception with the phone pressed to her ear.

“That’s not what you’re supposed to say.”

The audience laughed uproariously.

“What?”

“You’re getting it all wrong.”

It smelled like bacon.

Jim’s eyes flew open and he glanced around the room, his heart still pounding heavily in his chest.

Pam’s apartment. He was in Pam’s apartment.

The events from the night before came back to him then and he groaned softly.

Dammit.

He had fallen asleep. She had probably come back out there to talk and say God knows what, and he could only hope, but he was sound asleep on her couch like the kind of idiot who would fall asleep before a life changing conversation.

Not that the conversation was going to be life-changing – maybe it was – maybe it wasn’t.

Oh God but if it was…

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

He tried to move his head then and grimaced at the stiffness in his neck and low back.

It was definitely stupid to fall asleep on her couch which was much to short for his long frame. His legs were dangling awkwardly off the side and his feet were numb from lack of blood flow. He circled his ankles and groaned softly at the tingling sensation that ran up his legs.

There was a sudden clang from the kitchen and he lifted his head slightly to see that Pam was already up and moving around, apparently fixing something for breakfast.

At least that explained the bacon smell.

From his vantage point on the couch he could see that she was still wearing her pajamas, a tank top and flannel pants with hearts all over them and her hair was pulled into a messy knot on the top of her head. The radio was playing softly to the oldies station and she was singing silently to herself as she worked.

Jim smiled and closed his eyes as he laid his head back down. There was something so familiar in waking up in her apartment, seeing her in her pajamas. He just wanted to soak that in for a moment.

His mind wandered back to the exact events of the night before. Just being with her there in the quiet, listening to the scratch of her pencil against the paper, looking up from his book every once in awhile to see the tiny smile that played on her lips as she drew… that was enough.

Almost.

Sometimes her leg would brush up against his shoulder, almost as if she felt the need to touch him for just a moment and the simple contact would send a jolt of electricity through his body and he wasn’t really even sure of what book he had been reading.

Then there was the moment in the kitchen.

It was an impulse to pick her up like that, to rest his hands on her hips and lift her up like she weighed nothing and the look of shock on her face was enough.

Almost.

Touching her like he had was almost unbearable and maybe only because he was afraid sometimes that it would never move past those simple touches and her skin was so so soft against his hands and he wanted to know more… he wanted to know everything… and maybe he never would.

Pam walked out of the kitchen then with a mug in one hand.

“Hey, you’re up.”

He smiled and moved himself into a sitting position, rubbing his fist over his eyes and trying to smooth down his rumpled hair.

“I had that dream about Dunder-Mifflin again.”

She handed him the mug and perched herself on the coffee table in front of him so that their knees are touching, “Aww, poor baby. What was Michael doing this time?”

“I think he was cooking his foot… And Abraham Lincoln was answering phones again.”

Pam snorted, “You really need therapy. I think your days at Dunder-Mifflin affected you more than you know.”

“Don’t laugh. It’s true. One more year there and I would have been reduced to nothing more than a lifeless mass, spewing forth Michael-isms periodically. It would have been sad.”

“Well it’s a good thing we got you out of there then. Before it was too late.”

Jim took a sip of the coffee she had handed him, watching her over the rim of the mug. There was something almost glowing about her today.

“I made breakfast.”

“Hmm, smells good.”

She smiled radiantly and he thought for a second that he had never seen her smile like that before and it was so beautiful that its warmth was spreading through his body. But he didn’t have time to dwell on it because the smile had dropped from her face and she was regarding him seriously for a moment before leaning forward… her hand on his knee… moving closer… so close…her lips on his… his lips…her lips…

Five years, five months, twelve days, and twenty-three hours.

Everything was moving up and away and past them and Jim had to squeeze his eyes shut to keep his balance and he all could hear was the whooshing in his ears as everything rushed by and her lips pressed gently against him.

She was warm and soft and it was everything… everything… everything… with her hands on his shoulders and in his hair and he couldn’t remember how to breath… until she ran her hand down and settled it where she could feel his heart pounding in his chest… and he remembered…everything.

He cupped the back of her head to bring her closer… closer… closer… and he wanted to laugh because he was pretty sure he could feel her lips turning up into a smile and it’s the most ridiculous thought he’s ever had but their smiles are pressed against each other and nothing has ever felt so right.

She pulled away with a little laugh and he stared at her in half amazement and wonder because it’s like she’s been waking him up with coffee and kisses her entire life, his entire life and he wondered how he had gotten this far without that, without her.

Pam kissed him.

The thought reverberated around his mind and he tried to think of something to say but she was still sitting there, smiling shyly at him, one hand still pressed against his chest.

“Pam…” Her name came out in a scratchy fog and he hardly recognized his own voice. He cleared his throat again but before he could get the words out her eyes widened and she jumped up and ran toward the kitchen.

“I forgot about--” Her words were cut off by a tiny little shriek followed by a loud thud. Jim ran after her and stopped short when he saw her lying on her back, in the middle of the floor.

“Shit that hurt.”

He pursed his lips in amusement, “I thought I told you not to run on the tile in your socks.”

Pam looked up at him and made a face, “Ha. Ha.”

“You okay?”

She grimaced, “Yeah, I think I’ll live… how’s breakfast?”

Jim glanced into the almost unrecognizably burnt remains of scrambled eggs and bacon, “Umm… well… if you were going for the blackened look then yeah, it’s great.”

Pam groaned and dropped her head back against the tile, “Sorry.”

Jim laughed, flipped off the stove and crouched down next to her, “It’s cool. I’m not all that hungry for bacon anyway.”

“Hmm, maybe you should stop dreaming about Michael and his feet.”

Jim rolled his eyes, “Like I would actually chose to have a dream about Michael. Or his feet.”

“He’s ruining my breakfast plans.”

“I don’t think that’s what ruined breakfast this morning.” He smiled down at her, “And seriously, I’m not that hungry.”

Pam let out a sigh and looked up at him, tilting her head to the side and biting her lip in anxiety or nervousness, maybe a little bit of both.

“I kissed you.”

Jim let out a shaky laugh, “Yeah, you did.”

He tried to control the feeling in his chest, the feeling that was coursing through his veins and threatening to explode out his finger and toes.

Five years. Five months. Twelve days and twenty-three hours of loving her, wanting her, needing her sometimes so much that it almost killed him and she had just kissed him.

Like it was that simple.

“Yeah you did.” He shook his head, “Why did you...?” He’s not really sure if he should be asking the question, if it even matters.

Pam shrugged and rested her hand on her forehead, “I don’t know… because… because…” She closed her eyes and began taking large, even breaths. Jim watched her for a moment, resisting the urge to move his hand against her cheek.

“Pam…”

Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at him, that same smile like before and her eyes were bright like she had just figured out the answer to some complicated riddle.

“I kissed you because… because you’re Jim.”

And he knows exactly what she means because that’s why he loves her. It’s not because she’s beautiful and smart and funny and warm. And it’s not because being close to her makes him feel like his life makes sense and it’s not because she’s the only person he’s been able to talk to in half sentences and still completely get.

It’s because she’s Pam.

And that’s everything…

He couldn’t really control the smile that spread across his face and he wasn’t sure what to say anymore but her hands were in his hair again and his lips were pressed to hers and he was really really kissing her and five years of… something took over in that moment of everything…

She pulled him down on top of her and wrapped her arms around his neck as they sank into each other. Her mouth opened against his and she ran her tongue along his lower lip before meeting him for kiss after kiss…

Jim groaned as she pushed up his shirt and ran her nails gently along the skin there. His mouth was moving over her face, her eyelids, her forehead, the tip of her nose… trailing down to her jaw line and he had kissed her there before but this was all new… and she was responding to him and pulling against him and making the most incredible sounds low in her throat… and she wanted him too.

The want and the need were humming in his head as he lifted himself up of her a bit and brushed the curls away from her face. Her lips were red and swollen with his kisses, her eyes were wide and bright and she grinned back at him and tried to catch her breath.

Jim bent his head slightly and kissed the spot under her earlobe.

“You’re beautiful.”

He whispered the words next to her ear and continued moving his lips down her throat, nipping at the soft skin lightly with his teeth.

Pam shivered and moaned softy, her hands dragging through his hair, pulling him closer… closer… closer…

His fingers danced lightly over her skin and pushed the strap of her tank top to the side so he could press a kiss to her collarbone and he knew then that he would never stop being amazed at the way she arched against him, brought her body to his, whispered his name so softly like that.

Perfection.

He rolled them over to the side and ran his hands down her his hips. Pam giggled softly and he looked up at her with a smirk, “Ticklish Beesly?”

She shook her head adamantly, “No.” She shrieked with laughter though when he moved his fingers again. “Stop.” Her words were punctuated with giggles as she tried to wiggle away from him.

Jim finally moved his hands away from her and she tried to take a calming breath. He wasn’t tickling her anymore but when she met his eyes she burst into laughter. Loud, rolling laughter that shook her entire body and brought glistening tears to her eyes. Jim stared at her with his mouth open.

“Wow. I always knew my kisses could knock a woman senseless but…”

This only made Pam laugh harder. She wiped under her eyes, “I’m… I’m… ki…” The words only got so far before she fell to another laughing attack.

Jim could only pull himself back up to a sitting position and watch with amusement as she seemingly lost her mind right in front of him.

“You alright there Beesley?”

She was finally able to choke back her laughter and she looked up at him with a dazed expression, “I’m making out with you on my kitchen floor…. I’m making out with Jim… on my kitchen floor.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, I can see why you would find that so hilarious.”

“No.” Pam sobered and sat up quickly. She settled her hands on his chest and stared at a spot on his shirt, “It’s just… it should be weird. Right?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never had anyone go all hysterical like that… That was weird.” He was smiling as he said it though and pressing his hand against the small of her back so that she moved closer to him.

She shook her head, “No… I mean, we’ve been friends for so long and suddenly we’re making out in the middle of my kitchen and that should be weird. Except it’s not and I…” Pam rolled her eyes then and slapped his arm playfully, “Well, why the hell haven’t we done this before?”

Why… why…

Jim laughed, “I forget.”

“You’ve been holding out on me.”

“How will you ever forgive me?”

“I think I’ll find a way.” She cupped his face in her hands and pulled him closer so that he could feel her breath against his lips. He tried to move in but she held him still. looking him firmly in the eyes.

Her next words came out in a whisper, “I’m in love with you Jim Halpert.”

Because you’re Pam.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She pulled away and cocked her head to the side, “You got a problem with that?”

“I don’t think so.”

Their foreheads touched and they rested there, breathing softly together and the feeling that welled up inside him was almost too much because she loved him and it was perfect and it didn’t seem right to be sitting there amongst utter perfection.

But he could get lost in that, in her.

Pam groaned after a long moment and pulled away, craned her neck to look at the clock on the microwave, “I’ve got to get ready. Jenny…”

“Oh… yeah…”

Jim pulled her back to her feet, “I’m surprised she hasn’t called you yet this morning.”

Pam looked slightly sheepish and shrugged, “I took the phone off the hook before you woke up.”

“Did you? Beesey, I’m impressed. You planned on ravishing me this morning didn’t you?”

She snorted as she dumped the frying pan into the sink, “Ravished? Please.” Looking back at him she raised her eyes suggestively, “Not that I wouldn’t be capable of such a thing.”

“You think you could seduce me huh?”

“Please. It would be a piece of cake.”

He spun her around then and pressed her up against the counter and her mouth fell open only long enough for him to capture her lips in a soul- searing kiss.

Pam gasped when he pulled away from her, bending his head to trail his lips down her neck just ever so gently, just barely, breathing warm against the skin. She clutched at his shoulders and let out a breathless little laugh as he continued moving up and down her throat with feather light kisses and his hands inched up her shirt, touching the pale skin of her stomach.

“Jim… Jim…please…”

Leave us here.

He finally pulled away and looked into her eyes which were darkened with need. She swallowed hard, “Maybe I don’t have to go to the wedding shower. Jenny won’t miss me.”

He shook his head and stepped away.

She eyed him narrowly, “You tease.”

Jim laughed, “Why don’t you go get ready? I’ll have breakfast ready when you get out.”

Pam took a deep breath, “Fine. I’ll go take a cold shower.” She moved to the doorway and then looked back at him with a grin, “But you’re the one that has to think about me while I’m in the shower.”

He shook his head and attempted to clear his mind of that image, “Any chance you’ll be taking that shower fully clothed?”

“Nope.” She giggled and practically skipped out of the room.

Jim turned back to the sink with a smile on his face. He thought of something though and turned around quickly, “Hey, Pam?”

She stuck her head back around the hall corner, “Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

“Uh… duh…?” She disappeared back around the corner and he could hear her laughter coming from the bedroom.

It was magical.

He looked around at the mess in the kitchen, clutching at the counter for support.

She loved him. Loved him. Loved him. Loved him.

What could he even feel in that moment? Lightness? Lightness and peace and love and joy and happiness and security and just sublime everythingness…

He understood why Pam laughed. Why she had to laugh. Why it was the only thing she could do. All this emotion had to go somewhere.

And the really crazy thing was that he should feel weird. He should feel like his entire life had just turned upside down, like everything had changed, like he couldn’t see straight or think straight… but it all felt so normal.

To kiss her in the middle of her kitchen, to get breakfast ready while listening to the sounds of her in the shower.

Had he been doing this forever?

Maybe nothing had changed…

It was Pam.

Pam.

Half an hour later she walked back out to the kitchen, wearing jeans and a simple black v-neck sweater and scrunching her damp hair with one hand.

“You look nice.”

She grinned and leaned against the counter, “Thanks. I’m sure Jenny’s going to find someway to whine about my appearance but she’s just going to have to deal with it today.” She peered around him, “So… what did you make me?”

“Glad you asked… you actually have a choice.” He grabbed two boxes off the counter, “Plain or honey nut?”

Pam made a face, “You really are a culinary genius aren’t you? Honey nut.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know, not everyone call pull off this kind of breakfast.”

“Jim, I hate to break it to you but I think a five-year old could pull this off.”

He stopped pouring the cereal, “Are you scoffing at my breakfast? Cause you don’t have to have any.”

She laughed and grabbed his hand, “No… it’s nice. Thank you.”

Jim smiled and handed her the bowl, “Your breakfast is served M’lady.”

“Thanks Jeeves.” She stood on her tippy- toes and gave him a quick kiss before grabbing the two spoons that were still in the drain board and heading for the couch, “It looks wonderful.”

He grabbed his own bowl and followed her.

Pam propped her legs up on the table and grabbed the remote, “Sunday morning cartoons?”

“Sounds perfect.”